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- Dec 31, 2006
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I am watching azstonie's thread with great interest because I have parents in their mid 70s and I feel that we soon need to have the "money talk" with them, and I am hoping that they will be open to and allow me to help and want to make a plan for their upcoming years.
The truth is I am petrified of how their financial situation might end up affecting us, even though my parents are good people and have always tried to do the right thing money wise.
But in the recent years they made a few investment decisions that didn't work out well and they've basically for the last several years had to go through their savings and home equity and whatever moneys they had set aside. Which of course them having moneys they could tap into is testament to them doing the right thing.
They still have some money left, but neither of them are working and they are spending more per month than they take in. I did a few quick calculations and if they continue at the rate they are now that money will last them 2-3 years tops. And that's not including paying off their credit card debts which are maxed out, maxed out home equity, etc. That's just living and making minimum payments.
I feel overwhelmed and scared - but also resentful, because as good as my parents are I do sense that on some level my parents' underlying attitude is "we did the right thing by you guys all our lives and never asked you for anything - we had a few episodes of bad luck/bad investments that were beyond our control so if in the end you have to pay off our debts little by little oh well."
That is an attitude that bothers me, even though I can understand it in a way. And I could also see how it may be many a child's attitude - They did the right thing, they're good people, well of course we'll do whatever we need to do to help.
But the truth is I feel resentful and scared. They needed to borrow money from us recently and it was not easy for me to let them borrow it. I think part of the fear and the resentment comes from DH and I not being where WE need to be at our age.
And I just don't know where to start. Well, I did take some steps (put a worksheet together with whatever debts and expenses I know about, and whatever incoming moneys I know about, called a financial advisor (haven't seen her yet), thought about a POA) but still feel scared and paralyzed. I know I need to have a conversation with them and show them the worksheet and tell them about the POA but I keep procrastinating on it. I don't feel "organized". I hope the financial advisor might help with that, but I also know that won't be free. Do I pay for it? Do I ask them to pay for it (they probably would think it's ridiculous to do). I feel like whatever I suggest they will view as selfish, as just a way to protect myself, even though, I've played the role of advisor to them many times, and always with their best interest at heart (I couldn't care LESS whether they leave me with a single penny - but on the other hand, I don't want to have to pay for their debts or mistakes or money mismanagement. I have my own money problems.)
So I am wondering if anyone is in a similar situation with aging parents, what did you do? What specific steps did you take? How did you deal with the fear and resentment (if you felt any?) If there were attitudes from your parents you didn't agree with, did you call them out in the open, or did you keep your opinions to yourself? If they resisted or didn't agree to your suggestions did you still end up letting them borrow money or giving them money to live?
The truth is I am petrified of how their financial situation might end up affecting us, even though my parents are good people and have always tried to do the right thing money wise.
But in the recent years they made a few investment decisions that didn't work out well and they've basically for the last several years had to go through their savings and home equity and whatever moneys they had set aside. Which of course them having moneys they could tap into is testament to them doing the right thing.
They still have some money left, but neither of them are working and they are spending more per month than they take in. I did a few quick calculations and if they continue at the rate they are now that money will last them 2-3 years tops. And that's not including paying off their credit card debts which are maxed out, maxed out home equity, etc. That's just living and making minimum payments.
I feel overwhelmed and scared - but also resentful, because as good as my parents are I do sense that on some level my parents' underlying attitude is "we did the right thing by you guys all our lives and never asked you for anything - we had a few episodes of bad luck/bad investments that were beyond our control so if in the end you have to pay off our debts little by little oh well."
That is an attitude that bothers me, even though I can understand it in a way. And I could also see how it may be many a child's attitude - They did the right thing, they're good people, well of course we'll do whatever we need to do to help.
But the truth is I feel resentful and scared. They needed to borrow money from us recently and it was not easy for me to let them borrow it. I think part of the fear and the resentment comes from DH and I not being where WE need to be at our age.
And I just don't know where to start. Well, I did take some steps (put a worksheet together with whatever debts and expenses I know about, and whatever incoming moneys I know about, called a financial advisor (haven't seen her yet), thought about a POA) but still feel scared and paralyzed. I know I need to have a conversation with them and show them the worksheet and tell them about the POA but I keep procrastinating on it. I don't feel "organized". I hope the financial advisor might help with that, but I also know that won't be free. Do I pay for it? Do I ask them to pay for it (they probably would think it's ridiculous to do). I feel like whatever I suggest they will view as selfish, as just a way to protect myself, even though, I've played the role of advisor to them many times, and always with their best interest at heart (I couldn't care LESS whether they leave me with a single penny - but on the other hand, I don't want to have to pay for their debts or mistakes or money mismanagement. I have my own money problems.)
So I am wondering if anyone is in a similar situation with aging parents, what did you do? What specific steps did you take? How did you deal with the fear and resentment (if you felt any?) If there were attitudes from your parents you didn't agree with, did you call them out in the open, or did you keep your opinions to yourself? If they resisted or didn't agree to your suggestions did you still end up letting them borrow money or giving them money to live?