Cosmo_Gal
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2008
- Messages
- 113
So far my SO and I have been together for almost 6 months (December). From the get go I explained that drinking heavily was a dealbreaker for me. I drank heavily for a few years and had some very bad experiences. Now I very rarely drink when I go out if at all. Not to mention my grandfather & step-grandfather on my mom''s side were abusive alcoholics. It took a few occasions where he decided to go out and get drunk or went to a friends house to get drunk to get me to really express my feelings in detail to him. So the moment would pass and we''d go on with life until he did it again and again and again. I love him very much and I guess that''s why I keep getting upset and then getting over it vs breaking it off with him.
We met at my job where he is currently stationed temporarily. (We''re in the Navy) In the last 6 months we have been dating, we''ve only ever had the same days off for a month. Before that month we were able to spend more time together because we were able to take leave or finagle days off together. Ever since last month, we''ve been working opposite shifts without being able to get the same days off. (Not even 1) Basically one of us comes home from work, gets a few hours in and then has to go to bed for work that night. Don''t get me wrong, I love any time we spend together EXCEPT when I have to spend it with him when he''s drunk. Seeing as how we don''t have days off together he has a lot of opportunity to spend time with friends/have time to himself. I don''t ever mind him going out and hanging out with friends. It''s the I HAVE to drink with my friends every time I see them or they''ll look at me funny excuse that I mind.
I guess what it comes down to is that the not spending time together is stressful enough, and then add in the having to spend our down time off together with him drunk. Together it''s really just ruining what we have left of a relationship. Here we are talking about engagement and we can''t even get along for 1 day. Last week we had plans to do something when I got home and when I called him he was drinking over a friend''s house. At that point he only had a few beers, but when I got upset and assumed this meant he was getting drunk, he did get drunk and didn''t come home. Last night a friend of his came over and they got drunk together before I got home. Maybe I''m being selfish here, but I just don''t think it''s fair to have to come home from working 15 hours and have to deal with his drunk self.
He''s 28 years old and sometimes I wish he''d just act like it. I understand that a few of his very good friends are getting ready to move out of the state and he''s been dealing with a lot of work stress. I just don''t think that drinking all the time is a healthy way to deal with it and that there has to be a better way to relax. So, I suppose I''m just looking for an unbiased opinion here. Am I being crazy by being bothered by his drinking habits? Should I just let him be destructive? Thanks for listening because I''m at the end of my rope and about to pull my hair out.
We met at my job where he is currently stationed temporarily. (We''re in the Navy) In the last 6 months we have been dating, we''ve only ever had the same days off for a month. Before that month we were able to spend more time together because we were able to take leave or finagle days off together. Ever since last month, we''ve been working opposite shifts without being able to get the same days off. (Not even 1) Basically one of us comes home from work, gets a few hours in and then has to go to bed for work that night. Don''t get me wrong, I love any time we spend together EXCEPT when I have to spend it with him when he''s drunk. Seeing as how we don''t have days off together he has a lot of opportunity to spend time with friends/have time to himself. I don''t ever mind him going out and hanging out with friends. It''s the I HAVE to drink with my friends every time I see them or they''ll look at me funny excuse that I mind.
I guess what it comes down to is that the not spending time together is stressful enough, and then add in the having to spend our down time off together with him drunk. Together it''s really just ruining what we have left of a relationship. Here we are talking about engagement and we can''t even get along for 1 day. Last week we had plans to do something when I got home and when I called him he was drinking over a friend''s house. At that point he only had a few beers, but when I got upset and assumed this meant he was getting drunk, he did get drunk and didn''t come home. Last night a friend of his came over and they got drunk together before I got home. Maybe I''m being selfish here, but I just don''t think it''s fair to have to come home from working 15 hours and have to deal with his drunk self.
He''s 28 years old and sometimes I wish he''d just act like it. I understand that a few of his very good friends are getting ready to move out of the state and he''s been dealing with a lot of work stress. I just don''t think that drinking all the time is a healthy way to deal with it and that there has to be a better way to relax. So, I suppose I''m just looking for an unbiased opinion here. Am I being crazy by being bothered by his drinking habits? Should I just let him be destructive? Thanks for listening because I''m at the end of my rope and about to pull my hair out.