Funeral flowers

[swimmer]

I figured I would ask the experts here, I am the coach for a team, and a team member''s mother just died. The obituary says "in lieu of flowers give donations to her church." People are calling me to see if I''m going to send flowers...should I just collect for donations? Heck I would send all the flowers I can, such a lovely woman to lose her long fight with a hideous disease. Is it respecting her wishes to send the donations and not respecting her wishes to send flowers? Is it going to be good for kids to see the flowers that they sent and feel like they were a part of celebrating her life? I''m torn and leaning towards doing both. What would you do?

 

[neatfreak]

I''d respect their wishes and send a donation. And let all the kids on the team know you are doing so and that they can chip in if they''d like.

 

[Maisie]

I would be inclined to do as her obituary asked and make a donation. Perhaps this is just too hard for the family and being surrounded by flowers might make them feel worse. I would also get a card and have all the kids write a personal message in it.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 10/18/2008 11:25:17 AM
Author: neatfreak
I'd respect their wishes and send a donation. And let all the kids on the team know you are doing so and that they can chip in if they'd like.

I agree completely w/Neatfreak! Maisie's idea about the note is nice.

 

[swimmer]

Thank you so much ladies, the kids are writing letters to their teammate and to her dad, who was like our team dad, volunteering every day for years. My only real experiences with American funerals was in the south where we send flowers no matter what and then donate if it is stipulated, so wasn''t sure of the lay of the land. I recently went to a really tragic funeral and had brought a check for the suggested donation, only to find that everyone had also sent flowers...so just do not want to do the wrong thing. Not like grief-stricken people notice the flowers? I just feel terribly for them and want to do this right. I will collect money for the donation. Thank you!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

What I will tell you is this. They will be sad if there are no flowers. If you collect enough money, I would do both. They probably don''t want an overabundance of flowers and prefer the money go to a better cause. But if everyone donates, there''ll be no flowers and you do need a few.

 

[loriken214]

Both of my parents passed away last year and we requested donations be made to the charity of choice in lieu of flowers. We received lots of flowers in addition to many donations. My Dad passed away on April 17 and Mom on October 4. We ordered family flowers, in case there wouldn''t be many from others, but there were still so many.

Lori

 

[qtiekiki]

If I were you, I would make a donation as well as sending flowers.

 

[girlie-girl]

I think I would do both as well. I also like the idea of the card from the kids, it''ll be a nice touch once the flowers and everything else have faded.

 

[swimmer]

Thank you ladies, we ended up doing a large basket of potted plants, a ton of letters, and a donation. Thank you for all your great points, I think the right thing was done as family members thanked us for the floral display...and the cards will be important in the future.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Ditto Neatfreak.