twinkletoes
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2004
- Messages
- 264
I just got back from a trip to Vegas with my brother and his wife to visit our relatives. I kid you not, I think just about every single person I saw (minus the kiddies) asked me why my boyfriend hasn''t proposed to me yet after 4 years of dating and it really made me feel like crap. Crap I say!
And the worst part is that I had no good answer to give because frankly, I don''t even know why he hasn''t proposed yet either. And I think in answering each time, the doubt in me showed and I hate it. I don''t want them all thinking that it''ll never happen! And I don''t want to doubt it either!
The answers I gave varied...
- He wants to buy a house where we could live once we get married
- He''s waiting to take me on a romantic trip & propose there
- If we have the wedding in CA his parents won''t contribute to the wedding costs so he has to save enough for our wedding
- He''s saving for my ring
- He just finished a 2-3 year long project and had been too busy
- He just started a new project & is really busy
- He wants to make sure I''M ready
- He''s older and has more expectations for marriage than guys my age and wants everything "figured out" before getting engaged
- We''ve talked about it and have gone ring shopping, but I don''t know why it hasn''t happened.
- I''m not really sure. It''s kinda not really up to me (I would never propose to him)
- I don''t know
- I don''t know
- I don''t know
- I don''t know
blah blah blah blah blah!
My one aunt even said, "You better hurry up and get married before you''re 30! After that no will want you." This isn''t the first time I heard this from her, but it hits a little closer to home now at 27 years of age (and having been in a 4+ year long relationship) than when I was 24. It''s also different when you''re boyfriend is 10 years your senior.
I know my relatives all mean well, but geez... I came back home feeling like such a loser. Does my boyfriend see my worth? Why hasn''t he proposed yet? How much longer do I wait? It just opens up all this doubt into my relationship. And having had to put up with all this crap from my relatives makes me resent my boyfriend. And I also dislike myself for being in such a situation. Like, why am I with someone who isn''t dying to marry me? I know my boyfriend puts more emphasis (and rightly so) on the marriage part rather than the wedding/engagement part, but the latter is still important to me you know? And it''s not like I don''t take marriage seriously! He wants everything figured out beforehand, but that''s not how life works. He doesn''t want any doubts or surprises when we go into this, but there always will be those things - no? I just believe that once I make a commitment, no matter what happens we will work together to do what''s best for us and our family. We can''t plan the next 5-10 years and expect things to go accrding to plan. People and situations change, but the commitment stays the same.
*sigh* I''m just blabbering now.
Anyways, I''ve been testy and teary the past 4-5 days and just needed to get this off my chest. I''ve been going ballistic on my boyfriend and he doesn''t know where it''s coming from and I''m pretty sure guys don''t like to hear about the questioning/pressure coming from relatives they''ve never met so I haven''t really told him about it.
Thanks for listening to yet another "are we there yet" story. Well, more like, "why the hell aren''t we there yet" story. haha... so not funny.
And the worst part is that I had no good answer to give because frankly, I don''t even know why he hasn''t proposed yet either. And I think in answering each time, the doubt in me showed and I hate it. I don''t want them all thinking that it''ll never happen! And I don''t want to doubt it either!
The answers I gave varied...
- He wants to buy a house where we could live once we get married
- He''s waiting to take me on a romantic trip & propose there
- If we have the wedding in CA his parents won''t contribute to the wedding costs so he has to save enough for our wedding
- He''s saving for my ring
- He just finished a 2-3 year long project and had been too busy
- He just started a new project & is really busy
- He wants to make sure I''M ready
- He''s older and has more expectations for marriage than guys my age and wants everything "figured out" before getting engaged
- We''ve talked about it and have gone ring shopping, but I don''t know why it hasn''t happened.
- I''m not really sure. It''s kinda not really up to me (I would never propose to him)
- I don''t know
- I don''t know
- I don''t know
- I don''t know
blah blah blah blah blah!
My one aunt even said, "You better hurry up and get married before you''re 30! After that no will want you." This isn''t the first time I heard this from her, but it hits a little closer to home now at 27 years of age (and having been in a 4+ year long relationship) than when I was 24. It''s also different when you''re boyfriend is 10 years your senior.
I know my relatives all mean well, but geez... I came back home feeling like such a loser. Does my boyfriend see my worth? Why hasn''t he proposed yet? How much longer do I wait? It just opens up all this doubt into my relationship. And having had to put up with all this crap from my relatives makes me resent my boyfriend. And I also dislike myself for being in such a situation. Like, why am I with someone who isn''t dying to marry me? I know my boyfriend puts more emphasis (and rightly so) on the marriage part rather than the wedding/engagement part, but the latter is still important to me you know? And it''s not like I don''t take marriage seriously! He wants everything figured out beforehand, but that''s not how life works. He doesn''t want any doubts or surprises when we go into this, but there always will be those things - no? I just believe that once I make a commitment, no matter what happens we will work together to do what''s best for us and our family. We can''t plan the next 5-10 years and expect things to go accrding to plan. People and situations change, but the commitment stays the same.
*sigh* I''m just blabbering now.
Anyways, I''ve been testy and teary the past 4-5 days and just needed to get this off my chest. I''ve been going ballistic on my boyfriend and he doesn''t know where it''s coming from and I''m pretty sure guys don''t like to hear about the questioning/pressure coming from relatives they''ve never met so I haven''t really told him about it.
Thanks for listening to yet another "are we there yet" story. Well, more like, "why the hell aren''t we there yet" story. haha... so not funny.