For those who have nannies. . .

[MichelleCarmen]

Would you be mad if you hired a nanny to watch your child and that nanny took the child with her to go to the Nordstrom Half Yearly Sale? I showed up last week right at 9:30 and while waiting outside the door, a woman showed up, pushing a stoller with a 2-3ish year old and was talking on the phone about the child she''s caring for being "very easy."

Isn''t that innappropriate? Maybe she just does it once a year and got the parent''s permission. . .but still I couldn''t do that. I feel guilty taking even my OWN kids shopping because I know of how miserable usually are.

 

[janinegirly]

Yes of course I''d be mad. But like you said, who knows what the agreement is between the nanny and the employer. I''ve seen lots of nannies shopping with babies--sometimes I see them buying baby clothes so maybe the moms have asked them to go pick things up.

But for me, I''d want my nanny watching the baby and that''s it. If that means a trip somewhere that should involve parks, playground, play dates. But I can''t bring myself to leave my baby with anyone but family (she''s over a year) so I''m not a good person to ask!

 

[TravelingGal]

It wouldn''t faze me at all if I gave the woman permission. Amelia loves going out and about (and that includes the mall). She loves kicking back and people watching.

 

[junebug17]

I'm with you on this MC, I don't think it's right. I would expect my nanny to focus soley (sp?) on my child. Going to the park, playing with the child, doing arts and crafts, story hour at the library, and not dragging a child through a crowded store and shopping, that's something that should be done on her own time, irregardless of how "easy" a child is. Maybe the person had the parent's permission, and maybe she was going to shop for items for the child, so I don't want to be too quick to judge, but otherwise I would be angry if a nanny did this without my knowledge.

eta: Just wanted to mention I was a stay-at-home mom, didn't have a nanny or baby-sitter.

 

[neatfreak]

My kids love going out and about-so if she got permission I think it''s totally fine.

Also I think it depends. Is she ignoring the child? Or is she simply browsing while pushing the kid around? If she''s ignoring the kid and spending hours in the dressing room while the kid is upset-no. If she''s paying attention to the child/children personally I wouldn''t have a problem with it.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 11/9/2009 12:53:31 PM
Author: neatfreak
My kids love going out and about-so if she got permission I think it''s totally fine.

Also I think it depends. Is she ignoring the child? Or is she simply browsing while pushing the kid around? If she''s ignoring the kid and spending hours in the dressing room while the kid is upset-no. If she''s paying attention to the child/children personally I wouldn''t have a problem with it.

Ditto this - I think it has a lot to do with how long she is going to be out with the baby, and how well the baby handles shopping.

 

[gailrmv]

I don''t have a nanny, but I think it all depends on the agreement between the nanny and child''s parents.

For a few months, my good friend was watching another child part time to help bring in some income while staying home with her own baby. The other baby''s mom gave my friend permission to bring that baby anywhere, so my friend got a double stroller and just treated the other child as she treated her own. We would sometimes meet up to shop or have lunch and she brought both babies along.

Now, if I did not have such an agreement with my nanny and found out later that they had taken my child shopping, I would be mad. But as an observer, I don''t think you can make any judgment because you don''t have the whole story.

 

[Bia]

Not one bit. If I found someone who I could trust with my child (not sure if I will ever be able to leave my kid with someone who isn''t family, but let''s just say for argument''s sake) I would not care if they took my kid shopping once in a while.

As long as they are being cared for, it is fine. They don''t have to intellectually/physically stimulated every second of the day.

 

[mia1181]

Yes it depends on the whole story that you aren''t able to tell from seeing someone out at the mall, or from hearing her say she takes care of an "easy baby" (which many parents say about their children also and doesn''t necessarily mean they love them any less or flaking out on any responsibility as a parent because the child happens to be "easy").

It is very possible that the parents don''t know what this nanny is doing with their child. But you really can''t tell from the evidence you''ve seen.

In my last nanny position I spent lots of time running my own personal errands. I worked long hours and the banks/post office, etc. were all closed when I got out of work so my employers were very happy to allow me to do what I needed to do with the kiddos in tow. They didn''t have many perks to offer me but that was one they could give me. I also did most of the shopping for the kids so I was often at Nordstrom for some shoes or clothes for the kids and if I saw something I wanted to try on for myself, why not?

It''s actually good for kids to not always have constant one-on-one attention (or entertainment, quite frankly). Errands do have to be run, SAHM''s have no choice but to bring the kids along and it is great opportunity for kids to learn that sometimes we have to do things we don''t want, like wait in a line at the bank. A bonus to having a nanny is giving your kids all that attention and enrichment, but I think it is also important to raise children in reality as well.

Oh and I can tell you one of my charges most certainly did NOT like running errands and being out AT ALL! She had special needs and would cry when we would go out in public and I had to work on desensitizing her to being in new places. You wouldn''t believe the dirty looks I got from strangers when she would tantrum in a store. I couldn''t take her out of the store because that would be negative reinforcement of the behavior so I wonder how many people thought I was neglecting this poor child. But thanks to being able to let her cry a little, she is now able to go anywhere and is quite happy being out on errands.

I''m just saying, you never know the WHOLE story. This nanny may be a live in nanny who work 60+ hours a week and is never allowed any free time. You may have witnessed her only "break" during the week. Or she could have been the worst nanny in history but you''ll never know so why worry about it? KWIM?

 

[Mara]

i agree with the gals who said as long as she wasn't ignoring the child then i wouldn't be upset...

i wouldn't expect the nanny to stay home with the baby all the time or only spend time at parks. honestly i don't even think i'd expect the nanny to be absolutely solely focused on JUST the child. i would prefer for my kid to get out and about and experience regular life, just like he would if they he was with me/the mom. if i would take my kid to a sale, then the nanny can too as long as she is taking CARE of the child appropriately.

MC, i love your funny Q's!

 

[steph72276]

It would depend on the relationship I had with my nanny. For the first 2 years Andrew was born, I was still teaching and my sister in law was our nanny. I knew she would treat him like her own, so I was always giving her money to take him to Chick-fil-a and do things outside of the house. It wouldn''t faze me at all for her to take him to the mall...in fact, she often did that to go by the bookstore and things like that. But my little guy LOVED going out in his stroller to stores. He would dance along to the music and people watch and wave at everyone. Too bad he hates shopping now that he''s 5...now I have to go when he''s at school! So I think it totally depends on the relationship.

 

[Haven]

I see a *lot* of nannies out shopping with children during the day in my area. I''ve never thought about whether it''s okay with the parents, I just always assumed that they had an agreement that it was fine.

I also see a lot of mommies out shopping with their children during the day. The mommies are usually jabbering away on a cell phone while shopping.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 11/9/2009 12:46:45 PM
Author: TravelingGal
It wouldn't faze me at all if I gave the woman permission. Amelia loves going out and about (and that includes the mall). She loves kicking back and people watching.

I feel the same way. I don't have kids, but if I did and I had given permission for our nanny to do this, it wouldn't bother me.

On the other hand, if I worked as a nanny, I can't imagine asking if it was okay to take the child I was caring for to the mall. If it was the type of situation where the couple genuinely was okay with me taking their child to do my own personal errands, that might be one thing. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking though.

ETA: I really liked Mia's post and I agree 100%. Part of it does probably depend on how long a nanny is with the child. If he/she works extremely long hours and doesn't really get a chance to do "real life" stuff away from the child, I think it's reasonable to allow him/her to do this while on the job (obviously while the child is being well-cared for).

 

[junebug17]

Date: 11/9/2009 1:23:32 PM
Author: mia1181
Yes it depends on the whole story that you aren''t able to tell from seeing someone out at the mall, or from hearing her say she takes care of an ''easy baby'' (which many parents say about their children also and doesn''t necessarily mean they love them any less or flaking out on any responsibility as a parent because the child happens to be ''easy'').

It is very possible that the parents don''t know what this nanny is doing with their child. But you really can''t tell from the evidence you''ve seen.

In my last nanny position I spent lots of time running my own personal errands. I worked long hours and the banks/post office, etc. were all closed when I got out of work so my employers were very happy to allow me to do what I needed to do with the kiddos in tow. They didn''t have many perks to offer me but that was one they could give me. I also did most of the shopping for the kids so I was often at Nordstrom for some shoes or clothes for the kids and if I saw something I wanted to try on for myself, why not?

It''s actually good for kids to not always have constant one-on-one attention (or entertainment, quite frankly). Errands do have to be run, SAHM''s have no choice but to bring the kids along and it is great opportunity for kids to learn that sometimes we have to do things we don''t want, like wait in a line at the bank. A bonus to having a nanny is giving your kids all that attention and enrichment, but I think it is also important to raise children in reality as well.

Oh and I can tell you one of my charges most certainly did NOT like running errands and being out AT ALL! She had special needs and would cry when we would go out in public and I had to work on desensitizing her to being in new places. You wouldn''t believe the dirty looks I got from strangers when she would tantrum in a store. I couldn''t take her out of the store because that would be negative reinforcement of the behavior so I wonder how many people thought I was neglecting this poor child. But thanks to being able to let her cry a little, she is now able to go anywhere and is quite happy being out on errands.

I''m just saying, you never know the WHOLE story. This nanny may be a live in nanny who work 60+ hours a week and is never allowed any free time. You may have witnessed her only ''break'' during the week. Or she could have been the worst nanny in history but you''ll never know so why worry about it? KWIM?

You make some very good points mia1181! As a stay-at-home mom, I certainly had to run errands with my children. And your point about children not needing contant entertainment is a good one. I don''t know though, I see a difference between running necessary errands and browsing around a department store to do personal shopping. And of course, this all hinges on whether the parent had given permission. Thanks for your perspective on this, your input gave me food for thought!

 

[Mara]

ETA i see mia addresssed a similar point re: reality/real life... I'd want my kid to be experiencing that with or without me.

 

[swingirl]

How many people ever drive with their nannies to assess their driving habits?

 

[janinegirly]

Date: 11/9/2009 1:40:24 PM
Author: junebug17

Date: 11/9/2009 1:23:32 PM
Author: mia1181
Yes it depends on the whole story that you aren''t able to tell from seeing someone out at the mall, or from hearing her say she takes care of an ''easy baby'' (which many parents say about their children also and doesn''t necessarily mean they love them any less or flaking out on any responsibility as a parent because the child happens to be ''easy'').

It is very possible that the parents don''t know what this nanny is doing with their child. But you really can''t tell from the evidence you''ve seen.

In my last nanny position I spent lots of time running my own personal errands. I worked long hours and the banks/post office, etc. were all closed when I got out of work so my employers were very happy to allow me to do what I needed to do with the kiddos in tow. They didn''t have many perks to offer me but that was one they could give me. I also did most of the shopping for the kids so I was often at Nordstrom for some shoes or clothes for the kids and if I saw something I wanted to try on for myself, why not?

It''s actually good for kids to not always have constant one-on-one attention (or entertainment, quite frankly). Errands do have to be run, SAHM''s have no choice but to bring the kids along and it is great opportunity for kids to learn that sometimes we have to do things we don''t want, like wait in a line at the bank. A bonus to having a nanny is giving your kids all that attention and enrichment, but I think it is also important to raise children in reality as well.

Oh and I can tell you one of my charges most certainly did NOT like running errands and being out AT ALL! She had special needs and would cry when we would go out in public and I had to work on desensitizing her to being in new places. You wouldn''t believe the dirty looks I got from strangers when she would tantrum in a store. I couldn''t take her out of the store because that would be negative reinforcement of the behavior so I wonder how many people thought I was neglecting this poor child. But thanks to being able to let her cry a little, she is now able to go anywhere and is quite happy being out on errands.

I''m just saying, you never know the WHOLE story. This nanny may be a live in nanny who work 60+ hours a week and is never allowed any free time. You may have witnessed her only ''break'' during the week. Or she could have been the worst nanny in history but you''ll never know so why worry about it? KWIM?

You make some very good points mia1181! As a stay-at-home mom, I certainly had to run errands with my children. And your point about children not needing contant entertainment is a good one. I don''t know though, I see a difference between running necessary errands and browsing around a department store to do personal shopping. And of course, this all hinges on whether the parent had given permission. Thanks for your perspective on this, your input gave me food for thought!

I think we all agree here. Depends on 1) if parent has awareness of whatever activity is happening and 2) that it''s not purely for nannies'' unnecessary personal business (ie waiting in line at bank is different from shopping for shoes at neiman''s...)

Lots of room for interpretation here though. Personally, when I see nannies buying clothes for the baby, I felt a bit sad since obviously the mom doesn''t have / make time for that..but it is reality I suppose.

 

[Sha]

It''s really difficult to say how inappropriate it is without knowing the agreement/relationship between the parents and nanny, as others have said. Maybe it was even the parent who asked the nanny to check out the sale, maybe to get something the parent or child needed? I wouldn''t assume anything inappropriate without knowing the background first.

 

[steph72276]

Also, depends on the situation. My aunt is a nanny for 2 kids. She watches them from 7-7 everyday Mon-Fri and occasionally on weekends. She also has a husband and 2 older (college age) kids. Is she never supposed to run personal errands? It''s just not feasible for her to NEVER take the kids to the grocery store for something for dinner or to the mall to pick up a birthday gift, that sort of thing.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 11/9/2009 1:31:14 PM
Author: Haven
I see a *lot* of nannies out shopping with children during the day in my area. I''ve never thought about whether it''s okay with the parents, I just always assumed that they had an agreement that it was fine.

I also see a lot of mommies out shopping with their children during the day. The mommies are usually jabbering away on a cell phone while shopping.

Ditto, see the same thing here.

 

[MustangGal]

My baby sitter takes the kids out once in a while, I provide her a car seat, and received her driver history report as part of her background check. She has 3 kids of her own at home, plus 2 she takes in, so she doesn''t go places often, but during the summer she would pile all the kids in her mini-van and take them to the movies once a week for the special kids movies they run in the summer. I think my baby got to go to more movies than I did this year! It does depend on the agreement between the nanny and the parents.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 11/9/2009 12:46:45 PM
Author: TravelingGal
It wouldn''t faze me at all if I gave the woman permission. Amelia loves going out and about (and that includes the mall). She loves kicking back and people watching.

This! I don''t even have to change the name of the kid!

My nanny does take Amelia shopping sometimes. I''m fine with that because she really enjoys it, especially the Pets City store.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 11/9/2009 1:46:11 PM
Author: swingirl
How many people ever drive with their nannies to assess their driving habits?

DH did this. She''s a very safe, sensible driver, so we''re happy with her driving Amelia. We also insisted that we bought her the carseat for Amelia, one that will rear face until she''s 4 (current recommendation in the UK, but by no means common). We don''t let my parents have her in their cars, they are both truly apalling drivers. It''s caused major friction, but we''re just not prepared to take the risk. I''ve lost count of their minor bumps and accidents over the years.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 11/9/2009 3:37:40 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell

Date: 11/9/2009 12:46:45 PM
Author: TravelingGal
It wouldn''t faze me at all if I gave the woman permission. Amelia loves going out and about (and that includes the mall). She loves kicking back and people watching.

This! I don''t even have to change the name of the kid!

My nanny does take Amelia shopping sometimes. I''m fine with that because she really enjoys it, especially the Pets City store.

Thritto!

I take Daisy shopping all the time. She loves being able to watch and smile at people on buses and the tube - and gets pretty into helping me spend my $$$. My husband''s favourite hobby is shopping so it''s probably genetic!

Seriously, I would be more than happy for a nanny to take my child shopping - better that than sticking the kid in front of the TV.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 11/9/2009 2:05:47 PM
Author: steph72276
Also, depends on the situation. My aunt is a nanny for 2 kids. She watches them from 7-7 everyday Mon-Fri and occasionally on weekends. She also has a husband and 2 older (college age) kids. Is she never supposed to run personal errands? It's just not feasible for her to NEVER take the kids to the grocery store for something for dinner or to the mall to pick up a birthday gift, that sort of thing.

If a nanny is working long hours, of course it makes sense that she'd take the kids to the grocery store, post office, etc. . . It was just the Nord thing that got me. Like I said, I "feel guilty" taking my kids clothes shopping, however I still do. . .but, then again, I am their mom and 95% in charge (5% dh's duty)

Just to point out, the woman was tending to the child. She handed it a cup of cheerios to eat while she was talking on the phone!

It's hard to figure out what a nanny's official duties should be when a person (such as I) has never hired one. Maybe it does improve employee moral to give the nanny "a break" by going shopping so I can see what everyone here is saying.

Just on a side note - There was nothing good at the sale this year. . .kind of lame stuff.

 

[diamondfan]

I think it is very case specific...how long the nanny has worked for the person and how is their driving, what is the condition of the car if it is her personal vehicle, of course do they have permission to do it, how old the child is, where the child is taken...I have a nanny whom I trust implicitly and occasionally she asks me if she can do something during work hours that must be dealt with. If my youngest were with her, (he is I would feel comfortable depending on the circumstance. Maybe this nanny was picking something up for her boss, sometimes I pay for something over the phone and ask my nanny to grab it for me and she will take my son with her and then they will go get an ice cream or something like that. But again, very case specific, the parent knows and okays it and is a finite thing, i.e. running to one place for a limited time frame....and she should not be blabbing on the phone the whole time, that would annoy me for sure.

 

[diamondfan]

also want to add that some kids like being taken out and socializing as it were, and as long as the nanny is appropriately attentive, it can be a good thing in actuality. As a mom you take your kids on various errands and maybe it helps the child get used to such excursions and be okay with them.

 

[pennquaker09]

We don''t have a full time nanny and she very rarely goes out with Savannah and Gray. Personally, I trust her enough, but I wouldn''t want her making a habit out it and I definitely wouldn''t want her ignoring my kids.

And I don''t know who asked the question, but yes, I''ve been in the car with our nanny. There was no way I was going to let my kids ride with her without knowing for myself.