FLIW, is IT in the house with you?

[blueroses]

FLIW, we have our own forum!!!!

So I just thougth I''d get going with the "break-out" topics. Even though it doesn''t apply to me, I''m so intrigued and empathetic about those situations where the ring is IN THE HOUSE with you.....so Erin, Honeynut, B-girl, (and more?) This is for you.

To peek or not to peek?

Longer wait = more anxious or more resentful?

Reasons for BF''s delay....?

Tawk amongst yourselves.

 

[goldengirl]

fh is too smart to leave IT in the house with me.... he didn''t even leave my Christmas presents in the house, he kept them in the trunk of his car!!

You girls that know it''s in the house and don''t peek...

 

[Erin]

First and foremost - I''m sorry you all have to feel my anguish - it''s not pretty but it takes a strong woman not to succumb to the overwhelming urge to one day snap and scream - I KNOW IT''S IN HERE JUST GIVE IT TO ME ALREADY!!!

To peek or not to peek: I picked out the ring myself so I know exactly what it looks like and I was free to look at it anytime I wanted for months because it wasn''t hidden. From the advise of these gorgeous FLIW - I had a heart to heart with the bf and insisted that he properly hide it. I''ve been much happier since. But, as I posted last week to ?(drawing a blank - the FedEX story) do NOT peek

- there are few surprises in life - i.e. I will not ask to know the sex of my first born baby. Notice I didn''t say I will not want to know - there is a difference.

After long discussions with the boyfriend I have this to say. We have argued how our relationship is so non-traditional (we''re doing everything out of order except having kids - that one is last) that the engagement will not be traditional. I picked the ring out, we''re living together and paying for the ring together, etc. All the fun has sort of been sucked out of it.

I''m not the freshed faced girl who''s going to be surprised by her bf''s ''story to tell the grandkids'' romantic proposal with a ring that he meticulously picked out. Although some men would be relieved to have the diamond part of it handled for them because they are so uninformed and overwhelmed by becoming informed, I think my bf thinks he missed out on the experience.

To top that off, the proposal is not only anticipated but expected. He still wants to make it special because the only personality he can put on the e-ring is the presentation. So although I am biting my tongue (off)

I have to respect his need NOT to feel like I put a ring in his hand and everyone pushed him towards me with it saying okay do it now.

I know it''s torture to wait - but let him come up with his own unique and personal way of proposing. If the ring is there he will propose. I''ve been waiting this long and I''m sorry to say it just gets harder - but hopefully no one has to wait this long with it in the house with you.

 

[kanne]

erin! This is such a tough one!!!! How long have you been living with IT? Do you have any clues about his proposal timeframe (ie "boy soon")? I completely understand his wanting to surprise you. On the other hand, leaving the ring in plain sight and making you wait forever is just going to cause resentment and anxiety. Maybe he wants to wait until the ring is completely paid for?

big hugs!!

-lovey

 

[Erin]

Which he has mentioned he''d like to wait until it''s paid for - However - we''ve been through some hard times in the past and finally we have come to the place where we are no longer looking over our shoulders trying to clean up the messes we made in the past. It''s (for a few months now) been time to take a sigh of relief and simply rebuild and look towards the future. This is when my anticipation has risen. As of mid-October we had the final albatrose removed and I''ve been waiting ever since.

We both have known for two years that we both wanted to get married.

Life just got in the way of that. So to put it in perspective, what does paying it off have to do with it? We bought it in March or April can''t remember - so it''ll be paid off in March or April anyway. [$$)]It''s been hidden since late November and it''s been driving me crazy that I can''t find it - of course I''ve been looking!!!! But that''s okay because I already know what it looks like

 

[twinkletoes]

no, we don''t have it in our possesion (we live apart). and even if he did have it at his place, he''d be smart enough to not mention it to me.

i''d drive both of us nuts. seriously.

and if i knew where it was... i''d totally be checking up on my ring and visiting it on a daily basis. i have no self control.

 

[kanne]

Erin- I would be ripping the house apart too!!! No doubt (even if I knew what it looked like)!! Maybe use some CSI detective skills (start with the perimeter and work your way in). lol!

I totally agree that paying off the ring should have nothing to do with when he proposes.. guess he just wants it to be "perfect" in his mind!

 

[htupper]

UGH. This is so hard. I don''t know how you''re dealing with it Erin. I have been in the house with it for only a week but it''s already driving me crazy. It is in the night stand by the bed, therefore i sleep by it every night but still haven''t peaked. Not that I haven''t wanted to, mind you. But i do want to retain some element of surprise. Everytime i think about taking a peak, i also feel what it would be like for me not to be totally surprised and in awe of the ring when i do get it for real. That little feeling has kept me for looking so far. hopefully it will continue to. my boyfriend doesn''t know that i know he has the ring yet. He started asking me for ring suggestions a few months ago and i knew that he was looking to buy soon but he wanted to keep some of the surprise so i have no idea exactly how the ring will be. if he knew that i knew he already has it would have definitely made an effort to hide it in a better place. i mean, our apartment is only so big! i have made a considerable effort not mention an upcoming proposal or more ring ideas to him because i know that he wants it all to be a surprise and any indication that i expect anything will postpone his asking even longer.

But UGH already. I really don''t know how you''ve done it for so long Erin. You are so patient!

Here''s to not peaking if we can help it!!!!!

 

[htupper]

AHHHHH! i peeked. I couldn''t help myself! I had done so well for so long (ok, a week but it felt like FOREVER). but then i had this fabulous idea of opening the box outward so i couldn''t see it but just so i could feel it with my fingers and tell what it was like (yes, i know, i have lost my mind). well the second i did that i lost all self control and peeked and tried it on and tried it on again. Yes, i feel some guilt but not too much and it hasn''t lessened the suspense or anticipation of the actual engagement. The ring is gorgeous! a round brilliant (a little more than a carat i am guessing) in a simple platinum band. it is set a little higher than i was hoping but it really doesn''t matter very much. it is a little big so i think i will have to get it re-sized. now i just want it on my finger for good!

I must admit i am a little disappointed in myself for giving in. but somehow it has lessened the stress of waiting for this whole thing to happen a little bit. Mind you, the bf will NEVER find out that i even knew he had it in the house let alone looked at it. he would be upset. maybe a good story for the 50th wedding anniversary though.

Please don''t hate for having no will power!

 

[blueroses]

b-girl, don''t beat yourself up....I am pretty sure I would have done the same thing in your shoes!!!!

 

[honeynut]

Mine was in the house since before Christmas, and I did almost the same thing B-Girl!! I had picked it out myself through, and he bought it online so I could always go see a picture of it if I wanted to - which I did often - but I didn''t want to look at the ring itself because I was going to be ruining the one independent and unique contribution he could make to the process - the proposal. ERIN - stay strong girl!!! I know exactly how you feel and I swear it will be worth it in the end!!! Try to be happy together despite this big weight on your heart... you really will look back on this time with pride and affection. It''s a test of the strength of your own capacity to stay positive and keep your optimism afloat. There will be times in marriage that he will really need that from you to get through life''s ups and downs.
(of course, I am only this serene about it because I got my damn ring already

)

 

[blue_chica]

Hi Ladies -

Erin, you have my undying sympathy. I don''t know how you''re doing it! I feel the same way about how important it is to let him do the proposal how and when he wants to so that it IS romantic, but I could NEVER last as long as you have without going insane.

My BF may or may not have the ring in his possession. I know it was ready last Sat. but I don''t know if he went to get it yet. He won''t tell me (I didn''t actually ask, he decided to torture me by bringing it up and then saying he won''t tell me). I barely resisted the urge to pat down his coat pockets and laptop bag last night. Flip flopping between telling myself I''d feel better if I at least knew that he had it, and that the surprise will just be better the more I resist. B-Girl, do not blame yourself for looking. I definitely would in your shoes...I don''t know anyone who wouldn''t. The best I could hope for is that I''d tell him I knew where it was and he''d better move it IMMEDIATELY. Run, don''t walk.

I have actually been debating cutting myself off from PS and all other engagement/wedding etc sites, and not talking about it anymore. The daily obsession might die down a bit then, time might pass faster, and it won''t be the only thing on my mind. But I''m not sure I have the self-control to even do that.

I''m pathetic.

 

[Erin]

Lovey, B-girl, honeynut, BlueChicago and all you other fabulous LIW

Thanks for being so understanding and supportive of my situation. I try to joke around with it but it''s nice to hear your sympathetic words. You can see through my humor and empathize - thanks!

Here''s to all LIW!!!!!

May your e-ring come girl soon rather than boy soon!

 

[blueroses]

Erin, I love that--it''s like the official LIW mantra!!

"May your e-ring come girl soon rather than boy soon!"

 

[Erin]

I found it! I found it!

Since we''ve moved in together (about 2.5 years ago) we have two of everything including microwaves. Well, this place we just moved into has a microwave/hood vent. So we have one microwave in the garage and the other on top of a shelf way up high in the laundry room. Inside is the glass plate that sits on the turntable wrapped in newspaper. It was wrappen IN with the newspaper.

Talk about some serious digging. But your tip helped lovey (I don''t watch CSI ever) I started with search and destroy the perimeter of the house and it didn''t take that long. Plus it would have taken me forever using my previous method - ''if I were an engagement ring, where would I hide''

 

[blue_chica]

I can''t believe you found it Erin! That is some serious digging, you should reconsider occupations.

 

[allycat0303]

Ummm.... Erin... you said you found it, but am I missing something?? WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!!!!!! DO TELL

 

[Erin]

Oh alley, I''ve known what it looks like since April - plus I picked the setting.

I''m warning you though it is not trendy and is pretty much the anti-ring to most preferences.

Yellow Gold
almost 3/8" band
appears to be tension but actually prong set
the princess is turned so that square points turn up & down

like u

 

[blueroses]

Erin, it is all about personal preferences and if it''s YOUR heart''s desire, then I know we will love it too!! I actually like when stones are set in a different way--like a marquise or oval set east-west--so I''m sure your "diagonal" princess is going to be gorgeous! I''m preparing to don a sweater for the day that hell freezes over and your sweetie goes ahead and DoES IT!!!! (Does he know you found it, btw?)

 

[htupper]

Wow. Great sleuthing Erin! You''re a regular Nancy Drew! i don''t think i would have been able to find it. Do you feel better now that you know where it is? I don''t know why but somehow finding it and then peeking has helped calm me down a little bit. Don''t get me wrong, I''m still obsessed with figuring out when he will propose but knowing at least what the thing looks like gives me one less thing to wonder about. I still don''t know how you''ve not gone balistic on your bf with the ring in your house for almost a year!!! Blueroses is right, I think all LIW will give a collective cheer heard round the world when it happens. it''s gotta happen soon. It''s just gotta.....

 

[i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me]

We bought it in March or April can''t remember - so it''ll be paid off in March or April anyway. [$$)]It''s been hidden since late November and it''s been driving me crazy that I can''t find it - of course I''ve been looking!!!! But that''s okay because I already know what it looks like

Erin, you bought the ring in MARCH??? it has been in the house since NOVEMBER??? and you still don''t have it???

surely there must be something about that in the Geneva Convention!!! that is torture!!!

I hope you get your proposal real soon!!!

DG

 

[allycat0303]

Erin,

I am sure your ring is beautiful. As long as it suits you and you love it, then we will love it. I can''t wait to see it! It seems as though all the LIW are graduating so fast!

 

[Erin]

No, he doesn''t know I''ve found it - I''ll try to keep that my little secret....right next to the one where he doesn''t know I''ve already bought my wedding dress

He''s leaving Sunday night to go back up to Chicago - won''t be back until late Tuesday night (Feb 8th)

He could do it before.....He could do it when he gets back.......it''s too predictable for him to do it on Vday.

It''s funny because I can''t peek unless I get my camera cloth out so I can buff out the fingerprints because my fingers are usual sticky from the fear of knowing I''m doing something I shouldn''t. Then try to put the box back just so. I feel like a crook.

 

[Erin]

Ok - he left last night - of course nothing or I''d be posting somewhere else. So I''ve got nine days til he comes back home which is one week before Valentine''s Day. Because I''ve been a pest these past few months, I''m hoping it will happen inside that time frame.

I''m thinking I''m not the only one who feels let down when deadlines or anticipated dates come and go. What do you do to bring yourself back up again? I know, he''s the greatest guy and we''re happy and someday I will marry him, blah. But to quote JCDC - it''s like being skimmed over for a job promotion over and over again. How do you cope?

 

[blueroses]

Erin, that''s EXACTLY how it feels!! I almost feel like I''m back to the drawing board and don''t even want to try to have any more "deadlines" ever again since they have all been met with disappointment.

I''m afraid I don''t have any coping tips, but I hope that this pre-Valentine window happens for you!!!! The waiting game SUCKS!!