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- Dec 31, 2006
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ruby59|1406574700|3722048 said:Jimmianne|1406570254|3722012 said:More bluntness, I'm afraid.CJ2008|1406568302|3721994 said:Jimmianne|1406568208|3721991 said:I've read this with interest, having been through it.
How old are your parents, if I may ask?
Mid 70s Jimmianne.
Why?
Are you seeing a different perspective? Having been through it yourself I'd love to hear any thoughts you can offer.
I asked because 70's seems awfully young to be taking over their finances. I agree they should talk to someone but unless you have power of attorney it's really up to them. Unless they owe you money - you do need to get that back - they are adults and it's their life.
I don't think they are toxic - I think you are paying too much attention to what they are doing.
Actually, 70s is not that young and sometimes cr*p happens. If you knew for sure that your parents had their finances all worked out and were not going to involve you then I agree to stay out of it.
But if they are coming to you for help or know they will in the future, I see the need to be proactive.
My mom protected her finances like some seniors protect their car keys. She wanted to handle it all herself and resented questions about it. Then one day at age 78 she layed down for a nap. When she woke up she could barely speak and by the grace of G-d was able to call me and make some kind of sound into the phone. She had suffered a stroke. It was in her left frontal lobe, which affected speech. Dementia soon followed.
My brother worked long hours and traveled a lot on business, so it fell to me. The medical bills were mounting, other bills need to be paid and I did not have a clue to where she kept the checkbook, what her savings were like in case she needed long term care or what kind of medical coverage she had.
Getting a power of attorney was hard because it was difficult to prove she was of enough sound mind and body to sign off on it. It became a nightmare tring to sort things out.
So, imo, it is not to early for the talk. And you have to be honest with mom or dad that if they expect you to get involved down the road, then they have to allow you the ability to act in their best interest and yours.
Yes, Ruby, I am trying to look ahead. To plan ahead while things are still fairly calm and well.
I don't want to add to the stress not having a clue where things are kept, or not understanding what accounts they have. I want to be prepared.
I want to think about long-term care now. To consider it. That may be a very worthwhile investment for all our peace of mind. But I don't know for sure. That's why I want to talk to someone who's knowledgeable and trustworthy to guide us through all the different scenarios and options.
I am sorry to hear about your mom. Dementia must be so hard to deal with.