Feeling lonely, bored, and isolation burnout

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

I've been feeling very lonely, bored, and isolation burnout due to the combination of my medical situation which makes me multiple times more vulnerable to COVID. I have not left the house since March 2020 except for walks and doctor appointments and have not been able to see friends or family.

Even before COVID, I started to feel the loneliness as most of my friends have kids and are busy with them. DH has a lot of hobbies that he enjoys at home which keeps him busy. I was able to fill my time with activities outside the home before COVID, mostly travel and exploring new places/experiences, which really energized me as I've never had any house hobbies.

I've been super resilient over the last 1.5 years and have fought off "depression," but it's tough to accept another year of this isolation (when I'm forecasting when it will be "safe" for me to take small risks and go out where there won't be people). Unfortunately, taking careful risks with today's COVID situation, going out or spending time with others is not an option for me as the probability of having a poor outcome if I get COVID is too high to make anything worth the risk.

I've tried to "recharge," but pretty much everything that energized me is off limits. I've tried to focus on gratitude and have a lot to be thankful for, but that only goes so far. I've tried going on walks, sitting in the sun, mindfulness, being positive, catching up with friends virtually, you name it! I've done everything that I can do on my to-do list and I've also bought everything that I can possibly want. I've spent probably a hundred hours with several different therapists, but have not made any progress related to this and no one has any suggestions or solutions other than to accept my situation and to wait it out. I'm bored out of my mind, and wonder if I just have no life responsibilities or have been super efficient given all this free time?

I'm wondering if anyone has any other ideas I may not have thought of? While my situation is definitely far far far better than a terminal illness diagnosis as this is a "temporary" challenge, how do people accept something like that with grace and positivity? I feel like a shell of a person, going through the motions, and waiting until COVID is over...

 

[yssie]

I'm really sorry. I think most everyone was stir crazy by the end of last summer - continuing the stringent isolation for as long as you have been must be completely exhausting. Emotionally.

I don't have any helpful advice I'm afraid. The only thing I'll say is that if you're getting through it then I think you're doing a bang up job even if it's without qualifiers like positivity and grace.

::HUGS::!!

 

[CSpan]

I don't have any answer but I wanted to send you my thoughts and a big virtual hug. I cannot imagine how isolating and difficult this has been.

I am glad you can get outside and take some walks but I'm sure it doesn't make up for the places you'd prefer to be walking on.

I have a very good friend in AK who is in a similar situation, she got the vaccine and her antibodies basically went to zero in 2 months. She was so miserable. And then add being stuck inside because...AK. she is very active online, which is a poor substitute but better than nothing, and started a number of fund raisers/crowd sourcing for needs in her community. She loves writing snail mail so has created a wonderful card exchange, I love getting mail almost weekly.

I hope things appreciably improve sooner than later and you can get back to your life. Sending those hugs via 0s and 1s

 

[Dancing Fire]

HUGS @MRBXXXFVVS1 ...Don't know which is worst contracting Covid or mental health. Had I locked myself at home for the past 1.5 yrs I would be in the mental hospital by now, but most people wouldn't live a normal life like I have during this pandemic.

 

[Matata]

I'm wondering if anyone has any other ideas I may not have thought of?

Start a blog about your situation. There may already be such things but one more won't hurt as there are probably a lot of people facing similar challenges. How about volunteer work from home? Are there needs in your community that you may be able to help with? Is there some creative spark that you can find that would give you a sense of purpose other than survival and spark joy for you or others? You said you were energized by travel -- can you create a virtual travel group of others who are in your situation and find ways to explore the world through your laptop?

how do people accept something like that with grace and positivity?

There is no law that one must exhibit grace and positivity all the time. It's ok to rant and rave, wear the same underwear for a week, eat chocolate for breakfast washed down with vodka, and yell at the neighborhood kids to get off your lawn (don't ask me how I know this). I can almost guarantee (nothing in life is certain, right?) that you will be able to blow off steam in the manner you choose and get right back to your gracious and positive self.

 

[oncrutchesrightnow]

So sorry for what you are going through. Sometimes sad music or books makes it better in kind of a make-it-hurt-more-so then-it-hurts-less kind of way.

 

[Bron357]

Sending hugs, lots of them.
There IS an end in sight and it WILL get better.
A few years ago I smashed up my right foot. I had surgery but was told I had to do 6 months total Non weight bearing.
OMG, for the first two weeks I just cried and cried and HATED it, thinking this is going to KILL ME!
6 months I can’t do it!
Breathe.
First off, say out loud that it stinks. Say out loud that you hate the situation that you want to get out and about and have a normal life. Every morning you are allowed a small pity party. You may cry or yell if that’s how you feel.
Get yourself a big jar. in that jar goes lots and lots of pieces of paper. On each piece of paper is a task or activity that you’ve written down.
It must include “unfavourite” activities as well as “super favourite” ones. My slips included things like “learn a poem”, “eat a block of chocolate”, “do 50 sit ups”, “call my mother and tell her I love her”, “polish my jewellery” so on and so forth.
Every morning after the pity party you remove one (or two) slips from the jar and they are your responsibility for the day. The pieces of paper then go back into the jar. And yes, I rang my mother two days in a row telling her I loved her and she was “rather concerned” ha ha.
And every night you put a big black cross on the calendar to celebrate another day done.
One more down, one less to go.

 

[GeliL]

I totally hear you. I have been isolating at home for most of the year last year and being single and living alone, it was getting very difficult even with me being very good at keeping myself busy. I was getting very depressed, feeling like no one really cares about me and that my life was meaningless even when I had so much to be grateful for. I was miserable by the end of the year and I can't say that I've completely gotten over it right now either.

Being vaccinated and healthy, I am now able to go out a bit more and meet people, that has definitely helped. I know that it's not possible for you at the moment, but maybe doing crafts and selling them/giving them away would help keep you busy? Think of all the people you would like to give them out when the pandemic is over and make something for each of them? For me I think thinking about other people helps a bit more than just doing things for myself.

Other than that, just want to show my support. You are definitely not alone *hugs*

 

[qubitasaurus]

I know this may not resonate, but I find world of warcraft can be a really fun if you sign up with someone else and level up with them.

Otherwise I think I'd take up a new Hobby, anything you have always wanted to do? Like aerial yoga or cultivating a bonsai, or taking an online course? I have a list I never seem to get around to, of things I'd really like to manage to incorporate into my life but never get a chance to do. I know that I'd find the idea exhausting if I was burnt out from sheltering at home for over a year. But I also think I'd look back with satisfaction a few months later if I could manage to make a little progress.

 

[missy]

@MRBXXXFVVS1 I am very sorry you are struggling and dealing with feelings of isolation and loneliness. Anyone in your situation would feel similarly and it is challenging living in a pandemic situation unable to see/hug/share time and company with loved ones. No doubt about it this would be hard for superwoman.

Like you I get my energy from doing activities outdoors. I love being home (and always classified myself as a homebody) but I only love it when I get my fill of outdoor activity daily and come home to rest and relax and recharge. But doing things outdoors with people I love is what gives me the energy I need for each day. So while my situation isn't the same as yours I do get it. I have not seen my friends for the past 18 months but for a few occasions where we social distanced outside and I have only seen my family three times in the past 18 months. Which is very hard for me and them. My parents are old and I cannot just go over there and hug them and hang out with them because I feel it is risky for them.

I know your situation is way more challenging because you aren't even able to see people occasionally. But knowing it *is* temporary and knowing you will get back to being able to see your loved ones again is something to look forward to.

There's quote that rings true (to me at least).
To be happy one should
1. Have someone to love
2. something to do and
3. something to look forward to.




Check on all three fronts. You have someone to love (your DH) and you have something to do whether it be a daily walk, reading a book, listening to music you love or watching a movie or just chatting with a friend on the phone/zoom etc and 3. looking forward to getting out of this pandemic situation and able to resume a more normal life whatever that might entail.

For me these activities help me immensely.

Cycling with my DH whenever we can is what keeps me sane. There are many days we cannot cycle but looking forward to the days we can helps me greatly.

Working out daily to my favorite music.
It gives me a daily goal to accomplish and I feel good doing so.
Working out itself is cathartic for me. It helps me get out my stress and it is a meditation of sorts.
Sweating is healing and it feels so good.
When I am done I feel like I have accomplished my important daily goal.
I do this purely for myself. No one else. It is the one pure selfish activity I do just for me. No matter what this is something I do every single day. All other daily goals come after it. This is my non negotiable.

On days we cannot cycle we go out for a walk or running errands (safely with masks on correctly and snugly if we have to go indoors anywhere). Just getting out of the house on rainy non cycling days helps my mood.

And always researching my heath issue trying to figure out a solution because I have unfortunately given up on all my doctors. Is there a miracle doctor out there? Maybe but I have yet to find her or him. So in the meantime I know I can only count on me (and my dh but he isn't science oriented at all and at least I have a medical background for all the good it is doing me oh well, not giving up).

And I take it one day at a time. And when that gets to be too overwhelming I take it one hour at a time. When necessary one minute at a time. I am dealing with a personal challenge health wise that scares me. I won't lie. I do not know what the future holds and well if I think about it I start feeling overwhelmed and scared.

So I allow myself to think about it for a bit each day and then I block it from my mind and focus on other activities that keep my mind active. Because worrying can only do so much. Yes I try to come up with plans of action but that only goes so far so when I am done worrying about it each day I make myself not think about it for the rest of the day. It serves me no good purpose. So while I focus on it a bit each day that is all I allow myself and I move on to more pleasant thoughts. For my sanity.

I can only control what I can control and what I cannot control I refuse to drive myself mad. One day, one hour, one minute at a time. One step ahead of the other. It is the best I can do. One day at a time I keep going and moving forward hoping for easier and better times ahead and making the most of each day because honestly, realistically, that is all we know for sure we have. So while it is not ideal I try to live each day enjoying what I do because that is all that is promised to me/us. The here and the now.

Sending you hugs and good wishes.
Yesterday was hard. Today is hard.
But there are hopefully many happier and easier tomorrows to look forward to and may that be your guiding light and beacon of hope. We do have better things to look forward to. I have to believe that (for my sanity) and so I do.


When I feel blue this song cheers me up. I used to listen to this when I was in college and feeling stressed and overwhelmed and missing my family.
I hope this wonderful song brings you some brightness to your day.

"
Here's wishing you the bluest sky
And hoping something better comes tomorrow
Hoping all the verses rhyme
And the very best of choruses to Follow all the doubt and sadness
I know that better things are on the way
Here's hoping all the days ahead
Won't be as bitter as the ones behind you Be an optimist instead
And somehow happiness will find you
Forget what happened yesterday
I know that better things are on the way
It's really good to see you rocking out and having fun Living like you just begun
Accept your life and what it brings I hope tomorrow you'll find better things
I know tomorrow you'll find better things
Here's wishing you the bluest sky
And hoping something better comes tomorrow Hoping all the verses rhyme
And the very best of choruses to
Follow all the doubt and sadness
I know that better things are on the way
I know you've got a lot of good things happening up ahead
The past is gone,
it's all been said So here's to what the future brings
I know tomorrow you'll find better things I know tomorrow you'll find better things
I hope tomorrow you'll find better things I know tomorrow you'll find better things
I hope tomorrow you'll find better things
"

 

[CMN]

Dear @MRBXXXFVVS1 good on you for reaching out to us. That is so important.

I don’t make this suggestion lightly as it is a big commitment and lifeline one at that - but - if you don’t have a pet, have you thought about getting a dog or perhaps two indoor only cats? I have two Burmese and a Havanese and they give me so much joy and companionship. They are a big responsibility but caring for some new creatures just might give you the renewed purpose you are looking for. There is so much to learn as well with either, introducing them into the home, training etc.

On further reflection, as you can’t get out to socialise a new pup (very important) I think two cats would be the way to go. You would be surprised at how good they can be regulating your day. They want breakfast..,attend to all their needs and then...before you know it they are asking for dinner!

 

[marymm]

Learn something (via online course, library resources, YouTube videos)

Remote volunteer opportunities (i.e., reading service for the blind, or check out https://www.dosomething.org/us/articles/9-places-to-volunteer-online-and-make-a-real-impact )

Sort your digital and hard copy photos and documents

Write your personal history -- bullet points with home addresses, schools, workplaces, and travels -- or full-fledged autobiography

Backyard or patio or kitchen garden


eta: also, yes, I sympathize, weird and difficult times and so prolonged ... normal to feel blah and hemmed in ... but after allowing yourself to feel that way, I do recommend finding a meaningful and/or time-wasting-yet-satisfying project to focus on and then arrange your days around a piece of that project coupled with meals, chores, errands, outside activity, checking in with family/friends. Real progress is surviving with sanity somewhat intact ... with grace would be nice but some days/weeks/months just not possible.

 

[jaysonsmom]

@MRBXXXFVVS1 virtual ((((hugs))))). I found that walking or hiking with 1friend (socially distanced) was a good way to stay connected during this period of isolation. Are there some neighbors, coworkers, or friends who you would be able to do outdoor activities with? My husband and I walked our dog in the evenings, and we get see and say hi to neighbors

I picked up tennis (play with 1 person) and swimming (by myself) during the past 1.5 years, these were activities that I haven't done in 30+ years, but staying active helped me with my depression by keeping my endorphin levels up.

I also fully agree with CMN above, if you don't have a pet, they are the best. My dog never leaves my side, and is really my best friend

 

[m-cubed]

@MRBXXXFVVS1 I am sorry you are going through this. I am single and live alone, and followed COVID lockdown pretty strictly until I was vaccinated. It was really, really hard. We are social creatures, and social interaction via a screen just isn't the same as being with others in person. I have a couple of thoughts which might or might not be helpful.

1. Those with compromised immune systems are rightly worried about COVID. I'm not sure where you are located, but if you are in the US or Europe, you may see if you can get access to the monoclonal antibody drugs for prophylactic use. Basically, if you can't make your own antibodies by vaccination, these drugs can give you antibodies...for a period of time. This application is not currently approved by the FDA, but I know there are trials ongoing which may be accessible. I don't think you can access outside of a trial or after approval because it seems like access to these for "off-label" prescibing is not possible. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2...antibody-injections-immunosuppressed-vaccines In your situation, I would certainly ask my doctor about it.

2. Immersion in something really intellectually stimulating. I have engaged in a particular craft pursuit for years, but I took the opportunity during the pandemic to do a lot more of it and to expand my knowledge, try new techniques, buy and learn how to use new equipment, etc. I have often said about this particular craft that you could spend the rest of your life and not know everything there is to know about it, and there was certainly enough to keep me engaged and busy.

Best wishes. This is hard.

 

[TooPatient]

What immediately came to mind was how cool it could be to plan an awesome adventure trip for when it is safe to do so. Don't book until safe (or do so with everything movable). Pick a new location (or whole group of destinations!) and learn the language where you will be going. (Great language classes online plus you can try to find native speakers to talk with virtually!) Look at restaurants, hotels, hikes, kayaking, whatever they do there. Some places have really fun things with limited number of people allowed per year and permits sold a year or more in advance. Research the area. Learn the history. Learn about the foods and customs.

Nothing wrong with planning a few of these! You could have a couple of years worth of fun trips all planned out for when it is safe.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi Mr.B,

I have been housebound for years. Of course its at its worst as I can't go anywhere, The Dr. comes to me. I need to ee my lawyer next week and I checked everyone is vaccinated and wears masks, so I'm going.

When this first happened more than 20 ys ago, I knew I had to find some way to survive and be happy in my situation. My first project was tables. I faux painted them with instructions from a library book, I tiled a table to put in the backyard. They really turned out great. I did it all sitting down. I can't walk.

Then learning about diamonds and jewelry. Read a lot of books.

But my favorite projects were growing flowers indoors. In March i planted seeds and when the weather was good, put them out on my tiled table to blossom. I loved doing this The best was when I made tulips blossom in February. I had another fridge out in my garage, as you need to cool your bulbs, other wise no blooms. I had a fridge full of tulip bulbs. I was the Queen of tulips.

You must force yourself to try new things that you might like Grow orchids. The library delivers to homebound.

And of course I learned to invest in the markets, collected dolls (dont do it) It does take effort. But worth it.

From what I have read from your posts, you have the ability to go where many people don't go. Do not lose heart. Choose something physical first. Working with your hand is good.

My best wishes to you.

Annette

 

[lala646]

@MRBXXXFVVS1 I have enormous sympathy. I'm not sure where you're located, but have you considered booking an Airbnb or VRBO to a scenic but secluded area you can drive to? The mountains, a lake, the forest, the beach? You can travel contact-free that way. Travel is one of my most favorite pleasures in life, and while we can't travel internationally my husband and I have been undertaking "safe" local-ish getaways. Given we live in a small urban apartment, it's been a real stress reliever.

If you're looking to adopt a new hobby, let me recommend knitting or sewing. Both require a lot of mental engagement, and there is so much to learn. And you can have all the materials shipped right to your home, and Youtube and Craftsy offer more education than you could ever use.

 

[MaisOuiMadame]

I'm sorry @MRBXXXFVVS1 !

Having read your post I second @lala646 s idea. Contact free travel could bring back the joy of your favourite activity without risk.

 

[peachster]

I think one answer is - try things. You don’t know what you might love until you find it. Needle arts, horticulture, music/singing, writing a book, making videos, reading and watching films, joining online groups or making a family circle, genealogy, exercise outside or walking, birdwatching, getting a pet, making a bubble group of people like you that you can meet (who also are not socializing but might if it were outdoors etc with others who are super vigilant)… I agree it is hard, and I struggle with it too. I miss the freedom to just do things. Today I almost left my home without a mask (and they are mandated here and I am super careful). But there are things to do, learn and experience one step removed. Fun and joy even while staying really safe. Hope you can find something to help you feel better.

 

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

Thank you for all the support, advice, and ideas, I really appreciate it. This isolation lifestyle is definitely a 180 of my previous/desired lifestyle. I am trying new things and accepting my situation as best as I can. What gets me through is that this is "temporary," although it is hard when I hear/see most everyone else living a more normal life.

I love food, but as part of my several health conditions, I'm also very limited in what I can eat, so unfortunately that's not an option for comfort. I can't really leave the house either, so AirBNB vacations are off the table. It's honestly hard for me to get excited and motivated by much these days. When I had my ski accident and couldn't walk normally for 2-3 years, I thought that was hard. It was in it's own way, but I think it's a lot more difficult to be completely isolated. Back then it was also a major lifestyle adjustment as I was quite active before, but I could still go out and do things, travel, spend time with friends and family.

I was feeling hopeful to see vaccinated friends, masked, and outside last May/June, but with Delta, those quickly turned into pipe dreams. I'm just trying to take it day by day, plan a few things I want to do, be grateful for what I have, and to be alive and "healthy" in my bubble.

@missy Have you considered going to the Mayo Clinic?

 

[Ally T]

Big hugs @MRBXXXFVVS1 It sounds really tough for you with all of this, but there are some great suggestions here for things to occupy you & to research & plan trips for the future. You don't need to book the trips just yet, but having clear agendas & itineraries would be exciting!

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

I want to put a smile on your face. Your thread has brought me back to when I had to make life adjustments myself.

Between 15 - 20 yrs ago I read somewhere that there are royal titles for sale. I DECIDED i WANTED TO BE A ROYAL AND WOULD BUY MYSELF A TITLE. i might be a cripple , but I could perhaps be a baroness, or a Duchess.. So I researched, and found that these are real titles, that are registered, but cannot be passed along in your family. I guess the next generation must buy them again. Frankly, I wasn't much concerned about passing along a title.

I can't tell you the fun I had. I can't tell you the laughs I had . In the end I decided I could probably see myself as Lady Annette--Duchess would have caused too much attention. I don't crave attention, you see. I just want any perks that I would get from having a title. I wasn't sure I could really pull it off.

In the end, I decided against it. Maybe I should have done it. It would be real , bought and paid for.

In England , I think it was just over 200.00 I don't remember if the costs were different for other titles. By this time I had settled on Lady.

Go forth MrB, and see what interesting things you can find.


Almost Lady Annette