feeling guilty

[ringster]

not sure if this is right forum for this -----


i dunno - i'm feeling guilty for spending so much money on an ering

. my bf gave me a budget (pretty standard one) and i was trying to stay a few thousand below it but i am starting to have some guilt over spending so much money plus then there is the wedding after - yikes. i'll prob get over it and will talk to him tonight about it but anyone else ever feel this way and how did you deal with it?

bf says i get it from my catholic upbringing - i tend to feel guilty alot when i shouldn't! i'm sure he'll make me feel better - neither one of us is stingy but it's a big deal to me to be spending so much money.

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/6/2007 7:11:25 PM
Author:ringster
not sure if this is right forum for this -----


i dunno - i''m feeling guilty for spending so much money on an ering

. my bf gave me a budget (pretty standard one) and i was trying to stay a few thousand below it but i am starting to have some guilt over spending so much money plus then there is the wedding after - yikes. i''ll prob get over it and will talk to him tonight about it but anyone else ever feel this way and how did you deal with it?

bf says i get it from my catholic upbringing - i tend to feel guilty alot when i shouldn''t! i''m sure he''ll make me feel better - neither one of us is stingy but it''s a big deal to me to be spending so much money.

Well, my bf will spend a substancial amount of money for my Ering and sometimes I think about lowering the price for him, and by that I don''t mean getting a different, cheaper setting/diamond, I mean offering to pay half. He doesn''t seem to want my help. So I''ll get over the guilt because a) I offered to help, b) the wedding will be REALLY cheap, and c) the chances of me getting lots of expensive jewelry in the future is likely null unless I buy it myself.

 

[fansynancy]

I think that an engagement ring is often the first big expecditure for a couple. I remeber feeling torn about spending so much money, too. When we were first married (in 1990!!) I felt funny about spending ANY money. Believe me, that feeling wears off. It''s part of growing more comfortable pooling your assets. I think if you were given a budget, it is respectful to stay within it. You will be wearing this ring for a long time and it will be a source of price for both of you. Get the beautiful ring that you want. It is more lasting than the flower arrangements and even the dress. Looking back, the best expenditures were the rings, the photographer/videographer and the honeymoon. Those are the things that stay with you. Most of all, be happy because this is a very precious time in your life. Be glad your husband-to-be is generous and kind and honor him by using most, if not all, of your budget.

Nancy

 

[surfgirl]

Aw ringster, I know how you feel! Right after my sweetie proposed to me, he took off for an already planned two week trip so I said while he was away I'd start looking at rings so when he came back I could shop with him having already narrowed it down to what I really loved. He didn't give me a budget before he left but I guessed at a ballpark number (I was right) and I tried to look for something at half that price. I was going to match my grandmother's ering stone - also a transitional cut - so I asked someone to call in some antique stones that might match it for a 3 stone ring. While I was waiting for those stones to come in, I found my dream ring, which was double the cost of buying two loose stones and having a custom setting made up. When my FI got home I asked him what budget he felt comfortable with and his "budget" had a $10,000 spread from low to high...the three stone plan fell at the bottom of that, and the ring I fell in love with was at the tippy top of that spread. In the end, after a few snafus (work problems, etc.) he ended up getting me the ring I loved. Yes, I told him that it was about US, not a ring and that we could wait and get a ring later on when life's issues had settled down. But in the end he was able to swing the pricier ring and just this past weekend he said to me, "you know, I'm so glad we ended up getting THAT ring! It's amazing and there's no way we would have ever been able to find another one just like it if we waited." That just made me smile because he was so happy that he could give me a ring that I just loved (not more than him though!). So the moral of the story is...talk to your guy and make sure he's comfortable with the budget and that he's not going into a lot of debt over a ring. If everything is cool, continue on with your shopping. Trust me, when you finally find "your ring", you'll forget all about this conversation!

ETA: I agree with fansynancy in that it IS usually the first huge purchase a couple makes together so the more easily you can discuss your feelings about this and resolve it, the better the outlook for you doing the same in your marriage!

 

[MoonWater]

Aww surfgirl, what a sweet story! Maybe I can let my bf read it and up the budget to 10k LOL okay seriously, lovely story.

 

[Neveah]

Honestly, if he was taking a second mortgage on a house, selling his car, or maxing out 5 credit cards to get you the "ring of your dreams" than I'd feel guilty... if that's a number he is comfortable with than that's great. Although I totally suggest having an open mind... In my head I had "the budget" and my first thought was big, big, big, best. (which if we're honest is probably what most of us girls think!)

But then I saw it...fell in love. He did too. It was a whopping $7,000 less than what we had thought. (I helped pick out but didn't contribute anything. guess I'm old fashioned in that way. I would never want to pay any part of my ering. even if he only had $50.00 to spend. but that's totally my opinion!)

Anyway, my center stone is a princess cut "starset" that is .58 F vvs. I really thought I'd never go under 1.5 C! I do have a round halo/pave with the ring being a little over 1 tcw. This is nothing that I had in mind! And I was an asscher solitare lover. It didn't look good on my hand. What I picked was SO completely different from what I ever thought I would get.

Moral of the story..... Don't think dollar signs when trying on rings, or looking at diamonds/settings (not to say trying on one that is 10X out of your price range and being depressed it will never be yours is a good idea) Try on all different styles...even ones you didn't think you'd like. You might end up suprising yourself. Don't limit yourself to your pricerange either...had I said "show me rings, diamonds, settings within X amount of dollars" I would have never found my perfect ring.

Good Luck and have a blast!

 

[Deelight]

If he does not mind spending and it does not get you into debt then don''t worry

I understand the guilt thing even though I am not catholic I have it all the time, not about e-rings though . This is a ring you will most likely want to wear in some capacity for the rest of your life so IMO you want it to be beautiful (this does not mean expensive though). I think sometimes it is nice to be spoiled have fun with it you will only buy one once

On a side note a little less philosophical approach to this is to divide the amount overtime:

for instance if my BF spends 15k on an e-ring and we are married 20 years (though I am sure we will be together for much much much longer) that works out to approximately $2.54 cents a day less then a cup of coffee . My BF chuckles when I tell him this . It is all perspective really as with everything

 

[Neveah]

Date: 11/7/2007 12:00:41 AM
Author: Deelight
If he does not mind spending and it does not get you into debt then don''t worry

I understand the guilt thing even though I am not catholic I have it all the time, not about e-rings though . This is a ring you will most likely want to wear in some capacity for the rest of your life so IMO you want it to be beautiful (this does not mean expensive though). I think sometimes it is nice to be spoiled have fun with it you will only buy one once

On a side note a little less philosophical approach to this is to divide the amount overtime:

for instance if my BF spends 15k on an e-ring and we are married 20 years (though I am sure we will be together for much much much longer) that works out to approximately $2.54 cents a day less then a cup of coffee . My BF chuckles when I tell him this . It is all perspective really as with everything

That is AWESOME!!! Ha! Good one : )

 

[ringster]

thanks so much everyone for the support and kind words {hugs to you guys}

i''m feeling better now - had a talk with bf and he made me feel better

moonwater - yep you are right, i prob won''t be getting something this nice for quite a long time and we are keeping the wedding pretty reasonable. i''m pretty sure he would not want me to help out paying for the ring so he would be like your bf

fansynancy - that is so true - this definitely is our very first very big expenditure

Most of all, be happy because this is a very precious time in your life. Be glad your husband-to-be is generous and kind

what you wrote made me tear up ... so wonderfully written

surfgirl - you are so supportive in so many ways ... my oec search and now this. and i agree with moonwater that your story is very sweet as are you and your bf. thanks so much for sharing it with me and the PSers.

neveah - thanks for putting it in better perspective for me. yeah, we aren''t needing to get into debt for this purchase so i just need to relax and enjoy the experience and excitement

deelight - thanks for putting it into EVEN BETTER perspective! ha ha - this type of reasoning i can definitely relate to! i''m totally an excel / statistics / data driven type of person so this really speaks to me.

thanks to you all

i feel much better and am ready to continue my search!

 

[Deelight]

Glad to help

and good luck with your search your new sparkly beauty is out there waiting for you to find it

 

[ringster]

thanks so much everyone for your support!

i have some good news in this thread!

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/need-advice-on-this-1-ct-oec-ring.72053/