feeling guilty

[esperanza]

I need some advice. I have had two friends get married in the last couple of months. And while I was at the one friends wedding I was happy for them, but I wished the entire time that it was me and my bf''s turn. What made it harder was that he was the best man.

I got back to school and a friend of mine had gotten married. And they are going to have a small ceremony some other time. Well again I was happy but jealous, which made me feel really horrible.

I have two more friends just this next year getting married. Am I being as horrible as I think I am? Or is this a normal occurence?

Please tell me your stories, I''ll take anything you can give me.

Thanks

 

[ammayernyc]

My bfriend and I have been dating a little over 3 years. We have gone to 9 weddings together. We have at least 4 more this year. Talk about being frustrated!

 

[blueroses]

sweetie, I feel your pain. After 8 1/2 years, I have lost count of the weddings we''ve attended together (or worse, those that I''ve been to alone--way worse!!) and you are so not alone--it''s normal to feel kind of wistful and why-not-us about it. And then you beat yourself up for it, of course. Don''t feel guilty!! It''s normal!!

 

[AGBF]

I felt I was over the hill when I hit 25 and was unmarried. (This was in the 1970s. Brides were not as old as they are now.) I met my husband and married him instantly...no waiting. It was one month after my 26th birthday. I got some very nasty surprises early on when I got to know him, though (and I am sure he did, too!).

My waiting came when it was time to have a baby. We waited a long time before trying to have one, then, when I was in my 30s, we started to try to conceive. We didn''t. And I watched all my friends have babies. I was sure I would never have one. My jealousy was *painful*. In the end we adopted, and I got the best baby in the world. I was always glad afterwards that we hadn''t had a biological child that would have kept her from entering our lives.

Deborah

 

[goldengirl]

I don''t think you''re being a bad person. You are, after all, genuinely happy for your friends, right? It''s natural to feel a little longing when they get to experience something you''ve been waiting and hoping for.

Now, if you were sitting in the last row thinking "I can''t believe SHE got married, she doesn''t even DESERVE to get married, I should have been married before her!"...well, that''s a little mean-spirited. But because you ARE happy for your friends, I think you''re just human.

 

[fortheloveofdiamonds]

I think it is normal!

 

[MelissaSue]

dont'' feel bad..we all feel this way. This summer it seemed that EVERYONE was getting married and/or engaged around me and I was the last one..

 

[teebee]

Esperanza ~ what you are feeling is completely normal so don''t beat yourself up about it!! Envy is just one part of the spectrum of emotions that we all feel at one time or another. Only worry or feel guilty if this envy becomes overwhelming to a point that it overrides the joy you feel for others and shadows your heart with resentment...

On a lighter note, everytime I come into this forum, my brain plays tricks on me and I think that your post says "feeling QUILTY" and I think that sounds like a lovely kind of feeling!!!!

 

[iceprincess]

Hi Esperanza,
I hear what you''re saying and I feel for you. The feelings that you are having doesn''t diminish the happiness you feel for your friends who have gotten married.

This coming up Valentine''s Day will be one year that I''ve been engaged officially. In that year''s time, I''ve seen numerous friends have weddings and have babies. I wasn''t in a rush to get engaged, but once we were it seemed like there wasn''t enough time or money to plan for the wedding we wanted and before we realized it another year had past.

Don''t despair, there''s a great forum for "ladies in waiting" called "Are We There Yet?" and there you will meet and chat with other awesome ladies like yourself who are waiting to get engaged. Check it out. Although I''m not a LIW, I pop in there from time to time to see how things are going for the ladies there.


P.S. Deb: Thank you for sharing your story of your daughter. It just warms my heart.