Family Journeys through Cancer - fam mbr's test results today

[Jambalaya]

I have a very distant relative who I haven't seen for years. However, we are each very close to the same family members, so I'm aware that she's receiving test results today after a very quick callback, which makes me nervous.

If she does indeed have cancer, this will be my family's fourth cancer journey in the last few years. (And more before that.) I only know about what it's like to have family cancer illnesses; I'm not familiar with the stresses and strains of other illnesses. But can I just say: these seemingly endless journeys with cancer are excruciating. Long, slow, so many ups and downs, triumphs followed by letdowns, and so much sadness before they pass (all these relatives died) in addition to the grief after. I've been the immediate relative (my mom) and a relative who's potentially affected (BRACA) and I've been the medium-close relative (niece) and now the distant relative.

Conventional wisdom has it that if you have to lose someone, it's better to have time with them, as in a cancer diagnosis, than to receive the almighty shock of an unexpected death such as a heart attack. But I'm beginning to question this. As we potentially face yet another family rollercoaster, I'm beginning to think that at least in the other scenario, you're blissfully enjoying normality up until it happens. I have no point of reference here, as my experiences are confined to cancer, and I know the other way is probably much worse, but I'm just getting really, REALLY fed up with this disease. It seems that at any one time, both socially and in the family, I know someone who's having a biopsy or recovering from chemo or having genetic tests. You'd think I was sixty to hear me, but I've had family members with cancer in my teens, twenties, thirties, and forties. Actually, this will be the fifth cancer diagnosis of recent years if you count my one relative who had it and is still OK.

I hope, hope, hope that my relative's tests are negative, for her own sake as well as for the mental and emotional welfare of the family as a whole.

Results this afternoon - fingers crossed, everyone! I have to say, I'm not feeling very hopeful. She's in her late sixties, a lifelong heavy smoker, and lung spots were seen on an x-ray. She had a biopsy yesterday and has been called in this afternoon, which is quick.

I do SO hope it's nothing!! If the worst happens, she will leave a 30-year-old daughter who has no siblings, no father, and no steady relationship.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

sending postive thoughts accross the miles to your relative and also her daughter
cancer is indeed a b*tch

 

[Jambalaya]

Thank you, @Daisys and Diamonds! Unfortunately, she was called back to the hospital in error. The test results won't be ready until next week. Must be awful for her to have gone there thinking she would get an answer, and now she has to spend the weekend on tenterhooks.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

Thank you, @Daisys and Diamonds! Unfortunately, she was called back to the hospital in error. The test results won't be ready until next week. Must be awful for her to have gone there thinking she would get an answer, and now she has to spend the weekend on tenterhooks.

oh my goodness
poor lady
sometimes its like they forget people are in a highly vaunarable emotional state at times like this
this is just cruel, innocent error or not

hopefully she has a good support network to pass the time with

 

[Jambalaya]

I think they do forget! I wish everyone could get their test results the next day.

Thanks, @Daisys and Diamonds.

 

[icy_jade]

@Jambalaya

Am so sorry to hear about cancer affecting your family. Hope you take good care of yourself too. Sending positive hopes and wishes.

 

[Bron357]

Sending hugs.
My mother has had breast cancer twice, my sister has had breast cancer and my mums sister has had breast cancer. We have all been genetically tested but no “current” mutation. All are still alive and well but the journey, the treatments, the constant check ups are nerve wracking “ is it back”. I have a mammogram every year and I feel sick with anxiety as the appointment nears.
My father has stage 4 melanoma. He has passed 5 years since stage 4 diagnosis. His was on his neck near his ear, these primary sites (shoulder, neck, head) come with the most grim prognosis as it’s the brain Mets that take your life. He was given 3 to 6 months because of the primary site.
While he has Mets to lungs, liver, kidney and muscle (this is super super rare) none to his brain. His health is quite poor as the treatments nearly killed him more than once (people sometimes forget that cancer treatment is extremely intense and the side effects themselves life threatening) and he is now 85. But he’s still with us. Frail but still getting about.
so I know what it’s like, it’s like a never ending marathon. You think the end is in sight, then they move the finishing post.
You think it’s only “just over this hill” and you drag yourself to get to the top of the hill and then find there’s still a desert, an ocean and a mountain range still to go!
hugs.

 

[Jambalaya]

@Bron357 Bron, how awful! What rollercoasters your family has faced. I'm so sorry! And I hear you about the genetic thing. My direct maternal line has a clear BRCA pattern going back to 1850 - mother, grandmother, great-aunt, and great-great grandmother, but I had all the genetic tests, and nothing. Same with my sister. Apparently 75% of family with a strong breast-cancer history test negative for all known mutations. As you will know, this means that you have no way of knowing whether you inherited it or not, assuming there is one. It's all about as clear as mud.

I'm so sorry that you have such bad anxiety every time you have a mammogram. Poor you!! That's no fun at all. Are you eligible for breast MRIs? If you have breast density that's in the third and fourth-highest categories (there are only four) then together with your family history, you should definitely qualify for those. I have the highest level of breast density so I have MRIs, and I find them very reassuring. Whichever annual test you have, just know that most breast cancers take years to grow, so even if something were to show up, it would likely be very early stage.

With your family history, I would talk to your doctor about the possibility of breast MRIs anyway, regardless of density.

Poor you!!! That's not an easy family history to live with. Assume you do breast exams every month, too?

I'm sorry your dad has been through so much, but glad he is still around at 85. Your family has been through so much. (((((Hugs)))))

 

[Jambalaya]

@icy_jade Thanks, Jade! If it's nothing, it will be the best Christmas present ever!!!

 

[Mary Queen of Scotch]

I’m so sorry. I know what you mean about the whole “which is worse” debate — shocking death of an otherwise healthy person after, say, a widow maker heart attack, vs. the “long goodbye” of terminal disease. It’s hard to imagine anything more terrible than the rollercoaster of hope and despair that defines the latter, but I’ve come to the conclusion that they both suck. It’s all bad.

As I’ve mentioned before (like…a lot), my mom died of breast cancer this year, and my dad was diagnosed with cancer just weeks before her passing. My sister (best friend) is BRCA positive. I’m fed up, too.

I guess I don’t really I have point in saying all of this. Other than that you are not alone — I understand and am crying for you.

 

[Jambalaya]

Thanks, @Mary Queen of Scotch. I have every sympathy for you; my mother's death from breast cancer was utterly traumatic, and it took years to feel normal again. I am so, so sorry for you loss.

I'm sure that sudden deaths must be incredibly traumatic, but with terminal cancer, having the person with you while knowing they're going to die is the essence of stress, imo.

Yeah, very fed up with this disease. It's like, "Can we get a change of tragedy over here, please?!" Sorry for the black humor, but you have to laugh otherwise you'd cry. Where's the skull and crossbones emoji when you need it??

 

[missy]

Dear @Jambalaya I am very sorry for what you and your family are going through.
Cancer runs throughout my DH's family so I get it.
His mom died of multiple myeloma.
His aunts all (3 of them) died of cancer.
His younger brother got prostate cancer a few years ago.
His middle brother had thyroid cancer and melanoma.
Greg had melanoma and thyroid cancer with a complete thyroidectomy less than a year ago and melanoma surgery (Mohrs surgery) a number of years ago. He must be followed every few months to rule out melanoma recurrence and every year to follow any recurrence of the thyroid cancer.

So I do get a bit of how you are feeling.
My advice.
Be proactive where you can be.
Eat healthfully. Exercise in moderation.
Try to get sufficient sleep.
Try to keep stress at a minimum.
Meditate, laugh often and surround yourself with loving and kind people.
Do things that bring you joy.

And take it one day at a time.
That is all any of us can do.
We are only promised right now.
You can only do the best you can do.
There are great advancements in medicine and cancer no longer has to be a death sentence.
So you do what you can and just take things one day at a time.

Sending you good wishes and gentle hugs.
I hope your relative receives good news next week.

 

[tyty333]

I'm sorry @Jambalaya ...I know having to always deal with a major illness in the family must be very draining on you and the rest
of the family. I would be fed up and mad (about cancer)! Fingers crossed that it comes back negative.

 

[junebug17]

I'm so sorry for all you and your family have endured @Jambalaya, and for what your relative is going through right now. It takes a toll on everyone. I'm sending many positive thoughts and hoping for a negative result.

 

[Jambalaya]

Thank you @junebug17,@tyty333 and @missy.

The thing is, I don't actually know the distant relative who is having the tests very well, and I haven't seen her or spoken to her for six years. I have never known her well or lived near her. We're simply not close. While of course I wish her well and am hoping for good news, it would be hypocritical of me to make out that her health status affects me the way it would if she were an immediate family member.....but, I am VERY close to two of our mutual family members who are also super-close to her, and I am absolutely dreading seeing them get hurt if anything happens to her. I guess for everyone's sake, hers as well as theirs, I am hoping against hope for good news and she's on my mind even though I barely know her really.

Missy has such good advice about self-care, but I find it hard to practise it in times of stress. I don't know why, when it makes such good sense. There's something about hard times that just makes it much harder to practice self-care. It's easy to do when things are going well. I need to be better about it. Maybe it's a matter of living in the moment. I tend to live in the projected (and scary) future when bad stuff happens, which of course makes self-care much harder.

Well, even if the tests are positive, it was picked up on an annual preventive screening; she doesn't have symptoms. So maybe it will be curable even if positive. Note to self: Think more happy thoughts like this!

And I am going to channel Missy, who seems great at self-care!

 

[Mary Queen of Scotch]

Yeah, very fed up with this disease. It's like, "Can we get a change of tragedy over here, please?!" Sorry for the black humor, but you have to laugh otherwise you'd cry. Where's the skull and crossbones emoji when you need it??

No apology necessary — when it comes to grief, gallows humor is the closet thing to a balm in Gilead.

I don’t have a LT account or anything, but if you ever want to vent, or joke, or have a good cry with an Internet stranger, I’m around and we can find a way to get in touch.