Extremely upset ... I hate my proposal and my engagement ring
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HollyS
Ideal_Rock
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Your ring is a classic - sleek and stunning in its elegant simplicity! And you know, those always make the best partners for diamond wedding bands! I can just see this lovely ring with both a plain matching band and a diamond shared-prong -- that would just be yummy!
Enjoy this treasure because it really is beautiful. By now you know we say pretty much what we think here on this forum
and we wouldn''t lie to you about its beauty. We like it!
Oh, and we need more pictures. Up close. Side views. Sunlight shots. If you''ve lurked here for long, you know the drill -- c''mon.
Enjoy this treasure because it really is beautiful. By now you know we say pretty much what we think here on this forum
Oh, and we need more pictures. Up close. Side views. Sunlight shots. If you''ve lurked here for long, you know the drill -- c''mon.
Keepingthefaith21
Brilliant_Rock
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I am glad to see that you mentioned you were over your inital shock and disappointment.
Honestly, though I wish I could say otherwise, you are not the first lady I have encountered who was surprised and let down by both their proposal and ring. I think some people are correct: we put a little too much fairytale into real life.
The important part is that he did what he thought was best when he thought it was best. You have a man who loves you so much and that should be what trumps everything else (and your ring looks lovely on your hand, by the way!). Think of all the ladies on here struggling with their relationships because their men do no have the courage to do what yours did for you...that alone should make you feel like a very special lady.
Congratulations on your engagement...now go plan the wedding of a lifetime!
Honestly, though I wish I could say otherwise, you are not the first lady I have encountered who was surprised and let down by both their proposal and ring. I think some people are correct: we put a little too much fairytale into real life.
The important part is that he did what he thought was best when he thought it was best. You have a man who loves you so much and that should be what trumps everything else (and your ring looks lovely on your hand, by the way!). Think of all the ladies on here struggling with their relationships because their men do no have the courage to do what yours did for you...that alone should make you feel like a very special lady.
Congratulations on your engagement...now go plan the wedding of a lifetime!
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Over 3 years later and I still get the flicker. My high school reunion was particularly bad so I pocketed the ring so people would stop focusing on my hand and start focusing on me. It's really is sad that this happens.
I couldn't tell what colour you band is - white or yellow? Could we see a closer shot? It looks beautiful.
vespergirl
Ideal_Rock
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First, let me say that I think that your ring is just lovely - I can tell that the quality of the diamond is fantastic - it''s really sparkly and bright, and it looks beautiful on your hand.
BUT, I can totally sympathize with not loving your proposal. I''ve been proposed to 3 times, and each time it was crappy.
1st proposal: I was just graduating college, my ex had been done for a year. He took me to one of my favorite restaurants, and the actual proposal was romantic, but there was no ring, because he told me that I could pick it out myself. Great, sounds good, right? The next day he brings me to a SILVER STORE IN A MALL and wants me to pick out like a silver ring with an amethyst in it or something - like a $50 ring. I don''t think of myself as being excessively materialistic, but I did want an engagement ring - at least something gold! When I told him that, he said gold is fine, but definitely nothing with diamonds, because he hated the symbolism of wearing the man''s financial success on yoru finger (he was a musician). Eventually, I picked a white gold & tanzanite ring that I liked, but then he went around bragging to people that it cost only $800 - it bothered me because the "cheapness" or "on sale price" of the ring shouldn''t be the thing that gets advertised to everyone! Needless to say, his cheapness was one of the reasons the marriage ended up only lasting 2 years.
2nd proposal: The day I had just landed a new job, I called my live-in boyfriend to tell him about it that morning from my office. We had been having some problems, but were trying to work it out. He asked me if he could meet me at my lunch break & take me out to lunch to celebrate (it was a Tuesday). When he takes me to a romantic little Italian place, we are sitting on the patio right next to another couple, and as soon as I sit down, he whips out a ring and proposes. It was actually a beautiful 1 carat round brilliant solitaire. I loved the ring, but on a Tuesday during my lunch break? Plus, I knew that I didn''t want to marry him - I had been putting money away for a few months & was planning to move out when our lease was up one month later. When I asked him why he proposed right then, he said that he was afraid he''d lose me now that I would be making more money at a better new job & could afford to move out. Well, he was right. Because he proposed right in front of everyone, I didn''t accept or reject him, but everyone started congratulating me before I could say anything, and suddenly I was wearing the ring. Then I had to go back to work an hour later & explain that not only was I now engaged but I was also giving my notice. All that anyone had to say was "he proposed during your lunch hour on a Tuesday?" We actually remained engaged for a few weeks, but then I got up the guts to break it off & he moved out.
3rd proposal: I had been with my boyfriend (now husband) for a year and a half & we had been living together for six months. When we had only been dating for a few months, he told me that I was the one for him, and he wanted to marry me - I told him to hold his horses, we should be together at least a year first, then talk marriage. But a year came & went, and though we moved in together, I started feeling antsy, because there was no ring. He bought me beautiful jewelry for each holiday, but no engagement ring yet. Even his parents started telling him that if he didn''t propose soon they were going to adopt me. But then surprise, I found out that I was unexpectedly pregnant. Apparantly, barrier methods of birth control are not foolproof
When I told him, he was ecstatic, but then he said, well, I guess that means we should go ring shopping tomorrow. Romantic, huh? None of this "Will you marry me" romantic nonsense (being sarcastic here.) To his credit though, he was looking at enormous 3 carat solitaires (we''re in our 30s, well established) but I talked him down to something smaller because I thought we should be saving money for the baby - he didn''t want people to think we were just getting married because of the baby, so he wanted me to have a ring like my friends have (average 1.5 - 2.5 carats).
As happy as I am in my marriage (we are married for a year and a half now with a 1 year old son) I am always jealous of my friends'' romantic proposal stories. Even though I think I have a beautiful ring, I am really jealous of some of my friends with much smaller stones but with super-romantic proposals. I know that we would have ended up together anyway, but I always feel like I missed on on the dramatic declaration of his love with me & having to spend the rest of his life with me, etc. He knows it though, and tried to make it up to me during the first year of marriage in other ways.
So, even though you may not be in love with the ring or the proposal, he could still be the guy for you, and you could have a magnificent wedding that you''ll look back on. And, you can always upgrade the diamond - maybe with his first big bonus check once he''s done with school
BUT, I can totally sympathize with not loving your proposal. I''ve been proposed to 3 times, and each time it was crappy.
1st proposal: I was just graduating college, my ex had been done for a year. He took me to one of my favorite restaurants, and the actual proposal was romantic, but there was no ring, because he told me that I could pick it out myself. Great, sounds good, right? The next day he brings me to a SILVER STORE IN A MALL and wants me to pick out like a silver ring with an amethyst in it or something - like a $50 ring. I don''t think of myself as being excessively materialistic, but I did want an engagement ring - at least something gold! When I told him that, he said gold is fine, but definitely nothing with diamonds, because he hated the symbolism of wearing the man''s financial success on yoru finger (he was a musician). Eventually, I picked a white gold & tanzanite ring that I liked, but then he went around bragging to people that it cost only $800 - it bothered me because the "cheapness" or "on sale price" of the ring shouldn''t be the thing that gets advertised to everyone! Needless to say, his cheapness was one of the reasons the marriage ended up only lasting 2 years.
2nd proposal: The day I had just landed a new job, I called my live-in boyfriend to tell him about it that morning from my office. We had been having some problems, but were trying to work it out. He asked me if he could meet me at my lunch break & take me out to lunch to celebrate (it was a Tuesday). When he takes me to a romantic little Italian place, we are sitting on the patio right next to another couple, and as soon as I sit down, he whips out a ring and proposes. It was actually a beautiful 1 carat round brilliant solitaire. I loved the ring, but on a Tuesday during my lunch break? Plus, I knew that I didn''t want to marry him - I had been putting money away for a few months & was planning to move out when our lease was up one month later. When I asked him why he proposed right then, he said that he was afraid he''d lose me now that I would be making more money at a better new job & could afford to move out. Well, he was right. Because he proposed right in front of everyone, I didn''t accept or reject him, but everyone started congratulating me before I could say anything, and suddenly I was wearing the ring. Then I had to go back to work an hour later & explain that not only was I now engaged but I was also giving my notice. All that anyone had to say was "he proposed during your lunch hour on a Tuesday?" We actually remained engaged for a few weeks, but then I got up the guts to break it off & he moved out.
3rd proposal: I had been with my boyfriend (now husband) for a year and a half & we had been living together for six months. When we had only been dating for a few months, he told me that I was the one for him, and he wanted to marry me - I told him to hold his horses, we should be together at least a year first, then talk marriage. But a year came & went, and though we moved in together, I started feeling antsy, because there was no ring. He bought me beautiful jewelry for each holiday, but no engagement ring yet. Even his parents started telling him that if he didn''t propose soon they were going to adopt me. But then surprise, I found out that I was unexpectedly pregnant. Apparantly, barrier methods of birth control are not foolproof
When I told him, he was ecstatic, but then he said, well, I guess that means we should go ring shopping tomorrow. Romantic, huh? None of this "Will you marry me" romantic nonsense (being sarcastic here.) To his credit though, he was looking at enormous 3 carat solitaires (we''re in our 30s, well established) but I talked him down to something smaller because I thought we should be saving money for the baby - he didn''t want people to think we were just getting married because of the baby, so he wanted me to have a ring like my friends have (average 1.5 - 2.5 carats). As happy as I am in my marriage (we are married for a year and a half now with a 1 year old son) I am always jealous of my friends'' romantic proposal stories. Even though I think I have a beautiful ring, I am really jealous of some of my friends with much smaller stones but with super-romantic proposals. I know that we would have ended up together anyway, but I always feel like I missed on on the dramatic declaration of his love with me & having to spend the rest of his life with me, etc. He knows it though, and tried to make it up to me during the first year of marriage in other ways.
So, even though you may not be in love with the ring or the proposal, he could still be the guy for you, and you could have a magnificent wedding that you''ll look back on. And, you can always upgrade the diamond - maybe with his first big bonus check once he''s done with school
BriBee
Brilliant_Rock
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WHOA! I hadn''t checked back into this thread since the first day, what a response you''ve gotten! Since I was the first to ask for pictures, I just wanted to chime in and say that your ring is gorgeous, but I want MORE pics!!!!
You look like you have really delicate hands, so I think the ring suits you really well. As for all the back and forth talk and upgrade vs. not....Even though it may feel weird to think about an upgrade now, I think you might be surprised how your (and FI''s) feelings about it might change (or might not) over time. Best luck with everything!
vespergirl
Ideal_Rock
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AAAAAA, there was one more thing that I wanted to say - you mentioned that you thought that some of your friends seemed less than impressed with your ring when they saw it - I don''t know them, but that probably isn''t true - maybe you''re transferring your feelings onto them? (Sorry for the pop psychology) ... here''s my story to illustrate the example:
When I got engaged last year, I originally had a 1.64 carat asscher, that I thought was HUGE - I always wanted 1.5 carats, so this was like, the ring of my dreams. The first person sho saw it was my secretary, and she ACTUALLY SAID, "Oh, I thought it would be bigger." When I said it was 1.64 carats, she said that it looked smaller than her one carat RB, which was true - so the asscher shrinkage sunk in IMMEDIATELY.
Then, I got together with some girlfriends - one of them ACTUALLY SAID, "that ring is nice, but when I get engaged, I want a really special ring." WHAT? At this point I''m thinking that NO ONE in the world has manners anymore. Asscher insecurity builds. My other friends pulled me aside after they heard that though and said that she was just jealous because her boyfriend hadn''t proposed yet. Still, I was thinking that none of them were oohing and aahing over the ring either.
Then, I had my shower, and everyone was like, oh, that''s a nice ring, but not quite the reception I had imagined.
So, by this time, I''m thinking maybe I need a different ring, a bigger asscher or something - i swapped up to a bigger size, but I still didn''t love it, so I just switched to an RB, which I totally love. When I first showed it off, everyone is exclaming how sparkly and bright it is! So maybe it was just the step cut is not as attention-getting ...
Anyway, I digress - so I was telling my best friend after I swapped to the round how much more I liked it than the asscher, and she said, "it is really great, but I always thought your asscher was really cool too." It just shows, maybe people don''t ooh & aah over diamonds as much as us Pricescope people do - I see any diamond and I go bananas, and my mom (not into diamonds) wouldn''t even notice a new one if it was sitting on her finger.
So, trust me - your ring is gorgeous, and I''m sure that your girlfriends think it''s beautiful too!
When I got engaged last year, I originally had a 1.64 carat asscher, that I thought was HUGE - I always wanted 1.5 carats, so this was like, the ring of my dreams. The first person sho saw it was my secretary, and she ACTUALLY SAID, "Oh, I thought it would be bigger." When I said it was 1.64 carats, she said that it looked smaller than her one carat RB, which was true - so the asscher shrinkage sunk in IMMEDIATELY.
Then, I got together with some girlfriends - one of them ACTUALLY SAID, "that ring is nice, but when I get engaged, I want a really special ring." WHAT? At this point I''m thinking that NO ONE in the world has manners anymore. Asscher insecurity builds. My other friends pulled me aside after they heard that though and said that she was just jealous because her boyfriend hadn''t proposed yet. Still, I was thinking that none of them were oohing and aahing over the ring either.
Then, I had my shower, and everyone was like, oh, that''s a nice ring, but not quite the reception I had imagined.
So, by this time, I''m thinking maybe I need a different ring, a bigger asscher or something - i swapped up to a bigger size, but I still didn''t love it, so I just switched to an RB, which I totally love. When I first showed it off, everyone is exclaming how sparkly and bright it is! So maybe it was just the step cut is not as attention-getting ...
Anyway, I digress - so I was telling my best friend after I swapped to the round how much more I liked it than the asscher, and she said, "it is really great, but I always thought your asscher was really cool too." It just shows, maybe people don''t ooh & aah over diamonds as much as us Pricescope people do - I see any diamond and I go bananas, and my mom (not into diamonds) wouldn''t even notice a new one if it was sitting on her finger.
So, trust me - your ring is gorgeous, and I''m sure that your girlfriends think it''s beautiful too!
togal
Shiny_Rock
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Hi "aaaaa":
I admit to not having read through the lengthy posts on this thread, but I did skim through and saw the picture of your lovely ring. First, I'd like to say CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement!!
Second, your ring is lovely and so very classic. Perhaps if you're feeling it's not quite blingy enough, you could pair it with a sizeable diamond wedding ring, maybe something from the Facets Collection of diamond wedding bands. Even if you don't get something like this for your wedding band, it's an option for an anniversary gift as your fiance's finances change. The point is...there are options to upgrade, without actually changing your engagement ring...which, once again, is classic and lovely.
Enjoy and congratulations!!!!
I admit to not having read through the lengthy posts on this thread, but I did skim through and saw the picture of your lovely ring. First, I'd like to say CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement!!
Second, your ring is lovely and so very classic. Perhaps if you're feeling it's not quite blingy enough, you could pair it with a sizeable diamond wedding ring, maybe something from the Facets Collection of diamond wedding bands. Even if you don't get something like this for your wedding band, it's an option for an anniversary gift as your fiance's finances change. The point is...there are options to upgrade, without actually changing your engagement ring...which, once again, is classic and lovely.
Enjoy and congratulations!!!!
sparkleandshine
Rough_Rock
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- Dec 10, 2007
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How funny to read this, because I am having the opposite problem. I am getting the ring of my dreams, which I picked out and designed (because I''m super, super picky). I love love love it and probably won''t ever need to upgrade. However, sometimes I wish that this whole thing was a little bit more traditional. I will never have the element of complete surprise that you had. I totally understand where you are coming from in being a little disappointed in the actual ring, but there is no such thing as a perfect proposal, just like there is no such thing as a "perfect" man. You know that he wanted to make the night special, and he gave you the best possible ring that he could right now. I think upgrading to the ring of your dreams on your 1st anniversary is a great idea and a good compromise. You can always buy another diamond, but knowing that he did this all on his own and picked out that diamond because he didn''t want to wait any longer to marry you.....you can''t buy that.
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I think that your ring is beautiful! Maybe what your friends were thinking when they saw your ring was "Wow...why doesn''t my diamond sparkle like that"? Once again, congratulations!
gwendolyn
Ideal_Rock
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Smells like a troll to me.Date: 12/18/2007 7:31:06 AM
Author: bee*
Date: 12/17/2007 6:01:39 PM
Author: ang3199
Hahaha, I thought the same exact thing. Maybe he secretly works for youtube....or is obsessed with it....
I was thinking the exact same-seriously what''s the deal?
emeraldlover1
Ideal_Rock
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Did anyone actually click those links? I have to admit I was a little scared to see what would come up. Those posts are just really creepy.Date: 12/18/2007 8:00:31 AM
Author: gwendolyn
Smells like a troll to me.Date: 12/18/2007 7:31:06 AM
Author: bee*
Date: 12/17/2007 6:01:39 PM
Author: ang3199
Hahaha, I thought the same exact thing. Maybe he secretly works for youtube....or is obsessed with it....
I was thinking the exact same-seriously what''s the deal?
Perfect Diamond
Rough_Rock
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- Dec 23, 2007
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V.LVIB. Your so what?
You are right. Love is worth everything and if people base love on things then they are not in love.
And to all the people here fighting...
"Bad taste is a specie of bad morals."
Coco Chanel
Plenty of bad morals...
You are right. Love is worth everything and if people base love on things then they are not in love.
And to all the people here fighting...
"Bad taste is a specie of bad morals."
Coco Chanel
Plenty of bad morals...
iheartscience
Super_Ideal_Rock
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It''s actually "you''re," not "your." You and V.LVIB seem to have the same difficulty with this. Interesting. Also, your post makes no sense.
Aaaaaaaa, I''m glad you are learning to love your ring. I''ve been following this thread but I didn''t post yet for some reason. I just wanted to say that I don''t think there''s anything wrong with being a little bit unhappy with your ring since it''s really not what you envisioned.
I think janinegirly said that she could understand you not liking the ring for any reason except for size. Why? Size is a very important part of the ring to many people, myself included. Like you, I also realize that marriage is not about the ring or the size of the diamond, but that doesn''t change the fact that I knew I wanted a certain sized diamond. In my opinion, the diamond size is another important preference in an engagement ring, just like the shape of the diamond and the type of setting. I don''t think you would have had as many negative reactions if you said "Help-I got proposed to with a round brilliant and I desperately wanted an emerald cut!" or whatever.
I was involved in choosing my diamond and custom designing my setting so I got a very big say in the ring. If I had been surprised, I''m sure I would have been in your exact same shoes. I''m not saying this to make you feel poorly about your ring, because it really is beautiful, I''m just saying it because I completely understand where you''re coming from!
Knowing me, I probably would have said something to my fiance about not being completely happy with the ring, but it seems like you aren''t going to say anything for the time being and I totally respect that. And in a year or two if you''re still not happy with your ring I think you can easily make that .5 carat a sidestone to a 2 carat center!
Congratulations on your engagement and I hope you do a full photo shoot for us with your ring and post it in SMTR!
princesss
Ideal_Rock
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- Mar 18, 2007
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aaaaaaa, I''m sorry you''re seeing that twitch in people''s faces. I think your ring is stunning, and it suits your hand perfectly. Your FI did wonderfully (and all without overextending himself!). I''m glad you''re over the initial frustration because you have a beautiful ring, and (from what it sounds like) a fantastic FI. Wear it proudly.
Fancy605
Brilliant_Rock
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- Jul 3, 2006
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- 1,446
aaaa, I think it''s good that you have started feeling better about it. It really is a lovely ring. I don''t find it small (I know it doesn''t really help because you aren''t comparing the size to what is average for everyone, you''re comparing it to what you wished for and what is average in your social circle, but I thought I''d say so anyway). But, who knows, maybe your FIANCE (yay for having a fiance!) will get it in his head that he wants to upgrade someday without being pointed in that direction. A friend of mine was proposed to with a .6 carat ring, and about 3 months before the wedding, her fiance started fretting that it was too small (he had begun to take notice of other rings you see), and he decided he wanted hers to be bigger. He ended up giving her a 1 carat diamond and having the old diamond set in a necklace. She never said anything to him about it. He just decided on his own.
You may even decide you don''t WANT an upgrade. Maybe a nice 2 carat RHR is in your future?
You may even decide you don''t WANT an upgrade. Maybe a nice 2 carat RHR is in your future?
kinetics
Rough_Rock
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- Oct 8, 2007
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I am fairly new to the board but I like to read the different post, esp ladies in waiting because I like to see how women feel about e-rings proposals etc. I plan on asking my GF to marry me in a few days and post like this scare me. I am just a working guy and she is a great woman with a lot of friends with money and status that I dont have. When I see post like this it scares me because I wonder if she has the same feeling about things I do. When I give her the ring that I picked out without her help, is she going to think "it is so small?" or what. I want her to be happy and I feel like I have gotten her the best that my finances allow. I guess this is just the fear talking but sometimes it is nice to know that even though I may not have as much as friends and family, what I have is all she needs.
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- Mar 26, 2006
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Kinetics, your heartfelt post is so touching. It really shows that you are a sincere and sweet guy, and *that* is THE MOST important thing in the world. Your (soon to be) finace is lucky to have you and any ring that you can give her. Don''t worry--you will make her very happy. And if all else fails... halo!
(Of course that last bit was tongue in cheek, but seriously, if there are any "issues" there are also OPTIONS in terms of settings and halos that might please the people who matter in this proposal--you and your fiance!)
chocolatefudge
Shiny_Rock
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- Oct 28, 2007
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- 383
aaaaaaa, I think your ring is gorgeous and exactly what I want in an engagement ring. I can sympathise with you about the proposal, I think your partner did a great job but I think that we ladies can often build up such high hopes that they can never be fulfilled. I am glad that you are feeling better about the whole thing after all you''re getting married!! Yay!!
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2007
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Is this board acting up? Yesterday I came to check this thread as the newest reply was from IP but there was no reply. Today the thread hasn''t been bumped up but it says the newest reply is from worldisnotenough (I love that Bond movie!).
Can I just not see the replies?
Can I just not see the replies?
I am sorry to read of your disappointment but it really is a lovely ring. The solitare is generally what men look for in an engagement ring. They don''t know how much times have changed. Simply say lets go pick out the "wrap" or "enhancer" this Saturday. Most men don''t know that is an option. Often times people will choose the "wrap" as their wedding band but it can just as well be used to enhance the engagement ring and have another band as the "wedding band." Some time after the wedding you may want to have all three welded together. I wore a solitare, an enhancer that had additional diamonds and emeralds, we purchased them together. My wedding band was a lovely channel of small diamonds. There is lots you can do. Just remember when you show off you engagement ring with the enhancer that it is the solitare that is his symbol of love for you.
amy_dub
Shiny_Rock
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- Sep 25, 2007
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- 167
Aaaa - your ring is beautiful! Please do not pay any attention to your "friends" who aren''t appreciative of the stunning ring your fiance gave you. Bigger does not always mean better. Sure, he could have bought you a poor quality larger stone from some B&M at the mall, but instead he opted to buy you something of immaculate quality from an extremely reputable jewelery company. I''d take your ring over their''s any day.
I''m dealing with a someone who wishes to rain on my parade too. My brother''s girlfriend who has always done things that appear to be done out of jealousy, has already started doing things to try to ruin my excitement over my engagement. She took one look at my ring and said "Does that not get in your way?" and I said "No, I had it set low so that it wouldn''t be hit over things." then she goes.. "well let me see it again... That diamond is not very clear. Your brother said it was a clear diamond but it''s not!" I was fuming! Of course I''m way too nice and didn''t say anything about it, I just called my fiance ranting and raving over her extremely rude comment. I honestly could careless about her and what she thinks of my ring, but you don''t tell people things like that. It just made her look even more jealous and insecure.
Congrats on your engagement and beautiful ring. I wish you two a lifetime of health and happiness
I''m dealing with a someone who wishes to rain on my parade too. My brother''s girlfriend who has always done things that appear to be done out of jealousy, has already started doing things to try to ruin my excitement over my engagement. She took one look at my ring and said "Does that not get in your way?" and I said "No, I had it set low so that it wouldn''t be hit over things." then she goes.. "well let me see it again... That diamond is not very clear. Your brother said it was a clear diamond but it''s not!" I was fuming! Of course I''m way too nice and didn''t say anything about it, I just called my fiance ranting and raving over her extremely rude comment. I honestly could careless about her and what she thinks of my ring, but you don''t tell people things like that. It just made her look even more jealous and insecure.
Congrats on your engagement and beautiful ring. I wish you two a lifetime of health and happiness
sandia_rose
Shiny_Rock
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- Nov 20, 2007
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- 314
THANK YOU for posting this. I worked in advertising for a while and while I never worked on a jewelery account, I can enlighten you as to all of the hooey that goes into the imagery we see and are forced to take as "reality." Ditto with a lot of images in magazines, period. Most of us know by now that models and pin-up girls are PhotoShopped creations -- well....so is 99% of advertising. The food in ads is fake. A lot of us are brainwashed into thinking that we must have X, Y and Z for a wedding, but they don''t tell you that you will either a) go broke or massively into debt or b) go crazy trying to achieve those impossible standards with a mere mortal''s life, time and budget. And most of all - not to rank on any of the fine jewelers out there, but they wouldn''t make a profit if we (or at least a good portion of the population) weren''t made to believe that we "needed" diamonds.Date: 12/17/2007 12:27:05 AM
Author: starryeyed
Oh you poor dear - I''m so sorry you were feeling badly, but I''m gald you are finding some peace. Please don''t let the commercialism and materialism that has crept into ''marriage'' affect you.
The guy is the most important thing. Be happy knowing you have found Mr. Right. So many women are in abusive or empty relationships. You could have a 10-carat ring and have been proposed to on a private yacht in the Mediterranean, but if you are unhappy, all of that fluff is meaningless.
All of the advertisements and commercials in this world paint of picture of ''perfect'' that is often very far from reality. The proposal and the ring you received are perfect because they come from your perfect guy!Love him with all of your heart.
A sidebar about one of my ex bosses: His wife hounded him for a 2ct ring. At the time, I was the office secretary, and he made me go to the jeweler''s and pick it up for him. I peeked in the box....and saw that the stone was not sparkly and was full of carbon stains. Oh, it was big -- but even though I was 19 or 20 at the time, I still knew enough to know that the ring was cheap. A perfect, small diamond is worth much more than a larger one that doesn''t sparkle or has obvious flaws. Note to the original poster: Your ring is classic, sparkly and obviously of excellent quality. If your friends give you flack on the size, compare and yours is most likely nicer than their big blingys.
My ex-husband is a control freak and an image queen. My engagement ring and wedding bands when I was married to him were 3cts total in platinum and obscenely expensive. But he didn''t buy those for me. He bought them as bragging material for his friends, family, work associates, etc. It was all about promoting an image that didn''t exist. Our wedding was this grandiose nightmare (I am not a material girl and was embarassed over that waste of money -- but his family "had to" have that!) and we lived in a ritzy town in a house that everyone around me thought was great and that I hated. And I don''t need to go into detail about how poorly he treated me. He is from a well-off family, and I could have had whatever I wanted had I stayed married to him. But take it from someone who was there - all the money and bling in the world will not make up for loneliness, a battered self-esteem and the sadness of knowing that your only "function" in your husband''s life is to make him look good to the outside world. I''m sorry, but I''m more valuable than that and don''t want to be someone''s possession.
Now, positive stuff:
1) My grandfather proposed to my grandmother just before WW2. He was from farm country PA, unemployed and desperately looking for work because the steel mill in town closed and he proposed to my grandmother with a 1/4 ct ring -- which he bought with money borrowed from his friends and brothers. The ring was the best he could afford post-Depression. He planned to come up north and look for work but wanted to marry my grandmother and bring her with him. She accepted and came to CT with him and they were married for 62 years when he died. She never upgraded that ring and never said it was anything less than great.
2) My boyfriend is a blue collar, meat and potatoes contractor. I never question that he loves me. He tells me constantly and also treats me like a queen. But I know that his sensibilities wouldn''t let him pick out a big ring for me - not that I want one. By sensibilities, I mean that he is not impressed or brainwashed by appearances. He lives in a modest home, drives a modest truck and spends his money wisely. He has often said that it is more important to him to put extra money away for retirement, spend it on our kids or use it to have experiences (travel, see unique things), as opposed to spending it on toys. It''s more important to me to have something that he chose, put his heart and thoughts into picking and that is meaningful. He could get me a very small stone and I would be happy because it came from HIM.
Bridget in Connecticut.
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