Excited, Nervous, and kinda guilty...

[CrookedRock]

My boyfriend and I recently designed the ring beyond my wildest dreams. I have no idea if he has purchased it yet, but I suspect that he might have, and if not he will... I am so excited to actually get engaged and have my perfect ring, but one problem... I am afraid about what his family is going to think. The ring is to die for! The only detail we didn''t decide on was the size of the main stone. I picked out a beautiful 3 carat, and he picked a bigger one, but the 3 was a better quality, so I would prefer that. Back to the problem... His Mom wears a ring that is beautiful for her, but not what I ever wanted for me. It''s a gorgeous less than 1 carat stone, very simple and traditional. I picked out a cocktail ring and had it redesigned into an engagement ring. the entire thing is pave, so it''s pretty flashy. He loved it and I loved it!
Should I be worried about the family''s reaction? I am starting to feel guilty!

Thanks for your opinions!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

You''re the one who has to wear the ring, not them. Don''t let them get you down.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/8/2007 3:02:24 PM
Author:CrookedRock
Should I be worried about the family''s reaction?

Worried? No ... but I would prepare for backlash of some kind. Even if it doesn''t happen. If *you* feel totally comfortable with your ring & the $$ spent etc, then it will come across that way. If you feel *guilty* - that will show too.

Don''t assume that his mother is anything less than thrilled with her own ring or that your ring will inspire envy in her. Some folks just aren''t into "bling". AND ... some folks might feel flashy, pave-encrusted cocktaily rings are gauche or gaudy etc ... You''re right to *consider* all the possible reactions so you can decide how to respond etc.

WHATEVER other people think -- it''s most important that the two of YOU love your ring.

 

[CrookedRock]

Thanks so much for your honest opinions! I know in the end all that matters is that I love it! His mom is a lot quieter of a person than I am, and she got what she wanted and loves it. I totally agree that the way I feel about it will come across to others. I just don''t want the family to get any wrong ideas about me, even though we have been together for 7 years. Thanks again...

 

[Independent Gal]

Congrats, Crooked! It''s wonderful you found a ring you love. One thing to consider is whether your boyfriend can afford the ring. If I were his mom, and my son took on a lot of debt to get his girl her dream ring, I''d be worried about whether he and his Gal were being sensible, adn whether this boded disastrously for the future. But so long as you''re both being financially responsible, it''s less likely his mom would be upset. More likely THRILLED for you both that you''re finally engaged!

If your son bought such a ring for his girl some day, wouldn''t you be so happy for them both?

But to echo Deco, don''t assume that you''ll be the ''envy'' of his family. My mom has a 2.67. I''m looking at a .72, and I don''t envy my mommy, even though I''m the one who LOVES diamonds! I think if people really love each other, they are happy for each other, not envious.

Make sure you post pics for us when you get the ring!!!

 

[Gwyn]

I agree about the envy. If you seem like your stepping around their feelings or acting guilty it may actually insult them if they are not bothered.

It will seem like you are thinking your ring is better then theirs and feeling sorry for them and they will probably pick up on that.

Engagement rings are not a contest, and those viewing it like that deserve to have their feelings hurt by your kick ass stone!


I agree with above, just act thrilled, cause you are, and they will too, probably b/c they are as well

the only person you need to worry about is you (oh and your new finace)

 

[CrookedRock]

Thanks again for all the comments! They are greatly appreciated!

Fortunately we both agree that when it comes to extravagent items you should only buy them if you don''t have to finance them. We discussed the budget extensively and kind of came to the conclusion that we should get what we want, and that it would be unlikely for us to chose something that would be out of the budet. ( I am very fortunate to have a successful man that most importantly loves what he does! ) As for his Mom, she can have whatever she wants!!! But she didn''t want much... So I am not concerned about then envy, it''s that I don''t want anyone to think I was taking advantage of the situation. Like I mentioned, my man was the one who wanted to go bigger, not me (although, what girl would argue with that?

)

Thanks so much... We were really excited to design something that we both loved. We looked at so many different rings, and we just wanted something totally different! We''ve never seen anything else like it! I can''t wait to post the pics. I''m crossing my fingers that it''s coming soon! He just surprised me with a choice of two trips for my birthday in two weeks! What a perfect time to do it! we''ll see though!!!