E-ring tradition and etiquette

[Calliecake]

It would seem so wrong to me to keep a family heirloom if the engagement was off.

I broke an engagment when I was very young. He asked if he could keep a dining room set I paid for and said I could keep the ring. His comment was that he didn't want anyone else to have my ring. I ended up selling it. The relationship ended on very good terms but I would have felt bad wearing the ring.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,


I think the only conditions Chrono might impose are , breaking of the engagement, and divorce. If the couple stay married, the ring belongs to your daughter-in-law. She may choose to change the setting, which we know may become un-stylish, and you would have to accept that. Hopefully she would continue the tradition of passing it on in the family.

I would get it in writing, after explaining how much your rings mean to you. Anyone who understands that, I think would do it. I happen to agree that jewelry is so expensive, that their money might be better spent on a home, college loans, ect. Later in life she may want to get another ring, but you would understand the need to grow a collection, if she were so inclined.

You have time to consider this.
Annette

 

[kgizo]

I think it is nice you want to help out, but given your concerns it might be best to gift $$ towards the purchase of a ring or the wedding. Otherwise there could be hard feelings if the ring isn't kept in its original state, properly cared for, or the recipient might not like the "obligation" to have the heirloom as her engagement ring forever (so many times we see engagement upgrade threads on these boards).

 

[chrono]

Annette,
You are spot on with your explanation. I would love to have someone enjoy my rings as much as I do whilst having it stay within the family. Alas, I have no daughters to pass anything on to and although my boys love my sparklies, my rings are understandably too feminine for them. Of course if she wanted her own ring, that's fine with me too. Just musings from an old lady who has seen the price of all sparkly items increase exponentially.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

It's not about etiquette in a lot of cases, it's about the law of the land.

 

[chrono]

It's not about etiquette in a lot of cases, it's about the law of the land.

Yes, and this means I won't know until the place of the engagement/marriage is decided because the law varies from state to state. In the end, it appears that it is best not to use a heirloom stone.

 

[Gypsy]

It's not about etiquette in a lot of cases, it's about the law of the land.

Only when etiquette fails.

You can return a ring that the law might say is yours when it is the right thing to do. There's nothing stopping you from doing so.

The only time the law comes into play is when the parties disagree and the matter is escalated to the legal system.

 

[Autumnovember]

No matter what circumstances it is, unless I paid for my own engagement ring, the ring would go back to the ex. Plain and simple. Especially an heirloom, a very special gift.

 

[msop04]

I think every state has its own law regarding this, but this is how I've always understood it:

An engagement ring is a contract for marriage, so if the engagement is broken off by the man, the woman keeps the ring and vice versa. I have no clue about an heirloom clause, but it's my opinion that the right thing would be to return it to the family from which it came... regardless of who broke off the engagement.

Really???..what if she got caught cheating and then he call off the engagement ?..

If she was cheating, then SHE broke it off by her actions! LOL ...but, seriously, I have no idea how that would shake out legally.