Does it bother you when "strangers" post?

[CharmyPoo]

I think this is my first thread in the Hangout .. ever!

We are part of a forum where there is some level of getting to know each other on a personal level. At a minimum, we know something about our bling or what life stage we are at (getting engaged, married, etc) or even what we love (cushions, rounds, old cuts, gemstones). Does it bother you when members join and immediately start responding to threads and giving their opinion on diamonds without telling us anything about them? We know nothing about these people and I can't help be left thinking "who the heck are you"? It just doesn't make sense to me why there would be people who come and respond to all threads without one drop of indication about who they are or how they come to love diamonds .. it's very suspicious!!

Does this bother you?

 

[Dee*Jay]

It does bother me when "strangers" start to give immediate advice about diamonds and it's pretty obvious they don't know what they're talking about.

But "strangers" in general I'm OK with... I mean, I started out as one myself!

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

It only bothers me on the diamond board. If a first time poster responds on Hangout, they usually seem to have a strong opinion on the matter discussed and they feel they have to interject. I'm fine with that.

On the diamond board, I find there are some who give their opinions when I'm not at all ready to trust their opinions. So I don't.
If i were buying a diamond I would only want certain peoples opinion and I would like to be brave enough to just ask them to respond.

I also find there are some who think they know about diamonds, but have big gaps in their knowledge that shows pretty readily.
I have the urge to tell them to please go and read some books before you give bad info to those asking for opinions. Thats my pet peeve. I am not a diamond expert, so rarely reply, except when it comes to colored diamonds.

I also find that some of those newbies begin the post race to 10,000 posts after they think they will get 1,000.00. I never respect those I believe are just accummulating posts. They disappear after the 10.000 posts, and then come back once in a while.

I don't treat them with suspicion. only just pass over their posts.

 

[CharmyPoo]

We all start out as newbies and strangers ... but we all some what introduced ourselves or shared something that gives an indication to who we are as a person. I am just really baffled when people come on and start acting like an expert giving an opinion on everyone's questions but yet we know nothing about them. In one example I am thinking about, they do know what they are talking about and they obviously know diamonds more than the average person. I just find it so odd that they won't reveal anything about themselves - first post was giving advice and that trend hasn't stopped.

Maybe I am thinking too much into it but it just doesn't feel right to me.

 

[perry]

Some people are more private than others. If they seem to know what they are talking about - or present a reasonable presentation of why they believe what they believe (which can be as short as "I believe" or "My opinion is") then it does not bother me. Of course, now I read a lot more than I post; and for many here most of my past information on who I am is buried in the forum history (there was a time when I was very active - and almost exclusively posted on the Diamond forum).

Have a great day,

Perry

 

[AGBF]

I spend very little time in Rocky Talky. When I joined my first diamond forum I spent a huge amount of time discussing diamonds-I am talking about years-and I think I just got bored with doing it all day every day. Now I feel that I can slip into that forum and take a peek when I want to without being a regular. I am a regular in Colored Stones, Jewelry Pieces (where I can discuss gold jewelry), and Hangout. What is said there (Rocky Talky) doesn't usually irritate me since I miss most of it.

Usually new posters to threads in Jewelry Pieces and Hangout do not bother me. Usually they bring interesting experiences. Once in a while someone comes into the Royal Jewels thread or into Hangout without any introduction and either starts to make pronouncements or suddenly starts to begin a lot of threads. While this is none of my business and therefore I try not act on it, my feelings are sometimes involved in it as you suggested. I have to watch my behavior to such a poster lest I subconsciously start to say hostile, little things belittling his or her knowledge. New posters in the Royal Jewels thread are easy targets for correction since some of them know nothing.

Deb/AGBF

 

[04diamond<3]

I think this is my first thread in the Hangout .. ever!

We are part of a forum where there is some level of getting to know each other on a personal level. At a minimum, we know something about our bling or what life stage we are at (getting engaged, married, etc) or even what we love (cushions, rounds, old cuts, gemstones). Does it bother you when members join and immediately start responding to threads and giving their opinion on diamonds without telling us anything about them? We know nothing about these people and I can't help be left thinking "who the heck are you"? It just doesn't make sense to me why there would be people who come and respond to all threads without one drop of indication about who they are or how they come to love diamonds .. it's very suspicious!!

Does this bother you?

Yes, but that's all I should say..... But it's not just the "strangers" I feel this way about people that joined after me too...do you?

 

[Circe]

I think I acted like a snotto to one guy, largely because he was, a), responding to one of those "should women have a say in their engagement rings?" threads from a perspective diametrically opposed to my own, and, b), because he chose to post as "Anonymous," and I always feel like people who post strong opinions anonymously, without bothering to set up accounts, are just kinda drive-by trolling.

Then I realized that was his username.

And he's stuck around, and is a great poster - despite disagreements. (Uh ... If you read this, sorry, dude.) Since then, I try to rein in my inner hierarchy.

 

[ruby59]

The Rocky Talk board has changed recently where a lot of the old timers do not regularly post there anymore. There are a lot of new screen names taking over. And with that you will get a wide variety of responses. Some information may be more accurate and others may just be a different view point than what is generally thought of on Pricescope.

I am not sure what you are thinking in that maybe some have ulteria motives. If so, it will eventually come out. As far as the newbies, some will be drive bys. Others will stick around, and as they feel comfortable, will hopefully introduce themselves.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Re: Does it bother you when "strangers" post?

This has been an ongoing issue for me also. We were all new at some point and so being new isn't the problem. The problem is not having the knowledge to help newer people but giving them false advice anyway. New people come to RT just to get some quick advice, buy their diamond, and leave. If the advice they are getting is from that person that has NO IDEA what they are talking about, they are going to walk away with a crap diamond or more options that they even asked for!

I felt like when I was new, I respected the people that had been here a while and that had a lot of posts. I didn't yell at them or be sarcastic to them when they "scolded" me. I didn't know the ways of the forum and they were teaching me. I feel like its the same way as getting to know someone.

You don't meet someone and just start to give them advice about their love life, their job, their looks/health. You get to know them first, build a relationship, then progress. I joined in 2009 but I took a hiatus till 2011 because I needed to learn who I was and who I wanted to be on this forum. Maybe some people should too.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I wonder if I know exactly what you are talking about. There is a relatively new poster on RT who gives very definitive advice like he/she is an expert of some sort. I have wondered if this is a trade person because they seem to have knowledge but certainly did not come here to learn about diamonds in order to buy one like the rest of us. I do watch the posts of this person to try and figure it out.

There is also a lot of questionable advice given on RT by well meaning newer people. You just have to always hope those threads receive better advice, too.

 

[Enerchi]

I appreciate that we all have a different level of knowledge on all things blingy. Getting input from a variety of perspectives is a good thing... generally! But I do agree that when some posters come in and spout 'knowledge' that doesn't seem so well informed, I do worry what information could be taken away by the OP who was asking for help. A newbie may not know enough to be able to filter out the good information from the mis information, if they are only popping into PS for some help on their one and only purchase.

I respect those that have 'come before me' and defer to their expertise and really appreciate their input when I'm reading threads to learn - and when I'm seeking advice. Thank you 'old timers'! (and I mean "old" in an experienced kind of way - )

I think it's like those gambling warnings - "Know your limits and play within them" . Same thing here - be kind, supportive, courteous to all and share within your knowledge range.

 

[Mayk]

I get frustrated when I see someone who continually provides advice that is not an expert and often leads new people who are looking for help way off the path of what most of the experts here would encourage them to choose or to look for in a diamond.

I've been here a little over two years and I'm 100% certain I don't know enough to tell you the difference between two Excellent cut MRB diamonds except maybe it's too deep or not or that table is a little large.... I couldn't tell you peanuts about lower this or that... and I know it. I also don't know peanuts about cushions, FCD's or old cuts. I look at them and see where someone will say "well there's leakage here or there"... and I'm like.. ok I'm studying it but not sure I'm seeing what they see. I probably need new glasses!

Recently there was a post in RT where the person was set on what his SO wanted the next thing you know they have him looking at AVR, Yellows, and lower colors.... when the SO wanted a high color pear. It was a little crazy.

I think there are some awesome people on here who have a lot of experience and I always learn something from them. I think it's important to know your limits before you start to send new people on a wild goose chase and I think it's important to honor their interests...help educate them so they get a fabulous finished product of the item they really want, not an item that someone else thinks is fabulous and then to sell their idea of fabulous they load the OP's thread without 30 different ideas from the original request.

edited for my terrible typing, grammar and spelling.. let's hope I got it right this time...

 

[arkieb1]

Hi everyone,

Newbie here. My husband's family own a rock, crystal and gemstone museum and shop here in Australia. I used to handpick a lot of semi precious stuff for them before my son. I have bought and sold a few modern cut diamonds but am pretty clueless when it comes to older cuts because I don't get a chance to see a lot of them where I live. I have had a lifelong love affair with gemstones and diamonds and only found Pricescope last year by accident.

I am wondering if I give my opinion on modern stones, of which I have seen quite a few, does this make me "suspicious" in some way? I have helped people that do not belong to Pricecope here in Australia buy stones, long before the discovery of this site.

I came here hoping to get as much advice as I can about purchasing old cuts and have received lots of wonderful advise from many of you and become friends with a couple of you off the boards as well. I lurked for about 6 months or so before I got the confidence to say anything here and then a few months ago when I really started looking for a larger OEC and actually did have pictures and info on a stone two other people were looking at I decided to respond, and add pictures and the information I had.

Perhaps you have to realise it's hard on the other side of the coin as well, being new we don't want to overstep the mark, but we also want to integrate into your community. I don't profess to be an expert but I will always give an honest opinion. I hope that doesn't upset anyone. Having said that I don't advocate for people who really don't know anything about stones to send people searching in misleading directions either..... sometimes too much advice can be a bad thing. I just re-read that and maybe I should take my own advise re: chiming in on the boards. I am also an empath. I sense things. Have all my life. Didn't ask for it. Don't necessarily appreciate it. Have tried in vain not to believe in it. But have it anyway.

You guys also don't have rules or guidelines on how we introduce ourselves here. If you want that to happen then maybe you should specify it clearly somewhere.

 

[sarahb]

I think this is my first thread in the Hangout .. ever!

We are part of a forum where there is some level of getting to know each other on a personal level. At a minimum, we know something about our bling or what life stage we are at (getting engaged, married, etc) or even what we love (cushions, rounds, old cuts, gemstones). Does it bother you when members join and immediately start responding to threads and giving their opinion on diamonds without telling us anything about them? We know nothing about these people and I can't help be left thinking "who the heck are you"? It just doesn't make sense to me why there would be people who come and respond to all threads without one drop of indication about who they are or how they come to love diamonds .. it's very suspicious!!

Does this bother you?

De-lurking here to respond:

I have always admired the support & friendship on this board, even though I am not a part of it. Would I at times, like to be? You bet. And to a degree, the "who the heck are you" response is understandable, but this is an Internet forum. I suppose it could be compared to someone interrupting a group discussion without introducing themselves.

But, like everything else in life, this board is a 50-50 proposition. IF I were a consistent poster, & others (by way of reading) got to know me, I'm sure I would be welcomed, as I've seen the very same red carpet welcome rolled out for others in the past. It's sort of a get-out-of-it-what-you-put-into-it proposition here.

But as far as advice? Heavens no! Never, don't know nearly enough. But love the discussions & dialogue!! Keep it going ladies & gents!
Back into lurkdom,
sarahb

 

[VRBeauty]

It bothers me when people state their opinions as facts, and or when they try to push a poster towards what they (the commenter) thinks the OP should want, as if their stated desires are wrong. I'm especially sensitive when this happens with regards to size.

Of course I've been guilty of this myself. Not long ago there was a guy who was looking to give his wife a larger heart-shaped diamond ring for a major anniversary, and I was pretty adamant that a heart-shaped diamond was a gift for a younger woman and his wife would probably prefer one of the more classical shapes at this point. I hope I did it in a polite way rather than a shouting-'til-I'm-red-in-the-face way, but it still kind of makes me blush to think about it now. Especially since he finally reported that he asked his wife, and she wanted another heart-shaped stone.

Anyhow, most of the time old versus new posters doesn't bother me. If a newer poster misses the mark, I assume someone or sometwo will post their opposing opinion... and whoever posted the question will consider post counts as they try to make up their minds.

Welcome, arkieb1!

 

[AGBF]

Welcome, arkieb1!

Welcome arkieb1 and sarahb! It is really, really nice to hear from posters who express themselves so well. Please do not feel intimidated because something negative was said in one thread (this one). There are so many things that all of us are interested in hearing about. I worded that incorrectly. I should have said there are so many things that some of us on Pricescope are interested in that you are bound to have an interest and expertise in a few of them. Just stay around and continue to be friendly and be yourselves!!!

Hugs,
Deb

 

[yennyfire]

Like Mayk, I realize that I do not know enough to feel comfortable recommending stones to ppl who come here looking for help. I can certainly tell them cut is king around here and to use the HCA as a rejection tool not a selection tool, but I try to leave specifics to the experts. I like to be more of a cheerleader, welcoming new people, congratulating when there's an engagement or anniversary and of course, sharing the joy when someone gets a new piece. It does rub me the wrong way when someone new, who clearly doesn't know what they are talking about, forcefully directs someone away from what they want or gives otherwise poor advice. I agree that it could lead to the selection of a less than great stone or someone overpaying. However, as they say, "buyer beware". The advice here is just that...advice. I try to tune out those newbies who bulldoze everyone around them and seem to know it all.

 

[Aoife]

Does it bother me if strangers post? Not at all....unless it is in RT.

Over the past few months I have noticed exactly what Charmypoo is referencing: people who clearly have very little knowledge of diamonds giving advice to posters who also clearly lack the knowledge (or frankly, desire to acquire the knowledge) to judge whether the advice is good or not. I don't post in RT, except very occasionally about settings, because I know that I lack that kind of expertise. I read RT, because I'm interested in learning. When even I can figure out that the advice being offered is not based on any kind of expertise, it's kind of worrying. I do feel really sorry for some posters who make a decision about their once-in-a-lifetime purchase based on some of that advice.

 

[kenny]

Does this bother you?

Not in the least.
I welcome new members.

 

[CharmyPoo]

I wonder if I know exactly what you are talking about. There is a relatively new poster on RT who gives very definitive advice like he/she is an expert of some sort. I have wondered if this is a trade person because they seem to have knowledge but certainly did not come here to learn about diamonds in order to buy one like the rest of us. I do watch the posts of this person to try and figure it out.

There is also a lot of questionable advice given on RT by well meaning newer people. You just have to always hope those threads receive better advice, too.

DS - You are probably thinking about the exact same person I am thinking about. I have ZERO issues with newbies who give advice and post even if there is sometimes misinformation. We are all learning but we know they are learning and we know why they came here. This person dropped in out of no where .. doesn't have a trade tag and we know ZIPPO about them. There are private people but they come here and start looking for a ring, learning, or just sharing their love for bling.

 

[Tekate]

Hello! Let me introduce myself. My name is Kate and I live in Austin Texas, I have loved diamonds since hmm the 1950s when my mom would have me turn her diamond on long drives in NY (like 1 hour in those days) I have been lurking a bit.. I have an engagement ring that is 1.65 carats round cut and it was told to me to it was G color by the seller and on appraisal - we upgraded to this stone in 1988 (after I quit smoking Yay!).. my first stone was a 1.01 ?? carat oval with D - E color but man I hated the bow, so upgrade we did go my round stone has been thru 3 iterations... 80s 90s 2000s styles, a few years ago I reset it with .93 baguettes in white gold and I ended up really disliking the setting because bigger is better right? well the my stone looked small in this setting, I read a thread about a girl here that asked if she overdid her reset on her lovely emerald cut - the side stones were much bigger and I thought the old setting looked better, my husband wasn't jiggy with another reset after spending of 2K for a reset at Americus Diamonds here in Austin.. 3 years later I sort of slide by him and say I have all this old gold can I have it reset and REUSE! this gold and side baguettes, he said sure if it was under 999.99$ .. so off I go to C Kirk Root here in Austin, so they say sure but it will be 2.3K !!!! eeeek.. so I say can I buy a new setting with less baguettes and the only one they had was 3.2K because it was platinum... with .40 carats of side baguettes stones.. so I say okay bye.. the manager said "you have gold you said right?" so I said yes.. so he took it all and weighed it and wrote on paper and said it could be done for 1.3K.. so I call the money guy and he says AW right.. so I dropped my ring off last Sat.. I had my ring appraised years ago in NC when we lived there.. but damn I can't find that damn appraisals... so I get nervous ... will they switch my stone.. so I started lots of reading on the web ..I've bought a ring at Kirk Root's and had one made with old princess diamonds from my second setting they made it with palladium, they really did a great job and were great so I feel good it's safe... I just have the panic of a 59 year old I guess.. I love my stone... so long story, just wanted to introduce myself and say how I found this GREAT place.. I love the pix of the old yellow diamond I would LOVE that ring and I'm usually pretty modern style.. I have several other rings, a 5.0 carat tennis bracelet, a 1 carat diamond heart, an O diamond necklace... I had a old mine cut 1.5 carat but returned it to my former MIL 4 years ago (wish I hadn't I now really love them, didn't when I was a 21 year old, kids!).. any that's my story.

 

[CherryBlossom]

I wonder if I know exactly what you are talking about. There is a relatively new poster on RT who gives very definitive advice like he/she is an expert of some sort. I have wondered if this is a trade person because they seem to have knowledge but certainly did not come here to learn about diamonds in order to buy one like the rest of us. I do watch the posts of this person to try and figure it out.

There is also a lot of questionable advice given on RT by well meaning newer people. You just have to always hope those threads receive better advice, too.

DS - You are probably thinking about the exact same person I am thinking about. I have ZERO issues with newbies who give advice and post even if there is sometimes misinformation. We are all learning but we know they are learning and we know why they came here. This person dropped in out of no where .. doesn't have a trade tag and we know ZIPPO about them. There are private people but they come here and start looking for a ring, learning, or just sharing their love for bling.

I think I know who you are talking about too, but honestly it does not bother me as long as they know what they are talking about. Thankfully, PS has so many users that will not hesitate to correct others if misinformation is provided. I trust this site more than any others.

The other thing is that people like me don't post as much as I used to when I was getting my own ring, but I am always reading the site. Nevertheless, I only give advice about things that I kind of know about - I stay FAR away from other stuff.

 

[TC1987]

The presence of "strangers" doesn't bother me nearly as much as the lack of presence of the PS vendors who make the prosumers do all of the advising. Few of them (vendors, I mean) even put in an appearance nowadays except to defend themselves when some disappointed customer is on here spilling the beans. If this is going to be the new norm, then I think that one annual paltry "gift" of $500 or $1000 or whatever to just ONE prosumer is far too stingy. I think that's why a lot of the old members drifted away, too: Lack of appreciation for all the work done and assistance provided.

Personally, I don't care if I win anything or not. If you notice, I stick to generalizations and I rarely ever recommend any specific diamond to anyone. I refuse to do the vendors' work for them, for no pay.

 

[isaku5]

It does bother me when "strangers" start to give immediate advice about diamonds and it's pretty obvious they don't know what they're talking about.

But "strangers" in general I'm OK with... I mean, I started out as one myself!

Didn't we all?

 

[AGBF]

It does bother me when "strangers" start to give immediate advice about diamonds and it's pretty obvious they don't know what they're talking about.

But "strangers" in general I'm OK with... I mean, I started out as one myself!

Didn't we all?

Some of us were stranger than others.

Deb

 

[Circe]

Hm, spent some time in RT today and I think I see what you guys mean.

So long as the advice is good, nah, it doesn't bug me - and it does seem to come from a broad knowledge base, and to be in the best interests of the consumer/industry.

That said, manners and expectations can vary from board to board, and, yeah, I guess I'd think it was etiquette to either give some background, or qualify statements in some way (i.e., "I'm new here, but based on blah-blah-blah, my advice would be ...."). Then again, I say that as a female. Maybe for the dudes (if the poster I'm thinking of is a dude) it's run-of-the-mill to get right into the swing of things. It is disconcerting, though - I keep having an urge that in an IRL situation I'd qualify as "You seem really familiar ... have we ... met ...?" Weirdly intimate, like talking to a long-term acquaintance in a mask.

 

[Zarina]

I have loved jewellery since I was very young and enjoy looking at it as well as learning about it. When I found this forum, I thought it was the perfect place to do both.
I would like to be as polite as possible when I say that, to join in with a group that all seem to know one another.....is incredibly intimidating!!!!
There have been several times that I have wanted to say something (certainly not to give advice!!!), but have chickened out. To see the topic of this thread just about makes me leave the forum all together It is very tough to be on the outside looking in ..... some of the regular posters seem understanding and helpful when newbies post, others .... not so much .... to the point that I wonder why they don't just form their own little club and not allow "strangers" in at all. There would be a background check - a thorough exam to determine level of expertise, and finally a vote - to see if the candidate measures up.
By even asking this question, the image of elitist, segregated country-clubs comes to mind.
If there is a criteria required to make us not seem so "strange", please post it, so that jewellery lovers like me, will not embarrass ourselves and say the wrong thing.
I bet there are lots of people just observing (lurkers - which makes us sound creepy) who are far too self-conscience to participate. We will probably only ever watch and learn......especially after reading this thread.

 

[Deactivated member 42515]

Re: Does it bother you when "strangers" post?

I don't think thread was meant to say that we don't like strangers. Like everyone has been saying, everyone was new at some point.

What we are concerned about is newbies acting like they know everything and giving false information. We welcome new people and want more people to join!

Zarina, please don't leave because of this thread. It's not meant for all newbies. We enjoy meeting new people online!

 

[Kaleigh]

I have loved jewellery since I was very young and enjoy looking at it as well as learning about it. When I found this forum, I thought it was the perfect place to do both.
I would like to be as polite as possible when I say that, to join in with a group that all seem to know one another.....is incredibly intimidating!!!!
There have been several times that I have wanted to say something (certainly not to give advice!!!), but have chickened out. To see the topic of this thread just about makes me leave the forum all together It is very tough to be on the outside looking in ..... some of the regular posters seem understanding and helpful when newbies post, others .... not so much .... to the point that I wonder why they don't just form their own little club and not allow "strangers" in at all. There would be a background check - a thorough exam to determine level of expertise, and finally a vote - to see if the candidate measures up.
By even asking this question, the image of elitist, segregated country-clubs comes to mind.
If there is a criteria required to make us not seem so "strange", please post it, so that jewellery lovers like me, will not embarrass ourselves and say the wrong thing.
I bet there are lots of people just observing (lurkers - which makes us sound creepy) who are far too self-conscience to participate. We will probably only ever watch and learn......especially after reading this thread.

Zarina,
Hey So glad you posted this most elelquent post. I hope you stick around. We were all new and I remember my first post and thought I would be eaten alive... But we are all here to learn first and foremeost. Those that help in RT do so of their chosing and miss that too. But only so much time in a day...
I too loved bling since I was little..

Nice to hear from you!!!!