Do your friends and family badmouth your dog?

[nala]

I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but my Latino friends and family seem to think that it's OK to express themselves about my dog in a critical manner. They have no problem badmouthing my dog, (I've had her for 10 years) and even think it's funny to say that she's annoying, is always barking, and is ugly.
I usually respond by saying that she barks because she is smart and since she doesn't recognize people, her instinct is to alert us. I'm fed up with these comments because I naturally love my dog, and don't see why they feel is appropriate to put her down. As this is my first dog, I don't know if this is typical behavior and if I'm being overly sensitive. What do you all think?

 

[jordyonbass]

You aren't being overly-sensitive, I deal with some of my friends and family making fun of my cats because they think one looks evil and the other is a little...well, he isn't exactly the smartest cat that has ever lived and is also cross-eyed. I usually try to think up some kind of witty comeback to put them in their place at first. Something like:

Family: Your cat isn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box
Me: Yeah because he has a brain the size of a golf ball, what's your excuse?

If they continue to be condescending then I would then tell them to chill out with insulting your pets. Your pets are part of your family after all and if they wouldn't say these things about you or your family then why put up with it when it's about the pets? I've only ever had to do that once and the person got the point very quickly.

 

[missy]

No you are not being overly sensitive at all. That's very rude and I agree with Jordy. He is a member of your family and as such should be treated with love and respect and remind them of the old adage. If one has nothing nice to say...

If anyone is going to insult my cats it is going to be me and then I am only joking...reminds me of yesterday when I was chatting with Kristie and I made a comment about my sweet Francesca not being very bright about something and I was surprised about it. I was mainly JK and it was OK because I spelled the word out so Francesca couldn't understand what I was saying LOL. And anyway I was JK (sort of). Hey they cannot be bright about everything right?

Back to our sweet fur babies. Nala don't take that cr** from anyone OK? Stand up for your sweet dog and let your family and friends know it is not OK to insult your furry children just the same as it is not OK to insult human children. (((Hugs))) to your sweet dog.

 

[CJ2008]

Nala do they have kids and can you make fun of their kids?

J/K.

Kind of.

Some people - I don't know if it's culture - are outspoken like that and think it's funny to say outloud whatever it is they're thinking. They're not funny...and even "funny" comments get "old" if you hear them over and over again. They stop being funny and just become annoying.

It's a little bit a matter of respect for you and your home - so I think you need to say it just like that..."you're in my home, and I don't like when you make fun of "dog's name", even though I know you think it's funny. So please don't make those comments any more because they are not funny to me."

Be prepared for a lot of push back and making fun of YOU for being overly sensitive, can't take a joke, what's the big deal, etc.

Know it's coming and let the comments roll off you (even though you might feel embarrassed and FEEL overly sensitive and silly when you're hearing 5 people tell you the same thing.)

And stick to it...and don't think it will take you just saying it one time...some people may mess up and forget but you'll really be able to tell they're trying, so you'll just remind them...for those who can't seem to care how you feel, I would remind them nicely maybe say, 3 times, then after that I would either leave when the subject switches to comments about my dog (say you're out with them or something) or if they're in my home, I would ask them to leave, and I would let them know that until they can understand you really don't want those types of comments made you will either leave or ask them to leave.

Like I said, for me, it's a matter of respect...

 

[stracci2000]

My mother-in-law does not like cats.
She has made some rude comments about our cats over the years.

Once, she told us that we should keep our cats in the garage.
Another time, she looked at the cats and said, "Oh- you need a nice puppy!"

And just a few days ago, she looked at my 13 yr old cat, and said "He looks lazy!"
I was seeing red, but all I could think of to say was that he's getting older, and slowing down a bit.
I guess she figures he should be taking out the trash and washing dishes or something, that lazy cat! AARGH!

 

[House Cat]

People wouldn't dare to do such a thing.

 

[kmarla]

Yep!! We have two small dogs and one is an absolute angel and one....isn't She's a total love bug but her annoying habit is to bark at the doorbell, phone ringing on t.v., butterfly flapping it's wings on the other side of the world etc. We've tried everything (except shock collar) to get her to stop, but she's very reactive and territorial. She settles down quickly, but still it's annoying. Worse, she gets the other dog going at times. So when people (usually family) comment, I just agree with them and then ask them for advice about how to correct this behaviour. This takes them from being part of the problem to part of the solution. It also let's them know that we're not ignoring the issue. If people are just not animal lovers, I try not to let it hurt my feelings. I honestly think some people are just much better at criticizing than complimenting....it's their communication dynamic.

 

[telephone89]

Maybe they feel like you haven't trained her very well? Smart dogs don't bark at anyone that walks by. That sounds like an excuse imo. And there are some genuinely UGLY dogs out there haha. Faces that only a mother can love. I think most dogs are very cute, but there are a few that I am 'ew' at.
HOWEVER I don't think that excuses how they bring it up. If they do have an issue there are much better ways to go about it. And there are just some non dog people who dont like dogs, and dont see them as family members. They are probably less likely to filter themselves around you.

 

[telephone89]

Yep!! We have two small dogs and one is an absolute angel and one....isn't She's a total love bug but her annoying habit is to bark at the doorbell, phone ringing on t.v., butterfly flapping it's wings on the other side of the world etc.

Omg. I can totally relate to this. One of my dogs used to bark at a leaf blowing by the window. He also would go psycho if he saw a dog on tv. And that turned into anything that might look like a dog - baby crawling on all 4s? Barking. Giraffe? Barking. My god it was driving me insane. We had to work up to clearing it. I'm not sure what you've tried, but we basically wouldn't watch tv around him for a month, and when we did, we put it on something that would purposely agitate him so we could control it. Put on discovery channel (or animal planet, or whatever lol), and as soon as he started to 'sense' the animal (stopped the tail wag, stiffened up) we would reroute his behaviour, take him over to his bed give him a treat and a cuddle. Then the animal would be on tv, he would be distracted, and learned that when he goes to his bed when discover channel is on, he gets a treat and a cuddle. It took a while though. But it was worth it to not have him trying to chase away the TV when we were randomly watching some show and a dog food commercial came on You can do the same thing with the doorbell - teach them to go somewhere else when it rings. This also helps for dogs trying to jump on guests and the like. It's easy when theyre young, a bit more difficult once they get older.

 

[CJ2008]

Maybe they feel like you haven't trained her very well? Smart dogs don't bark at anyone that walks by. That sounds like an excuse imo. And there are some genuinely UGLY dogs out there haha. Faces that only a mother can love. I think most dogs are very cute, but there are a few that I am 'ew' at.
HOWEVER I don't think that excuses how they bring it up. If they do have an issue there are much better ways to go about it. And there are just some non dog people who dont like dogs, and dont see them as family members. They are probably less likely to filter themselves around you.

telephone! (I'm calling you out but like in a friendly way, I hope that comes through and you know this from our other exchanges

It doesn't matter whether her dog really is ugly or not!

Or dumb!

Or not well trained!

(nala, not saying your dog is any of those things)

The point is they don't have a RIGHT to say anything to her about she handles or trains her dog, especially not in the way they're doing it (which I know you already said). They are a guest in her home, they need to deal with whatever she does or doesn't choose to do.

The only way I can see it being OK is if the owner says something about it and opens the door either by complaining about the barking, etc., to talking about training, etc. Just because they're friends or relatives doesn't mean they get to give me unsolicited advice...about my dogs, my kids, my cats or anything else.

I do see the point that you and kmarla made that some people are just not animal lovers...and to not take it personally, but then they still need to be "taught" or guided to keep their thoughts to themselves.

 

[iluvshinythings]

I think it's incredibly rude to talk bad about your dog but I think it's rude to made disparaging remarks about anything when you are a guest.

My husband made a rude remark about my dog when we first starting dating. I told him in no uncertain terms that I'd pick the dog over him every single time. That was the last I heard of that.

Now they are good friends.

 

[kmarla]

Yep!! We have two small dogs and one is an absolute angel and one....isn't She's a total love bug but her annoying habit is to bark at the doorbell, phone ringing on t.v., butterfly flapping it's wings on the other side of the world etc.

Omg. I can totally relate to this. One of my dogs used to bark at a leaf blowing by the window. He also would go psycho if he saw a dog on tv. And that turned into anything that might look like a dog - baby crawling on all 4s? Barking. Giraffe? Barking. My god it was driving me insane. We had to work up to clearing it. I'm not sure what you've tried, but we basically wouldn't watch tv around him for a month, and when we did, we put it on something that would purposely agitate him so we could control it. Put on discovery channel (or animal planet, or whatever lol), and as soon as he started to 'sense' the animal (stopped the tail wag, stiffened up) we would reroute his behaviour, take him over to his bed give him a treat and a cuddle. Then the animal would be on tv, he would be distracted, and learned that when he goes to his bed when discover channel is on, he gets a treat and a cuddle. It took a while though. But it was worth it to not have him trying to chase away the TV when we were randomly watching some show and a dog food commercial came on You can do the same thing with the doorbell - teach them to go somewhere else when it rings. This also helps for dogs trying to jump on guests and the like. It's easy when theyre young, a bit more difficult once they get older.

Well, she's cute, she's smart, and she's difficult to train out the barking, which makes us look like we're lazy and haven't taught her any manners! We've had six dogs over many years and she's the first who we've had this issue with and we haven't been able to completely master the NO BARK. We have done obedience, worked with a trainer at our house, done the desensitization training, especially with the doorbell ( thought we had this fixed until recently), but with her we conquer one trigger and a new one starts. The latest was that the little boys next door got a basketball hoop and the sound of the ball bouncing would set her off. We've got that under control now with a lot of work. She'll often self correct and get a toy and put it in her mouth (like a soother) to stop the barking. We have about 98% compliance but that 2% is what causes the comments/problems. We're aiming for 100%.

 

[azstonie]

Regarding barking: Its one of the prime ways they can communicate with other animals and with us. I'm not talking about barking for hours and hours, I'm talking about the "HEY, check this out!" bark or vocalization.

So you'd take that completely away from them BY TRAINING?

There are a lot of people who shouldn't have animals and should not be around animals; don't let them beat your kindness into their crude and cruel disregard.

HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE.

True when this was written and its still true today.

 

[telephone89]

@CJ: I agree in a sense, however someone who doesnt think of a dog as a family member will not think that way. Now, this isn't polite, but if you have someone you trust to tell you the truth, they might come over and be like 'wow what a hideous rug!' haha. Totally rude, but they probably look at it the same way. Or, there are the more passive agressive people who say something like 'Oh, that's..um..interesting..' Lol. In some cultures, they don't really censor themselves with family and friends. Not saying its right or wrong, I'm not familiar with OPs latino family/friends.

@kmarla: unfortunately it often looks as laziness, but I understand the work involved, I hope you dont think I was calling you lazy! (or the Op! just saying it could *look* that way). 98% is really good, congrats on that! Too bad about the basketball hoop right next door. One of my other dogs really got on edge around skateboards and bikes, and living on a pathway they were aaaalways around. no fun.

@azstonie: No one is saying a dog should never bark, or that barking should be trained out of them. That would be impossible. But barking at inapproriate times can be corrected. You'd never have children yelling swear words whenever they felt like it. Technically parenting is pretty similar to training

 

[House Cat]

My oldest dog has NEVER lived in a home with a working doorbell. When a doorbell goes off on TV, she runs and barks at the door. She taught our new puppy this trick too!

I think barking at the doorbell is now an inherited trait.

I should add that another dog did not teach my older dog to bark at the doorbell..

 

[lyra]

We have 3 Chihuahuas who act like most others of their breed. They are very yappy and loud if the doorbell rings or someone comes in the door. We've tried every method there is that's appropriate (to our minds), to stop this behaviour, but having 3 makes it too difficult. There's always one that will set at least one or both other dogs off too.

As for family, they've always thought we were nuts, because we've always had multiple dogs. They think it is too restrictive of a lifestyle. They think 3 is excessive. Oh well. We don't treat our dogs like kids. We have kids. We do though make sure all their individual needs are met every single day, with a schedule they can rely on and of course plenty of attention. We treat them like dogs should be treated, as a part of our pack with us as the leaders of course. We are very proactive about their healthcare too.

I think most people like the dogs in the end. They're small and one is soft and fluffy, so he gets petted a lot. One is shy and he will only approach on his terms and might sit there and shake while suffering through being petted, because he knows he is being a "good boy". LOL. Our female is happy to sit on anyone and shed hair like crazy. They're good pet citizens. They don't demand anything.

Ok, I forgot the question now. Typical. Never lie to your dog.

 

[kmarla]

Regarding barking: Its one of the prime ways they can communicate with other animals and with us. I'm not talking about barking for hours and hours, I'm talking about the "HEY, check this out!" bark or vocalization.

So you'd take that completely away from them BY TRAINING?

There are a lot of people who shouldn't have animals and should not be around animals; don't let them beat your kindness into their crude and cruel disregard.

HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE.

True when this was written and its still true today.

No, no, no! Barking is normal and totally has its place and serves many different important purposes. It's about stopping barking when enough is enough and not being a barking fool. We're not trying to completely train it out of her but just have her be responsive when we say that's enough.

 

[kmarla]

Lyra, we had three dogs too until recently and people thought we were nuts too They were all small breeds, cocker spaniel, small mixed breed (our yappy girl) and Biewer Yorkshire terrier. The other two were very good at the door, they'd all bark at the bell but once I said no bark two would immediately stop. Our mixed breed would just go on and on (excitement) and eventually she'd get the others started again for round two. We worked with a trainer and taught them all to go to their spots in a down/stay which helped a lot. We lost our little Biewer sadly post surgery last year so just have the two now. I feel guilty talking about Suki here because she's been a total little angel, but she does have her moments. We also had two litter mate Siamese cats that recently passed away at 15 years old.
I guess if you're not an animal lover you just don't understand how much love they bring you!

 

[kmarla]

My oldest dog has NEVER lived in a home with a working doorbell. When a doorbell goes off on TV, she runs and barks at the door. She taught our new puppy this trick too!

I think barking at the doorbell is now an inherited trait.

I should add that another dog did not teach my older dog to bark at the doorbell..

Housecat, this is too funny. I have to admit that in my weaker moments I've thought about just disconnecting the doorbell, but it seems like that might not be the answer after all

 

[lyra]

Oh, the never having a doorbell thing reminded me of a new behaviour they've learned. On our phones we use an app called Life360. It uses gps to track your family members. My husband set his phone so that it sounds a little alert whenever one of daughters gets home. Well, the dogs hear the alert and run to the door excited and happy yapping. They learn so fast!

I'll be honest, I don't want them to stop barking at the door. It deters people in several different ways. It definitely cuts sales at the door short, and I believe hearing the racket would scare a burglar. It's a useful behaviour. I also don't want anyone stealing them. We have a locked back gate, but the dogs would bark loud and long if someone entered the yard. I'm always near the back door just in case, but the warning is good to have. It's their communication and personal defence systems.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I purposefully bought a breed that was very easily trainable and not a big barker. He still barks occasionally of course (especially when he sees other dogs walking by the house) but he stops when we command him to. He's a cavalier king charles spaniel. The only time someone has a right to criticize your dog is if they live with you if that's not the case, they should keep it to themselves. I do have a friend with a very large and aggressive german shepherd and I will not go to her home because of her dog. I did tell her this because she asked me why I wouldn't come over.

 

[ihy138]

People make fun of my little guy because he has a snaggletooth. I don't think they mean anything by it, but I do feel bad for him. He can't defend himself! I think he's the cutest guy in the world. If people act rudely in my house, they are not likely to receive an invite back!

 

[Rockinruby]

I don't think you are being over sensitive. She is your beloved family member so it's understandable to feel aggravated when they are insulting her. People look at animals differently so maybe they just don't realize how important she is to you. Let them know you don't appreciate their unkind words and politely request that the comments stop. I don't think that's too much to ask when someone is a guest in HER home!

 

[azstonie]

Lol, Finn, my avatar does not cuss-bark!!!! Who told you he did???? They were mistaken, my Westie Grrl, Miss Maggie, she is the cuss-barker in my household

 

[House Cat]

People make fun of my little guy because he has a snaggletooth. I don't think they mean anything by it, but I do feel bad for him. He can't defend himself! I think he's the cutest guy in the world. If people act rudely in my house, they are not likely to receive an invite back!

His tooth makes him super cute!!! I love that face!!!

 

[KaeKae]

People make fun of my little guy because he has a snaggletooth. I don't think they mean anything by it, but I do feel bad for him. He can't defend himself! I think he's the cutest guy in the world. If people act rudely in my house, they are not likely to receive an invite back!

You'd have to kick me out, prying that little cutie from my hands!

No one badmouths my dogs or cat in front of me, I am their hooman and I will always be their defender.
If you are visiting, I don't expect you to love my pets the way I do, but I do expect you to show your manners. I demand that of them and I SURE will expect that of you.

 

[missy]

People make fun of my little guy because he has a snaggletooth. I don't think they mean anything by it, but I do feel bad for him. He can't defend himself! I think he's the cutest guy in the world. If people act rudely in my house, they are not likely to receive an invite back!

He's gorgeous ihy! What a sweet baby and what a beautiful face!

I never met a dog or cat I didn't like and I wish I could say the same for people.

 

[ihy138]

Aw, thank you missy, kaekae, and house cat! I gave him your compliments and he just looked at me.

I agree with you, kaekae - basic manners are a must and that means respecting every member of my family!

 

[CJ2008]

People make fun of my little guy because he has a snaggletooth. I don't think they mean anything by it, but I do feel bad for him. He can't defend himself! I think he's the cutest guy in the world. If people act rudely in my house, they are not likely to receive an invite back!

ihy he is really really cute - the snaggletooth makes him even MORE cute!

 

[Calliecake]

Our dog is very excitable when she sees people and has tried to jumps up on them. She is only 7 pounds but I am sure some people find it aggravating. I have been working with her to try to change this behavior. No one has ever complained about her to me with the exception of my mom. I consider the source in my moms case. She has never been a huge animal lover.

I love our dog and she is definately considered our family. I would not be happy to hear complaints about her and to honest it would probably go in one ear and out the other, unless she was acting aggressively towards someone. I would take that very seriously. She means the world to us.