Do your babies go to daycare..how is it working out?

[slammie]

Hi moms out there!
I have a 4 month old and my leave from work has technically expired last week. I was planning to go back but with the real hard time that my husband and I went through with our son due to his colic, acid reflux and bad sleep patterns I just can''t face going back to work. It''s very demanding and I know it will be so much harder with lack of good sleep.
Anyway, for those of you who leave your young infants at daycare, do you find that they get their naps most days? I am thinking of this option but am afraid that he won''t be able to get his naps in and will so tired and cranky by the end of the day. Your feedback would be appreciated..thanks!!

 

[Sundial]

Oh Slammie I understand just how conflicted and anxious you must feel. My "baby" is almost grown now, but I have been in your shoes. I went back to work after both my children were born, full time after my daughter and part-time after my son was born. It is so hard to leave them, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing (and yes your baby will probably get his nap). My kids thrived at the babysitters and were on a much better schedule than when I had them at home. My babysitter helped me so much over years and my children have always been independent and well adjusted. They are 19 and 22 now and I realize now there was no need for me to feel any guilt over my decision to return to work. I have the greatest respect for stay at home moms, but it just wasn't the right choice for me. Good luck to you!

 

[pebbles]

Slammie -- I so feel for you! My daughter had TERRIBLE colic! She is now almost 3 and her sleep patterns are not the best. She still wakes up at least 2x a night so I still am not getting enough sleep!

I also have a son that is almost 2. I started them in daycare about 2 months ago and things are going a lot smoother than I thought they would. Before the daycare, my cousin watched my daughter (when I was pregnant with my son) at my home. My daughter always took her naps then, and believe it or not, both of them do at the daycare center. My daughter is a little high strung so the structure is good for her.

It was a terribly hard decision to make, but we had to do it because of the circumstances (of which I won''t get into here). I cried the first few times I had to drop them off. My kiddies are only in 2 days/week so it works out well. There certainly was an adjustment period, and the first few times they did not nap, but even the staff was surprised at how quickly they adjusted.

If you ever want to chat with someone who had been there, please feel free to PM me.

 

[eks6426]

Slammie--I have been exactly where you are as I'm sure many mothers have been. You are really fortunate to have been able to stay home for 4 months. I remember when I went back to work when my son was 8 weeks old. It was really hard leaving him the first few times. It was also really hard functioning in the working world on so little sleep. But it DOES GET BETTER! Do your research carefully on a daycare--really check them out--ask to talk to some of the current kids parents.

My son was in a larger daycare rather than a home setting. I chose the larger daycare because they were very precise on their schedules. If anything, my son was more likely to get his naps, get fed and get playtime on a schedule. It's in the daycare's better interest to have the babies nap. Just imagine your child and how cranky he gets multiplied by 5 or 10 other babies? I have also found it interesting that even the most high strung-cranky kids always act better with others than with their own parents. This was true in daycare and still holds true even though my son is 8. He goes to other people's houses and I'm told he's an angel and so respectful. I'm not sure we have the same kid because he's just not like that at home.....

You child will be fine and so will you...it just takes a bit of adjustment for both of you!

 

[slammie]

Thanks sundial, pebbles, islanddreams for your advice and encouragement!! You''re right...tons of moms have to deal with this and I know they get through it but the thought still petrifies me! I should probably start going to the moms club meetings again. I did go once and sorry if this sounds really shallow but when I saw all those angel babies there and my son would not stop screaming it got me so down that I couldn''t bear going again. Now that he has gotten better I should reconsider. I''m sure they have alot of suggestions on daycare, etc..because I have absolutely no clue on which facility or questions I should be asking.
As I mentioned, my son has sleeping issues and we just managed over the last couple of weeks to get him to fall asleep on his own after 4 months of rocking, holding, bouncing etc to get him down (yippee!!!). I am so proud that he can do this and is so much happier during the day now that he is better rested. He still struggles at night..he cannot sleep more than 3 to 4 hours at a time but I hope that will get better soon. He is a very light sleeper though which is why I am concerned he won''t get his naps in when he is in a room with all those other babies. I wonder how those daycare centers manage this??
Island dreams, you mentioned the benefit of a structured routine at the larger setting..how about things like catching colds etc? Another thing I worry about! Thanks again

 

[slammie]

Pebbles, forgot to mention that as one colic survivor to another, I admire you for getting through it and staying sane through it all!! 3 years old deprived sleep?? I don't know how you are able to function! Right now I feel as if I cannot have another baby even though we were hoping for two

 

[Kaleigh]

My best advice is to go look at several daycares in your area. I think stopping in unannounced is a good idea. That way you can see how they are truly run. Is it clean, are the babies well attended to etc... My daughter was in daycare for a while and it was a great facility. Once you find one you like then sit down and discuss your concerns with them. I''d make a list of questions and keep adding to it as you think up more questions. And bring those questions with you in case you forget any of them. Good luck, it will be ok. Hard I know but many of us have been there.

 

[eks6426]

My son didn''t really seem to catch colds in the baby room. That started when he hit the toddler room...my guess is there was a lot more interaction between the kids when they move around on their own! Honestly, as a working mom...it was great to have my kid get some immunity to the germs while in daycare rather than having to pull him out of elementary school. My friends who are stay at home moms found that when their little ones hit kindergarten they were constantly sick...my son however sailed through kindergarten without one sick day. Finally, a benefit to being a working mom!

 

[slammie]

Kaleigh, that''s a great idea. I was going to call and set up appointments but I think that sounds like a better plan...thanks!! and Island dreams thanks..you make a very good point. Thanks again!!

 

[slammie]

do you mind if i post a pic of my beautiful son whom we call "mr. chunks"? Well we think he''s beautiful anyway!!

 

[pebbles]

Oh Slammie! Your son is such a cutie! I am totally wanting another one right now so your pic doesn''t help.

As far as how I am still functioning -- I drink a lot of caffeine. Actually, my daughter goes through spurts -- for a few months she sleeps fine, then like now, she doesn''t. She''s been like this since we moved her out of her crib and into the toddler bed 6 months ago. Now that she can get out, she doesn''t want to go back into her room -- apparently everything we are doing is much more interesting.

I am at a loss at what to do - we don''t want to lock the door to her room and we had a gate there but she ran into it in her sleep and started crying. She''s kind of like sleep walking - she doesn''t even realize she''s doing it. I got pregnant with #2 right away so I really didn''t have a choice but to adjust.

Now that he is almost 2, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel so if I wait much longer I may not want another one.

As far as sickness - my kids have gotten sick more often since being in daycare. Everyone always has a runny nose and this week quite a few kids were out with the flu. There''s not much you can do about it.

I kind of cheated when I was researching day care centers. My neighbor basically did all the legwork for me b/c she put her kids in the same center I decided to a couple of months before me. She went to several places and gave me her thoughts on them and she said when I go to the center that she decided to go with, you won''t want to look elsewhere. I did check out all the places she did and pretty much agreed on what she thought and of course really liked the one I did go with. So my son is in the same class as her daughter. For me it felt better knowing that if my neighbor thought it was good enough for her kids. I made appointments for some, but then I went back unannounced. The directors never had a problem with me just dropping in to check out the place. The place I went to also has a requirement that all their teachers have a bachelor''s degree. That meant a lot to me. They also had a low turnover b/c their benefits were better than other places. My daughter''s teacher has been there 5 years - which is a long time. The teachers also are great with communicating with the parents. I would also make sure the "handbook" that they give you has everything spelled out - how they handle sick kids, discipline, etc. Definitely ask around and see who other people at the mom''s group use or if they know people who use daycare. Word of mouth is huge.

My kids seem really happy there and that is all I can ask for. Good luck with your decision.

 

[Kaleigh]

OMG, I want grandchildren right now!!! He is adorable slammie!!!

 

[slammie]

Thanks Pebbles, Kaleigh! I''ll try to go by some next week and we''ll see what happens.

 

[kaylagee]

Date: 1/27/2006 1:05:32 PM
Author: slammie
...my son has sleeping issues and we just managed over the last couple of weeks to get him to fall asleep on his own after 4 months of rocking, holding, bouncing etc to get him down (yippee!!!). I am so proud that he can do this and is so much happier during the day now that he is better rested. He still struggles at night..he cannot sleep more than 3 to 4 hours at a time but I hope that will get better soon. He is a very light sleeper though which is why I am concerned he won't get his naps in when he is in a room with all those other babies. I wonder how those daycare centers manage this??...

Sounds so much like my oldest(he's 2 now). OMG it was soo hard..i remeber the colic and trying everything under the sun(moon) to get him to sleep. He's just now solid enough to sleep on his own(in his own bed)! I truly feel for you. His brother(4mos.) is so much easier, it's unreal. He'll sleep in his crib, w/o problem, for fairly long stretches.

Not to be the old-fashioned & out-of-touch one here but is it absolutely necessary to return to work so soon?! If your ds(he's soo adorable!) is just now getting acclimated, is it the best thing to add a huge change like daycare for him right now?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I don''t have any daycare advice (no children yet) but OMG! Your son is TOO CUTE!

 

[selflove]

Slammie--he''s so adorable!!! I could just shower his baby checks with kisses!!! (Sorry, I''m just so excited about babies lately and the thought that in less than 3 months we will start trying to conceive.)

I wanted to comment on the colic--my best friend''s newborn had colic and around age 2 months she finally took someone''s crazy advice and took baby to a chiropractor. It worked! The "crabby time" every evening stopped and she''s been happy and calm ever since. She was at the point where she''d try anything to make her baby happy. Who knew chiropractic could help that?!

 

[Caribou]

Ladies, we have a future ladies magnet here!!

OMG, he''s adorable. Is that red hair I see????

 

[slammie]

Thanks ladies, you guys are so sweet . Kaylagee, I didn't know you just had a baby!! congrats and hope you are enjoying him very much. Thanks for the support and may I say you are awfully brave to have another one after surviving colic! Although I'm sure time makes you forgot how bad it was. My MIL is always telling me that the second will always be better; apparently my hubbie was a pain in the bootie as a baby and his brother was an angel..
The thing is, when I got pregnant I was sooo estatic because we were trying for about a year and half and so fed up with the demands of work, I was like YEAH!! I am quitting and becoming a stay at home mom! I do love being at home with DS but I don't know, I've been thinking in the last few weeks that maybe I should go back (they extended my leave for another 3 months). Maybe it's because I never get out of the house besides doing grocery shopping..as a matter of fact I didn't get out of the house after the birth for three whole months (yes, his colic was that bad and the one time I went out briefly, everyone kept staring at me as if I was a bad mom due to his screaming). I feel like my life is all about him now which is great but sometimes it's so overwelming. My hubbie is always telling me to go out with my friends, and I want to but I can't seem to do it! I know, I'm so lame. So, I was thinking maybe I need to get a life for me again and work would force me to do that..plus my company just got approval for the first inhalable insulin (YAY!!) and I felt really sad missing out on the celebration since I worked on that project for a long time.
Plus we need a bigger house and the prices in the bay area...forget it on one income. Anyway, that is why I started to think about daycare. I went to one place the other day and it was so hard to think I would leave him there, and yes there were babies who were trying to sleep but couldn't

I admire moms out there who can do the work and daycare thing..it must be soo hard!!
Selflove, I have heard of that! I am so glad it worked for your friends baby..that is probably the one thing I didn't try. Weird how that can work though, huh? Caribou, he has sort of auburn hair with blond tips but slowly blond tips are going away. Thanks again guys..and sorry I couldn't help but post another pic..so proud of him! Here he is standing and supporting himself at 4.5 months. He is extremely strong!

 

[slammie]

One more!

 

[Kaleigh]

Oh Slammie, he is the cutest baby ever!!

 

[princessv]

I can''t offer any advice on daycares and babies but...Ohhhh he''s sooo adorable!!!!

 

[slammie]

Thanks Kaleigh, Princess! How sad, I think I was wearing my hubbie''s PJs all day that day. Wish I could photoshop it out somehow

 

[mrssalvo]

Hi slammie, I just wanted to add my support. I have 2 girls 21 months apart. Neither of them had cholic but having 2 in diapers at one point was very difficult

. My oldest started pre-school this year and my youngest goes to mommies-day-out one day a week. Just having that one day of free time was a huge help to me. I had days too where I never stepped outside

. I promise though, as he gets bigger it does get better and you do get your life back

.

 

[pebbles]

Slammie....oh honey! I have so been there with the colic! I think I went out of the house once in 8 weeks after my daughter was born - and it was the same thing - people staring at me b/c she kept crying! I myself had tears down my cheeks when an older woman came up to me and told me it would be OK. I didn''t even know this lady but she was so nice and said that the people that were staring at me were obviously never in my shoes before, or else were just a bunch of idiots.

My daughter was only 4 months old when I became pregnant with my son and I was totally freaking out b/c she had just gotten better with the colic and I was so afraid he would be the same way. Fortunately, he didn''t have colic but he did have major sleep issues. He is much better now.

Is there any way you can work part time? I''m assuming you''re a chemist or a researcher for a pharmaceutical company and I don''t know if they would allow you to job share, but some companies do. I work part time and even though I always worry about my kids at daycare, I really like it. Don''t get me wrong, I absolutely love my kids and there isn''t anything in the world I wouldn''t do for them, but I am a pharmacist and in the health care field, it is so hard to stay out of it for an extended period of time b/c things change so quickly. So for me, I kind of had to go back to work. Part time is ideal - sure I''m not making much b/c I am basically working to put them in daycare, but we''re OK with it. We didn''t feel comfortable having a stranger in our house watching them so we really didn''t have another option. It''s so hard to juggle work and parenthood but if you can work part time, I think you will feel better about yourself.

I personally don''t think I could go back full time -- I have enough on my plate already!

I am very fortunate that I can work part time - many mothers can''t.

Also look into mommies day out programs in your area. The ones by my are usually run by churches. One of my friends just had her second daugther (the first is 14 months old) and she just found the MDO program in her area. She said it has been a lifesaver for her. She drops the older one off for a few hours while she tends to the newborn.

 

[slammie]

Just want to bump this up to say thanks again to everyone for the words of encouragement. Mrssalvo, are you a stay at home mom? How do you feel about that decision? Pebbles, I so know what you mean about people staring when your baby is crying

. You are really lucky to be able to work part time. Unfortunately my job won''t allow me to..I run studies and there''s no way I can do this part time or work from home since I have to interface with so many different colleagues/departments.
Anyway, my hubbie and I made the decision to have me be at home for the next couple of years..I''m really relieved and excited but also a bit sad at the same time. However, my son is changing and developing so much right now I can''t imagine missing out on any of it. I feel really blessed that I have a choice and I''m really looking forward focusing my energies fulltime towards the family.

 

[pebbles]

Hi Slammie.

I am glad you and your husband have come to a decision. If you are anything like me, you will never regret staying home with your son. As you know, he changes so quickly when he is young, and that was always one of my biggest fears, that I would miss one of the "firsts" while the baby was at daycare.

When he is a little older then you can always revisit the option of going back to work. I fortunately didn''t have to put mine in day care until my youngest was nearly 2. If we have another one, I am not sure what we will do as I really don''t want a young infant in day care, not to mention the cost of having 3 there is astronomical!

It is also nice that you get to focus your energies on just one thing. The days I work are like lost days to me. I usually pick up something like a rotisserie chicken or a pre-made meal at the grocery store b/c by the time I pick up my kids and get home there isn''t much time to make dinner. Then after we eat we play for a few hours and get them to bed. I obviously spend very little time with them those days and it is hard b/c laundry, housework or other things I need to do don''t get done at all (and I don''t work in an office where I could try to get things done over lunch). At first it will seem the days kind of blend together (if they haven''t already) but now that the nicer weather is coming, just think you get to go on walks and take him out to get some fresh air.

I think MrsSalvo loves being a SAHM. We have had this discussion before.

 

[KristyDarling]

Hi Slammie,

I just came upon this thread and wanted to offer my support. Both my kids were colicky (my son until 3 months, my daughter until 4...the longest 7 months of my life) and there were moments when I literally felt like I was going insane. Both kids also had severe acid reflux and had various GI/MRI tests and treatments. They suffered a lot and were inconsolable ALL the time, day or night. There were so many times I had to just put my screaming baby down in the crib, and step outside to compose myself so that I wouldn't do anything I'd regret. The utter sleep deprivation (30 minutes per night for weeks and weeks at a time.....sound familiar?) and the feeling of somehow being a failure as a mother completely tore me apart. I hated going out in public with my colicky baby because I was always getting looks and comments like, "He's hungry! Don't you want to feed him?" It took all my willpower not to respond, "Shut up b!itch, he's colicky." I also hated the sight of the other mom's with angelic sleeping newborns in their strollers, while they sipped Starbucks and had 2-hour long chats with their friends. Nothing irked me more than that. It sounds evil but I hated those mothers because that could NEVER be me!!

Fast-forward to now, I have an almost 3-year old and a 14 month old. And they are wonderful kids who I love to death. Of course, I never was able to sit down for more than 10 minutes at Starbucks with my kids since they're both high-energy and need to be moving around at all times, but at least I'm getting a full 6-8 hours of sleep per night!

Anyway, I'm glad you've made a decision on the daycare front. You will love being a stay-at-home mom and watching your baby reach every exciting milestone...which is something I really missed as a working mom. Your son is TOOOOO cute! Take care and enjoy the fading away of his colic! Isn't it great to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel?

Take care,
Kristy

 

[Kaleigh]

Hi Slammie,
I think you guys made the right choice. You will love being a stay at home mom. These moments and milestones with your son are sooo important. Make sure to hire a babysitter now and then so you can have some time to yourself. Also is there a mommie group in your area?? That provides a lot of support as well.

 

[Miranda]

Slammie - You will never regret this decision, but you might have if you had gone back to work. I''ve been a SAHM for the last 12 years and while at times it has been a struggle emotionally, physically, and financially it has always been worth it to me. Some of my friends work and some don''t and while they''re all great moms I''ve never heard the ones that stay home say they wish they worked. You can always go back to work, but you can''t regain these precious, quickly changing times. JMO...Good luck at home

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 4/4/2006 10:06:29 AM
Author: pebbles


I think MrsSalvo loves being a SAHM. We have had this discussion before.

Yep. i really do love being home. Every now and then I miss the social aspect of being at work in a job that I loved, but it is far outweighed by the joy I get spending every day with my kids. they are finally big enough to go to the park and not have to "follow" them around so closly trying to prevent a fall. And I am so looking forward for the pools to open. They love to swim and we have a blast hanging out with other SAHM''s we see at the Y. Everything has it''s trade offs, but I think you''ll be really glad you decided to stay home. Especially while he''s so little. You can always go back to work later but you can never get those baby years back.