Do You Want People to think you have more Money than you have or Less Money than you have/

[smitcompton]

Hi,

In real Life I want people to think I have less money than I have.

I went to the Mall one day, and I had to wait for my bus in order to get home. I use a wheelchair, as I cannot walk. I strolled around Kohls for a while and this older woman who was a clerk, came over to me and said, "please, let me buy you a cup of coffee". OmG, do I look that poor? Have a overdone my look? I thanked her and declined.. She wanted to do a good deed for me.

What about you all. No judgements here. Honest answer.

Annette

 

[Austina]

I’d rather people thought we have less money.

 

[Jambalaya]

Les. Definitely less.

I'd have accepted the cup of coffee, lol! Why not? A cup of coffee from a kind lady sounds very nice to me. (I would have declined if from a man, though!)

 

[YadaYadaYada]

I’m going to say more and here is why. My SIL has a habit of offering money to us “I know you just bought a new car so I’d you need to borrow some money let me know”. I absolutely hate this, we do not need anyone else’s money, yes we live on one income, but we are not destitute.

People don’t typically offer money to those they think have some so that’s my vote.

 

[Jambalaya]

ETA: I wonder WHY we feel this way. [To clarify: wanting people to think you have less.] It's a very interesting question. I don't want to attract jealousy, and I feel I get enough of that anyway from some family members and friends who have two or more children and have a lot of educational/healthcare expenses for them. I think they envy my lack of child-related expenses. But then, their lives are fuller than mine, probably. There are two sides to THAT coin, for sure!

 

[Jambalaya]

Some people are really good at making out they have no money, even if they live in a massive and gorgeous house! They'll make out that the house is a fluke and that really they live on scraps while struggling to pay the heating!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

In general, less or around the same as I actually am but if I have to pick one, then less. I feel like it’s sort of “safer” and people thinking I have more money than I do makes me feel uncomfortable, like I’m lying. I don’t want them to think I’m wanting for something necessarily, though.

 

[Jambalaya]

^^ The above. Exactly this.

 

[MamaBee]

Definitely less...I feel bad when my friends will talk about bills, etc. I just try to say something to contribute but it’s a little uncomfortable. It makes me feel really bad..and a little embarrassed.

 

[MamaBee]

Some people are really good at making out they have no money, even if they live in a massive and gorgeous house! They'll make out that the house is a fluke and that really they live on scraps while struggling to pay the heating!

This made me laugh…

 

[Mekp]

I don’t particularly like the idea of anyone really thinking about my financial situation. Perhaps that's naive.
I guess if I had to choose I would want people to think we had more money. We don't have a lot - enough, but we aren't rich. So I feel like others could safely think we had more money than we do without it being uncomfortable.

@smitcompton My son has had similar experiences. He is visually impaired so he walks with a white cane when out of the home. More than once he has had a store/restaurant owner refuse his money when he has tried to purchase a drink or a lunch while out.

 

[stracci2000]

I have always gotten by on a very modest income. I do OK because I am a saver, not a spender.
But I have always been a "Jewelry girl", and apparently that makes people think I am doing a bit better!
I have received so many comments over the years to that effect.
I think the way you present yourself has a lot to do with it, too.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Speaking of people who don’t let on about their money situation….

We had neighbors who moved in across the street, this old colonial house, probably paid no more than 180k for it. Drove a Toyota and an older Land Rover, kids went to public school. They looked very much like most of the other people in the neighborhood.

When they sold the house, an antique company came to pick up some furniture for restoration, that was the first clue. Then the Mercedes showed up before they closed on the house to replace the Land Rover. They ended up moving to a 500k house, kids are in private school, like a total 180 from when they lived here. Btw they only moved like 5 miles away.

All the while they lived here nobody was allowed in their house, kids all had to play outside, there were no get-together with the neighbors. I remember their son broke another neighbor’s brand new phone and they didn’t offer to replace it so the neighbor just assumed they didn’t have the money. You just never know!

 

[MamaBee]

Speaking of people who don’t let on about their money situation….

We had neighbors who moved in across the street, this old colonial house, probably paid no more than 180k for it. Drove a Toyota and an older Land Rover, kids went to public school. They looked very much like most of the other people in the neighborhood.

When they sold the house, an antique company came to pick up some furniture for restoration, that was the first clue. Then the Mercedes showed up before they closed on the house to replace the Land Rover. They ended up moving to a 500k house, kids are in private school, like a total 180 from when they lived here. Btw they only moved like 5 miles away.

All the while they lived here nobody was allowed in their house, kids all had to play outside, there were no get-together with the neighbors. I remember their son broke another neighbor’s brand new phone and they didn’t offer to replace it so the neighbor just assumed they didn’t have the money. You just never know!

That actually sounds crazy @YadaYadaYada Maybe they came into an inheritance…

 

[YadaYadaYada]

That actually sounds crazy @YadaYadaYada Maybe they came into an inheritance…

Maybe, but I found out after they moved that they owned their own property management company so it looks like they were getting rental income, they are probably savvy with investing too. I’m happy for them, their new house is beautiful and very secluded.

 

[MissyBeaucoup]

When I was a little girl the only ladies I knew who wore fancy diamond rings (other than what today would be a small engagement diamond, 1/2 carat), were the older ladies at the Episcopal Church. I remember them apologizing for their “old” hands that weren’t “pretty enough” for their pretty rings. They were sweet and these were probably anniversary gifts from grateful husbands.

When I was younger I worried about looking too rich, but at my age I feel a little bling just makes it look like I earned a few indulgences. (We live very modestly, except for the garden and the garnets.)

 

[missy]

No question- less.
We’re very modest people and live below our means and have zero debt. I enjoy peace of mind.
Our financial situation is nobody’s business however but ours.

 

[MRBXXXFVVS1]

90% of the time less, especially amongst friends and family that don't make/have as much. We don't want them to feel uncomfortable around us and as such, we also don't post on social media. And definitely strangers too, it's none of their business. We live comfortably and below our means, and I find it advantageous to have the perception that we have less money in terms of negotiations, pricing, and being relatable to others.

When I'm amongst peers (close friends and colleagues), we are usually around the same socioeconomic group so we are more transparent. Our parents know we do well, but they don't know our actual finances. It is isolating not to have anyone other than DH to talk about a lot of our "first world problems," since it doesn't seem like proper etiquette to discuss socially.

 

[mrs-b]

Firstly, I can't imagine anything less likely than caring about how much money people think I have or don't have. But I also find the idea of people sitting around trying to work out "what we're worth" kinda creepy and invasive.

I remember being at the home of some friends once for dinner. The gentleman, who was about the same age as my DH and always HUGELY competitive with him, sort of button holed me, asking what DH earned. I kept laughing off the question, and he kept saying things like "So - I'm guessing ***** earns about the same as me, right?" (no answer from me) "I mean, I earn $XXXX, and I'm guessing ***** earns about that. Right? Right??" (It was about 20% of what DH earns)

Me, finally - "Sure - about that." - said with VERY strong "Go away!" vibes. He did finally go away - very self satisfied and smug and I remember thinking "MAN, your self esteem is weak!"

I don't try to look poorer or wealthier than I am, and any comparison is a moving target and almost never from the point of an equal playing field. So you're going to be wrong no matter than you think.

I have a small group of very close friends, and we all know what each other earns, what our houses are worth, and how much we have towards retirement. Why? Because we've chipped in and paid things for each other so often, it just sort of comes up. We've also made the commitment to each other than we'd make our money available to each other if it were ever necessary. Were anything ever to happen to me, for example, DH would go live with my best girlfriend, who is one of the people in that group. So our finances can overlap significantly on occasion.

But on the whole, I can't imagine anyone caring. And I can't imagine being so bothered by one else's thoughts on the matter than I'd try to adjust how I came across to look like a certain income bracket.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,
In general people do make assessments of our financial standing I think MRB made a good point by saying the less look helps in negotiations, pricing and sometimes being relatable to others(well put). If you speak to the construction crowd, the big house will get a bigger cost estimate..

I like to sometimes say my brother is rich. No-one knows him, he doesn't live near me, so for him, in his big house, I tell people he is rich. He is very much like Missy, modest, friendly and doesn't care if you have a dime or not--really.

So far I am a bi surprised that the less crowd is the majority. In Real estate the realtor always wants to look as if he/she is well off. The car is important.

As far as making people feel bad when you show you have money, I don't think its in the small things that people would feel bad about. I often think that not worrying about money is where people want to be.

Annette

 

[Diamond Girl 21]

This is an interesting question that I haven't thought about before. If I had to pick one, I guess I'd be more comfortable if people thought my husband and I had less. We don't try to impress other people. We live our lives in a manner that makes us feel fulfilled and happy. If people don't like it, I guess that's their problem.

 

[nala]

People make assessments about economic status based on simple comments that are part of your lifestyle. I mentioned in another thread that I’m a teacher who works for a union. Our salary is available to the public! We get paid according to a salary chart, years, educational level, etc. so with my colleagues, no one has to wonder or assess. Yet—I do get suspicious comments about my ring, my car, my love of travel, etc. Many don’t know how to manage their money well and can’t understand how I stretch the same salary they do and often ask me what my hubby does. So as much as some of us shudder to think that people have these thoughts— I’m not surprised. Do I assess others? Yep. When they make it my business and many actually do! Many of my friends are very honest when they seek my financial advice and just recently, One of them thanked me for inspiring her to buy her first home and for believing that she could.
I want to add that my DD is moving to Chi and hubby and I are shocked—in a good way—at the price of rent compared to my county. My sisters asked if rent was cheaper or more expensive and I replied—omg—cheaper! She is set! They asked how much do I replied—honestly. And their comment was that DD must be rich to afford that lifestyle. So there you go… happens even when you are just being you.

 

[Elizabeth35]

Less.

We are frequently around wealthy people and NOBODY says anything about their income, net worth or what they spend on anything (unless they are saying how to get a good deal).
Not sure if this is maybe a Midwestern US thing?

If anything, I have found that wealthy people (which I will define for this discussion as ~$5M and up) are pretty frugal and not flashy. Most wear their original wedding/engagement rings and drive primarily Japanese cars.
Some spend on travel or vacation homes. Some have boats or jets.
But comparing money or possessions is frowned upon and simply not done.
A situation such as what MrsB described is absolutely unthinkable. How truly awful.


Now family is another matter. Both DH and I come from middle class families. The children our generation have varying degrees of finances. Those with less do definitely think of those with more differently. So for me it is a matter of being considerate and making others feel comfortable, including not wearing flashy jewelry around those less fortunate in our family.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I would rather have people think we made less, especially my kids, so that they would not become spoiled brats, coming to us for spending money! We are probably a conundrum, and most people probably can't tell whether we have money or not....$10 Old Navy sundresses with accessorized with diamonds and flip flops....I like to stay mysterious.

 

[Queenie60]

Less than we have. I prefer to live "under the radar" and enjoy quietly.

 

[Dancing Fire]

All my friends and family members knows that I am broke, so no need for me of pretending to have $$$.

 

[diamondringlover]

People think I have more money then I do..I am actually very middle class actually lower middle class by the latest standards..but I am a really good bargain shopper! most of my jewelry was bought used (couple of exceptions) my car was expensive (by my standards) I sometime cringe when someone's say what you drive a Lexus..but I got a really good deal on that, it was the beginning of the pandemic and dealerships were making crazy deals to get people in there and I plan on keeping it a long time...my 24 year old son (who lives with us) wears a Rolex...that was given to him by my mom, it was my dad's...we vacation at the beach twice a year...once again we stay a very very reasonable place and we cut corners when we can...I guess sometimes looks can be very deceiving....

 

[kenny]

I like that saying ... "What others think of me is none of my business."

 

[Bron357]

When I was growing up we lived in a “rich area”. Consequently a lot of the parties I went to was full of girls whose families had bucketloads of money ie a new outfit every time I saw them. We weren’t poor by any stretch but I certainly didn’t have a new outfit for every outing. At one party this awful girl said “OMG, I recognise you instantly every time, don’t you have anything else to wear ?” I was gutted.
When I started working a lot of my money went on clothes. I think my earlier experiences had a lot to do with that.
These days I mostly wear $20 yoga pants and a $10 T shirt. My jewellery might be worth tens of thousands but most people seem to think I wear CZ ! I don’t mind they think that. If I go out I have fancy clothes and fancy jewellery and I’m still inclined to want to look “rich” rather than “poor”.

 

[MissGotRocks]

All my friends and family members knows that I am broke, so no need for me of pretending to have $$$.

Yep, until you decide to buy another diamond or new watch! Lol!