Do you discipline your child in public?

[D&T]

I have put my DD in time out in public before. Anyways, I am getting ready to visit family in the next week and my SIL has a DD about 11 months younger then my DD, but her behaviour is the "spoil brat" kind right now (well its always been that way, I guess its gotten worse), and when my DD is around her, she starts to act like her cousin and I don't like it one bit. We have a very strict policy in our home and for the most part my DD acts very well mannered in public until of course she's around her cousin. My SIL gives her DD anything and everything and now complains that she has a bad spoil brat attitude

Anyways, it seems to get harder and harder as they get older, and I feel bad if I don't give in like her Aunt to her cousin. Not sure where my post is going but just having a little anxiety visiting the ILs with kids I guess.

ETA: forgot to add the age, My DD is four, and DD's cousin is three if that makes a difference, Stinkin' toddler age

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Only to the extent that the rules are the rules, if you know what I mean. I enforce the basic rules wherever we are, but at the moment that is fairly easy (A is 19 months). I imagine it will get harder as she gets older and more determined. At the moment, it''s easy enough to distract her if I need to take something away or stop her doing something, but that will probably change. Like TGal said on another thread, I pick my battles then follow it through to win them. It''s more of an art than a science, I suspect. Hmm. Ask me again in two or three years!

 

[rockpaperscissors67]

You bet I do. I don''t care where we are, at home or out somewhere; if you (as my child) decide to act up, you''d better be prepared to hear it from Mom.

The punishments do vary, depending on which kid it is and what the infraction was. The other day, I had 4 of the kids at the mall including my 3 year old, who was tired and cranky from not having a nap. For whatever reason, he decided to kick at a random girl walking by! He got a big lecture and had to sit on the one bench with me to wait for his sisters. I would have made him leave right then but that would also be punishing them when they hadn''t done anything.

I feel for you because I''ve had friends that were much more lenient with their kids than I am with mine. Their kids had the big spoiled brat thing going on and I ended up backing off of those friendships. I know you can''t do that with your SIL, so I think it''s good if you continue to handle your DD YOUR way.

 

[neatfreak]

Yes, I would and will.

 

[D&T]

Date: 12/29/2009 1:51:25 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Only to the extent that the rules are the rules, if you know what I mean. I enforce the basic rules wherever we are, but at the moment that is fairly easy (A is 19 months). I imagine it will get harder as she gets older and more determined. At the moment, it''s easy enough to distract her if I need to take something away or stop her doing something, but that will probably change. Like TGal said on another thread, I pick my battles then follow it through to win them. It''s more of an art than a science, I suspect. Hmm. Ask me again in two or three years!

yeah, I''ll have to pick my battles, Its ok for right as we don''t live near each other and only see each other three times a year, but once we live within the same neighborhood (won''t happen for a couple of more years) not sure what I"ll do then. I''ll keep to my structure discipline and how we do it now, as it works for us, maybe SIL could learn a thing or two with her own DD

 

[TravelingGal]

Of course. If you don''t discipline outside the home, they catch on and are unruly when they are out. Nope - instant and swift is my motto.

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/29/2009 1:40:58 PM
Author:D&T
I have put my DD in time out in public before. Anyways, I am getting ready to visit family in the next week and my SIL has a DD about 11 months younger then my DD, but her behaviour is the 'spoil brat' kind right now (well its always been that way, I guess its gotten worse), and when my DD is around her, she starts to act like her cousin and I don't like it one bit. We have a very strict policy in our home and for the most part my DD acts very well mannered in public until of course she's around her cousin. My SIL gives her DD anything and everything and now complains that she has a bad spoil brat attitude

Anyways, it seems to get harder and harder as they get older, and I feel bad if I don't give in like her Aunt to her cousin. Not sure where my post is going but just having a little anxiety visiting the ILs with kids I guess.

ETA: forgot to add the age, My DD is four, and DD's cousin is three if that makes a difference, Stinkin' toddler age

My niece #2 and nephew #1 are the opposite of your problem.

Nephew #1 is crazy, rude, and makes VERY improper jestures and noises, he is 10.

Niece #2 is well mannered and bahaved, says Please and Thank you, and eats quitely WHILE sitting, she will be 5 in a month.

When Niece is around nephew, she gets the "big brother" syndrome and wants to do everything like him. My sister, Niece's mom, and everyone else in the family is on close watch for her behavior. We know he is passed being helped because the time isn't taken in his own home to remedy, but we make sure that Niece #2 does not pick up any habits without being stopped, when he is around.

Can you ask any other family for help? It is alot easier if multiple people don't like the other child's behavior and are looking for ANY reason to make sure another family member doesn't end up similar

 

[Rachel9]

Oh yeah! I started on mine early.

 

[D&T]

Date: 12/29/2009 3:37:09 PM
Author: meresal
My niece #2 and nephew #1 are the opposite of your problem.

Nephew #1 is crazy, rude, and makes VERY improper jestures and noises, he is 10.

Niece #2 is well mannered and bahaved, says Please and Thank you, and eats quitely WHILE sitting, she will be 5 in a month.

When Niece is around nephew, she gets the ''big brother'' syndrome and wants to do everything like him. My sister, Niece''s mom, and everyone else in the family is on close watch for her behavior. We know he is passed being helped because the time isn''t taken in his own home to remedy, but we make sure that Niece #2 does not pick up any habits without being stopped, when he is around.

Can you ask any other family for help? It is alot easier if multiple people don''t like the other child''s behavior and are looking for ANY reason to make sure another family member doesn''t end up similar

TGal- I like your motto!

Merseal - My other SIL (the youngest of DH''s siblings and Lives with my SIL who has the 3 year old) has commented that our kids are much more well behaved than hers. Everyone "babies" P too much and thus I think that is where she gets the spoil brat syndrome. No one will say anything since none of the other siblings have kids (SIL has a dominate personality and is the oldest so not many will stand up to her, however she lets her kids run loose) and it ends up feeding the fire so if I end saying anything to "P"and SIL gets wind of it, then I think we will have some contention in our relationship and start a family feud I''m pretty sure

-

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/29/2009 3:46:46 PM
Author: D&T

Date: 12/29/2009 3:37:09 PM
Author: meresal
My niece #2 and nephew #1 are the opposite of your problem.

Nephew #1 is crazy, rude, and makes VERY improper jestures and noises, he is 10.

Niece #2 is well mannered and bahaved, says Please and Thank you, and eats quitely WHILE sitting, she will be 5 in a month.

When Niece is around nephew, she gets the 'big brother' syndrome and wants to do everything like him. My sister, Niece's mom, and everyone else in the family is on close watch for her behavior. We know he is passed being helped because the time isn't taken in his own home to remedy, but we make sure that Niece #2 does not pick up any habits without being stopped, when he is around.

Can you ask any other family for help? It is alot easier if multiple people don't like the other child's behavior and are looking for ANY reason to make sure another family member doesn't end up similar

TGal- I like your motto!

Merseal - My other SIL (the youngest of DH's siblings and Lives with my SIL who has the 3 year old) has commented that our kids are much more well behaved than hers. Everyone 'babies' P too much and thus I think that is where she gets the spoil brat syndrome. No one will say anything since none of the other siblings have kids (SIL has a dominate personality and is the oldest so not many will stand up to her, however she lets her kids run loose) and it ends up feeding the fire so if I end saying anything to 'P'and SIL gets wind of it, then I think we will have some contention in our relationship and start a family feud I'm pretty sure

-

You don't have to talk to or say anything to "P"... the only people that EVER reprimand my Nephew are grandma and grandpa, because it is their house.

We just make sure to stop Niece anytime she starts to do things like Nephew. That way you are saying... "I don't care if your kid does it, I just don't want MINE doing it."

ETA: Just like you, my crazy Nephew is my eldest sister's child. I would never tell her kids to do anything. How is this for babying... She was still rocking him to sleep in a rocking chair when he was 8 and was still sharing a bed at my parents house up until last Christmas (9). Yes, the kids have their own room, this was not a space issue. He is the second and youngest child of that family. My eldest niece (12) is his older sister, and she is about as neglected as they come.

 

[MonkeyPie]

My mom used to threaten me with "washing my hands" - which meant taking me to the bathroom for a spanking lol. It always worked!

 

[D&T]

Date: 12/29/2009 4:00:44 PM
Author: meresal
You don''t have to talk to or say anything to ''P''... the only people that EVER reprimand my Nephew are grandma and grandpa, because it is their house.

We just make sure to stop Niece anytime she starts to do things like Nephew. That way you are saying... ''I don''t care if your kid does it, I just don''t want MINE doing it.''

ETA: Just like you, my crazy Nephew is my eldest sister''s child. I would never tell her kids to do anything. How is this for babying... She was still rocking him to sleep in a rocking chair when he was 8 and was still sharing a bed at my parents house up until last Christmas. He is the second and youngest child of that family. My eldest niece (12) is his older sister, and she is about as neglected as they come.

ooh Meresal... your family sounds like they could be related to mine...lol just like your crazy aunt in law and my brother..lol

 

[D&T]

Date: 12/29/2009 4:04:21 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
My mom used to threaten me with ''washing my hands'' - which meant taking me to the bathroom for a spanking lol. It always worked!

I need a code word too

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/29/2009 4:06:58 PM
Author: D&T

Date: 12/29/2009 4:00:44 PM
Author: meresal
You don''t have to talk to or say anything to ''P''... the only people that EVER reprimand my Nephew are grandma and grandpa, because it is their house.

We just make sure to stop Niece anytime she starts to do things like Nephew. That way you are saying... ''I don''t care if your kid does it, I just don''t want MINE doing it.''

ETA: Just like you, my crazy Nephew is my eldest sister''s child. I would never tell her kids to do anything. How is this for babying... She was still rocking him to sleep in a rocking chair when he was 8 and was still sharing a bed at my parents house up until last Christmas. He is the second and youngest child of that family. My eldest niece (12) is his older sister, and she is about as neglected as they come.

ooh Meresal... your family sounds like they could be related to mine...lol just like your crazy aunt in law and my brother..lol

Hahahaha. It is getting quite scary, isn''t it...

 

[jas]

Date: 12/29/2009 4:04:21 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
My mom used to threaten me with ''washing my hands'' - which meant taking me to the bathroom for a spanking lol. It always worked!

We were always given a very calm "I need to talk with you in another room." We weren''t spanked past age 3 or 4, but we would get quite a lecture.

I plan on doing what my folks did, which was definitely addressing behavior in public, but pulling my boys aside and disciplining them privately.

 

[Aloros]

I''ll say...it always makes me smile when I walk outside a store or restaurant and see a parent out there with their kid, giving them a talking-to. It makes me think "good for you!"

 

[packrat]

My mom''s code word was "I will beat you to within an inch of your life". Kinda long, not really a code. (She never beat us tho.) She did used to threaten us with the flyswatter if we misbehaved-"Keep it up and I''ll get the flyswatter out when we get home". Flimsy things but boooy they hurt on a bare butt. Another was "Keep it up and see what happens when we get home" Oooo see now, that''s a teaser there, could be anything.

When she said she''d pull the car over if we didn''t quit, she meant it. Cops and other cars would stop to see if we were ok, pulled over on the side of the road. Mom would be hanging out reading a book, ignoring us until she felt sufficient time had passed. She''d haul us out to the car if we were in a store-push her cart over to the side and drag us out. Didn''t happen often b/c it was humiliating-especially if we had a friend in the car w/us.

We discipline the kids in public-JD will take Trapper out to the truck and let me and London finish shopping. Trapper''s the one that will throw tantrums more often. Usually b/c he wants me to carry him and not to ride in the cart.

I have a cousin who lets his son run wild-there''s like a...half hearted attempt at discipline, but the kid knows nobody will follow thru, so what does he care? My other cousin, his sister, his son will listen to b/c she''ll spank him or take things away. When we''ve been around them and London does what the boy does, I tell her no-even tho he''s doing it, she can''t, that''s just how it is. I know it''s fun to jump on the bed and eat sugar cubes for breakfast but sorry, no can do.

 

[somethingshiny]

Absolutely, same punishments in public as at home. Consistency is necessary.

eta~ Any child in my care is also susceptible to the same punishments. I have put my nephew in time out at a store. I have made the neighbor kids get out of the pool and take a time out or not allowed them a cookie. They all still come back so it must not really bother them too much. The neighbor kids babysitter is amazed at how well they behave for me though. I have never spanked anyone else's child. We only spank if JT is doing something dangerous to himself or others.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I ignore tantrums which seems to really concern and horrify strangers. If she is being naughty I will yell or even spank her in public. Her safety is my #1 concern. She just turned 2 so I can't really reason or talk things out with her yet.

ETA: I ignore tantrums at home too. I don't want her to think that is a way to get attention from me. I wait until she calms down and try to explain why I yelled, took a toy away, etc...

 

[Kaleigh]

Absolutely. I had no problem having a stern talking with them when in public. I did the same in public as I would do at home. I didn't put up with much, I am a strict parent. I don't go for that acting up sort of thing. Now they are grown and feel the same as me. When they see a kid acting up and a parent not taking them to task, they just say Uggghhh.

I think they have more issues with parents now than I do. They hate to see parents look the other way. It drives them nuts!!! They say OMG, why don't they do something???

Meaning parents of kids, not babies... They know babies have their times being over stimulated, tired, hungry. etc... I am talking about say a 6 year old...

My nephew is 5, most polite kid ever. I just saw him over Christmas, and really am floored at how well behaved and well mannered he is. He traveled far to get here, but got right into the grooove. He's a love.

 

[miraclesrule]

Terrible Twos, Troublesome Threes, F''ing Fours. I thought the Fours were going to do me in for sure. I had to learn to laugh silently over how independent she was becoming. But it is a trying time and disciplining is a challenge. At least they are to young to call CPS on you.

I promise, it gets better at Five.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 12/29/2009 10:28:04 PM
Author: miraclesrule
Terrible Twos, Troublesome Threes, F''ing Fours. I thought the Fours were going to do me in for sure. I had to learn to laugh silently over how independent she was becoming. But it is a trying time and disciplining is a challenge. At least they are to young to call CPS on you.

I promise, it gets better at Five.

Promise? If not I am shipping her off to you.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 12/29/2009 10:41:01 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 12/29/2009 10:28:04 PM
Author: miraclesrule
Terrible Twos, Troublesome Threes, F''ing Fours. I thought the Fours were going to do me in for sure. I had to learn to laugh silently over how independent she was becoming. But it is a trying time and disciplining is a challenge. At least they are to young to call CPS on you.

I promise, it gets better at Five.

Promise? If not I am shipping her off to you.

I''ll totally take her.!!!! She is one the cutest kids I have ever seen!! Besides, I think you would would pay me big bucks to get her back.

She''s almost as cute as Ms. Veda, my granddaughter. Which reminds me...I am going to post the xmas photo and her new 3 months old pic in my Who''s Who, just because.

I called them the Fantastic Fives.

Seriously, compared to the Fours, it was like Sizzler vs. Ruth Cris!!! Okay, maybe a steakhouse analogy doesn''t work. But it does get better.....until like....15 or so. Then it''s all downhill until about the time they graduate from college. Then they find the perfect partner, marry and give you grandchildren.

 

[meresal]

Date: 12/29/2009 10:28:04 PM
Author: miraclesrule
Terrible Twos, Troublesome Threes, F''ing Fours. I thought the Fours were going to do me in for sure. I had to learn to laugh silently over how independent she was becoming. But it is a trying time and disciplining is a challenge. At least they are to young to call CPS on you.

I promise, it gets better at Five.

Hahahahha!

 

[february2003bride]

Absolutely! I''m often out with my 4 and 6 year old sons without DH which means I''m out numbered. My threat is that I will leave the store if they don''t behave. It took one time of me putting the cart (still empty because we had just walked into the store) back in the cart return and my hauling their butts to the car and actually going home for them to understand that I wasn''t fibbing! Now, if they misbehave I tell them that they have one warning to stop it or we''re leaving and they believe me.

DH and I got into the bad habit of saying "if you are good you can get one thing". We group our errands together so there were days that we would come home and our kids would have gotten something from Target, a treat from Costco, probably a kids meal from a fast food restuarant (which includes a toy), etc. It got ridiculous and expensive and then our kids always expected it everytime we went out to run *any* errand. A friend of mine said "Remember how when we were kids, it was behave and you won''t get killed? Misbehave and you will? Now all of our kids get treats for behaving and sometimes get treats even when they haven''t?" And it''s true! DH and I talked about it and decided from that point on (about 4 months ago) that no toys are given, good or bad behavior. If we''re out during lunch and they get a kids meal from Chick-Fil-A, they are genuinely excited because it''s not expected anymore. It''s truely a treat for them!

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 12/29/2009 11:33:44 PM
Author: february2003bride
Absolutely! I''m often out with my 4 and 6 year old sons without DH which means I''m out numbered. My threat is that I will leave the store if they don''t behave. It took one time of me putting the cart (still empty because we had just walked into the store) back in the cart return and my hauling their butts to the car and actually going home for them to understand that I wasn''t fibbing! Now, if they misbehave I tell them that they have one warning to stop it or we''re leaving and they believe me.

DH and I got into the bad habit of saying ''if you are good you can get one thing''. We group our errands together so there were days that we would come home and our kids would have gotten something from Target, a treat from Costco, probably a kids meal from a fast food restuarant (which includes a toy), etc. It got ridiculous and expensive and then our kids always expected it everytime we went out to run *any* errand. A friend of mine said ''Remember how when we were kids, it was behave and you won''t get killed? Misbehave and you will? Now all of our kids get treats for behaving and sometimes get treats even when they haven''t?'' And it''s true! DH and I talked about it and decided from that point on (about 4 months ago) that no toys are given, good or bad behavior. If we''re out during lunch and they get a kids meal from Chick-Fil-A, they are genuinely excited because it''s not expected anymore. It''s truely a treat for them!

I agree. Bad habit. I didn''t even know it had become a habit until I overheard my daughter whisper to her friend "That just means that if we are quiet and behave, we will get to have it". I was like

She is sooooo on to me.!!

 

[PinkTower]

I teach little children. I think the answer to your question depends on the definition of "out in public." Where? For how long? How often? Why? What time of day or night?

Sometimes I wonder if the parents (both of them) that I see in Target with their wild children are as eager to take the children to the park for exercise as they are to roam the aisles of Target with them. I feel sorry for the children. Any school teacher will tell you: "a kid's gotta move."

I never had to go to run errands with my parents in big box stores at night, or on Saturday. Sure, a working mother has to go to the grocery store, and sometimes take their child along. That is not what I am referring to. I see parents everytime I go to Target who appear to be on an outing, or even browsing. Huge stores are designed to be stimulating, and for children, this is overly so.


I just wonder what some of these parents are thinking when I see them so exasperated with their children, or worse, just letting them run wild. I want to go up to them and ask them why one parent did not get dropped off at the park with the children while the other parent went to the store.

 

[packrat]

Tacori, London is 6 now, and I''ll vouch for Miracles that the 5''s were so much nicer!