do most boyfriends view buying diamonds like mine does?

[mas]

Hi all -- I guess I am just looking for a sympathetic ear, because my boyfriend has been relatively disengaged (no pun intended) in this whole diamond buying process. I have been working really hard at researching diamonds, spending hours online, trying to get myself knowledgeable, but ultimately the purchase is going to be his and he seems relatively uninterested. I know he wants to get something that I like, but I feel like most of the burden is on my shoulders to do the research. I think he would be just as happy walking into a B&M and buying the first or second thing we see and calling it a day. I seem to be the one concerned about quality, value, etc. He has done some research, just not to the extent that I would if I were shelling out this kind of money (hence I am trying to do it for him/us). Is this a "guy thing"? Or maybe he''s just not as into the details as I am? I am wondering what other women have experienced....

 

[zoobiedo]

I think most guys are like yours. My husband was not so interested until he saw the final product and realized how much better the quality and price of the ring was compared to what we had seen in jewelry stores. As the people on this forum are very well informed, I think they represent the minority of consumers. You may end up doing the work like I did but once your boyfriend is "educated" he''ll realize how much better off both of you are.

 

[MissAva]

You may want to post this in the Ladies In Waiting section. Many of us have SOs who loves us very much but seem less intreasted in the process of buying/crating a ring.

 

[mas]

thanks guys -- I appreciate both comments -- I will post this in Ladies in Waiting instead -- forgot that that would be a better forum for this type of question

 

[skphotoimages]

There are some men on this board, and I am still amazed at thier dedication to finding the right ring. But in any good relationship it takes two people with different strengths an weaknesses to build off eachother. I would guess this is one of your strengths. Plus he probably sees this as you enjoying learning about diamonds, and getting something you love.
My now husband proposed to me as a spur of the moment thing. No planning, and no ring. We didn''t have much money then, so I didn''t get a ring for about six months. I was already somewhat educated on diamonds, went to a few B&M places, picked out the diamond, payed for it, and picked it up on my own a few days later. Hows that for unromantic?? Someone on this board (and it was a guy) said something so insightful...he said that the diamond shopping experience for us women is as much an emotional this as anything else. I always hated that my husband wasn''t involved...I felt I was getting jipped out of all the romance. But my husband just wanted me to get what I wanted, and they don''t know it''s an emotional thing for us unless we tell them. I did learn that the whole engagement/ring buying experience is no reflection on the relationship itself. My husband and I are the happiest couple we know.
And a big thank you to that PS''er who made that comment about it being an emotional experience for us women. I told my husband that as we went to buy my upgrade recently. He spent hours in two different B&M''s over several days, and in the end he chose the diamond that spoke to him, and then later suprised me with the finished product.
If it really bothers you, explain to him that this is an emotional thing and as much as you appreciate that he is letting you have such a big role in finding the perfect diamond, that you would love to feel that he is as interested in this process and the impact it will have on the memories of this time in your life.

 

[mas]

thanks for your very thoughtful reply. I must have really had it with this whole process because I just started bawling as I was reading your response. Guess I just thought it would be different.

 

[BSHAW]

Well I spent all kinds of time researching rings online to buy for my girlfriend. I was spending 5&6 hours a day reading and searching online mainly on this forum. While my girlfriend was just the opposite every store we went into if she saw something big and sparkly she was ready to buy no questions asked. So I think it has a lot to do with your personality type. I am very detailed about everything I do and many call me a perfectionist (I wouldn''t go that far) and I am very tight (putting it nicely) with my money so I wanted to make sure I was getting my money''s worth. All of this led me to do a lot of research on my ring so maybe he just isn''t that type of person. Opposites work good in a relationship if she was this detailed, we probably would never agree on what to get. Just my 2 cents Good luck and don''t worry about him not being so into every detail if he was as anal as me you probably couldn''t stand to marry him. lol

 

[skphotoimages]

Date: 12/11/2005 5:52:50 PM
Author: mas
thanks for your very thoughtful reply. I must have really had it with this whole process because I just started bawling as I was reading your response. Guess I just thought it would be different.

Aww, I didn''t mean to make you cry!! Don''t cry!!

I left you a message on your other thread in ladies in waiting.

 

[Daniel B]

Ive easily put in 100 hours on the internet - (mostly of course on PS) researching diamonds for my GF (future fiancee) but every guy is different. I applaud

you for caring and hopefully you can get him to join you too in the search.

 

[Gonzodogg]

I am a guy who is having fun getting my hands on every bit of information that I can so that I can find the perfect ring. It is really important to me to get something that she will really love forever.

 

[lumpkin]

I''ve been happily married 16 years and I will tell you, I did not have a very enthusiastic partner when picking out my engagement ring. He did want to know about the four Cs and he knew he liked round brilliants, but he had a very hard time parting with the money to get me a ring. There were so many more practical places to put that money, and he really felt (still does) that diamonds are a frivolous waste of money. Whatever bridal jewelry I have, I have had to do most of the research and work to get it. I now have two beautiful rings, but at times it does feel a little hollow that they were not something *he* found and bought for me. The women who have men who actually like to buy them expensive jewelry are farther and fewer apart than the other group. Look on the bright side that you get to basically pick the ring yourself. I know a gal who had the bad luck of having her husband trade in her original wedding set (which she was very sentimentally attached to) as a surprise on a really heinously ugly ring. He was so proud of himself for doing this for her that she had to wear it -- she couldn''t hurt his feelings. But it was really gaudy and unattractive and she was very saddened over the loss of her original set (I''d have have had his hide, but that''s just me

). Thankfully, that is a scenario you and I will not have to deal with.

 

[devientdrow]

I totally feel for your situation. When my husband and I got engaged, we were out and about looking to get an idea of what I liked. We ended up seeing something I really liked for a good price and he put it on layaway right then and there.....it was made up of me pretty much hustling him into jewelry store after jewelry store saying I like this or that and him being like hmm ok......hmm ok. Expressing no opinion really. So i knew what the ring looked like but it was supposed to be a surprise on when and how he would propose to me.....that got botched. So now over 2 years later we were looking to upgrade my ring. I got all excited and thought wow...heres his chance to do it better! He could go and research and maybe we COULD have a do over. But no....i''m the one doing all the research and trying to relate it to him. I have realized there will probably be no do over. He''s just not interested in this stuff. I will probably always be sad when I heard someone talk about how much effort thier guy put into selecting the perfect ring.....or thier romantic surprising proposals BUT I just have to remember, thats just one thing. I KNOW my guy loves me. He''s done plently of sweet things for me and lets me know i''m loved all the time. I''m sure your guy does great things in his own way too or else you wouldn''t want to marry him!

 

[TexasLawyer]

I really got into looking for the right diamond for my girlfriend. It was actually fun to do. I would estimate I spent about 20-30 hours researching and looking for a diamond. I ended up finding a great diamond that was better quality than the one she had seen in Zales and she had liked...and it cost me about half of what Zales wanted. Worked out great in the end.

Now all I have to do is give it to her! 19 days and counting...

 

[bar01]

Date: 12/11/2005 4:07:26 PM
Author: skphotoimages
But in any good relationship it takes two people with different strengths an weaknesses to build off eachother.

That’s it in a nutshell.

My gal flat out told me before we were engaged "I don't care what you get me - it is HOW YOU GIVE IT TO ME that matters".

I spent months researching her ring, but I am an engineer, and a bit obsessive about things. In our case, the ring (specs/details) was a representation of me and my love for her - in putting together something rare and special that I felt she deserved. Honestly I could have bought a ring from zales and she would have been okay.

The proposal however, on a mountain top in paradise, was all about her and what she really wanted.

It took me many months reminding her on the specs on her gems and ring - she kept forgetting – “what is H&A?”.

She always likes to say that I am left brain and she is right brain. Guess between us we have a whole brain!

And that is what balance is about!

 

[Chinchy]

Maybe he''s just trying to throw you off and will surprise you with the ring of your dreams? Wouldn''t that be a great surprise?

I spent hours and hours a day looking for a ring for my fiancée. Lots of time looking at diamonds, and rings, and styles, and the like. I just kinda figured most guys would do that because they wanted to totally surprise their significant others.

 

[Kojack]

I to have become obsessed with the whole buying experience. For a guy, I guess its rare. I just get obsessed with projects and new things, this definately being one of the most important projects I have researched. I actually love checking this website and soaking up the info I learn. If it wasn''t for PS, I would have most likely purchased a diamond in a mall and have no idea about anything more than the 4 c''s. Thanks to everyone here, I have purchased a better ring for a better deal and all because of the info I learned here at PS!

 

[tawn]

My husband set the budget...and then I did all the rest. In his defense, I''m extremely fussy and almost impossible to buy for...and he''s not interested in jewelry. It''s like when he starts talking about motorcycles engines, and I try to listen and be interested but I just don''t want to know!

We let the other one talk about our interests and try to listen...but we definitely wouldn''t pass a pop quiz on what was said!

 

[eks6426]

I think a lot of guys are like you''re SO. (No offense to the thoughtful guys painstakingly researching their theirs heart out). I tried explaining all the PS stuff to my husband, but he just wasn''t interested in the details. He just wanted me to be happy. Assumingly, your SO cares how you feel---but probably just isn''t the research person you are on diamonds. Save the guy some pain and yourself too...One way to deal with it is to ask SO the budget, then give him 3 options that you do like and let him pick. That way he gets to pick...but you limit the field of choices to ones you like.

 

[marvel]

My SO spent some time in the begining looking at rings with me, but basically his eyes glazed over when it came to any kind of diamond talk. He set a budget with our jeweler and my jewler and I picked out the stone and designed he ring (I think I am engaged to my jeweler by proxy). I realize the whole process bores him to tears, just likes his sports bores me

 

[KristyDarling]

I think your boyfriend''s behavior is the norm. In fact, probably 90% of men behave just like yours. The 10% you see posting here on PS are the rare breed of male gem-lovers (or at least guys who are really into doing research of ANY kind). I''d give my right leg (not the arm since I need the fingers for bling) to clone their diamond-appreciating genes and infuse my hubby with them! My hubby gave me a budget, and left the rest to me. He didn''t want to be involved at all. But I zone out when he starts talking about sports cars, so we''re even.

 

[plg_cp]

Date: 12/12/2005 4:46:15 PM
Author: KristyDarling
In fact, probably 90% of men behave just like yours. The 10% you see posting here on PS are the rare breed of male gem-lovers (or at least guys who are really into doing research of ANY kind).

I would say it''s probably more than 90% even. Count me in the 100+ hours-of-research club but for sure I''m rare versus the general population

On the bright side, at least your BF didn''t go out and buy the first mall special he found without you knowing! You will still end up with a great rock this way.

In my case, I put so much effort into getting a beautifully cut stone and although my fiancee appreciates it, I don''t think she really realizes its superiority as you all do. She finds it amusing that I still come on PS after I''ve made the purchase.

Good luck,
Mark

 

[portoar]

Hey, you''re not alone. When my husband and I went shopping for rings, he basically said, I hope you don''t want a diamond, because you know, they are just a giant rip-off propagated by DeBeers and I won''t spend any money on one . . . that set the tone and we ended up just getting gold wedding bands. I''ll give him credit for being interested in choosing wedding bands and suggesting something beautiful and unique, but no diamond. In 12 (almost 13 now) years of marriage and however many more to come I have never received, and will never receive, a diamond from him. I finally came into some money and just bought my own . . . it''s the man that matters more than the ring.

 

[NanStacy]

HI, MAS,
I''ve been appraiseing diamonds for 25 years. It used to be that most of the time the women were picking out the stones, and were shopping for price rather than quality.

Few guys came in, and it was without much enthusiasm.

Now I see mostly the men selecting the diamonds (but then I am in a hi-tech area) and what turns them on is all the scientific "stuff" about diamonds--especially the subject of cut.

Now, maybe your guy is never going to be turned on by diamonds. On the other hand, maybe it is just the shopping that is a drag. My suggestion is to try to encourage him just to learn a little about diamond cut--do the diamond tutorial--so he can advise you on the diamonds you locate. Tell him you''d feel more comfortable, and as others have suggested, that is would just mean a lot to you, emotionally. He just might pick up on it.

If not, well--maybe he''s a gem in himself, and his strengths lie in another area. After all, picking out a diamond is not quite as crucial as deciding how many kids to have!

Enjoy the process.

Nancy Stacy

 

[kevinyonker]

Actually I decided to do alot of research after visiting about 5 jewelry stores at the mall. In 3 or 4 stores, my girlfriend found a diamond she ''loved''. In the last store we visited, the sales person brought out the "Hearts on Fire" round brilliants. Obviously, the cut was superb, the size was .75ct, but the color was an I and the clarity was a SI1. They wanted $5,025 for this stone.
My girlffriend thought it was the nicest diamond on earth. Even to a novice like me, I couldn''t see paying 5 grand for such a medicore quality stone.

I went to the internet and found this place and several nice sites that are all mentioned in this forum. I ended up with a .85ct Hearts and Arrows Isee2 diamond. It is an F colorr with a VVS2 clarity. It scored 3 very highs on the brilliantscope and a 9.5 Isee2. The HCA score was 1.4. I bought the diamond online because the store has a 30 day money back guarantee. It was $4,958. The diamond arrived yesterday afternoon. Oh my god!!! It blows away everything we looked at in the mall.

Bottom line...whether it''s 2 grand or 10 grand, guys should want to make sure they get the most bang for their buck.
I did my research and I am thankful I did. My girlfriend is totally blown away. She thinks I am a diamond genius. Obviously, I''m not, but the folks who post on this forum and the sales people at Good Old Gold and other sites sure are!

 

[Garysax]

Date: 12/12/2005 4:46:15 PM
Author: KristyDarling
(or at least guys who are really into doing research of ANY kind).

I can''t tell you how true this is. There are a lot of guys like this (like me). I couldn''t do this any other way, making such a large purchase without excrutiatingly looking for it and searching; thank god for the internet. But then, I work in academics so I guess that might be part of it, but the other guy who posted above who is an engineer knows as well. I don''t really even like diamonds very much (I do love coloured stones, though...), but my personality is that type where I have to research every big purchase I make. Thus, here I am, on PS.

 

[Incognito2]

I agree with Gary....I have done literally hundreds of hours of research into this purchase, and I now feel like I know more than most mall jewelers I would encounter. I guess its just in my nature to be so anal about analyzing every minute detail of this purchase....to me it is actually quite enjoyable (my future FI will no doubt find this quite enjoyable as well)

But just because me and some other guys here have found this process interesting and have devoted quite some time to it, doesnt mean that your husband is strange for not wanting to. For instance, my girlfriend would NEVER spend 1/100 the time I have researching....she just wants something big and sparkly, and couldnt care less whether it was AGS0, D or H, IF or SI1....as long as it met her "sparkly" criteria. It is my obsessive nature that makes me want the best possible quality of diamond I can provide to her...but as many posted previous have said, opposites attract....so I wouldnt worry about it too much....

 

[elepri]

Well, my now husband does research for a living but he had absolutely nothing to do with my diamond search until i was down to my final choices. He''s still clueless about diamonds and I"m perfectly happy with it. It worked great for us because i''d already known quite a bit about diamonds having found Pricescope long before we even started talking about getting engaged. So in the end, I got exactly the ring I wanted and he took care of the proposal, which was still a surprise. However, you obviously want your bf to be more involved and I''d suggest you tell him that. Since you''re doing all the research, could it be that he just assumes that you''re quite happy to be doing it and doesn''t see the need to get involved? It obviously works differently for different couples, some guys are more interested in diamond research than others and everyone had different ideas about what consitutes romantic behavior. But I think guys in general can be pretty clueless about this sort of thing. I''d talk to him and explain why it makes you unhappy. I''m sure he''ll get more involved if he knows how much it means to you.

 

[Gonzodogg]

Date: 12/13/2005 2:42:46 PM
Author: kevinyonker
Actually I decided to do alot of research after visiting about 5 jewelry stores at the mall. In 3 or 4 stores, my girlfriend found a diamond she ''loved''. In the last store we visited, the sales person brought out the ''Hearts on Fire'' round brilliants. Obviously, the cut was superb, the size was .75ct, but the color was an I and the clarity was a SI1. They wanted $5,025 for this stone.
My girlffriend thought it was the nicest diamond on earth. Even to a novice like me, I couldn''t see paying 5 grand for such a medicore quality stone.

I think you might want to do a little more research.

 

[jenibear]

Mas,

Do not feel bad.

I picked out my ring with hubby''s help and wouldn''t have it any other way. I am not a romantic. I am way to anal and obsessive. I am picky. I sound so awful don''t I? I''m really not, I swear.

Hubby? He is so amazingly laid back and relaxed. It is what I love best about him. There is no way he would ever get so wrapped up in something like a diamond - and thank God because two of us is way too much. Now that he knows something about them, he gets why I care so much. But he will never be like me, and I do not expect it or want it.

He cared about popping the question as a surprise. Whatever. That did not matter to me. I just wanted to marry him and wear a nice rock.

Your boyfriend is who he is. Love him for it and don''t expect him to act any different. I bet there are many things he is that other men are not - rejoice in that. I do, everyday.

Appreciate this experience for what it is - do not judge it by what you think it ought to be. There is no such thing and it will only make you sad.

Good luck!

 

[kevinyonker]

Gonzodogg,

My reply didn''t say what I intended to point out. I do not think a .75 I VS1 H&A diamond is mediocre. The B&M''s price at the mall was $5,025. What I was trying to point out is that for same money you can purchase a better color and clarity H&A diamond from GOG, WF and others for the same price. A .75 I VS1 H&A diamond is stunning, but if you''re going to spend $5,000, you can do much better for that sum of money.

Sorry.

Kevin