aprilcait
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2006
- Messages
- 788
I have a feeling this post is going to be a bit lengthy but I'll do my best to keep it concise. Hang in there!
Background: DH's mom has been fighting Leukemia for a few months. Yesterday, the doctors gave her a few days to a couple weeks to live.
The issue: DH has obviously been upset. I've tried to be very understanding about his lashing out, as it's a natural reaction, but I also maintain a policy of "if you realize you're lashing out, stop, apologize, and go somewhere else. If you realized you previouly lashed out, apologize." Lashing out happens but it doesn't mean the behavior is acceptable. Today, though, I hit the wall with accepting his lashing out.
DH is very quiet about difficult matters. His sister is anything but. I am in between... I tell those who "need to know" but do not even hint at difficult matters to those who do not "need to know". So far, I've told my parents, my close co-worker, and just yesterday (because of my concern of having to take off work unexpectedly for a funeral/funeral preparations) told my boss. My close co-worker (who knows DH) sent a brief sympathy email to DH today and DH went off on me. He was upset that I told my co-worker and told me to let him handle his business. I responded that I have the right to tell my co-worker about the situation, that I know he wants to keep it all quiet but that I am going through this too. Then I said: "Your mom isn’t my mom but she is my mother-in-law and you are my husband and everything going on right now is affecting me too. What I feel is NOTHING compared to what you’re feeling, and I am fully aware of that. However, I don’t think I deserve a gag order especially when it is obviously not a family-wide decision."
I am SO angry! I know this is tough situation for DH but I do not feel that he has the right to tell me who I can and cannot tell, especially when I am being discrete. I understand he's in pain and angry, but it has been one nit-pick after another today from him, and the past week has been silent when we're at home... he just shuts down. Its driving me bananas!
Background: DH's mom has been fighting Leukemia for a few months. Yesterday, the doctors gave her a few days to a couple weeks to live.
The issue: DH has obviously been upset. I've tried to be very understanding about his lashing out, as it's a natural reaction, but I also maintain a policy of "if you realize you're lashing out, stop, apologize, and go somewhere else. If you realized you previouly lashed out, apologize." Lashing out happens but it doesn't mean the behavior is acceptable. Today, though, I hit the wall with accepting his lashing out.
DH is very quiet about difficult matters. His sister is anything but. I am in between... I tell those who "need to know" but do not even hint at difficult matters to those who do not "need to know". So far, I've told my parents, my close co-worker, and just yesterday (because of my concern of having to take off work unexpectedly for a funeral/funeral preparations) told my boss. My close co-worker (who knows DH) sent a brief sympathy email to DH today and DH went off on me. He was upset that I told my co-worker and told me to let him handle his business. I responded that I have the right to tell my co-worker about the situation, that I know he wants to keep it all quiet but that I am going through this too. Then I said: "Your mom isn’t my mom but she is my mother-in-law and you are my husband and everything going on right now is affecting me too. What I feel is NOTHING compared to what you’re feeling, and I am fully aware of that. However, I don’t think I deserve a gag order especially when it is obviously not a family-wide decision."
I am SO angry! I know this is tough situation for DH but I do not feel that he has the right to tell me who I can and cannot tell, especially when I am being discrete. I understand he's in pain and angry, but it has been one nit-pick after another today from him, and the past week has been silent when we're at home... he just shuts down. Its driving me bananas!