Can Someone Talk Me Out of This...

[LaurenAdam]

I think your feelings are completely normal and justified. My mother has her 4th upgrade and around the time she was getting it her neighbor decided she was going to upgrade as well. Now my mother decided to get a 1.58ct D VVS1 wide markee (sp). It is absolutely stunning! Clear and white! and may I say pricy. My mother also got a very expensive beautiful setting that really shows off the stone. Her neighbor decided to get a 2ct. round brilliant stone. I do not know the color or clarity but from the side the stone looks brown. (not a pretty brown) The stone flashes up pretty white but the cut is not that great. They matched the side stones which do not flash up white at all. Don''t get me wrong her neighbor’s diamond is lovely. I think a different setting that didn''t show so much of the side of the stone would help the look but it is very beautiful. What I am trying to say is that my mother’s diamond was a lot more expensive and is absolutely amazing even though it is not as "large" as the neighbors. No one would ever even compare the two. When it came time to choose my diamond I wanted size (who doesn''t) but I also wanted cut, color, and clarity. I could have gone up two a 2 ct but I was not willing to sacrifice color or clarity. (Even though I felt pressured by jewelers to do just that) I bet that those diamonds your friends have are not nearly as nice as yours is. You are looking at the size but go look at the stone. They may brag about the size but you can know that yours is of higher quality. Maybe that can help.

I agree with the others that this is a symbol of your mans love. If for some reason you still have these feelings I would definitely tell him. You don''t want that stuff festering. I would tell him how much you appreciate the color and clarity of the stone and that you want to keep that same idea but that you would be willing to sacrifice some of that for a larger size. Maybe you can compromise on something larger but still a great color and clarity.

I feel for you I really do. Its too bad that a lot of people are getting engaged during your engagement. That’s probably the best thing about being engaged, showing off your ring. (god knows planning the wedding isn''t, getting married in 8 days) If they are showing off their rings it must feel like they are steeling your thunder and that cannot feel good.

 

[togal]

Date: 10/11/2006 7:17:34 PM
Author:topdownslk
Well, I wouldn''t share this on a b-board if I wasn''t ashamed of my feelings.

(Excuse my typing, I''m on a pda)

So a few months ago, my bf-then, now fiance got me an HOF 1ct vvs2 color F engagement ring. I was satisfied, but not overly excited since I was expecting a 2ct ring and I didn''t really care so much for all the spec after it.

Now, a few months have passed, one close friend after another is getting engaged and flashing their 2ct $25k-$30k ring here and there. All of the sudden, it made me feel so self-conscious about my e-ring that I sometimes rather hide it.

I feel so bad, sometimes I look at the e-ring and think of it as the symbol of his love. But yet I''m ashamed of it. I always thought I could flash it and proclaim to the world how much he loves me. I admit it''s such a bad attitude towards tangible things, and these feelings are totally invalid. I''m now so confused, feeling guility and sad at the same time, and I really don''t know how to feel anymore. Advice?

Hmm....you''re ashamed of a gorgeous HOF 1Ct VVS2 F diamond engagement ring. That REALLY IS too bad.

Dare I say that most women would be thrilled with that. Maybe the ring isn''t the problem...you obviously, according to your post, equate the size of the stone to how much he loves you. I guess he only loves you a carat worth....the other girls'' fiances must love them more...
May I ask....what part of the world do you live in where one close friend after another is getting 2+ carat engagement rings? Maybe the problem isn''t your diamond size....maybe you just need to move.

PS....contrary to what some others have posted, I don''t advocate saying anything about this to your fiance....not unless you don''t care about his feelings....or your impending marriage. Yes, a good relationship is built on open, honest communication, blah, blah, blah.....but seriously now...

 

[codex57]

I''m just curious. Is the OP even sure what the specs are for her friends rings? Are the $30K rings? When I was buying my ring, on one of the trips up and down the elevator, I happened to stand next to a couple who had just picked up a ring for the girl. She was obviously deliriously happy. Infectious. However, cuz of you evil people, I had learned to look beyond size and was trying to judge the quality of the cut and other features. The thing was a honker. Just a monster stone. Random people would definitely have been impressed. However, I noticed it was pretty lifeless and sorta milky. I''m guessing in the J color range or so. So, while it was big, I thikn they sacrificed in all the other C''s. So, altho it was prolly twice (or more) the size of the stone I picked out, it prolly only cost about the same.

 

[starofaquarius]

I'm the Original Poster, somehow I couldn't log on with my old screen name anymore...

Thank you all who have posted, more importantly, for taking the time to hear me out. Especially the post from *Widget*, my FI did tell me once that he wants to give me the perfect diamond because I am the perfect one for him. I guess when your heart is so upset about something that you lose your head sometimes.

I feel much better now, although occasionally those bad envious feelings do creep from time to time.

I think my biggest issue is that he could afford it, it's just that he chooses not to. But like someone had said in this thread, just because you could afford something, it does not mean that you have to get the best of everything. My mom told me something that strike me when I confided to her about my problem. She said in her broken English, "Their men are not as patient, kind and loving as yours".

For the record, my friends and I (and our respective FI's) are already in our late 20's, 2ct or $25k e-ring is the norm in our social circle. We all own a place (even places), or about to purchase one in a few months. It might sound strange to some of you, but it's happening. Sometimes I wish I can break the norm and live a simplistic life too.

Another strange feeling of mine is that I'm oblivious when their bf's or fi's give them expensive LV/GUI bags for every birthday/christmas occasion. But yet the e-ring thing really bothers me. Perhaps it's the way I view e-rings. It's a once in a life time thing, a symbol of love, a future upgrade is not going to change things around.

I like some of the practical suggestions mentioned here. Get a nice 5/7-stone wedding band, but of course, it will never fix the problem in my heart.

Again, thanks for hearing me out, you gals are great!

 

[Christa]

Date: 10/13/2006 4:03:05 PM
Author: starofaquarius
I think my biggest issue is that he could afford it, it''s just that he chooses not to.

I know it''s annoying when we''re talking about an engagement ring, but trust me--this is a good quality in a husband! He sounds like a guy who will keep the two of you on solid financial footing.

 

[lili]

perhaps it would help if you don''t focus too much on the symbolism behind the e-ring.
to me, the wedding bands are far more symbolic in terms of love than the ering.
those are the rings that bind the man and woman as husband and wife -- so go get a nice blingy wedding band.

 

[Julian]

I kind of understand more of where you''re coming from... May I ask if you''re Asian? You mentioned that your mom spoke in broken English. (By the way, what she said was 100% correct!) Sometimes Asians can be really competitive about diamonds for some reason. I think it''s in some way related to how they see the man can "provide" for the woman. (Even though we''re not trading women for goats anymore in 2006!)

But these days, I think it''s more important to find quality over sheer size. Your guy bought you a GORGEOUS stone from the specs. That is more impressive than just size, IMHO. Unfortunately, most of the general public doesn''t appreciate high quality diamonds just yet. They just wonder if they''re cleaning their rocks the wrong way if they don''t sparkle as much as yours.

But in your heart, like you wrote, you know he wanted to get the very best for you... not merely the biggest, but the BEST. That''s really impressive and I just love that he did that for you!

Now show us the ring so we can oooh and ahhh over it! We''ll tell you how spectacular it is!!!!!

By the way, CONGRATULATIONS!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/13/2006 4:55:15 PM
Author: Christa

Date: 10/13/2006 4:03:05 PM
Author: starofaquarius
I think my biggest issue is that he could afford it, it''s just that he chooses not to.

I know it''s annoying when we''re talking about an engagement ring, but trust me--this is a good quality in a husband! He sounds like a guy who will keep the two of you on solid financial footing.

ITA!!! mine was so practial I waited 15 years for my ring, but the longer I waited the more I got in the end LOL (and the less it hurt to do so)

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 10/13/2006 5:10:00 PM
Author: lili
perhaps it would help if you don''t focus too much on the symbolism behind the e-ring.
to me, the wedding bands are far more symbolic in terms of love than the ering.
those are the rings that bind the man and woman as husband and wife -- so go get a nice blingy wedding band.

ITA on the first part, not the second.... JMO of course, but I think wedding bands should be devoid of materialism and bling - that''s what *anniversary* bands are for Because there is so much meaning in the wedding band it''s nice to have something that never needs upgrading... you dn''t have to wear it all the time, but it''s nice to take it out and wear it just for sentimentality.... the more I think about that other thread and trends, the more I am totally on board with the plain gold band for a forever wedding ring, and various cocktail rh rings for diversity.

 

[Stone Hunter]

Date: 10/13/2006 4:03:05 PM
Author: starofaquarius
I''m the Original Poster, somehow I couldn''t log on with my old screen name anymore...

Another strange feeling of mine is that I''m oblivious when their bf''s or fi''s give them expensive LV/GUI bags for every birthday/christmas occasion. But yet the e-ring thing really bothers me. Perhaps it''s the way I view e-rings. It''s a once in a life time thing, a symbol of love, a future upgrade is not going to change things around.

Yes it is amazing that each of us focuses on different things. I totally get what you are saying, but maybe you could change the way you view e-rings?

My husband bought a house before we got married. That down payment would have made a great e-ring. Others whose husbands made less money had bigger erings than I. But at the 15 year mark I''m getting a fabulous upgrade. No it''s not the original ring but I''ve adjusted my view and I''m OK with that.

We''ve also upgraded our house a couple of times, and I''m OK with that too.