Amber St. Clare
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2009
- Messages
- 1,702
monarch64 said:As if she was trying SO HARD to be friendly? It made me feel sorry for her, and no one likes to feel sorry for someone--it's awkward and uncomfortable. I really wanted to say to her, "hey, drop it with the cute stuff and let's just complete this deal."
quietlysw|1425196247|3840043 said:monarch64 said:As if she was trying SO HARD to be friendly? It made me feel sorry for her, and no one likes to feel sorry for someone--it's awkward and uncomfortable. I really wanted to say to her, "hey, drop it with the cute stuff and let's just complete this deal."
I'm 21 and work in retail, and I enjoy being happy and friendly towards customers. Not looking to be cute or to have people feel sorry for me. What can you do? If you're crisp and cold, you could be considered a bitch.... on the other hand if you're friendly and warm, you're considered sad and pathetic.
I personally will keep on keepin' on. There's no pleasing everyone, and I will make peace with being judged for being kind and happy.
AGBF|1425124416|3839681 said:I am a fair skinned, light eyed, blonde. I am clearly not Hispanic although there are, of course, Hispanic people who look like me. I am just the least likely person on any street to be the one person who happens to be that unusual very fair Hiapanic! (When I brought my Brzailian cleaning woman to the Emergency Room, though-she was a blue-eyed blonde with fair skin and freckles-the doctor asked if she was my daughter. I thought "What kind of idiot is he? Why wouldn't I have taught my daughter my English?" But I digress.)
At any rate, I am called "Mami" all the time by friendly Hispanic women and I quite like it. I dislike being called "Miss" by store clerks since I am clearly a "Ma'am". I usually feel it is done in a rude, perfunctory way. If they are going to use a perfunctory tone, they should use the title "Ma'am". In the military on addresses a superior female officer as "Ma'am".
This is more than a bit outré, but when my daughter was younger she disobeyed me and brought a man-a man with a prison record, no less-into the house after I had told her not to. I found the door to her bedroom upstairs closed and locked. I ran up the stairs, banged on it, demanded entry, and found a naked man trying to hide in her closet. (My daughter was naked as a jaybird in the middle of the room.) I screamed at the man to come out before I called the police and hedid, tring to cove up with some pieces of clothing. I remember he said, "I', sorry, Miss" and I said, "I am not "Miss". I am a married woman. You address me as "Ma'am"!"
And thus began my relationship with one of the three guys my daughter has dated who came to call me, "Mom"! (Yes, he was an ex-con. But he was very respectful to my daughter and me.)
AGBF
canuk-gal|1425227732|3840214 said:AGBF|1425124416|3839681 said:I am a fair skinned, light eyed, blonde. I am clearly not Hispanic although there are, of course, Hispanic people who look like me. I am just the least likely person on any street to be the one person who happens to be that unusual very fair Hiapanic! (When I brought my Brzailian cleaning woman to the Emergency Room, though-she was a blue-eyed blonde with fair skin and freckles-the doctor asked if she was my daughter. I thought "What kind of idiot is he? Why wouldn't I have taught my daughter my English?" But I digress.)
At any rate, I am called "Mami" all the time by friendly Hispanic women and I quite like it. I dislike being called "Miss" by store clerks since I am clearly a "Ma'am". I usually feel it is done in a rude, perfunctory way. If they are going to use a perfunctory tone, they should use the title "Ma'am". In the military on addresses a superior female officer as "Ma'am".
This is more than a bit outré, but when my daughter was younger she disobeyed me and brought a man-a man with a prison record, no less-into the house after I had told her not to. I found the door to her bedroom upstairs closed and locked. I ran up the stairs, banged on it, demanded entry, and found a naked man trying to hide in her closet. (My daughter was naked as a jaybird in the middle of the room.) I screamed at the man to come out before I called the police and hedid, tring to cove up with some pieces of clothing. I remember he said, "I', sorry, Miss" and I said, "I am not "Miss". I am a married woman. You address me as "Ma'am"!"
And thus began my relationship with one of the three guys my daughter has dated who came to call me, "Mom"! (Yes, he was an ex-con. But he was very respectful to my daughter and me.)
AGBF
Deb--your posts always give me the most pleasure!
cheers--Sharon
iLander|1425246041|3840381 said:I'm in the South and people call me hon, usually older than me waitresses.
I hate it.
But as I get older, there are fewer and fewer waitresses older than me.
Problem solved?
missy|1425124258|3839680 said:Maisie said:I am replying again to this thread because someone used a familiar term on me last night. I hurt my back yesterday and I was in agony. I had to phone for an out of hours check up. The lady making the appt kept calling me 'my love'. I have to admit it was comforting because I was quite upset. She has a great bedside manner. Not so sure how I would feel being called that at a supermarket check out, but I quite liked it last night!
Oh Maisie, I hope you feel better today! You poor dear. And I agree completely. It can be so comforting when one is not feeling well, vulnerable or in pain to have people be kind to you and call you a term of endearment. Hugs to you and I hope your back is all better today!
Ha! It WAS a good day!Amber St. Clare|1425165082|3839913 said:OP--I don't mean to sound snarky, but--if being called "hon" was the worst thing that happened to you that day, I would think you had a nice day, all things considered.
LOL!!!iLander|1425246041|3840381 said:I'm in the South and people call me hon, usually older than me waitresses.
I hate it.
But as I get older, there are fewer and fewer waitresses older than me.
Problem solved?
iLander|1425246041|3840381 said:I'm in the South and people call me hon, usually older than me waitresses.
I hate it.
But as I get older, there are fewer and fewer waitresses older than me.
Problem solved?
autumngems|1425397847|3841247 said:Born and raised in the South, it's what we do.
makemepretty|1425556358|3842173 said:I tend to call all little kids "sweetie" when I'm talking to them. It's just a term of endearment to let them know I'm being friendly. I think it's nice when someone calls you hon, honey or any nice term. There are so many rude people in the world that I find it comforting. My mother HATES it though. I just can't understand why someone being nice to you is offensive. An act of kindness, even with a simple pleasant word, should always be appreciated in this harsh world.
makemepretty|1425556358|3842173 said:I tend to call all little kids "sweetie" when I'm talking to them. It's just a term of endearment to let them know I'm being friendly. I think it's nice when someone calls you hon, honey or any nice term. There are so many rude people in the world that I find it comforting. My mother HATES it though. I just can't understand why someone being nice to you is offensive. An act of kindness, even with a simple pleasant word, should always be appreciated in this harsh world.
makemepretty|1425556358|3842173 said:I tend to call all little kids "sweetie" when I'm talking to them. It's just a term of endearment to let them know I'm being friendly. I think it's nice when someone calls you hon, honey or any nice term. There are so many rude people in the world that I find it comforting. My mother HATES it though. I just can't understand why someone being nice to you is offensive. An act of kindness, even with a simple pleasant word, should always be appreciated in this harsh world.
smitcompton|1425573793|3842271 said:Make me pretty has gone to the root of the problem. These terms of endearment are used for children. However, men used these terms when addressing women, When the change was made from Mrs to Ms, it was also decided that men could no longer use words like hon, sweetie , or other terms used for children. That carried over to the general use of the terms. I do continue to use these terms for children, but almost never for adult women. I sometimes slip and use the "My dear".
I don't get offended if a woman uses the words, but I don't hear it much any more. I was surprised Gypsy used it. Womens Lib ladies.
Unrelated men cannot use it for addressing unrelated women or throwing Hon in to condescend to you. We are not children.
smitcompton|1425573793|3842271 said:I was surprised Gypsy used it. Womens Lib ladies.
Gypsy|1425714135|3843255 said:smitcompton|1425573793|3842271 said:I was surprised Gypsy used it. Womens Lib ladies.
As someone said. It's just a way of being nice. And there's nothing anti-feminist about being nice. Yes, I can see that for some it has negative connotations. But for many, like it, it's the intent that matters and most people. And most of the time when I use it (unless I am gritting my teeth at a rude teenager or millennial in which case it is a reminder to myself not to lose it, while calling the person "you idiot" in my head), I intend to be nice.
I think Deb hit it on the head: "I pretty much judge everyone by what his intentions appear to be. Those who appear to mean well, I treat well. I'm way too old to get worked up over what nice people do and say."
My DH's grandfather used to call me "Doll". He called his wife the same thing.
I've been called a "peach."
I've even been called a "dame."
As long as the intent is good, what does it really matter?