Calling all moms--HELP

[NYCsparkle]

Last year I had my wonderful son. He is going to be 1 years old next week.

I''ve been able to stay home with him for this whole year. i''ve been so lucky not to miss any of his "firsts". Now i am looking for a job(i''m a teacher). I am very sad about having to go back to work in September. I feel like i''m a bad mother if i do. How did you overcome the guilt of leaving to go to work?

 

[divergrrl]

Hug...hey there it''ll be ok. If its any consolation, my toddler wears me the hell out & he''s a good kid...so you might really like working! Plus you are a teacher, which in my humble opinion is a great career for moms. You''ll have a lot of time with your kids, more than most working moms. My stepmom retired from teaching 1st grade for 32 years & my SIL has been teaching 4th grade for 25 years & both said they felt so lucky to have all the summers & breaks. So don''t worry.

There is no right or wrong way to raise a child. Being a stay at home mom is not superior to working, or vice versa. All that matters is how you love them & that you get quality time together.

I''m home full time, but I spend much of my day doing laundry, cleaning house (I surf during naptimes/bedtimes), yardwork, taking care of the household, so my son entertains himself quite a bit, so its not like I am doting on him/playing with him/giving him my undivided attention 24/7. I''d never get anything done. Sometimes PBS cartoons have to entertain him while I scrub the kitchen floor or make breakfast/lunch/dinner & then clean up.

I make a point each day of spending a nice chunk of quality time with him & also to read to him at night...but all moms are working moms, whether its at home or at a location elsewhere, so don''t buy into the guilt. You are wonderful & your child will continue to think so.

 

[Heishman]

Hi NYCsprakle,

Have you looked into different childcare options for your son?

My first was born in 2003 and I had a really hard time going back after 3 months. I was lucky to have my grandmother watch my son 5 days a week while I was away at work. Once he turned 2 1/2 I enrolled him into a local daycare (Kindercare) It took him a few weeks to get use to it, but now he loves going. I am now pregnant with my 3rd and I have no other option but to stay home. My last day at work is actually tomorrow.

 

[VegasAngel]

I'm in the same boat as you. I just tell myself lots of families put their kids in daycare & they are fine-mine will be too. My daughter is a very happy very active kid I think she will adjust to daycare just fine. What worried me for a long time was whether I should do a home sitter or daycare. I am very much at peace with a daycare. My girl may not get one on attention all day from the teachers but at least I know the place will be completely babyproofed, there is more than one person so I dont have to worry about a sitter shaking or hitting my kid, she gets to be around other kids, etc.. Also, I'm over breastfeeding. My daughter is a booby baby & I cannot get her to give it up. I think being away from her is the only way she is going to stop. So far I'm not having much luck in getting a job sooo...... I will just have to spend my days with my girl

 

[VegasAngel]

Date: 7/19/2007 1:29:30 PM
Author: divergrrl
Hug...hey there it''ll be ok. If its any consolation, my toddler wears me the hell out & he''s a good kid...so you might really like working! Plus you are a teacher, which in my humble opinion is a great career for moms. You''ll have a lot of time with your kids, more than most working moms. My stepmom retired from teaching 1st grade for 32 years & my SIL has been teaching 4th grade for 25 years & both said they felt so lucky to have all the summers & breaks. So don''t worry.

There is no right or wrong way to raise a child. Being a stay at home mom is not superior to working, or vice versa. All that matters is how you love them & that you get quality time together.

I''m home full time, but I spend much of my day doing laundry, cleaning house (I surf during naptimes/bedtimes), yardwork, taking care of the household, so my son entertains himself quite a bit, so its not like I am doting on him/playing with him/giving him my undivided attention 24/7. I''d never get anything done. Sometimes PBS cartoons have to entertain him while I scrub the kitchen floor or make breakfast/lunch/dinner & then clean up.

I make a point each day of spending a nice chunk of quality time with him & also to read to him at night...but all moms are working moms, whether its at home or at a location elsewhere, so don''t buy into the guilt. You are wonderful & your child will continue to think so.

This TOTALLY applies to me.

 

[Independent Gal]

Here''s one way to look at it: my mom went to work when I was still little. We had to go to an after school program. I learned so many things at that program! Pottery... baking... music lessons... soapstone carving... photography... it was like SUMMER CAMP! And some of those things became life long hobbies. But most importantly, I learned a feeling of independence that has served me really well.

Which is just to say: a good daycare will expose your child to all kinds of exciting new things! Of course, they would presumably be age appropriate.

So, it''s not all bad.

But the very best most important thing is that BECAUSE my mom went to work, we relate to each other now in a different way than we would have. If I have issues at work, or office politics type things, or career anxieties, my mom is someone I can talk to who really understands. We relate to each other in yet one more important way that makes us closer friends.

Yes, all of that is long in the future for you. But just to say, so far from holding it AGAINST my mom that she went to work, I feel like, in our particularly case, it helped make me the brave and eager-to-try-new-things-on-my-own person I am today and it made her and I closer friends now that I''m an adult.

Not saying that works for everyone. Just giving you some of the potential "up-sides!"

Oh yeah, here''s another one: if you''re fulfilled and happy at work with lots of good adult conversation, that will maybe make you more ''chilled out'' and happy with your kids!

 

[VegasAngel]

By the way NYC what did you decide to do for your sons 1st brthday? So much fun

 

[NYCsparkle]

thanks for all of your advice and support. it really helps.

vegas--i''m having a big jungle themed bbq at my house. i''ll post pics after the party.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Hi,

It''s REALLY important to have balance. Being around your son 24/7 isn''t healthy for you or your child. I have two boys, ages 5 & 6 and they are SUCH a handful and I have no family help so a few years back I ended up resorting to putting them in PT daycare just to give me a break and it''s worked out SO well. My kids interact with groups of kids in their own age category and do hours of fun crafts and other projects I just don''t have the energy to do on a daily basis. They''ve also learned to follow "the rules," in social situations and as a result both my kids KNOW how to behave when they should and I am constantly complimented on how well behaved they are.

I know it is hard putting your child in daycare, but trust me, you''ll end up appreciating the time you DO have with him so much more!!!

 

[Joolskie]

NYCSparkle... motherhood and guilt go hand-in-hand whether you work outside the house or not.

I am the mom of two wild and crazy boys who are now 4 and almost 7. I worked outside the house until my first son turned 5. And let me tell you, I did every combination known to man. Full time, part time, reduced hours, flex time, telecommute. I am still working. Only now it is full-time from home. There is nothing guilt-worthy about contributing to the family finances or contributing to the world at large. And as a teacher, you truly are an asset to the world at large. I would feel very fortunate to have a caring mom and teacher like you heading up my son's class!

There are lots of single parents out there raising kids and working. I would remember that on those days when the guilt would creep up on me. Are their kids worse off because they are in daycare? Absolutely not. The act of staying home does not make someone a good parent. Loving your kids and making sure they know that you think they are the greatest thing to have ever graced this planet?!?! That is what parenting is about. And that can be accomplished regardless of your work situation.

The adjustment will be tough at first. But once you are comfortable with daycare and you establish a new routine... all will be fine.

 

[woobug02]

I remember feeling your pain

I had to go back to work after our first daughter.... It was so painful but if you find someone you are comfortable with it will make it much easier.... do you have a family member that could help????

 

[suzi]

I had to work full time when my oldest was little. I went back to work when he was 18 months old. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but I had no choice. I was lucky enough to have family that could care for him while I worked, so I never had to feel the guilt of leaving him with strangers. I''m not sure what I would have done without family, because I worked lots of evening and night hours, and daycare would not have been an option for me. By the time my hours switched to daytime hours, my son was old enough to be in school, so it all worked out.

I think if your child is in a good childcare program with lots of other kids, it will be a good socialization experience. And it will make the time you DO get to spend with him all the more precious. I am in a position where I am able to stay at home full time with my kids now, and I do think there are times when I take my time with them for granted. Then there are other times when I''m looking for play dates just so that we can have a little time apart...lol!