Borrowing family jewelry

[Independent Gal]

This q is particularly for you ladies with very valuable pieces, but please everyone chime in!

I have an elderly cousin (87? I think? or 88?) whom I really love. We only met about 7 years ago, after I'd moved to the USA. She lives nearby and since I'm her only relative in this corner of the world (and she's MY only relative) we've got pretty close and get together every three weeks or so. It doesn't hurt that we share a lot of interests (exotic travel, diamonds, yummy restaurants, handsome men

, fashion) so we can talk for hours and hours and hours.

Anyway, I think we're pretty attached to each other at this point, but she's not the effusive type, so while I tend to say "lots of love, cousin E!" and tell her I missed her and stuff, she doesn't really do the same. But she shows her affection in lots of other ways: calling me for obviously trumped up reasons... buying me gifts when she's abroad... etc.

OK, so here's the question: Cousin E (who's my grammy's first cousin) is very, very wealthy. She has spectacular vintage jewels, and has told me that there's lots more she never pulls out because she never has a chance to wear them. She obviously feels sad about that.

My line of the family is NOT the one with money, and we have no fancy family jewels...except my mom's e-ring.

So, what I'm wondering is, would it be appropriate for me to ask Cousin E if she could be the source of my "something borrowed" for my wedding and loan me something spectacular to wear?

If someone asked to borrow something VERY valuable from YOU to wear (and take abroad for that matter) would you be OK with that?

I don't want to create any discomfort with her. But I also wondered if she might feel honoured. She has no immediate family of her own and it's also a way to make her feel included. I brough her dress shopping with me and she was SO excited, e.g.. BUT...?

 

[chrono]

If worded correctly and explained with sincerity, she may very well be flattered.

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I probably wouldn''t come right out and ask her if I could borrow something. I would lead into it by saying that I was having trouble finding something borrowed because I felt shy asking anyone for anything (and hope she would take the hint).

 

[Independent Gal]

Any further suggestions for wording? I'm sometimes lousy at this kind of thing!

 

[happilyeverafter]

I agree with the "lead in". Ask her to go shopping with you to find some fabulous wedding jewellery. Maybe after a day of not finding that perfect piece of jewellery she might volunteer something. You never know, she may volunteer something at the last minute anyways

 

[Erin]

Is there something specific you are coveting from her collection?

 

[Cehrabehra]

I wouldn''t ask. For one I think the something borrowed should be offered, not asked.... and for two, taking it abroad would definitely put the asking out of the running for me.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/24/2007 11:06:40 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
I wouldn't ask. For one I think the something borrowed should be offered, not asked.... and for two, taking it abroad would definitely put the asking out of the running for me.

I agree with Cehra Inde, I would just feel awkward asking, plus the responsibility if anything happened to it and taking it abroad, also the difficulty of getting it properly insured while it is in your possession. I would maybe consider it if she offered and then she has thought it through obviously with all that loaning it entails, but if not, then I wouldn't ask, as she might not be comfortable with lending her stuff anyway, especially as much of it sounds very valuable. Wait and see if she offers is my advice, but if not then leave it. Just my fourpenny's worth!

 

[crown1]

i would not ask. i would even be hesitant to use a piece if it was offered. with so many possible things that could happen taking the piece abroad i would not want her to think i had lost some of her jewels. soo many threads tell of brides and vacationers not taking along good jewelry. i feel the relationship is more important than wedding bling. when people get older they have a fear of being taken advantage of. i do not mean to sound harsh i would just be reluctant to put myself in such a position. i hope it works out how you wish.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,
I see the point of the person who asked if you had anything in mind. To ask to troll through her collection, unless she suggests it, is a bit much in my opinion. If she showed you something already, then I think you could ask. Auntie, I was wondering if I might borrow that single diamond necklace for my wedding. iN THAT CASE i WOULD THINK SHE WOULD BE HONORED. , but to say, Hey I want to go through your jewels to see what I like. I know I''m being crass but talk to her in general terms about needing some jewelry for your wedding. If she gives you something, make sure its insured.
Thanks, I hope she lends you something
Annette

 

[Independent Gal]

Thanks for the advice, ladies. I am now convinced that this is definitely NOT a good idea. As someone who doesn''t own anything of serious value, I don''t think I fully saw it that way, so I''m glad I asked on here! I''m pretty sure, knowing her, that she''d be shy to just offer something because I think she feels shy about assuming that she''s really "family" to me. (Which makes me sad, because she really IS family to me and I really do love her.) I think she would feel presumptuous. Like when I asked her to go dress shopping, she kept saying "Don''t you think your mother might mind? are you sure are you sure?" Of course my mother wouldn''t mind if my dear cousin came along! My mother is 1000''s and 1000''s of miles away and can''t go, and even if she could she''d love to have E along too. She seems to feel like she''s intruding, because she''s not used to having family around who love her. Her husband died when she was only 25 or so, her sister and parents are long dead too.

That''s why I thought of asking! I''d love her to feel included.

BUT! I think the extra risk of taking it abroad is one thing. And the risk of hurting E''s feelings or making her feel at all vulnerable or taken advantage of is DEFINITELY not one I''m willing to take. I think she feels extra vulnerable because she''s not only elderly but (except for me) kind of alone. I would feel extra horrible if she felt she had even the tiniest reason not to trust my true affection COMPLETELY. I mean, can you imagine being that age and not knowing if there was anyone who truly loved you and whom you could trust nearby? Especially in case something happened and you needed help or care? So, that is certainly NOT something I''m willing to even risk jeopardizing.

Thanks for helping me see clearly!

 

[Lorelei]

Inde you are a doll!!

Glad if we have helped you with this! Your relationship with her shines out as being precious in itself and as you say, you don't want to put doubt in her mind which can be done so easily and yet inadvertently - I am not saying this would be the case, but that it might, especially with a very high value item being involved.

 

[oshinbreez]

I wouldn''t ask either. Too much risk to take not only with the jewelry, but with the relationship. Will she be going to your wedding?

 

[Independent Gal]

She had BETTER be coming to my wedding.

I'd be very sad if she wasn't there and I'm pretty sure it's her intention to come! She still travels very actively, even to "difficult" places like India, and she can afford to travel in comfort. So, barring something unforeseen, I'm sure she'll come!

Plus, it will give her a chance to see lots of family members she hasn't seen in years. Even decades. Like my grammy!

 

[door knob solitaire]

Indie...with that dress and that figure you need nothing of value to sparkle. You are going to be one spectacular bride!!

Another of my favorite brides on this forum is Jcrow. I hope she doesn''t mind me talking about this...but her earrings were spectacular. Everyone commented on how fabulous they were. Just right for her updo and shoulder baring dress. Looked like a million bucks...but they weren''t.

I think she said they were Banana Republic for $38 I think. If you aren''t familar with the story do look it up.

I realize you thoughts were to be really special on the borrow thing from a treasured member of your family ...that in itself would have been really something. But you need nothing of value...just treasured.

What about the blown glass bluebird we just learned of? That had no significant monetary value...but it was priceless and a tradition for all to partake.

You want to make her feel special, ask to borrow a hankerchief or a lace piece that is special to her. If she is the eldest living relative, tell her you want her generation of lineage to be part of your something borrowed. I know you weren''t thinking of an hankerchief...but what a thrill it may be for her to be thought of in such a way. She may come back with another suggestion. If she does plan to attend she just may bring something else. I would love to see pearls with that neckline. But of course it is not as traditional as others dresses. Nothing just may say more than something.

Or then again, take the others SAGE advice...the traveling abroad with an expensive piece could be a nightmare. What if they confiscated it...or held it up in customs...you couldn''t stay with it...as YOU HAVE OTHER PLANS. Ooooh it could get sticky.

I am glad you continue to include the board in your decisions. I am really exited about your wedding.

DKS

 

[eks6426]

I think the lead in idea might work but let her volunteer it. If she does offer, I''d ask her to bring the family jewels to the wedding then get some pictures as she is helping you put them on. Then give them back to her at the end of the day. That way you are not responsible for them during travel.

 

[oshinbreez]

Since she is going to the wedding, I might see if she would offer. Do you have your something old, new and blue? When you''re talking to her about the wedding, you could mention how you have those things, but not the something borrowed. If she would offer to let you borrow a piece of jewelery, I''d have HER bring it to the wedding for you, and give it back to her at the reception. I''d also make sure the piece was insured, or I wouldn''t accept if she offered.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey Oshin, that''s an idea in terms of the ''carrying it abroad'' part! I mean, if she offers, I''ll ask her to do the transporting. Hadn''t thought of that.

But I still won''t ask! I''ll mention not having a ''borrowed'' thing and how I''m hoping to have something that''s been in the family a long time. That seems like a very gentle nudge that''s not pushy and in no way implies "jewels!"