Best age to have your first baby...

[yssie]

FI and I want to start trying in a couple of years (ideally have our first at 26-27). My mother had difficulties conceiving and I don't want to tempt biology

I used to worry about the finances of having a child 'soon', now I'm honestly more concerned about the mindset. Someone told me that she wished her husband would understand that she was a mother to their son first and foremost... if I wait to mature into that mindset we'll never have children, because I can't see myself ever feeling that way.

 

[Cehrabehra]

I put 20-25 but I do think the latter half of that and the first half of the next category - basically 23-27 is ideal IMO. And not just because I did it that way lol

 

[Cehrabehra]

an interesting side note that fits in with this topic is what I have seen here in China.

It is very, very common for couples to marry young and have a baby before 25 and then it is raised by the grandparents who are in their 40''s or early 50''s themselves. It''s kind of the best of both worlds in a way... the children are raised by their older, wiser, calmer, retired-and-have-a-lot-of-time grandparents and they are birthed by a young passionate couple that don''t have to stop their career focus. This goes on generation after generation - especially in the past - it is a more modern idea to raise your own child and some do do this now... it is becoming a more common choice.

 

[Dandi]

I''ve always said when I''m 30 would be a good time to start TTC, for financial reasons, wanting to enjoy being just the two of us, travel, etc. But I''m starting to see more that there''ll never be ''enough'' money, we''ll never travel ''enough'' and ''see it all'', plus we''ve been together for over 10 years, and DH is starting to itch for a baby! (He''s nearly 35). Every time we start on a new house project we look forward to finishing it and paying it off, because that''s another step closer... but there''s more to do to this house than we could manage in 20 years!

I''m 28 now, and we''d be fine on DH''s wage alone, but I like having my own money and being totally independent, which I would still have to a degree when on maternity leave or back working part time, but it''d be nothing like now. Of course it''s a sacrifice I''m willing to make, it''s just hard to wrap my tiny mind around it!

30 is still sounding good

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

hi ladies,

thank you for all your replies! it''s so helpful to hear everyone''s thoughts. seems like the majority believe that 25-30 is a great age bracket, but being ready (emotionally, financially, physically) is equally as important as age.

thanks again for everyone''s input!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 6/25/2010 6:47:13 AM
Author: DandiAndi
I''ve always said when I''m 30 would be a good time to start TTC, for financial reasons, wanting to enjoy being just the two of us, travel, etc. But I''m starting to see more that there''ll never be ''enough'' money, we''ll never travel ''enough'' and ''see it all'', plus we''ve been together for over 10 years, and DH is starting to itch for a baby! (He''s nearly 35). Every time we start on a new house project we look forward to finishing it and paying it off, because that''s another step closer... but there''s more to do to this house than we could manage in 20 years!

I''m 28 now, and we''d be fine on DH''s wage alone, but I like having my own money and being totally independent, which I would still have to a degree when on maternity leave or back working part time, but it''d be nothing like now. Of course it''s a sacrifice I''m willing to make, it''s just hard to wrap my tiny mind around it!


30 is still sounding good

DandiAndi.... IS THAT A BEAGLE IN YOUR PIC?!?@?! I HAVE A LITTLE BEAGY TOO!!!

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 6/25/2010 5:12:30 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
an interesting side note that fits in with this topic is what I have seen here in China.


It is very, very common for couples to marry young and have a baby before 25 and then it is raised by the grandparents who are in their 40''s or early 50''s themselves. It''s kind of the best of both worlds in a way... the children are raised by their older, wiser, calmer, retired-and-have-a-lot-of-time grandparents and they are birthed by a young passionate couple that don''t have to stop their career focus. This goes on generation after generation - especially in the past - it is a more modern idea to raise your own child and some do do this now... it is becoming a more common choice.

OH MAN. I would love to be Chinese right now.... Being able to have a baby younger (and enjoy all the cute baby stuff) but have my grand parents do all the hard work!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/25/2010 5:12:30 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
an interesting side note that fits in with this topic is what I have seen here in China.

It is very, very common for couples to marry young and have a baby before 25 and then it is raised by the grandparents who are in their 40''s or early 50''s themselves. It''s kind of the best of both worlds in a way... the children are raised by their older, wiser, calmer, retired-and-have-a-lot-of-time grandparents and they are birthed by a young passionate couple that don''t have to stop their career focus. This goes on generation after generation - especially in the past - it is a more modern idea to raise your own child and some do do this now... it is becoming a more common choice.

wow, that is a really smart way of raising kids!

 

[Porridge]

Date: 6/25/2010 5:12:30 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
an interesting side note that fits in with this topic is what I have seen here in China.

It is very, very common for couples to marry young and have a baby before 25 and then it is raised by the grandparents who are in their 40''s or early 50''s themselves. It''s kind of the best of both worlds in a way... the children are raised by their older, wiser, calmer, retired-and-have-a-lot-of-time grandparents and they are birthed by a young passionate couple that don''t have to stop their career focus. This goes on generation after generation - especially in the past - it is a more modern idea to raise your own child and some do do this now... it is becoming a more common choice.

That sounds like a fantastic system to me.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 6/25/2010 10:41:18 AM
Author: ilovethiswebsite

Date: 6/25/2010 5:12:30 AM
Author: Cehrabehra
an interesting side note that fits in with this topic is what I have seen here in China.


It is very, very common for couples to marry young and have a baby before 25 and then it is raised by the grandparents who are in their 40''s or early 50''s themselves. It''s kind of the best of both worlds in a way... the children are raised by their older, wiser, calmer, retired-and-have-a-lot-of-time grandparents and they are birthed by a young passionate couple that don''t have to stop their career focus. This goes on generation after generation - especially in the past - it is a more modern idea to raise your own child and some do do this now... it is becoming a more common choice.

OH MAN. I would love to be Chinese right now.... Being able to have a baby younger (and enjoy all the cute baby stuff) but have my grand parents do all the hard work!

I don''t know how I feel about that, Cehra. On one hand it makes sense and sounds logical, but OTOH why have children if you''re not going to be around to really raise them? And who takes care of the elderly grandparents as time goes on, the children or the grandchildren? Also, my spouse and I were working so hard that we didn''t have time to raise our kids, by the time retirement rolled around I wouldn''t want to be taking on the full time job of parenting my kids'' kids.

I think we see that here in the States frequently anyway, with teenage pregnancies.

I don''t know what the perfect age to have children is. I never had baby fever in my twenties, in fact every time someone asked me when I was going to get pregnant I would roll my eyes (usually) internally. No way was I mature enough then to handle the responsibilities or parenting. I''m 33 now and still don''t know if I''m grown up enough yet. I have older parents, though, so I am totally fine with being an older parent myself.

 

[Pandora II]

I had Daisy when I was 3 months shy of 37.

Physically it took it''s toll on me, but then I had a crappy pregnancy and and even crappier L&D.... however, they say every pregnancy is different so I may have just been unlucky rather than ''old''.

Psychologically it''s been far better. DH and I were both on the same page, we were secure financially and emotionally and ready to give parenthood our best shot. It is honestly one of the most exhausting, nuts driving things I have ever done, but wouldn''t swap for my old life ever and she brings us enormous joy and amusement. I can say for sure though that if a relationship is bad before a baby, it will get way worse after! I also think it''s important to make sure that you are past the whole being irresponsible and going out clubbing all night type lifestyle (fun as it is

) - I wasn''t ready to settle down until my early 30''s, but I''ll never look back at my life and wish I''d done xyz before having kids.

I vote for 30-35.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 6/24/2010 3:22:05 PM
Author: lyra
Speaking from the other end of the spectrum, having my kids at 25-30 (actually 25 and 2 was ideal for lots of reasons. I had energy that I didn''t have so much of after age 30. Both kids will be done college and on their own while I''m still relatively young and able to do what I want with the rest of my life (eg. housing, lifestyle changes). I won''t be too old when we have grandchildren. Financially, we just made it work. You can wait forever for it to be ''right'' financially, or you can just wing it and adjust. My health declined after age 30, in ways that were unforseeable. It''s different for everyone, but those were my particular situations. I can see my daughters waiting a bit longer simply because they are not yet in permanent relationships. My oldest will be 23 this year.

 

[Anastasia]

Date: 6/25/2010 12:38:54 AM
Author: yssie
FI and I want to start trying in a couple of years (ideally have our first at 26-27). My mother had difficulties conceiving and I don''t want to tempt biology

I used to worry about the finances of having a child ''soon'', now I''m honestly more concerned about the mindset. Someone told me that she wished her husband would understand that she was a mother to their son first and foremost... if I wait to mature into that mindset we''ll never have children, because I can''t see myself ever feeling that way.

Yssie - PLEASE don''t think that this is a requirment of being a good mother! I have been married for almost 18 years, and have three children, ages 15, 13 and 11. We have never had difficulty balancing our roles as parents and spouses. We have a great relationship with each other, and enjoy our children immensely. I think there are some women who believe that once they are a mother, their role as spouse no longer exists. In my opinion, this is not healthy.

 

[Dreamer_D]

Date: 6/26/2010 7:15:34 PM
Author: Anastasia

Date: 6/25/2010 12:38:54 AM
Author: yssie
FI and I want to start trying in a couple of years (ideally have our first at 26-27). My mother had difficulties conceiving and I don't want to tempt biology

I used to worry about the finances of having a child 'soon', now I'm honestly more concerned about the mindset. Someone told me that she wished her husband would understand that she was a mother to their son first and foremost... if I wait to mature into that mindset we'll never have children, because I can't see myself ever feeling that way.

Yssie - PLEASE don't think that this is a requirment of being a good mother! I have been married for almost 18 years, and have three children, ages 15, 13 and 11. We have never had difficulty balancing our roles as parents and spouses. We have a great relationship with each other, and enjoy our children immensely. I think there are some women who believe that once they are a mother, their role as spouse no longer exists. In my opinion, this is not healthy.

Big fat ditto. I say this all the time, you do not need to change who you are to have kids, you just adjust your schedule a little

 

[Dandi]

id=ms__id151>Date: 6/25/2010 10:39:04 AM
Author: ilovethiswebsite

DandiAndi.... IS THAT A BEAGLE IN YOUR PIC?!?@?! I HAVE A LITTLE BEAGY TOO!!!

She''s a miniature fox terrier, but you''re right, she DOES look like a beagy in that pic! I ADORE beagles

Have you posted pics of your baby?!

 

[yssie]

Thanks for the perspective Anastasia and dreamer.


Hearing that really bothered me - logically, that seems so unhealthy, but she obviously honestly believed that was the 'norm', and it's definitely not the first time I've heard the sentiment, though never expressed quite so bluntly - and when something is echoed emotionally and fervently many times, it's too easy to start wondering if you're the one who's got it wrong..


I've always had the impression that it was best to have everything perfectly in order and settled before having children, and to enjoy our own lives together now because once baby comes along it's all about him/her, and that thinking made me want to put off having any children for as long as possible.
The idea that not having as much disposable income as we'll have with advanced careers won't hurt our caretaking or childraising abilities, or that a child isn't the equivalent of a pair of handcuffs - and that my relationship with FI doesn't need to suffer - is a relatively new one for me, I admit, and it's such a freeing revalation! All of a sudden having a child isn't quite so daunting a prospect.

 

[soocool]

I had DD in my late 30s because I until my mid 30s I never wanted kids. It wasn''t until this time I became very settled in my life and I just knew this was the right time for me. No regrets and I would not change my mind about having a child any earlier.

 

[HVVS]

Date: 6/25/2010 12:38:54 AM
Author: yssie
FI and I want to start trying in a couple of years (ideally have our first at 26-27). My mother had difficulties conceiving and I don't want to tempt biology

I used to worry about the finances of having a child 'soon', now I'm honestly more concerned about the mindset. Someone told me that she wished her husband would understand that she was a mother to their son first and foremost... if I wait to mature into that mindset we'll never have children, because I can't see myself ever feeling that way.

Here's an article that ties in with that.
blood test predicts onset of menopause

I'd have had one child in my early 30s If I hadn't listened to my husband's whims about wanting "time together as a couple" before. As time wore on, and his debts mounted, I just totally lost interest in trying for a child. I have mixed emotions about being divorced and childless. On the one hand, I am rather a misfit, especially in a poorly educated and rural and poor region. On the other hand, I am not saddled with anyone's living and educational and housing expenses but my own. The economy is crrrrrrap, and as you hit 40, employers start trying to get rid of you due to the salary you command. At 50, you're much more likely to be ousted and have few chances at another job at your previous pay range. I've seen it happen to experienced BSRNs, MSRNs, registered professional engineers, and loads of IT professionals, for sure. Teachers, they will make very uncomfortable and try to force you out, but a union may make a RIF impossible do on a basis other than seniority. Ditto for nurses and other med professionals with unions. But there is loads of age discrimination out there, for certain, and a government that is doing nothing to stop it. At least Wall Street has finally started to flinch instead of cheer whenever unemployment numbers increase. That's a start, I guess. But there are going to be a lot of downwardly middle-aged people, I am afraid, and most don't know just how close they may be to the start of that. Finances of having children later may not work out well, either.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I would have liked to see tighter options for the poll -- maybe 20-22, 23-25, 26-28, etc. There''s a bit difference between, say, 20 and 24, or 25 and 30.

Anyway, I voted 25-30. I was 29.5 when I had Claire (seems to be a trend!). I had 30 in my head as a deadline for my first child. But I''d definitely specify late 20s over mid 20s as what felt most ideal to me.

I met DH when I was 18, got engaged at 23, married at 24, so we had plenty of time together before DD. I''m very glad for that time that we had, but now that we have Cliare, I can''t ever imagine thinking, oh gee, I wish we had waited a few more years. I was worried about the transition to a life where you are always "on duty" caring for someone else, but I wouldn''t turn back the clock for anything.

 

[ZestfullyBling]

Date: 6/24/2010 12:29:29 PM
Author:ilovethiswebsite


I was curious what you ladies thought was best age is to have your first child and why.

What age do you think is too old and why?

Do you have any regrets re. the timing of when you had your first?

Thanks!

I voted 20-25. I was 24 when i gave birth to my son.

I think 40 is too old, even though my grandmother gave birth to youngest child at that age.

I have no regrets. At 24 we were married 5 yrs and was ready for a child.

Thats just my lowly opinon.

However its a personal matter