Bachelorette party drama (sort of).

[stepcutgirl]

Ok, so a few months ago my FSIL told me she wanted to take care of the bachelorette party, that it was her thing, she has planned all her friends parties, etc. Great! FSIL has always been one of the most dependable people I know, she's a straight shooter, I've not had one issue with her in five years. In fact I consider her a dear friend.

As of last night she was on top of it. She had sent out an itinerary of the day, said she had made dinner reservations and just needed to collect $100.00 from everyone to secure the room. We are not staying at the Four Seasons, I'd expect each room to be 100 max and we only need two rooms!

Then this morning my sister calls to tell me she has concerns. Apparently early this morning my FSIL emailed my sister to say that she (FSIL) will not be staying the night with us and will go crash at a friends house at the end of the evening so could my sister take care of the hotel and making dinner reservations! It's not about money FSIL and her fiancee bring home quite a bit of bacon.

I'm not sure if this is a big deal or if it's not. It felt like a big deal when I first heard about it because it is soooo out of the norm for her to do that. Or to say she has done things that she hasn't. And to just leave us all to go (presumably drunk) to a friends house around 3am???

I don't intend on saying anything so I'm not sure I need advice but...does this sound perfectly normal to anyone?

 

[meresal]

I don't know. If this is completely unlike her, then I would assume that something is bothering her.

IMO, since you consider her a friend, I would ask her if something is up. It sounds like she is feeling unappreciated maybe? Did you say something about the price to her? I can't figure out why she would lie about the dinner reservations. That is very odd.

As for $100 a person... maybe she was counting on everyone pitching in for dinner ahead of time. Are you all going to a nice restaurant?
That is what my MOH did. She collected everyone's money ahead of time, so that there wasn't a big to-do when the check came. Mine was about $75pp including the hotel.

 

[stepcutgirl]

She may be feeling unappreciated but I know my sister and I have both told her several times how happy we are that she is planning it and how great she is doing and just a few nights ago I told her I feel like I won the in law lottery. And I meant it. I didn't know anything about the price until this morning. My sister said she emailed everyone last night then this morning sent just my sister the email saying that she would be going to her friends house at the end of the night.

She may have been collecting the money from everyone for those reasons except apparently in the email last night she said the money was for the hotel room and "party favors" and that they could later figure out how best to handle money for the night of.

Part of me wants to call her to ask if everything is ok but the other part of me thinks maybe that would be making a big deal out of it if it's not a big deal.

 

[swingirl]

I wonder if she has had some difficulty "collecting" the money from the guests. I would be a little put out by being invited to a party and being asked to cough up $100 for a hotel room which will be shared. Maybe that's the norm for your social group. Could she be fed up with the way its going or fed up with the other guests?

But it is odd for her to leave your bachelorette party if everyone else is expected to spend the night.

 

[dragonfly411]

To me, going to a friend's house is odd. Just sayin.

 

[stepcutgirl]

DF-I think it's odd too, but I wasn't sure if it was just me.

SG-I might think you were correct except that she just sent the request for money out last night and since no one knows her they contacted my sister instead to ask what the deal was. I wouldn't think she could be fed up yet as she hasn't even met most of them yet, but will in two weekends.

My fiancee is really concerned and wants me to call her. He too knows this is way out of the norm for her. I just don't want to cause this to be a big deal if it isn't one.

 

[swingirl]

Since your sister was the one she contacted, your sister should ask her what's going on and why she isn't staying. They are the party planners. You are the guest of honor and are supposed to just show up for the fun.

I can understand, though, if she doesn't know any of these women she might not want to spend the night with them in a hotel room. Could that be a possibility? I could see my SIL not having much interest in spending the night with my drunk girlfriends or my other family members.

 

[meresal]

Stepcut- IMO, you aren't causing this to be a big deal, SHE is.

You know, In all honesty, if you know that you have done nothing wrong and have been appreciative, then I would just ask your sister to please plan the rest of the bachelorette party. Let SIL do whatever she wants the night of, and THEN, after the party, have your fiance call her, and ask what happened.

Your fiance can just say that you were surprised that she decided not to stay at the hotel, and then your fiance can ask her why she decided not to.

I think it is best for the bride to stay out of all the drama surrounding the wedding. If people can't be upfront to begin with, then there is no reason that it should be on your shoulders to go hunting for the solution. And ya know, this could all blow over between now and the party.

 

[amc80]

Based on what you've said, it definitely seems like there are some missing pieces of information. $100 for a shared hotel room and favors? That seems like a lot. I planned my friend's party and it was about $250 each for two nights' hotel, dinner (2 nights), alcohol, and tickets to a show...in Vegas! I could see if that included dinner or drinks or something, but alone, way too much. Saying she's no longer going to stay with the group is also really weird. As others have said, get someone else to find out what's going on. You should stay out of it. I think your fiance is a good one to do some digging, especially if they are close. Just make sure it's not accusatory in tone, more of an expression of concern. With a bit of WTF mixed in.

 

[stepcutgirl]

Stepcut- IMO, you aren't causing this to be a big deal, SHE is.

You know, In all honesty, if you know that you have done nothing wrong and have been appreciative, then I would just ask your sister to please plan the rest of the bachelorette party. Let SIL do whatever she wants the night of, and THEN, after the party, have your fiance call her, and ask what happened.

Your fiance can just say that you were surprised that she decided not to stay at the hotel, and then your fiance can ask her why she decided not to.

I think it is best for the bride to stay out of all the drama surrounding the wedding. If people can't be upfront to begin with, then there is no reason that it should be on your shoulders to go hunting for the solution. And ya know, this could all blow over between now and the party.

I think this is great advice. Thank you. My sister has taken over the duties and until it happens I'm not going to let on that I know anything. They will all meet in two weeks for my shower and maybe after some face to face communication and not via email this will all blow over.