At what age did you lose your virginity?

[LaraOnline]

I hope I don't sound like someone who doesn't think stat rape is " real rape" I do. But in high school situations consentual sex can still fall into that category.

Yep, and out of high school too.... I'm surprised the intense social pressure on women to have sex inappropriately ie with irresponsible and fairly disconnected men is not discussed more in our open society, tbh. When I was young and unmarried, the pressure seemed really constant... just because I was accessible - ie able to be talked to - so glad my twenties are behind me lol but gee

Lara, you talk about pressure--wait til you read this: http://thedailybanter.com/2014/06/dear-men-everywhere-women-scared-us/

Maybe that article goes in the "sexting" thread, but I think it also belongs here. There IS intense and constant pressure, and it OFTEN takes the form of harassment.

OMG that link brought back some pretty crappy memories...
how's this? 'Wicked' is a hire care company that rents out rustbuckets to young travellers (including young women, presumably).
They are infamous for their sexist and even apparently racist statements that they put on their vans.
I've not seen a racist one IRL, but I have seen plenty of sexist ones.
Well an 11 year-old girl read the slogan following and showed her Mum... check out the petition.
good on you, Mum!!

http://www.change.org/en-AU/petitions/john-webb-founder-wicked-campers-australia-eliminate-misogynistic-and-degrading-slogans-and-imagery

 

[manderz]

Not to stir the pot, but there's also the idea of a girl being a virgin until her hymen is broken. Some can have it broken by something like using a tampon or horseback riding, others may not be able to break it through sexual contact.

 

[kenny]

To stir the pot ...

Then there's Hymenorrhaphy.

Wikisnip:

Hymenorrhaphy or hymenoplasty or hymen reconstruction surgery is the surgical restoration of the hymen.[1] The term comes from the Greek words hymen meaning membrane, and raphe meaning suture. It is also known as hymenoplasty, although strictly this term would also include hymenotomy.

Such procedures are not generally regarded as part of mainstream gynecology, but are available from some plastic surgery centers, particularly in the USA, South Korea and Western Europe, generally as day surgery. The normal aim is to cause bleeding during post-nuptial intercourse, which in some cultures is considered proof of virginity.[2]

 

[missy]

I look at this as selection/survival of the fittest or some variation. Meaning I would not want to be part of a culture or a relationship where this kind of pressure was put on remaining a virgin past the time I wanted to be one. So great way to exclude *******s from the relationship IMO. Way too much importance being placed on it and such a double standard still.

 

[Tekate]

14 - hey it was the 60s! I was a wild child... no regrets.. had no clue what I was doing and became a born again till 17 then reborn again at 22.. life is great...

At what age did you lose your virginity?

 

[kenny]

I look at this as selection/survival of the fittest or some variation.
Meaning I would not want to be part of a culture or a relationship where this kind of pressure was put on remaining a virgin past the time I wanted to be one.
So great way to exclude *******s from the relationship IMO.
Way too much importance being placed on it and such a double standard still.

Apparently the majority of voters here agree with you.
Most of the 95, and counting, voters here lost their virginity as minors.
I doubt many, if any, of those minors were married.

 

[Indylady]

If you are the victim of an armed robbery and the criminal shoots off your hand as he steals your purse your hand is not really gone and neither is your money.
You didn't want that so it didn't happen.

Admitting your finger and money are gone would be mean.
Your hand it still there and so is your money.

The criminal may have broken your hymen. He or she may have assaulted you, caused you internal bleeding, caused internal and external bruising, abrasions. Yes, those are facts. Your body is bruised, just as the victim of the armed robbery has a hand with a bullet in it. Breaking the hymen and bruising the body through rape isn't a sexual encounter, so its not a way to lose your virginity.

-Just like using a tampon, whether or not you break the hymen, isn't a way to lose your virginity.
-Or, masturbating with a toy by yourself and breaking the hymen, or even getting the toy 'into' your body, isn't a way to lose your virginity. Masturbating into a sock isn't a way to lose your virginity either.
-A visit to the gynecologist doesn't mean he/she is manually stimulating you, even if the doctor uses lubricant and his/her fingers and spends 20 minutes looking your vagina--its a medical exam.
-If your doctor is a woman and you are a woman, a medical exam does not man that you are lesbian or gay, or bisexual, because you allowed a woman to put her fingers in your vagina. It means you had a medical exam. When a doctor does a prostate exam, again, not a loss of virginity. If you're a man and your doctor is a man, and he does a prostate exam, it doesn't mean you are gay because you had a sexual encounter with a man who put his finger in your anus--it means you had a medical exam. Even if the prostate exam gave you an erection; a consented to prostate exam with your doctor is still not a sexual encounter.
-You're not cheating on your partner when your doctor puts his/her finger in your vagina, anus, or elsewhere as a part of a medical exam you have consented to; the sex of the doctor is irrelevant as well.
-If a nurse is present in addition to the doctor conducting the exam, you didn't just have a three-way.
-Surely, doctors or nurses must think some patients are cute, attractive, or at least charming. They are people too. Even then, the doctor has not had sex with you even if that doctor does think you are attractive and has seen your vagina or anus up close. Of course, the patent should have consented to exam, and the doctor should have acted in a manner that is appropriate for that exam and should not have abused or exceeded the appropriate bounds of that exam.
-A colonic given at a clinic, or an enema given by a nurse--not a way to lose your virginity.
-When I had appendicitis, I had a vaginal exam before I was diagnosed; the exam wasn't even motivated by sexually related purpose or by motivated by sexual history.
-Yeast infection medicine, even when delivered by a little tube inserted into the vagina, is not a way to lose your virginity.
-Putting a finger into the vagina to help move poop out when one is constipated--again, not a way to lose your virginity. (I just found out that one can do this.)
-If you were a curious child or teen, and put your finger in your vagina or anus, you didn't lose your virginity that way. Even if you fit two in there.

-A rape is a physical assault, not a sexual experience. If someone forcibly puts his or her finger, penis or other object into my vagina or anus, that is an assault. He or she is hurting me through a physical assault. I am not having sexual intercourse with them, or having a sexual encounter with them. They could have blown a bullet through my hand or put an object in my vagina--yes, they HAVE inflicted physical and emotional harm and pain and they have hurt me. No one is denying that. But that person did not have a sexual encounter with me. They inflicted a physical pain on me; yes, they may have inflicted that pain on a sexual organ. But that doesn't mean I had sex with them. That pain is different from a pain to my hand or foot; I agree with that as well. Its more private, and more hurtful. When someone slaps my face, its more insulting that slapping arm. That's why rape can be more traumatic than other physical assaults. The nature is different, and I agree. But, rape is still a physical assault and harm, even if to a sexual organ, does mean I'm having sex with that person.

No one is saying its a matter of being 'mean' to say that a person has not lost their virginity through rape. It is just incorrect. No matter of meanness, or emotional gravity. Your implication is that people are being nice to rape survivors, by saying, 'no, that wasn't sex.' Its not a matter of being nice; its just the truth. I did not have sex with every doctor or nurse that put a finger or speculum in my vagina. One does not have sex with their rapist.

Virginity is the state of a person that hasn't engaged in a sexual intercourse or had sexual experiences; if one hasn't had sexual intercourse or experience, they are a virgin. Even if they have been to the doctor, even if they have masturbated, and even if they have been raped, one is still a virgin if they have not had sexual intercourse or experience.

 

[kenny]

Rape can end virginity.
That just word definition.

Ending virginity is not the death sentence it used to be and the problem is all the baggage and significance society attaches to virginity.
Correcting this is the battle that matters, not quibbling semantics.

IOW, rape can end virginity but, so what.
Virginity doesn't mean all the faux-morality garbage that it used to mean.
We have moved out of the dark ages, as this poll demonstrates.

Any man who would reject a woman solely because she was raped is not worth shit.

 

[Niel]

If you are the victim of an armed robbery and the criminal shoots off your hand as he steals your purse your hand is not really gone and neither is your money.
You didn't want that so it didn't happen.

Admitting your finger and money are gone would be mean.
Your hand it still there and so is your money.

The criminal may have broken your hymen. He or she may have assaulted you, caused you internal bleeding, caused internal and external bruising, abrasions. Yes, those are facts. Your body is bruised, just as the victim of the armed robbery has a hand with a bullet in it. Breaking the hymen and bruising the body through rape isn't a sexual encounter, so its not a way to lose your virginity.

-Just like using a tampon, whether or not you break the hymen, isn't a way to lose your virginity.
-Or, masturbating with a toy by yourself and breaking the hymen, or even getting the toy 'into' your body, isn't a way to lose your virginity. Masturbating into a sock isn't a way to lose your virginity either.
-A visit to the gynecologist doesn't mean he/she is manually stimulating you, even if the doctor uses lubricant and his/her fingers and spends 20 minutes looking your vagina--its a medical exam.
-If your doctor is a woman and you are a woman, a medical exam does not man that you are lesbian or gay, or bisexual, because you allowed a woman to put her fingers in your vagina. It means you had a medical exam. When a doctor does a prostate exam, again, not a loss of virginity. If you're a man and your doctor is a man, and he does a prostate exam, it doesn't mean you are gay because you had a sexual encounter with a man who put his finger in your anus--it means you had a medical exam. Even if the prostate exam gave you an erection; a consented to prostate exam with your doctor is still not a sexual encounter.
-You're not cheating on your partner when your doctor puts his/her finger in your vagina, anus, or elsewhere as a part of a medical exam you have consented to; the sex of the doctor is irrelevant as well.
-If a nurse is present in addition to the doctor conducting the exam, you didn't just have a three-way.
-Surely, doctors or nurses must think some patients are cute, attractive, or at least charming. They are people too. Even then, the doctor has not had sex with you even if that doctor does think you are attractive and has seen your vagina or anus up close. Of course, the patent should have consented to exam, and the doctor should have acted in a manner that is appropriate for that exam and should not have abused or exceeded the appropriate bounds of that exam.
-A colonic given at a clinic, or an enema given by a nurse--not a way to lose your virginity.
-When I had appendicitis, I had a vaginal exam before I was diagnosed; the exam wasn't even motivated by sexually related purpose or by motivated by sexual history.
-Yeast infection medicine, even when delivered by a little tube inserted into the vagina, is not a way to lose your virginity.
-Putting a finger into the vagina to help move poop out when one is constipated--again, not a way to lose your virginity. (I just found out that one can do this.)
-If you were a curious child or teen, and put your finger in your vagina or anus, you didn't lose your virginity that way. Even if you fit two in there.

-A rape is a physical assault, not a sexual experience. If someone forcibly puts his or her finger, penis or other object into my vagina or anus, that is an assault. He or she is hurting me through a physical assault. I am not having sexual intercourse with them, or having a sexual encounter with them. They could have blown a bullet through my hand or put an object in my vagina--yes, they HAVE inflicted physical and emotional harm and pain and they have hurt me. No one is denying that. But that person did not have a sexual encounter with me. They inflicted a physical pain on me; yes, they may have inflicted that pain on a sexual organ. But that doesn't mean I had sex with them. That pain is different from a pain to my hand or foot; I agree with that as well. Its more private, and more hurtful. When someone slaps my face, its more insulting that slapping arm. That's why rape can be more traumatic than other physical assaults. The nature is different, and I agree. But, rape is still a physical assault and harm, even if to a sexual organ, does mean I'm having sex with that person.

No one is saying its a matter of being 'mean' to say that a person has not lost their virginity through rape. It is just incorrect. No matter of meanness, or emotional gravity. Your implication is that people are being nice to rape survivors, by saying, 'no, that wasn't sex.' Its not a matter of being nice; its just the truth. I did not have sex with every doctor or nurse that put a finger or speculum in my vagina. One does not have sex with their rapist.

Virginity is the state of a person that hasn't engaged in a sexual intercourse or had sexual experiences; if one hasn't had sexual intercourse or experience, they are a virgin. Even if they have been to the doctor, even if they have masturbated, and even if they have been raped, one is still a virgin if they have not had sexual intercourse or experience.

Everything you said there was very well said and I think got the point across perfectly. I appreciate you're well thought out response.

 

[Indylady]

Rape can end virginity.
That just word definition.

Ending virginity is not the death sentence it used to be and the problem is all the baggage and significance society attaches to virginity.
Correcting this is the battle that matters, not quibbling semantics.

IOW, rape can end virginity but, so what.
Virginity doesn't mean all the faux-morality garbage that it used to mean.
We have moved out of the dark ages, as this poll demonstrates

I agree with you--virginity is not really 'valuable' or prized to me either. But, oversubscribing people to the status of being 'not virgins' doesn't really fix the issue that virginity is problematically prized. Calling rape victims that otherwise had not had sex 'not virgins' doesn't correct the battle at all. It just stigmatizes rape. It just makes keeps people from reporting or talking about rape. Calling rape another way to get to 'not virgin' doesn't change people's values about virginity in any way.

 

[momhappy]

NM

 

[packrat]

I marked 16. That was the age I was when I was raped and lost my virginity. That's how I've always looked at it. A penis was put inside me forcibly. That's how I see it. Right, wrong, or indifferent.

 

[kenny]

Packrat, that's horrible.
I'm so sorry that happened to you.

 

[Calliecake]

Packrat, I am so so sorry! I wish i could hug you

 

[wakingdreams53]

I marked 16. That was the age I was when I was raped and lost my virginity. That's how I've always looked at it. A penis was put inside me forcibly. That's how I see it. Right, wrong, or indifferent.

Same, but 13. I totally agree that others may see virginity as something you "choose to give," i'm sorry, but I can't consider my first consensual encounter as the loss of my virginity.

 

[nkarma]

I marked 16. That was the age I was when I was raped and lost my virginity. That's how I've always looked at it. A penis was put inside me forcibly. That's how I see it. Right, wrong, or indifferent.

Same, but 13. I totally agree that others may see virginity as something you "choose to give," i'm sorry, but I can't consider my first consensual encounter as the loss of my virginity.

I am really very sorry this both happened to you. I have many friends who were sexually assaulted at a young age and I think they may consider it the same, that their virginity was taken. They consider it their first sexual experience whether it was consensual or not.

Kenny, I think people like Rhea and Indylady are being very patient with you. I cannot say it better than them, but to tell victims of sexual assault that the definition of something so personal and has a lot of stigma is black and white, then you come off as completely insensitive, sexist, non-empathetic, and disgusting. The definition of being gay is to have had sex with a man, does that now mean all the boys who have been sexually assaulted by men are now gay? Think of what that stigma holds in certain places whether it's right or wrong that the stigma is there.

 

[missy]

I marked 16. That was the age I was when I was raped and lost my virginity. That's how I've always looked at it. A penis was put inside me forcibly. That's how I see it. Right, wrong, or indifferent.

Same, but 13. I totally agree that others may see virginity as something you "choose to give," i'm sorry, but I can't consider my first consensual encounter as the loss of my virginity.

I am so sorry. How each person deals with trauma and tragedy is such an individual circumstance.
I am glad this horrific experience does not define who you are. Wonderful strong women who are leading happy full lives. Sending big virtual (((Hugs))) and much love to you.

 

[Calliecake]

I marked 16. That was the age I was when I was raped and lost my virginity. That's how I've always looked at it. A penis was put inside me forcibly. That's how I see it. Right, wrong, or indifferent.

Same, but 13. I totally agree that others may see virginity as something you "choose to give," i'm sorry, but I can't consider my first consensual encounter as the loss of my virginity.

I am so sorry. How each person deals with trauma and tragedy is such an individual circumstance.
I am glad this horrific experience does not define who you are. Wonderful strong women who are leading happy full lives. Sending big virtual (((Hugs))) and much love to you.

Thank you for this post Missy.

 

[packrat]

Didn't mean to bring the thread to a screeching halt.

Thank you for the words, they are appreciated.

 

[aljdewey]

The definition of being gay is to have had sex with a man, does that now mean all the boys who have been sexually assaulted by men are now gay? Think of what that stigma holds in certain places whether it's right or wrong that the stigma is there.

Respectully, no it's not.

One's sexual preference (gay or straight) is not defined by who you've slept with. There are tons of straight people who've experimented with same-sex encounters, and tons of gay people who've experimented with opposite-sex encounters, for that matter.

Being straight or gay is about which gender you're attracted to - your own gender or the opposite gender.

Because of this, I don't think it's an apt comparison for virginity.