Are you changing your name?

[XChick03]

I''m going to change my name, but drop my middle name. Since both my first and middle names start with M, as does my fiance''s last name, I''m just going to take my maiden name as my middle name.

 

[akw94]

Caribou,
Thanks for the input. It''s good to hear from others who have experience w/the situation. My son is pre-teen so I think it matters more to me than to him. Of course, i''ll talk w/him more as time approaches but I may be making nothing into something. We''ll see.

I just want to do what makes him most comforatable. I wouldn''t want him to feel left out or anything negative.
I never thought of switching out my middle name w/my maiden name. I don''t think I like my last name enough to switch it. That''s a good idea though for those who want both.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

I don't think I've ever replied to this thread. I am going to hyphenate my name. It's kind of my mom's wish and a family thing. My family believes that when you get married you are joining your two families, so why drop your original family name? You didn't drop the family! But my children will have my husband's last name.

ETA: I have a very short last name (4 letters!) so I don't think it would be too much or anything.

 

[HOUMedGal]

So now that I''ve actually made a decision about my name, I''l post here!

I''m going to be Mrs. Obousy when we get married, but I will remain Dr. Whitney professionally. I had thought about hyphenating, or having 2 last names, but I was kinda worried about it being such a mouthful (it would be 5 syllables, after all!) So I was talking to one of my attendings the other day, and mentioned that I might hyphenate, but wasn''t sure, just that I wanted to keep my maiden name involved, and she said that she just kept her maiden name professionally but used her married name for everything else, and that it didn''t cause any problems or anything with legal issues and whatnot.

So I thought about it, and once I decided that yes, it was OK to only use my maiden name professionally, and made sure it was OK with my FI, I started to feel really good about it!! I am very close to my family, and I still want to identify strongly with where I came from. The best part was telling my dad about my decision...he was THRILLED. He got a little teary-eyed telling me how much it meant to him that I wanted to do that...I''ll be the first doctor in my family, and my dad is soooo proud of me...really makes me feel good to use my maiden name professionally, partly as a tribute to my parents and where I came from, since without them I would never have been who I am today!

So that said, I have a question. Does anyone know how exactly to make this work? Do I legally change my name and use his last name, and then just use my maiden name "unofficially" for work-related things? How does this all work, as far as legality and government requirements and getting paid and whatnot?

 

[sunkist]

Date: 2/16/2006 6:57:32 PM
Author: HOUMedGal
So now that I''ve actually made a decision about my name, I''l post here!


I''m going to be Mrs. Obousy when we get married, but I will remain Dr. Whitney professionally. I had thought about hyphenating, or having 2 last names, but I was kinda worried about it being such a mouthful (it would be 5 syllables, after all!) So I was talking to one of my attendings the other day, and mentioned that I might hyphenate, but wasn''t sure, just that I wanted to keep my maiden name involved, and she said that she just kept her maiden name professionally but used her married name for everything else, and that it didn''t cause any problems or anything with legal issues and whatnot.


So I thought about it, and once I decided that yes, it was OK to only use my maiden name professionally, and made sure it was OK with my FI, I started to feel really good about it!! I am very close to my family, and I still want to identify strongly with where I came from. The best part was telling my dad about my decision...he was THRILLED. He got a little teary-eyed telling me how much it meant to him that I wanted to do that...I''ll be the first doctor in my family, and my dad is soooo proud of me...really makes me feel good to use my maiden name professionally, partly as a tribute to my parents and where I came from, since without them I would never have been who I am today!


So that said, I have a question. Does anyone know how exactly to make this work? Do I legally change my name and use his last name, and then just use my maiden name ''unofficially'' for work-related things? How does this all work, as far as legality and government requirements and getting paid and whatnot?

Hey HouMed, I''m glad you finally made your decision!! I think it is really special. About your question, I think you''d have to legally change your name for all your legal and even work related forms. Then just unofficially use your maiden name. I''m in a similar situation, kind of, I go by my middle name and not my first name. On all of my legal/important forms I fill out Hilary, but when I introduce myself and do things on a daily basis, I''m Erin. It works just fine! And I think it should be the same for your last name since everyone at work already knows you by your maiden name.

 

[Mandarine]

I haven''t decided...but I''m leaning towards taking his last name. I guess I would want everyone in "our family" to share the same name. My BF once mentioned that he didn''t think it was necessary...but then I told him I would be the only one in our family with a different last name....so he agreed on that. I have thought about the myfirstname mylastname-hislastname combo...

So either his last name or a combo....I guess it is one of the "symbols" I''m looking forward to in terms of getting married and forming a new family

M~

 

[nicolejrx]

HouMedGal,
I am a Dr. too, a PharmD. I am going to keep my last name professionally and then legally change my name for personal business. Most of my friends are doing the same. Just make sure to keep all of the professional stuff in your name, i.e. board licensure, DEA registration, professional memberships. You shouldn''t have a problem. I can''t wait to change my name personally though, my name now is a pretty common "J" last name. Way too common for me...

Nicole

 

[Aprilgirl]

I have it easy also, I was not given a middle name at birth. My last name will become my middle name and I will use my new married name. I may use them both or separately depending upon the situation (ie business correspondence, a casual meeting, etc). I had considered the hyphen thing but am drawing away from the idea after reading that many people find them cumbersome. They don''t bother me, but I don''t want to be one of those people who is constantly correcting everyone to use both names. If they don''t they don''t. The children, should there be any, will have my husband''s name.

So many options!

 

[TxBlonde]

I am going to change my name and keep my middle name. I don't want to confuse people with the hyphen. I don't LOVE his last name though it is very German! My last name is very unoriginal. I would like to keep it but it isn't gonna happen. He would be offended if I didn't take his name.

 

[XChick03]

Date: 2/16/2006 8:21:25 PM
Author: Mandarine
I haven't decided...but I'm leaning towards taking his last name. I guess I would want everyone in 'our family' to share the same name. My BF once mentioned that he didn't think it was necessary...but then I told him I would be the only one in our family with a different last name....so he agreed on that. I have thought about the myfirstname mylastname-hislastname combo...


So either his last name or a combo....I guess it is one of the 'symbols' I'm looking forward to in terms of getting married and forming a new family

M~

I kind of decided to take his name for similar reasons. Hyphenating my lastname-hislastname would just be too much, I think. And since he's the only son, its important to his family to carry on the name. Plus, I'm not that close with my father and my mother is re-married so she has a different last name than me already. I'm only taking my last name as my middle name as a tribute to my grandfather because he's the best.
Besides, my last name, Grace, sounds more like a middle name anyway.

 

[~*Alexis*~]

I have thought about this idea for quite sometime and I have always been conflicted. I have a prominent name back where my dad was born. If I go there and use my last name, I am recognized (for good things) my great grandfather helped found the city and we have a city park named after us. However, my boyfriend has a last name that is very rare, and its german. So I thought about hyphenating my last name by then again that is my 7 letters and then his 10. So i have no diea. But my idea is that I will keep my maiden name for work and my boyfriends for the personal reasons. That is what people around my area do. So I guess time will tell....

 

[firebirdgold]

Considering I'm already practicing ....

I'll be taking his last name. It's the same initial as my maiden name and I like the sound of it.
We haven't talked about it, but I'm sure he'll be happy about it. My parents will be a bit less happy, particularly my mother for some strange reason. Although you'd think her attachment to my father's name would show her why I would want to take my future husband's last name.

My sister is probably going to hypenate, which is actually a big compromise from her previous position on the subject.

 

[Selkie]

I''m keeping mine, despite it being long, frequently misspelled, and misprounced. It''s been mine for 33 years, and I find it hard to imagine not having it any more. Can''t really hyphenate, since an 18 letter, 5 syllable last name is not appealing. Best part is, he doesn''t mind at all. In his culture of origin, many women keep their maiden names anyway, or use both. His full name is also practically the Spanish equivalent of John Smith, which can have its own problems, and he understands the value of a unique name.

 

[cpster]

I''ve been married for three years now. On our marriage license/certificate I put my maiden name as my middle name and took my husband''s name as my last name. Legally I believe that is my official name. BUT, I haven''t changed anything else!

I always figured that I would get around to changing my name the next time I changed jobs. It''s a lot of work!

I think it bugs my husband a little, but I''ve been me for so long and my maiden name is a huge part of who I am. It''s going to feel a little weird when I finally get around to it.

It''s funny how in certain states people get weirded out by it. Everytime we go to Hawaii the resort folks get weirded out when we say we''re married but with different last names. Sometimes it''s funny since I wind up making most of the reservations they call my husband Mr. "my maiden name".

 

[TxBlonde]

Date: 2/16/2006 10:51:45 PM
Author: ~*Alexis*~
I have thought about this idea for quite sometime and I have always been conflicted. I have a prominent name back where my dad was born. If I go there and use my last name, I am recognized (for good things) my great grandfather helped found the city and we have a city park named after us. However, my boyfriend has a last name that is very rare, and its german. So I thought about hyphenating my last name by then again that is my 7 letters and then his 10. So i have no diea. But my idea is that I will keep my maiden name for work and my boyfriends for the personal reasons. That is what people around my area do. So I guess time will tell....

German also! What is it with those crazy German names. Kevin also has a rare German last name. I''m half German but it''s just so different from most names.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 2/16/2006 4:41:50 PM
Author: amy94
Caribou,
Thanks for the input. It's good to hear from others who have experience w/the situation. My son is pre-teen so I think it matters more to me than to him. Of course, i'll talk w/him more as time approaches but I may be making nothing into something. We'll see.

I just want to do what makes him most comforatable. I wouldn't want him to feel left out or anything negative.
I never thought of switching out my middle name w/my maiden name. I don't think I like my last name enough to switch it. That's a good idea though for those who want both.

Amy, the middle name switch is a good idea.

I guess for my brother and I, it was more that my parents were divorced so our mom was no longer a 'mylastname'. If she doesn't want the last name than we didn't care. My brother was the only one truly stuck with it for life. Poor guy

The hardest thing is remembering to tell knew people that my mom's last name is different from mine. I remember I was dating a guy who I didn't tell about the different last names and the first time he met her he called her by her dirvorced last name.

She didn't find if funny but I did.

Obviously I don't know you or your son but I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't give a hoot. It's just a last name, having a different one doesn't make you any less his mom. You know.

 

[just_looking!]

In the UK you can assume your husbands name just by showing your marriage certificate to the banks etc. If you want to keep your maiden name in there in any form then you need to apply by deed poll (lots of paperwork).

I currently live in Bahrain and my friends really don''t understand why I need to change my name at all. Bahraini women keep their maiden names when married and these are made up of their fathers and grandfathers names which don''t change just because the daughter / grand daughter got married.

My residency and work permits are based on my UK passport which of course is still in my maiden name. Changing these is going to be fun as it takes about a month of queuing to obtain these when you first arrive and I think that having a new married name is going to be difficult for those at the Ministries.

As a result, I use a real mixture of names professionally!! If I need to get an entry visa anywhere it has to be in my maiden / official name, so I sign Ms firstname Maidenname for much of my client mail (so that it doesn''t confuse them). However, on all internal mail I use Mrs firstname Husbandsname. My email has both names in the signature just to clarify things.

If I''m booking restaurants or asking for brochures I use my married name, but if it''s anything where I''m using a credit card then these are still in my official name so it''s Ms firstname Maidenname.

My husband and I both have four letter names ending in a double consonant which sound terrible together, but my Dad is the last boy in a family of girls and had 2 girls himself so I''m trying to work out some way of using this name in our childrens names. On the other hand my mothers maiden name and my fathers name could have made a great double name, but having childs firstname mymumsmaiden mymaidenname husbandsname is a bit of a mouthful and means that they only have their first name as an option to use as a first name. Hmmmmm complicated??!

We are agreed that our children will have my husbands last name as their surname. I can''t imagine having one child with my maiden last name and one with his last name! Wouldn''t that imply that they were loved more by the parent who has their last name? Would you give your firstborne son your husbands last name and any girls your maiden name? How does it work?!!

 

[HOUMedGal]

Thanks for the replies, Sunkist and Nicolejrx! I''m sure I''ll figure it out when the time comes. Maybe I can also talk to the attending that I mentioned earlier and see what exactly she changed/did not change and how to do it all legally.

 

[sydneycasandra]

Since I am not yet out of professional school and no one really knows who I am anyhow...

I will be keeping my (hyphenated) first name, taking my very common and somewhat boring last name as my middle name (i didn''t have one before) and taking my husbands last name (which is cool because it is the americanized version of his father''s Irish name, which they had him change when he came to the country.)

So instead of now

Sydney-Casandra Myself (usually just Sydney Myself, people get SO CONFUSED with hyphenated first names)

I will change to

Sydney-Casandra Myself Hisname

and probably mostly go by

Sydney Hisname

but have professional correspondence, my nametag, lab coat, etc. all say

Sydney Myself Hisname

Should anyone know more than one Sydney and have gotten me confused. (How likely is that?)

Just another thought.

 

[Mandarine]

So I had already answer to this post (saying I would like to change my last name to his)......but this weekend I just decided to ask him what he thought

....and he was hesitant to answer...because he thought it should be mostly my decision...how sweet!...so I told him what I felt and he got very happy

!....he said that he was more on the traditional side and would also like that better......

Then we were talking about something else...and he said "Ok Mrs. X(his last name)"

awwwwww....I melted

...very silly...but just hearing those words from him made me so happy and madly in love!!!!

M~

 

[ilovesparkles]

I CANNOT wait until I can finally change my last name! Have wanted to ever since I was little! Part of it is to become more separated from my father (not the greatest family story/history here). Another part is I simply hate my last name. Its difficult for people to say and spell, and just sounds so awkward! Every boyfriend I have ever had in my life, I have practice my first with his last name. Its just always been that way for me.

On the other hand I have a good friend who kept her name. She went back and forth between a lot of choices. Hyphenating, combining and making a new name, and ultimately decided she just plain liked her name better and kept it as so. They have not yet decided how to go about their children when it comes to that. I have nennied for a family that simply had two middle names, the second being their mother''s maiden name.

Anyone know of anyone who has done the whole combine and make up a new one? Just curious!