Are you changing your last name after marriage?

[PrincessNatalie]

That study was undertaken in the Netherlands where it is not normal or tradition to take your husbands last name.

Anyhoo, I will definitely be taking his name, I love him and I want it to be immediately apparent that I am his wife and we are a family. Sharing the same last name makes it feel more like a family to me. I honestly don''t think it has anything to do with equal rights at all. I just think its a lovely tradition.

 

[kateydid05]

I am completely on the fence about this issue...

My current name fits so well together. It is 6 letters, very unique and Italian and it''s who I am. I don''t want to lose my last name.

My boyfriends name is 11 letters, impossible to pronounce, and incredibly German. To be honest, I do not like it. It suits him, but not me.

His parents divorced when he was younger, his mom is remarried, his dad is not, and my boyfriend is the only boy.

Hypenating it would be really long so that''s OUT. I have thought about making my last name into my middle name and take his OR just use his name socially and keep mine the way it is. We are both unsure about children so maybe down the road if we decided to have any, I will change it then. My boyfriend was not happy that I did not want to completely take on his name. We''ll see...I guess that''ll be a big discussion again when we end up getting engaged. This name thing is something that really eats at me from time to time...

 

[Indylady]

The second article I posted focuses specifically on Americans, and was presented at the ASA, which is a pretty serious venue to break into.

Are there any LIW who''s SO''s will be taking their name?

 

[UnluckyTwin]

Date: 6/29/2010 9:16:45 AM
Author: IndyLady
The second article I posted focuses specifically on Americans, and was presented at the ASA, which is a pretty serious venue to break into.

Are there any LIW who''s SO''s will be taking their name?

That''s what I''m wondering, particularly among those who are only name-switching because they want to share names with their husbands and/or future kids. More than one way to get that done.

 

[Pushin40]

I am pretty old school about this.

I can''t WAIT to change my last name to FI''s name!
It will take me from 5 letters to 11 (ahh... but from the end of the alphabet to the beginning!)
And Polish to Dutch.

Not an easy signature either, i better start practicing!

 

[lilyfoot]

I decided to take my husband's last name when we got married, and I couldn't be happier about it (except the constant issues with the SS office, but I digress ..)

This past weekend a family member made a comment about being surprised that I chose to change my last name - they thought I was too "independent" for that. Uhh, whaa? As far as I recall, I independently made the choice, nobody coerced or forced me, and I certainly didn't do it to follow societal norms

The way I look at it is this: My marriage is my marriage. If an individual, or a group, or whoever, chooses to have a problem with the way my husband and/or I conduct ourselves within our marriage, that is nobody's problem except their own. I have way better things to do with my time than judge someone else for the choices they make, especially for something as silly as a name change!

ETA: By the way, I went from a very common Hispanic last name to an extremely uncommon German one

 

[Octavia]

Date: 6/29/2010 9:13:31 AM
Author: kateydid05
I am completely on the fence about this issue...

My current name fits so well together. It is 6 letters, very unique and Italian and it's who I am. I don't want to lose my last name.

My boyfriends name is 11 letters, impossible to pronounce, and incredibly German. To be honest, I do not like it. It suits him, but not me.

His parents divorced when he was younger, his mom is remarried, his dad is not, and my boyfriend is the only boy.

Hypenating it would be really long so that's OUT. I have thought about making my last name into my middle name and take his OR just use his name socially and keep mine the way it is. We are both unsure about children so maybe down the road if we decided to have any, I will change it then. My boyfriend was not happy that I did not want to completely take on his name. We'll see...I guess that'll be a big discussion again when we end up getting engaged. This name thing is something that really eats at me from time to time...

Kateydid, my situation was similar to yours -- my husband has a very long last name that is unusual even in his native country, but nearly unpronounceable here, and it just does not fit me. I love it for him but it's not right for me. And my last name is also long and relatively uncommon, so hyphenating would be a nightmare. I actually don't think they'd let me because my name wouldn't fit on my drivers license...

Anyway, he wasn't happy that I didn't take his name and brings it up now and then. But I did tell him that if he was also willing to change his name somehow, I'd be willing to deal (taking each others' last names as second middles actually does appeal to me). I'm just NOT doing it alone. But he's not fond of that idea either, so the only thing standing between him and what he wants is himself.

I don't mind if our kids have his last name, since we will give them first names that sound okay with it (not jarringly awkward, like mine). They will also have my last name as a middle name (and maybe a "normal" middle as well, we haven't decided) so that I will share a name with them for ease of travel and such.

As far as work goes...well, without any supporting data, I would say that changing/keeping probably has less effect than which title a woman chooses to use. If a job applicant uses "Ms," it (rightly or wrongly) gives a more professional, work-centered image. If she uses "Miss" or "Mrs," it gives a more family-centered image. I have been involved in hiring in the past, and can say that I was not impressed when the woman I was interviewing corrected me after I called her "Ms Smith" to tell me that it was "Mrs Smith." Partly because it's a petty thing to bring up in an interview (there would be time enough to set me straight if I had recommended her for the job) but also because it gave me the impression that she cared more about her marital status than about presenting a professional image. Obviously, I don't mean that caring about one's marriage is a bad thing, but IMHO, if women want to compete adequately in the workplace, it's the absolute wrong place and time to stress your marital status. Harsh, but it's the way the job market works right now.

ETA: that wasn't the reason she didn't get the job, we all disliked her as a candidate for various reasons. But it did rub me the wrong way, which is why I mentioned it.

 

[blacksand]

That anyone would judge a person based on her (or his) name, marital status, or title is absolutely appalling to me. What a ridiculous thing to base an impression of a person upon. I have no problem with feminism, but I despise people who equate being a feminist with hyphenating a name, using [supposedly] gender-neutral pronouns in conversation, or refusing to wear diamonds or pearls. Have we nothing more important to focus on?

In all honesty, my personal decision on whether or not to take his name is not at all philosophical--it's purely aesthetic! I will probably take my boyfriend's name when we marry, because I like it, and that's it! My ex, on the other hand, had a foreign name replete with harsh, guttural consonants. Had I married him [shudder], I would definitely NOT have taken his name. I like my own last name, too. I wouldn't really mind either way. But I do enjoy making tangible changes when major life changes occur. You know, haircut after a breakup, name change after a wedding.

 

[merilenda]

For the people asking why the SO can''t take the wife''s name - if that works for a couple, then I think they should go for it. However (and I could be wrong on this), my understanding was that many jurisdictions do not have this as an option without going through the court.

But mostly, I don''t see what this is accomplishing from your point of view. I mean, to me, the basis of feminism is equality. If a woman taking a man''s name is patriarchal or misogynistic, how is the opposite any more equal?

FWIW, I think that this should be a legal option for couples when they marry. I also fully support same sex marriages, and generally think that the legal forms should be gender-neutral.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 6/29/2010 4:01:10 PM
Author: merilenda
For the people asking why the SO can't take the wife's name - if that works for a couple, then I think they should go for it. However (and I could be wrong on this), my understanding was that many jurisdictions do not have this as an option without going through the court.

But mostly, I don't see what this is accomplishing from your point of view. I mean, to me, the basis of feminism is equality. If a woman taking a man's name is patriarchal or misogynistic, how is the opposite any more equal?

FWIW, I think that this should be a legal option for couples when they marry. I also fully support same sex marriages, and generally think that the legal forms should be gender-neutral.

In my situation, this was never something I considered a possibility. My husband's father passed away some years back, and my husband is the only person that still has his father's last name (not the last person anywhere,ETA: though it is a rare last name, but within the immediate family, if that makes sense? The rest of that-last-name family lives many states away). My sister-in-law changed her last name when she got married, and my MIL has also changed her last name through remarriage.

I would never think of trying to take the name away from my husband, it's literally one of the only "things" he has left of his father.

Also, re: hyphenation. My maiden name was 9 letters long, my married name is 7, and as I said before, my maiden name was distinctly Hispanic, and my married name distinctly German. They just don't mesh, not to mention that's just too many letters for me!

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 6/29/2010 4:01:10 PM
Author: merilenda
For the people asking why the SO can''t take the wife''s name - if that works for a couple, then I think they should go for it. However (and I could be wrong on this), my understanding was that many jurisdictions do not have this as an option without going through the court.

But mostly, I don''t see what this is accomplishing from your point of view. I mean, to me, the basis of feminism is equality. If a woman taking a man''s name is patriarchal or misogynistic, how is the opposite any more equal?

FWIW, I think that this should be a legal option for couples when they marry. I also fully support same sex marriages, and generally think that the legal forms should be gender-neutral.

In my situation, this was never something I considered a possibility. My husband''s father passed away some years back, and my husband is the only person that still has his father''s last name (not the last person anywhere, though it is a rare last name, but within the immediate family, if that makes sense? The rest of that-last-name family lives many states away). My sister-in-law changed her last name when she got married, and my MIL has also changed her last name through remarriage.

I would never think of trying to take the name away from my husband, it''s literally one of the only "things" he has left of his father.

Also, re: hyphenation. My maiden name was 9 letters long, my married name is 7, and as I said before, my maiden name was distinctly Hispanic, and my married name distinctly German. They just don''t mesh, not to mention that''s just too many letters for me

 

[crossmyfingers]

I will be taking his last name. My last name is one syllable but is impossible for most people to pronounce (for some reason that I''ll never understand). His is longer but is a simple word that is uncommon as a last name. I''ve never been that attached to my own last name. I told FF when we first started talking about marriage that I''m excited about taking his name, and that if he waits very long to marry me, I''ll just go change my name anyway. Hehe!

I am not traditional about most things, especially about wedding/marriage traditions. He knows this. This is one of the very few traditions that we plan to keep. He wants me to take his name for the tradition and he can''t wrap his head around the idea of me not changing my name, or "just" hyphenating. A tiny bit of my reason might be because of the tradition, but it''s mostly just aesthetic.

I love the idea of putting both names together hyphenated or combining them into a new name. But personally, I just want to take his name. Ours wouldn''t sound good together and would just be a nonsense word if we combined them into one name.

 

[yssie]

Date: 6/28/2010 12:41:20 PM
Author: RaiKai

Date: 6/28/2010 11:41:15 AM
Author: IndyLady
This article is also interesting.


RaiKai, I do think that a fundamental part of feminism is that women should make their own choices. However, its inarguable that its a system whose roots are partiarchial in nature, even if a contemporary woman choices to partake in this tradition for personal reasons that aren''t partiarchial.

I do not disagree with this...we live in a patriarchal society. That being said, the fact that most of us are automatically given our father''s name at birth is JUST as patriarchal. And as an infant, I did not have the choice. I don''t see it as the name I was ''born with'' - I was born without a name at all - but I was ''given'' that name at birth (which I am fine with, better than being called ''it'' the rest of my life!)

I am not saying this is wrong, we plan to give our future children my husband''s last name - but I am saying that it can be ridiculous (in my opinion) to rail against patriarchal norms by saying changing your name at marriage is patriarchal, without looking at how you got your name in the first place, and choosing to keep that name, can be just as patriarchal (assuming you have your father''s last name), you know? I know even many of my unmarried friends who have had children outside of marriage (and chosen not to get married) have given their children the father''s last name.

At least later on I have the choice (as an infant of course I would have been incapable of making this choice)!

So, given I had my father''s last name, either way would have been a choice that conforms to patriarchal norms. I opted to keep my mother''s maiden name as my middle name, as I had taken that name when I was 7 or 8, but I did not make this choice as a propagation of matriarchal norms or as a statement against the patriarchal norms. I kept it as the name is important to me to have. I dropped my father''s name as it was NOT important to me to have. I took my husband''s name as it WAS important for me to have. I did not intend or desire to make any social and political statements by doing so (or not doing so).

If we lived in a matriarchal one we may be rallying against that (or at least some would)! It''s a bit of screwed if you do, screwed if you don''t......

I was given my mother''s last name at birth

different culture, though. My/my mum''s last name is my father''s first name.

I won''t be taking FI''s last name, but not because I already have an established career or anything - simply, my first name in combination with his last sounds absolutely bizarre! I don''t really have any personal attachment to names one way or another - our marriage would be the same regardless of what we''re called.

That said, I find the formal tradition of labelling a woman Mrs. DH''sFirstName DH''sLastName appalling.

 

[kateydid05]

Hi Octavia--

I had actually asked my boyfriend the same thing, as in taking a completely new last name. A lot of our friends joke around and put our names together and it just sounds awful, haha. Anyway, my boyfriend vetoed that idea so I said, would you take my name? He vetoed that too. So then I brought up that it wasn''t fair for him to get upset if I don''t take his name because he flat out refuses to compromise on the grounds that "taking his name is what you''re ''supposed'' to do. He never thought about it any other way. He feels it''s like a slap in the face to his Dad is he changed his name, which I somewhat understand. So it''s looking as if my last name will become my middle name and I''ll use his last name. I want to keep my last name somewhere! I would be content using his last name socially, but we''ll have to compromise at some point. I am sure we will have a more serious discussion when the time comes. We''re just talking things out now. I did not realize how big of a deal it was for me until I sat and thought about it for awhile...

 

[Indylady]

Date: 6/28/2010 9:51:12 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I changed my name. My name was the equivalent to this: Elizabeth Tiffany

My maiden name is a trendy-ish popular girl''s name. Which is fine for the MEN in my family, but when you''re a woman, and you have seemingly two first names as BOTH your first and last names, you often get the:

''Hello, may I please speak to Tiffany?''

or even better:

Them: ''Hi, can I have your last name?''
Me: ''Sure, it''s Tiffany.''
Them: ''No, your LAST NAME.''
Me: ''THAT IS MY LAST NAME.'' :::insert smoke coming out of ears:::

So basically I changed my name to my husband''s last name as soon as I possibly could. So, I went from Elizabeth Tiffany to Elizabeth Jones.

And guess what? I no longer get calls or have stupid people asking for ''Elizabeth Tiffany'' or telling me my last name isn''t a last name.

What I find funny is that my husband knows this and thinks it''s funny. And unfortunately he''s witnessed the second scenario multiple times, so he totally understands.

Freke, I just don''t get it when people question your name! Really, you know my name better than I do?

People get my name wrong all the time, even when I introduce myself with it!

Me: Hi, my name Carolina!
30 seconds pass
Staff assistant: This is our new intern Carol-AY-na.

Its pretty much uncommon altogether, so..its not like its a standard name which I''ve changed to make it sound funky. So, I don''t know why people are predisposed to pronounce the "I" sound in my name as an "AY"...

 

[Indylady]

Date: 6/29/2010 4:01:10 PM
Author: merilenda
For the people asking why the SO can''t take the wife''s name - if that works for a couple, then I think they should go for it. However (and I could be wrong on this), my understanding was that many jurisdictions do not have this as an option without going through the court.

But mostly, I don''t see what this is accomplishing from your point of view. I mean, to me, the basis of feminism is equality. If a woman taking a man''s name is patriarchal or misogynistic, how is the opposite any more equal?

FWIW, I think that this should be a legal option for couples when they marry. I also fully support same sex marriages, and generally think that the legal forms should be gender-neutral.

Well, if the rates were 50-50, then it would be different. Feminism is about equality; what''s equal about 90% of women changing their name to their husband''s, and virtually no men changing their names to match their wives?

You''re right; only 7 states allow men to change their name to their wives without going through court.

I''m reading a lot of reasons why women have decided to change their name to their husbands; when those reasons hold true for a woman''s own name, they choose to keep it, but their husbands don''t change their name, though for the same reasons many women will change their names to their husband''s. A name is a big part of your identity; changing it is also a big deal. Most men in the States are appalled if you ask them if they''ll change their last name, but women aren''t; the opposite, 90% of men changing their last name to their wives, wouldn''t be more equal. Feminism is often equated with extremism; I wouldn''t want the opposite to happen, and I don''t think most feminists would either.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 6/30/2010 9:38:37 AM
Author: IndyLady

Date: 6/29/2010 4:01:10 PM
Author: merilenda
For the people asking why the SO can''t take the wife''s name - if that works for a couple, then I think they should go for it. However (and I could be wrong on this), my understanding was that many jurisdictions do not have this as an option without going through the court.

But mostly, I don''t see what this is accomplishing from your point of view. I mean, to me, the basis of feminism is equality. If a woman taking a man''s name is patriarchal or misogynistic, how is the opposite any more equal?

FWIW, I think that this should be a legal option for couples when they marry. I also fully support same sex marriages, and generally think that the legal forms should be gender-neutral.

Well, if the rates were 50-50, then it would be different. Feminism is about equality; what''s equal about 90% of women changing their name to their husband''s, and virtually no men changing their names to match their wives?

You''re right; only 7 states allow men to change their name to their wives without going through court.

I''m reading a lot of reasons why women have decided to change their name to their husbands; when those reasons hold true for a woman''s own name, they choose to keep it, but their husbands don''t change their name, though for the same reasons many women will change their names to their husband''s. A name is a big part of your identity; changing it is also a big deal. Most men in the States are appalled if you ask them if they''ll change their last name, but women aren''t; the opposite, 90% of men changing their last name to their wives, wouldn''t be more equal. Feminism is often equated with extremism; I wouldn''t want the opposite to happen, and I don''t think most feminists would either.

You know, I really thought changing my last name would bother me .. it turns out, I don''t even notice. But maybe I''m in the minority? I wonder how other''s feel?

 

[AnneTossy]

I''ll be taking his last name, and I''m pretty excited about it. I''ve never been fond of my last name seeing as how it ties me to my father, whom I have no connection with. Also, my SO''s name is not very common, and really fun. i love it!

 

[CourtLynB]

I have a German last name, only 6 letters, which people always pronouce wrong (they take it from 2 syllables down to 1). I wouldn''t call my BF''s last name common, but it''s also short. The only problem (slight) for me is that it''s Frame, as in like glasses and pictures. My name has a lot more meaning to me. My father used to design and build boats, so there is actually a line of boats named after the family ( we''re even in Kelly Blue Book

). I just get a kick out of driving around in a boat that''s got my name on the side (A little off topic: We once found one of our boats on craiglist and my brother decided to buy it and refurb it. He and a friend went to get it and his friend pretended to be the one buying. The seller was raving about it and said he once tried to find the maker, but he''s dead. After the deal was done, my brother goes "oh yeah, by the way the builder is my father and he''s doing just fine!")

Basically I''m very proud to have my last name and I don''t want to lose it when I get married. I''m not too sure about the BF''s opinion on it. If it comes down to it, I''d hypenate it and if there were ever kids, they would get my maiden name as a middle name. Thankfully the two last names don''t sound horrible together.

 

[blacksand]

I just don''t see how name changes have anything to do with equality. Equal rights, freedom from oppression, the right to vote, to have any career you wish, freedom of thought and speech, freedom to marry whomever you wish or not marry if you choose not to, that''s important. Deciding to change your name and/or your title doesn''t seem important to me. At all. It''s a personal choice, and no one is wrong for wanting to do it or for wanting not to do it. It seems such a petty thing to get upset about, either way.

 

[RaiKai]

Date: 6/30/2010 9:14:08 AM
Author: IndyLady

Date: 6/28/2010 9:51:12 PM

Author: FrekeChild

I changed my name. My name was the equivalent to this: Elizabeth Tiffany


My maiden name is a trendy-ish popular girl''s name. Which is fine for the MEN in my family, but when you''re a woman, and you have seemingly two first names as BOTH your first and last names, you often get the:


''Hello, may I please speak to Tiffany?''


or even better:


Them: ''Hi, can I have your last name?''

Me: ''Sure, it''s Tiffany.''

Them: ''No, your LAST NAME.''

Me: ''THAT IS MY LAST NAME.'' :::insert smoke coming out of ears:::


So basically I changed my name to my husband''s last name as soon as I possibly could. So, I went from Elizabeth Tiffany to Elizabeth Jones.


And guess what? I no longer get calls or have stupid people asking for ''Elizabeth Tiffany'' or telling me my last name isn''t a last name.


What I find funny is that my husband knows this and thinks it''s funny. And unfortunately he''s witnessed the second scenario multiple times, so he totally understands.

Freke, I just don''t get it when people question your name! Really, you know my name better than I do?


People get my name wrong all the time, even when I introduce myself with it!


Me: Hi, my name Carolina!

30 seconds pass

Staff assistant: This is our new intern Carol-AY-na.


Its pretty much uncommon altogether, so..its not like its a standard name which I''ve changed to make it sound funky. So, I don''t know why people are predisposed to pronounce the ''I'' sound in my name as an ''AY''...

My maiden name is/was a common first name with the common first name spelling for it. I got called by my last name ALL the time. As far back as I can remember. It was not bad when I was in the army since that happened to everyone - we all got called by our last name - but it sucked in every other context.

I love having a last name that SOUNDS like a last name. It''s one syllable, and sometimes people say it wrong as there is a tricky silent letter in there, but I don''t mind at all! No one mistakes it for my first name!

Anyway, long story short....love my new last name and have still managed to know and keep my identity - for me that was not defined by my maiden last name - changing my first name on the other hand might be a bit odd!

My first name is pretty easy to say, I would think, but I often have had people call me my first name with the "French" sound. Most significant was at my first graduation, when I was called up to accept my degree with the "French" version. I got up there and politely corrected her, and she said loudly, for all 1,500 people to hear "Oh, SHE says it''s pronounced "English way"". Like I was the one in error for wanting it said properly!

 

[Indylady]

Raikai, the announcer at my graduation also mispronounced my name! And, he was one of my old professors, in addition to having a name card with a phonetic pronunciation as well! I didn''t mind too badly as the only thing running through my head was, "don''t trip..don''t trip..you''re on stage, don''t trip!"

Blacksand, I agree that no one is wrong for changing their name, or refusing to change their name. I don''t agree that it is entirely a personal choice; I think that many women change their names because of tradition. While there are many laws (which is what I''m assuming you''re referring to) against gender inequity, it still exists, which is why its important to see how seemingly minor practices reinforce gender inequity.

Lilyfoot, that''s interesting! I''m curious to hear as well. My mom changed her name recently, and I don''t think she cares either way. I think its because she''s been referred to as both for long that it wasn''t a sudden change.

 

[maebelle]

My last name is German, slightly hard to spell to new people and rather long (9 letters).

My SOs last name is Hungarian, slightly hard to spell to new people and shorter (7 letters).

While I will find it odd to have a name that speaks of a heritage he doesn''t even subscribe to (He identifies most with Italian), and I *love* my German heritage, he has his heart set on me taking his name when we get married (eventually). Since there isn''t an issue with ending up with a more generic name (which I wouldn''t like at all, if he were a Smith we''d be having a different conversation) I am ok with it all.

 

[merilenda]

Date: 6/30/2010 9:38:37 AM
Author: IndyLady

Date: 6/29/2010 4:01:10 PM

Author: merilenda

For the people asking why the SO can''t take the wife''s name - if that works for a couple, then I think they should go for it. However (and I could be wrong on this), my understanding was that many jurisdictions do not have this as an option without going through the court.


But mostly, I don''t see what this is accomplishing from your point of view. I mean, to me, the basis of feminism is equality. If a woman taking a man''s name is patriarchal or misogynistic, how is the opposite any more equal?


FWIW, I think that this should be a legal option for couples when they marry. I also fully support same sex marriages, and generally think that the legal forms should be gender-neutral.

Well, if the rates were 50-50, then it would be different. Feminism is about equality; what''s equal about 90% of women changing their name to their husband''s, and virtually no men changing their names to match their wives?


You''re right; only 7 states allow men to change their name to their wives without going through court.


I''m reading a lot of reasons why women have decided to change their name to their husbands; when those reasons hold true for a woman''s own name, they choose to keep it, but their husbands don''t change their name, though for the same reasons many women will change their names to their husband''s. A name is a big part of your identity; changing it is also a big deal. Most men in the States are appalled if you ask them if they''ll change their last name, but women aren''t; the opposite, 90% of men changing their last name to their wives, wouldn''t be more equal. Feminism is often equated with extremism; I wouldn''t want the opposite to happen, and I don''t think most feminists would either.

I guess I don''t see it as a feminist issue, beyond each person/couple having the choice to do what they want. I don''t agree with the blanket statement that a name is a big part of your identity - it certainly can be. For me (and I''m guessing others as well) my first name is much more a part of my identity than my last. I don''t feel that taking the name of the person I''m marrying takes away from my identity at all. If I did feel that way, I wouldn''t change my name.

I''ve just seen a few threads on PS about name changing, and I feel like some people are a little judgmental with women who choose to change their name. In my mind, that''s like claiming to be pro-choice and then questioning/judging a woman who chooses to have the child (it''s not the same issue obviously, and I DEFINITELY don''t want to start THAT debate - but for me as a self-identified feminist, both issues are just clear matters of choice).

Bottom line: at least when it comes to me, you''re preaching to the choir. I''m very liberal and, as I said, feminist. I''m living in a conservative state currently, and frequently see all kinds of rampant prejudice. My FI had "friends" who stopped associating with either of us after I moved in (we''re living in sin) and because I''m not white (I''m half Asian). Their alma mater recently lifted its ban on interracial dating (though I believe it was still in effect when they were there). I can''t make this stuff up. I guess when you see stuff like that constantly, a woman choosing to change her name after marriage seems like a pretty big non-issue. There are just bigger fish to fry.

 

[HVVS]

Hamilton says, “They told us that women should lose their own identity when they marry and become a part of the man and his family. This was a reason given by many.”

Other respondents said they felt the marital name change was essential for religious reasons or as a practical matter.

“They said the mailman would get confused and that society wouldn’t function as well if women did not change their name,” Hamilton says.

Groan. Great: Get married, lose your identity. That must be one of the underlying reasons I am not very thrilled about marrying, again, lol.

Essential for religions reasons: Yay. Once more, some church with a male-oriented agenda is going to try to tell me what a good little servant and breeder-girl ought to do. Well, I'm just not interested. If I ever get interested, I'll start dropping money in the collection plate again. Watch out for falling chunks of the roof, though.

The mailman would get confused: That's doubtful. One person plus or minus is certainly manageable. I moved three states away, and I added "corner of ____ and _____" to the second line of my address. Not one mail carrier, UPS, FedEx, or DHL driver has ever had a problem finding me since then.

I was 36 years old and already had 15 years of career established in my own name before I married. There was no way I was going to change my name at that point. Some of these traditional roles and behaviors of women, the farther down the road you get, the more ridiculous and tiresome they look.