Are people afraid to comment on weight loss?

[Bliss]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Whenever someone loses weight, I cheer them on and offer my heartfelt admiration. It is just awesome!

I am a little hesitant to do it these days because the last two people I complimented, they snapped at me, "GEEZ, so I didn''t look great before? Is that what you are saying?"

And all I said was, "James, you look great! You''re getting so lean!" And this is someone who is obese and lost about 40 lbs. Very noticable and he looked GREAT. Not just superficially -- but he had color in his face and more energy. It was a vibe. But I guess not a positive vibe after all because he did NOT like my saying he looked awesome. But he did look awesome!

 

[kathleenmv]

Aw, thanks for the congrats you guys!

krisvrn, I hear ya about not commenting unless you''re close to the person. That can be dicey!

Metro, congrats on 20#!! My DH didn''t say much about my weight loss, either--not really until I prompted him. I was starting to think I didn''t look different at all!

Bliss, sorry to hear that you got snapped at when trying to deliver a nice compliment. I wonder if that kind of reaction is why people are hesitant to say anything. It''s no fun having a kind word misconstrued or thrown back at you!

 

[marcy]

Metro, congratulations on loosing 20 pounds.

Bliss, maybe your friend had a hard time believing he looked great. Sorry he took your good intentions the wrong way.

 

[Erin]

I just wanted to add that I've lost 16 pounds since February and three people in the last month have simply patted me on the back and said "You look fantastic" or "You look great." And I guess I never really looked at myself as ever thin and simultaneously never heavy. I'm 5'8 so 16 pounds is rather subtle when people see you day to day over four months. But I very much appreciate when people say I look good versus "Wow you lost weight." I suppose put me in the camp of people who don't want to be reminded that I had weight to lose. I feel uncomfortable thinking maybe they were judging me before. When I had mentioned I was going to lose 20 pounds some of my friends said You're crazy. You don't need to lose weight. But now that I have, I have people telling me I look good. And I prefer that open-ended comment anyday to someone specifically mentioning weight.

Congratulations on 50!

 

[marcy]

Starset, congratulations for loosing 16 pounds! That is terrific.

 

[surfgirl]

Congrats on your weight loss, that''s quite an accomplishment! When I lost a bunch of weight people did comment that I looked great...not "my god you were a fat cow and now you look normal!"

Just, "wow, you look good/great..." But I''m thinking maybe these folks are afraid you''ll take it the wrong way...? Who knows. Just know that what you''ve done is amazing and good for you!

 

[kathleenmv]

Starset, thanks for the congratulations and right back atcha!!

Like you and surfgirl mentioned, the open-ended "you look great" comments are nice!!

 

[Samantha Red]

Well done on an amazing loss Kathleen, truly a fantastic achievement. I too have lost weight recently, about 35 pounds since the end of January and I got to a point where I was getting miffed because no-one was noticing. It just shows be careful what you wish for because I am getting bored of the ''you have lost so much weight, you really shouldn''t lose anymore'' type of comments. I would like to lose about another 21 pounds or so and when I tell people this, their reaction is more indicative of me saying I plan to slaughter their first born child! I would never presume to tell someone stuff like when they should stop losing weight. If it was someone I was close to and it was obvious that they were going too far maybe. I have pact with my F1 and my best friend. IF I go too far and start to look gaunt and ill, they will tell me and I have promised to listen to them. As far as everyone esle is concerned I have put it down to envy, as the comments usually come from people who want to lose weight themselves.

A big shout out to all those who are following a healthier way of living - congratulations!!

 

[phoenixgirl]

I think most people grossly underestimate how much a person could lose just by looking at him or her. My husband''s coworker told me what he weighs and that he wants/needs to lose 20 pounds. I did the math, and his BMI was over 30 . . . obese. At over 6'' tall, he needs to lose a lot more than 20 pounds. I thought I needed to lose "5 to 10" pounds but then lost 22. Even my husband told me after the first ten not to lose another ten, but once I did he conceded that ten more pounds just sounded like a lot and I just didn''t look like I had it to lose even though I obviously did.

So now my rule of thumb is to take what people say they want to lose and triple that, and that''s probably more like what they would be able to lose in a healthy fashion if they were to change their eating habits and exercise regularly.

Maybe in some ways this "underestimation" is good, because if you really knew how much extra weight you had, you might become overwhelmed and depressed and not even try. Once you reach that initial goal of 5, 10, 20, etc., then you''re more likely to be motivated to keep going and reach your healthy weight.

So Samantha, I think you are just encountering people''s blinders that make them not realize how much extra weight most of us have. The thought of someone who looked fine to begin with needing to lose 50 lbs. sounds outrageous to people who hope they have only ten pounds to lose but might suspect deep down that it''s really a lot more.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 5/13/2008 10:17:35 AM
Author: Cleopatra
some may feel uncomfortable bringing it up to you in case you had any insecurities about your prior weight...

Couldn''t have said it better myself...even people I like tremendously, if I am not a particularly *close friend*, I won''t say anything except ''Well, you''re looking well...!"

A lady who works in our local Japanese restaurant lost an AWFUL amount of weight. She looks like she''s maybe half her original weight! It felt fake, not commenting on it, because I like her a lot... and she asks after my little dog and my children, every time!