Anyone''s parents really helpless?

[rockzilla]

So, here''s the deal.

I have been traveling on my own pretty much since I was 16 (booking flights, hotels, etc.) My mom, on the other hand, didn''t get on a plane for the first time until parents weekend my freshman year of college. Yes, this means I moved MYSELF into college 3,000 miles from home...I also travel quite a bit for work.

Anyways, its been 6-7 years since that time. My mom has come out to visit me about once per year. EVERY time I have to book everything. The first few times I didn''t mind, but it is like I am the travel agent now.

At the moment, what I am dealing with is:

1)I live in SF
2)Fiance lives in LA
3)Engagement party is in San Diego
4)Mom/brother lives in Boston

So, she and my brother (age:21!) are going to fly into San Diego a few days early. They will need a hotel for a few days before the engagement party. After the party, my mom will fly up to SF and stay with me, and my brother will stay in SD with friends. In the meantime, I have things to do in LA before and after the party, so I will not be able to hang out with her all of the time. (I think she is offended that fiance and I aren''t insisting that she stay with us in his ONE BEDROOM apartment) Then she''ll fly back to Boston from SF and my brother will fly back from SD. Its as if she is trying to choose the most complicated possible option.

It would really help if she''d figure out ANY of the logistics, but she is not even trying. OR she will try for 15 minutes, get frustrated, give up and call me saying that there are NO hotels in san diego that she can find. "I don''t want to book the flight until I know the hotels" "What are we going to do about the hotels, we don''t know when we''re flying in yet" it is a hopeless cycle.

There are people who do this, they are called travel agents! I am not one of them...

Oh, and to top it all off, she has her MASTERS in Computers and Education. But she can''t even use a computer to book a few flights. And why should she if I will always do it for her?

sorry just had to vent

 

[JulieN]

Hey, rockzilla. Have you ever read The Second Shift? It describes a woman who pretends she is helpless (she "can't" drive a car) as a method for getting her husband to help out around the house. You didn't mention your dad in your post. Since your mom is obviously an intelligent and capable woman, I really doubt that your mom is helpless, but it is more a strategy for coping, perhaps as a way of coping with your impending nuptials and the way your relationship to her will change. Or it may be some of that normal MOB/bride angst that is so well documented.

 

[spike13]

Maybe you could call a travel agent and have them arrange everything, then just send your mom the itinerary.

Doesn''t address or help your Mom being helpless but might save you the stress and aggravation.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 6/26/2008 9:04:47 PM
Author:rockzilla
So, here''s the deal.


I have been traveling on my own pretty much since I was 16 (booking flights, hotels, etc.) My mom, on the other hand, didn''t get on a plane for the first time until parents weekend my freshman year of college. Yes, this means I moved MYSELF into college 3,000 miles from home...I also travel quite a bit for work.


Anyways, its been 6-7 years since that time. My mom has come out to visit me about once per year. EVERY time I have to book everything. The first few times I didn''t mind, but it is like I am the travel agent now.


At the moment, what I am dealing with is:


1)I live in SF

2)Fiance lives in LA

3)Engagement party is in San Diego

4)Mom/brother lives in Boston


So, she and my brother (age:21!) are going to fly into San Diego a few days early. They will need a hotel for a few days before the engagement party. After the party, my mom will fly up to SF and stay with me, and my brother will stay in SD with friends. In the meantime, I have things to do in LA before and after the party, so I will not be able to hang out with her all of the time. (I think she is offended that fiance and I aren''t insisting that she stay with us in his ONE BEDROOM apartment) Then she''ll fly back to Boston from SF and my brother will fly back from SD. Its as if she is trying to choose the most complicated possible option.


It would really help if she''d figure out ANY of the logistics, but she is not even trying. OR she will try for 15 minutes, get frustrated, give up and call me saying that there are NO hotels in san diego that she can find. ''I don''t want to book the flight until I know the hotels'' ''What are we going to do about the hotels, we don''t know when we''re flying in yet'' it is a hopeless cycle.


There are people who do this, they are called travel agents! I am not one of them...


Oh, and to top it all off, she has her MASTERS in Computers and Education. But she can''t even use a computer to book a few flights. And why should she if I will always do it for her?


sorry just had to vent

My parents treat me like the family travel agent.

They insist that I make the travel arrangements for my mom(55), sister (21), brother (27) and grandmother (90). It''s ridiculous. No matter where we go. Now they have started making me plan car rentals too. It''s really ridiculous, and I hate it, but when I tell people them that, they laugh and tell me, "it''s my role". What does that even mean? They are such enablers, none of these people are incompetent! ARGH!!!!!

So, in conclusion, I feel your pain.

 

[rockzilla]

I think it is because their world is SO limited. She''s basically lived in the same town her whole life, never goes anywhere that you need to drive on the freeway unless someone else is taking her.

yes, it is intimidating to make those arrangements for yourself for the first time, but if you never DO it, it never gets better! And she will never do it if I keep doing it for her...

I can''t do the travel agent thing, she''d say its ''too expensive'' - of course, all of my finding of stuff has to fit within HER budget

 

[Lynn B]

Maybe you could do it this *one last time*, but tell Mom frankly (but kindly!) that it has become too difficult and time-consuming for you to continue and you will have to "retire" as her travel agent after this trip?! Just a thought!!!