Anyone else feel bad that their LOs have no cousins?

[Sabine]

I was just re-reading some posts in the age-gap thread, and it had me thinking. We're planning on an age gap of 3-4 years between ds and any future kids. I know it's going to be what's best for us with our situation, but I do feel bad that he won't have a playmate closer in age. It had me thinking about my family growing up, and how it was nice not only having my older brother close in age, but also 2 cousins that we saw ALL.THE.TIME who were nearly the same age as us in well. At family functions it was never an issue for us kids to go off and entertain ourselves, and we all got along really well when we were all together, even if my bro. and I weren't currently getting along at home.

We didn't have a really big family, and I only have 2 other cousins total, both who are a LOT younger than me (I think I was in hs when the first was born). But we at least had 2 cousins our age to play with.

Poor Jackson doesn't have any cousins, and probably won't for a LONG time if he ever does. My brother is married, but he works on Wall Street and is very stressed by his job, and his wife is in no hurry for kids. Dh has an older brother who has only ever dated a handful of women, and he honestly told us a month or so ago that if it doesn't happen for him in the next few years (wife, kids, settling down, etc.) he might be happy as a perpetual bachelor. He's only 29 so I don't know if that will happen or not, but I can't imagine him having kids in the next few years anyway. Dh's sister is 3.5 years younger, and she's just getting started professionally and has never had a serious boyfriend. She's still very much in party mode, so although she might settle down at some point, it probably won't be for a few years.

Anyone else have a lone LO with no siblings and no prospects for cousins any time soon? Does it make you feel bad when you think of future family gatherings?

 

[Mara]

J only has one cousin (or 2nd cousin really) that is near him, and she is 1.5 years older. He will have no real cousins for a VERY long time, as my sisters and I are so far in age apart...who knows when they'll have kids--one of them is just 20.

When I was growing up I had 5 cousins all within 2 years of my age, and we'd see each other a fair amt. But my friends were more important than my cousins--because we didn't see them every day like with friends. It is great for the adults to let the kids just go off and entertain themselves, but it is what it is given what we have to work with. J will also probably never have a sibling.

I know things will be VERY different for J growing up than it was for me, in SO many ways. I figure that is just part of HIS life experience, it does not need to be remotely similar to mine for it to be successful nor is it a bad thing. Plus the world today is very different as well--stands to reason his experiences will be different.

Because he doesn't have a sibling and no other family really close to his age than this one little girl-- playmates and things are even more important to us. We're doing a nanny share with another little boy that is 1 year old and I am really excited that J will get to be around another little boy close in age so he can learn things like sharing, playtime, being gentle, etc etc.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

No. I have cousins very close in age and were never close with them. We are just very different people.

 

[MustangGal]

Kyle has 2 cousins on DH's side (one a bit older, one a bit younger), but they live 4 hours away so we don't see them that often, and there won't be any on my side for many years, if at all. I do wish there were a few more, since it's really looking like Kyle will be an only child, so cousins would be a nice substitute for siblings.

My cousins on my mom's side are all 7+ years younger than me, but we still had fun at family gatherings.

Will Jacks have any 2nd cousins or other extended family to fill in? While Kyle doesn't have many 1st cousin prospects, he does have nine 3rd cousins within 6 years +/- that we see every Thanksgiving. While he might not ever be close to them, he'll have a chance to interact and play when we get together.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

James has 4 cousins - but they live four hours away from us so we only see them a few times a year. I am expecting my second child, due in early February so James and the new baby will be 2.5 years apart.

My sister and I are only 1.5 years apart, and I have two female cousins that were born the same year I was (I'm the oldest of the three of us) so we used to play all the time as children. One of my cousins (the second oldest) is expecting her first in December and the other (the youngest of us) is not currently married/in a serious relationship.

I think in general families are getting smaller so kids won't have as many siblings, cousins, etc. to play with. I've also noticed that moms these days do play dates, whereas when I was growing up playing with a friend wasn't necessarily scheduled unless it was for a birthday party or other special occasion. In any event I don't worry about it since there are plenty of kids in the neighborhood for James to play with and I'm sure he'll meet others when he starts school in a few years.

 

[fieryred33143]

Yes. Very much so.

My brothers are 7/8 years younger. But I have 1 cousin who is 3 months older than me, another that is 2 weeks older, and one that is 3 days older. We grew up together. During the summer, we took turns sleeping over and we went on trips together. Even though I didn't have a sibling at that age, I still had people to play with.

Sophia has a bunch of cousins but none of them live close. FI's cousin is pregnant now and I was excited (first and foremost excited for her) because now Sophia will have a playmate. Unfortunately, his cousin apparently doesn't like us very much so that's pretty much out

 

[Lanie]

Oh my gosh! I was thinking of this today!

I personally have 25 first cousins ON ONE SIDE! I love having a big family, and my LO will only have 4! That probably seems like a normal amount to you guys, but to me it's too few!

If you are used to having a small family, then it shouldn't be a big deal. I was upset about it though!

 

[ChinaCat]

I had 18 cousins (on one side) and 2 on the other growing up and we were VERY close and still are. Almost like sisters/brothers.

It makes me sad that O won't have that, but it's just the way the world is now. If O is lucky, he'll have 2 or 3 cousins eventually. But not on a daily basis.

The funny thing is that one of my cousins lives about 5 blocks away, and she has two boys, 3 and 1 and O is around them all the time. We call them "cousins" and they will definitely grow up like cousins.

The only good thing is that as the only grandchild as of now, my parents are all about him and always available to baby-sit!

 

[vc10um]

I never got along with my cousins, really, but FI has 15 cousins ranging in age from their early 30s to 19. He has 3 cousins born within a few months of him. They're all quite close (as is his entire family) and the cousins' children are also very close (they range in age from 13 down to due-any-day-now). So while our future LO (or LOs) probably won't have many actual cousins (I have one sister who's not sure about kids, and he has two brothers, both of whom will probably not have kids for awhile, if at all) they'll have plenty of second cousins, and I'm hoping they get to form bonds with them like FI has with his cousins!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I wish our kids could have cousins close in age. I had one cousin close in age growing up and she and I were like sisters...even more like sisters than my actual sisters who were 7-10 years older than I. D doesn't have siblings, but has always been very close to his cousins. In fact, they were his 2 groomsman and have been more like brothers.

Since D is an only child, there will be no cousins on his side. And since my sisters are all done having kids, all of our kids' cousins will be much older. I was sort of hoping that D's cousins would have kids around the same time as we did, that way our kids could at least have second cousins, but it seems like that isn't going to happen.

My best friend growing up was my neighbor--she and I are still extremely close. I'll just have to befriend some of my neighbors

 

[elrohwen]

I don't have kids yet, but I've thought of this since I'm an only child and DH has one sister - she's younger than us and lives far away, so if/when she does have kids, the chance that our LO will see SIL's kids is slim unless she moves closer (even when she lived a few hours away we only saw her a couple times a year).

Personally, I don't mind. I didn't have any cousins close in age - most were at least 10 years older, while two were 10 years younger (and lived in Sweden), so I wasn't close to my cousins at all growing up. Our child will also be an only, but since I was an only I'm ok with that - I know that he or she will turn out fine, with or without cousins or siblings.

DH does have two cousins close in age to us who might have kids, but we're not especially close to them - we went to their weddings and they came to ours, but that's about it. I doubt our kid would have much interaction with their kids.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Not really. Micah has three cousins that are all at least 6 months older than him that we don't see too often, but he will have school friends later. I grew up without any family nearby and my brother was 6 years older, so I didn't have playmates until I was in kindergarten. I played pretend a LOT but I never felt lonesome.

 

[shihtzulover]

My FF and I are both only children. We don't have any kids yet, but when we do, they will not have cousins. We also don't have much family living around here, since we are both originally from different states. Our kids will only have my parents and also his aunt and uncle and their huge family (although my FF isn't very close to them to begin with) - and of course each other, assuming that we have more than one (as of now, we are planning to have at least two). It might be tough for us, but it's unfortunately not a situation that can really be fixed.

I can't speak for my FF, but it was difficult for me when I was growing up. Luckily, I had a cousin who was only one year older, and we were really close - but then I moved away. It was difficult for me because I didn't really seem to connect with any of my peers (I really think it might have to do with the fact that we moved to a different region of the US, where everyone seems to act differently). It's still kind of like that: I don't really fit in here, but I still get along with most of my old elementary school friends from my original hometown.

As for my cousin - she and I turned into two very different people, so I'm not sure how long we would have stayed close, anyway. We still talk and she is totally great, but we just don't seem to have any common interests anymore.

 

[Nashville]

I never even thought about it actually! My daughter has a cousin, but they live across the country.

 

[anchor31]

Jacob is going to have a cousin about 10 months younger (my brother's wife is expecting), but I don't expect them to be that close either because they live in Halifax and we won't seem them very often. I don't think DH's sister and her DH are going to have kids anytime soon (still in school), and IF DH's brother stays with the girlfriend he has at the moment (big if), then Jacob will have 2 step cousins, but they are already 6 and 8. But it doesn't really bother me because I have many cousins (my dad is the youngest of 13), but none of them are close in age and I am not close to any of them. IF we have another child (again, big if), the age gap is probably going to be 3-5 years. However, even though I have a brother only 18 months older and a twin sister, I don't feel bad about it. I may not be a SAHM for long still, and I'm sure he'll make plenty of friends in daycare, preschool, kindergarden, etc.

Don't feel bad, Sabine. Whether Jacks has cousins or not is out of your control, so there's no use worrying about it, right?

 

[ericad]

Our daughter is 5 1/2, no cousins that she sees more than once every couple of years, and no plans to have more kids anytime soon, if at all. Each family is different and whatever you decide is what will work for you. My brother and I are 7.5 years apart and, while we weren't "sibling" close when I was little (he was more of an authority figure to me), we're close now and the age gap doesn't matter. If either of us were an only child, our lives wouldn't really be any different - we have families of our own and live in different states and wouldn't know what we were missing. Growing up we had some cousins nearby, which was great when we saw them a few times per year. But again, nothing regular. Seems that I've inadvertently re-created the same family setup I had growing up. I never thought about that till now...

I have pondered whether we should have another baby, but I realize it's not because I'm yearning to have another child, but rather because it seems to make sense for all these other reasons - playmate for DD, a sibling to have one day when we're gone, because I always "thought" I'd have 2, etc. But these aren't compelling reasons to have a baby, which is such a huge decision. Instead we are diligent about giving her the best education, all our love and patience, lots and lots of playdates, and the rest will fall into place over time.

My husband has 2 brothers and lots of cousins, and he's not close to his brothers at all, though he was very close to his cousins growing up and still is. So you never really know how everything will play out.

 

[Miss Sparkly]

I was never close to the cousins that lived nearby me. DH's brother's kids (if he has kids) will never have cousins as DH and I are not having children. I wouldn't feel bad about not having cousins as friends are just as good if not better company

 

[diamondringlover]

I had my last child a little later in life, his brother is 11 years older then him and the closest age for a cousin is 15 years difference so he basically has been a only child and I have to admit he gets a little loney, he never has anyone to play with at family get togethers and he tends to like "older" games then his classmates because he has been around older people his whole life...but at age 13 he is a pretty mature, wonderful child, I probably should have had another but I was older when I had him and I didnt want to have anymore kids.

 

[vespergirl]

My boys who are 3 & 4 months have one boy cousin that is 11. He is darling & loves to play with my older son, but unfortunately he lives across the country. Also, my SIL is as abusive psycho who has isolated my brother & nephew from every member of our family except me & my DH & sons, so I'm just wondering how long it will be before she perceives some slight from us & totally cuts them off from their entire extended family.

My younger brother & my DH's younger brother are not yet married, so they may one day have more cousins, but neither of them even have serious girlfriends right now, so I'm not holding my breath ...

I grew up with dozens of cousins that lived closeby that I was close to and saw all the time, so I do think it's really sad that my boys don't have any cousins to play with. My BIL does live closeby, and he's 35 & finally ready to settle down, so I'm hoping that in the next couple of years there will be some cousins, but by that time they will be quite a bit younger than my boys.

 

[MustangGal]

I was recently looking into info on only children, and one site mentioned that in China, where most of the population is limited to 1 child, the whole idea of cousins is only a memory. I believe the population control was enacted in 1979 it said, so that would be my generation and now their children with no siblings OR cousins. I assume they're getting along fine without cousins over there, so I think our children will be OK .

 

[Dreamer_D]

Hunter has no cousins on my side as I am an only child, and since DH's brothers are 5 and 7 years younger and live on the other side of the country, no cousins there either!

I grew up with no cousins. What ended up happening was that my mom was close friends with two other women and they each had two kids and those 4 -- two girls and two boys -- were like close cousins siblings to me. I saw they almost every day as we lived near them for most of my childhood. And a gang of kids in my neighbourhood means there were lots of playmates.

If you want your kid to have same age playmates I think you have to find other women and families like yours and then create the relationships you want That is what we are going to try to do.