Another ring violation!

[Diamond*Dana]

I let family and friends try it on, but never would I let a stranger.

 

[nebe]

[ETA] I'm staying out of the disagreement in the thread BUT... I must say there seems to be quite a bit of bitchiness hanging around here lately.

ANYWAY, BriBee

I have a friend who INSISTS on trying on any kind a jewelry I get.

When I bought my RHR she immediately bounced up and down and said "gimme gimme, I want to see!!" which I was kind of eh about and just handed it to her. Then when I got my watch from FH (Tag Heuer Diamond Link *swoon*) she grabbed my wrist and actually TOOK IT OFF ME.

I'm very flattered that she likes my jewelry, but I personally wouldn't insist on trying on someone else's jewelry like it was automatically my right. Kinda iffy.

Now I just don't really tell her when something is new. lol

 

[E B]

nebe, I just wanted to say that in your icon, at least, you could be the TWIN of a good friend of mine. My friend isn''t in a serious relationship (that I know of) so I doubt you''re her, but every time I see a post of yours I swear I''m looking at her.

How weird, huh? Maybe she''s your doppleganger!

 

[nebe]

Date: 11/12/2007 5:46:49 PM
Author: EBree
nebe, I just wanted to say that in your icon, at least, you could be the TWIN of a good friend of mine. My friend isn''t in a serious relationship (that I know of) so I doubt you''re her, but every time I see a post of yours I swear I''m looking at her.

How weird, huh? Maybe she''s your doppleganger!

Really? I live in MA, so unless you live there it isn''t me

Plus I tend to babble on about my home life a lot to the few I talk to on a regular basis. I look very much like my mother and sister as well, but my sister is much darker and my mother is white. I''m half West Indian (via Trinidad) so I have much darker features in daily life. What nationality is your friend?

 

[E B]

Date: 11/12/2007 5:55:43 PM
Author: nebe

Date: 11/12/2007 5:46:49 PM

Author: EBree

nebe, I just wanted to say that in your icon, at least, you could be the TWIN of a good friend of mine. My friend isn''t in a serious relationship (that I know of) so I doubt you''re her, but every time I see a post of yours I swear I''m looking at her.


How weird, huh? Maybe she''s your doppleganger!

Really? I live in MA, so unless you live there it isn''t me

Plus I tend to babble on about my home life a lot to the few I talk to on a regular basis. I look very much like my mother and sister as well, but my sister is much darker and my mother is white. I''m half West Indian (via Trinidad) so I have much darker features in daily life. What nationality is your friend?

As I suspected...she''s in Texas, so you aren''t the same person. It''s just so weird. As for nationality, I want to say that her mother is Syrian, but I''m not completely sure.

I bet you two don''t look like twins IRL, but that icon of you is the spitting image! How funny.

 

[Skippy123]

BriBree, I guess it depends on the person and how close I am to them. I don't usually take it off for fear of me or the other person dropping it. I totally understand the uncomfortable feeling; maybe you could say you have a hard time getting it over your knuckle and you rather not. BriBree, stick around, k.

Skippy

 

[gemgirl]

I guess I''m in the minority on this one but my opinion for myself and only for myself, I''m NOT telling anyone else what to do, is that no one ever tries on or puts on either my engagement ring, my wedding band, my eternity band or any of my anniversary bands. I have always felt that those things symbolize the bond that I have with my husband and those pieces should never be on someone else''s body for even a second. I have always told my girlfriends, you can look at it, you can ask me questions about it, but it is never leaving my finger! Of course, I take my good stuff off when I''m home but it gets cleaned and put into a ring box.

That''s just me. I''m VERY old fashioned that way. My wedding set, now that it''s soldered together, is not fashion jewelry. It''s not a neat pair of glasses or a cute jacket. It''s the symbol of my marriage, my bond with my husband for life, on my finger. if someone wants to try on rings, let them go to a jewelry store!

 

[isaku5]

I''ve never had anyone ask to try on my rings. They''ve said, "Wow, your rings are gorgeous", to which I reply, "thank you" and that''s the end of it.

If anyone had asked, I would have hesitated, not because I''m superstitious, but because I''ve seen the way some people use their index finger and thumb on the stone to put it on, or to feel it. Feel it???? Run their fingers over it???? Yuck!!! No way, it makes me cringe and want to run home and put it (them) in the ultrasonic asap.

I taught my 12 year old granddaughter how to handle a piece of jewellery correctly, and told her she could practise with my rings only if she asked for permission and if I was present. I know I''m a mean old granny, but better that she learn from me than go into a jewellery store and maul the rings. When we''re sitting close together, she often asks, which is fine with me.

 

[Kissmark]

A coworker asked to try my ring on, and I let her but really regretted afterwards. I should''ve just said no, but at that moment I just didn''t know how to say no politely. I personally am not comfortable w/ others trying my ring, especially at that time I just got it. I thought it was a bit insensitive for her to ask, especially at work. Maybe to her it''s not a big deal and she will let others try her ring, but she should realize that some people are not as willing to give the ring to others to try.

 

[Sharon101]

Date: 11/12/2007 3:20:53 PM
Author: Cleopatra
I have to say that I''m in the ''don''t care camp'' - I don''t think it''s rude. Especially when i''m one of the only girls in my group of friends who is engaged. I know the fascination women have with sparklies - and if my ring can give them a thrill for a few minutes, why not?

I agree here! I would mainly feel sorry that I have something that another person coverts. As much as I love showing off, I really hate others being jealous or sad that they dont have similar. I have guilt over things like that!!!

Also some people are more outgoing and that is part of their personality. These people are usually more fun to have around....the ones who ask anything and are never embarrest or holding back!!!!

 

[somethingshiny]

I don''t usually have people ask if they can try on my ring. HOWEVER, anytime I purchase a ring (in particular) I have my BFF try it on so I can see how it looks from various angles, distances and when I "talk" with my hands.

I''m not one of those sentimental jewelry people. I mean I LOVE the idea of heirlooms (I don''t have any of those!) , and I love my bling! But, if something happened to it, it wouldn''t be a huge deal to me. SO, if someone who is used to people like me (who hands out her ring) walks up to a person like you (who doesn''t)and asks, then, I don''t think they''re intending on being rude. It''s just what they''re used to.

IF it bothers you, simply say "I''m sorry, but this ring is very dear to me and I don''t often remove it from my finger." Then if that person NEEDS to try on some bling, they can head to the jewelry store and ogle their goodies.

So, I haven''t really weighed in on all the "rudeness" topics much, but I guess my overall opinion is "Make your opinion known." and also, "Take into consideration how it was INTENDED." We all make mistakes, and I''m sure I''ve come off as less than polite on a few occasions myself.

 

[elle_chris]

I don''t think it''s rude at all. My friends and I do it all the time. No biggie here. In fact the first day I wore my 5 stone to work at least 4 ladies asked to try it on. I was flattered. Never thought anything of it and happily handed it over. Was interesting to see it on other peoples hands.

Wondering what the reasoning is behind being shocked and thinking it was rude though? Friends do it all the time.

That said, you can always politely just say no

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/12/2007 5:20:38 PM
Author: MoonWater

Actually no. There are people behind these words and those people have feelings. I think that's the biggest problem with the internet. People tend to be much more brash and rude online because they think they are only words. Considering what this forum involves (engagement rings, weddings, pregnancies, babies) it's even more obvious that feelings, very STRONG feelings are involved. Everyone has a right to their opinion, and offline I am one of the biggest bitches around, but I do believe in being respectful unless someone says somethig that warrants a strong response (like being offensive to others). But that's just me.

Ha...I assure you I am far more brash and rude in PERSON.

Actually, being an English major, I know the weight of the written word, so I actually tend to be more careful online. How scary is that?

On a side note, I know this is a question about "show me the ring" but shouldn't this topic be elsewhere? I don't see no rings folks!

ETA, and as far as "b*tchiness lately"...er, uh no. A lot of the vocal folks have been around here forever. It seems that there's just been more SENSITIVITY lately with some of the newer folks. But this topic has ebbed and flowed over the last few years as well.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 11/12/2007 4:44:00 PM
Author: TravelingGal
I do feel this topic has been discussed to death recently...but then so have lots of other things. Sometimes it strikes me as general excitement and ''showing off'' a bit...like, ''oh my god, look at me! People want to try on my awesome ring! Eek!'' But I know that''s more perception than intention.

I don''t think it''s rude to ask, and I don''t think it''s rude to say no. It''s kind of easy, really. But everyone''s comfort level is different.

Sometimes I wonder how some people make it to the bathroom without asking advice (this isn''t directed at you BriBree). There''s another thread on PS that I couldn''t even answer...I was kind of amazed because the answer to me is kind of obvious.

Heh...This made me laugh TGal, as always, I enjoy your posts! My biggest pet peeve on forums is that people dont take the time to search for what they''re looking for and when they write "I haven''t read this entire thread yet but..." or "I apologize if this has already been discussed a lot before but...." I just want to yell, "Then please do a SEARCH first if you know it''s been discussed before and please, read the entire thread before you respond so your response is relevent...thanks." Phew. I feel so much better now!

But..I feel like I''m guilty of similar posts since I''ve posted before about people picking up my ring in jewlery stores (though it certainly wasn''t to show off in any way, more in the realm of being appalled at people''s audacity)..My issues are mainly with people grabbing someone''s jewelery as it''s sitting on a presentation pad, while one is trying on something else; or grabbing someone''s hand and tapping on their stone (for what purpose, I''m still not sure). To me, that''s unacceptable. But yeah, I dont like people trying on my rings, or any of my jewelery for that matter, and although nobody''s actually asked me to try on my rings, I wouldn''t hesitate to say, nicely, "I''m sorry but I never take them off.." Enough said. It''s not that big a deal to say that, at least not to me. I guess some people perhaps get intimidated and flustered and dont have a pat comeback answer? BriBree, why not just say something like that and smile?

And yeah TGal, a big Word! to that last sentence above. Seriously. I know the thread you are referring to...

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 11/12/2007 8:47:09 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 11/12/2007 5:20:38 PM

Author: MoonWater


Actually no. There are people behind these words and those people have feelings. I think that's the biggest problem with the internet. People tend to be much more brash and rude online because they think they are only words. Considering what this forum involves (engagement rings, weddings, pregnancies, babies) it's even more obvious that feelings, very STRONG feelings are involved. Everyone has a right to their opinion, and offline I am one of the biggest bitches around, but I do believe in being respectful unless someone says somethig that warrants a strong response (like being offensive to others). But that's just me.

Ha...I assure you I am far more brash and rude in PERSON.

Actually, being an English major, I know the weight of the written word, so I actually tend to be more careful online. How scary is that?


On a side note, I know this is a question about 'show me the ring' but shouldn't this topic be elsewhere? I don't see no rings folks!

ETA, and as far as 'b*tchiness lately'...er, uh no. A lot of the vocal folks have been around here forever. It seems that there's just been more SENSITIVITY lately with some of the newer folks. But this topic has ebbed and flowed over the last few years as well.

But see, the part you highlighted was a general statement and therefore wasn't directed at you. I am by far a bigger bitch in person and on boards where it is tolerated, the same online. But whenever I see a thread topic that annoys the living crap out of me, instead of going off in the tone I know people will be hurt by, I simply shut up. I think it sucks that the OP felt the need to leave her own thread.

But whatevs, I have a tendency to prefer both your posts and deco's posts. Its just here, I didn't think the tone was warranted, that simple.

 

[Haven]

Bribee--I don''t think it''s rude for people to ask to try on your ring, but I understand that it can be terribly uncomfortable if people ask to try on your ring and you don''t want to oblige. It is certainly your right to decline. Perhaps a smile and something like "that''s so sweet that you like my ring, but I don''t take it off in public" would work. If they persist, a firm "no" should suffice.

Personally, I let my friends try on my ring because I trust them and it''s just plain fun to share. I''ve never had a stranger or acquaintance ask, but I would probably use the line I suggested above if they did. (My students ask all the time and I definitely use the firm "No." with them!)

 

[justme1]

Date: 11/12/2007 4:44:49 PM
Author: door knob solitaire
My mommie taught me you take it off...you can loose it. Following her instruction I was trusted to wear her valuables.

I have had many strangers ask me if they could try it on! ARE YOU KIDDING? I can hear the insurance man...Lemme get this straight, someone you have never met, asks to try on your jewelry...and then they ran away?

Once I was asked to be a model...(hand...nail guinea pig) at my SILs cosmetology class exam. When I walked in she asked me to wash my hands with this antibacterial soap...while in the sink she felt it necessary to coach me. (Argghhh) anyway the next request was for me to remove my rings. Solitaire and a plain thin band. I replied with a ''I''m sorry I don''t remove my jewelry.'' She said I had to that the teacher would take off on her grade. ''I really am sorry...but had you told me before coming I could have secured it at home, safely...but I will not remove it here in public.'' Teacher came around and SIL screamed she won''t take it off! It isn''t my fault. Again...I will not remove my jewelry no where no how no way.

My other SIL has the bad luck thing line when someone asks her.

Yes, I was often asked to try on my ring. I have only allowed my mother. After all, she deserves to be trusted. In the old quote...I trust in God, all others pay cash. Friend or Foe I say NO!!! Just say no, thank you.

DKS

You crack me up... you are hysterical !!!

 

[decodelighted]

For the record, I apologize that I vented on your thread, BriBee. That was about "me" and not about your plight & I was too lazy to start my OWN thread along the lines of "What is it with all these *rude* posts?" For some reason I fixated on your question "Am I right to think that''s RUDE?" rather than the question others focused on "what do I do to deal?"

Think you''ve gotten a bunch of good advice about how to deal so need for me to go back & offer my opinion about THAT now.

FWIW -- I think many brides find themselves genuinely shocked at how possessive or territorial they feel about their new sparkly. Part of being "taken aback" might have been a reaction to your own swell of emotions about it. Kind of what T.G. said about being overly SENSITIVE. (Not good or bad .. just HEIGHTENED vs. normal). Just a thought.

 

[Venice]

What Gypsy and Nicrez said........

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

No one ever asks to try on my ring, likely b/c it is a RADIANT

.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 11/12/2007 10:39:58 PM
Author: canuk-gal
HI:

No one ever asks to try on my ring, likely b/c it is a RADIANT

.

cheers--Sharon

I''d love to try it on Sharon!!!!

 

[Jypsie]

I''m with Asscherisme - I was engaged 10 years ago and no one ever asked me to try it on. They did grab at my finger and Oooo over it, which was fine, but never asked me to remove it and for them to try it on.

Now, recently, with my upgrade, my dad asked me to remove it so he could see it - and honestly I was shocked and a little, I don''t know... I wasn''t really offended, but I definitely didn''t like the thought of even my own dad asking for me to take it off. We were in a restaurant and he was commenting on how sparkly it was in the lighting (it had captured my mom and grandma''s attention and they commented - which is what caused my dad to inquire more closely). But I didn''t like it one bit that someone actually considered asking me to remove it *gasp* the horror... the violation... the ... I don''t know... badness of it all! hehe

I''m very protective of my precious!

 

[canuk-gal]

Date: 11/12/2007 10:41:44 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 11/12/2007 10:39:58 PM
Author: canuk-gal
HI:

No one ever asks to try on my ring, likely b/c it is a RADIANT

.

cheers--Sharon

I''d love to try it on Sharon!!!!

HI:

Bring yours Lisa, and I''ll bring mine

!!

Back to the regular programming.......

cheers--Sharon

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 11/12/2007 10:41:44 PM
Author: Kaleigh

Date: 11/12/2007 10:39:58 PM

Author: canuk-gal

HI:

No one ever asks to try on my ring, likely b/c it is a RADIANT

.

cheers--Sharon

I''d love to try it on Sharon!!!!

ME TOO, ME TOO! As the owner of your radiant''s tiny baby cousin, I''d LOVE to try it on!

As for the original poster, I also don''t think it''s rude for a friend to ask to try on your ring. If it was a stranger, I would completely understand, but didn''t you say it was your maid of honor? I guess to each her own, but I wouldn''t have a problem handing over my ring to my maid of honor to try on, as long as we weren''t standing over a sidewalk grate or something.

If you''re uncomfortable with it, why don''t you say "I''m not ready to share...I''ll let you know when I am!" or something jokey like that. A joke is usually good to diffuse awkward situations. If she persisted, you should probably get a little less jokey.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 11/12/2007 9:28:09 PM
Author: MoonWater


But see, the part you highlighted was a general statement and therefore wasn''t directed at you. I am by far a bigger bitch in person and on boards where it is tolerated, the same online. But whenever I see a thread topic that annoys the living crap out of me, instead of going off in the tone I know people will be hurt by, I simply shut up. I think it sucks that the OP felt the need to leave her own thread.

But whatevs, I have a tendency to prefer both your posts and deco''s posts. Its just here, I didn''t think the tone was warranted, that simple.

I know it wasn''t directed at me...I just took it upon myself to cut myself down a bit with it.

 

[upgrading mama]

I''m actually flattered by it and I like to let my friends try it on. When I was a kid I always liked to try on grandma''s, mom''s, aunts......so for me, Sure no problem!

 

[love is in the air]

Date: 11/13/2007 1:13:03 AM
Author: Sophie
I''m actually flattered by it and I like to let my friends try it on. When I was a kid I always liked to try on grandma''s, mom''s, aunts......so for me, Sure no problem!

me too--right after I got my ring, my fiance and I had dinner with a big group of friends. all of us passed our enagement rings around the table to examine, try on, and ooh and ah over.

later that month one of my male friends asked to try on both my ER and my wedding band (I had just picked it up and had brought it along to lunch to show him the diamond band). I actually kind of enjoyed seeing the rings on someone else''s hand, esp. as it was a brilliantly sunny day and they both just sparkled--since I''m not married yet, I don''t get to see them together yet.

 

[tberube]

Date: 11/12/2007 3:15:46 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 11/12/2007 3:08:02 PM

Author:BriBee

Am I right to think this is RUDE?

Maybe it''s just me .. but I''m super

at all the threads lately about what is ''rude'' or not. It''s SO POINTLESS to rag on other people''s behavior -- especially if its of the ''non-injurious'' kind. I mean -- whatEVER -- so you experienced an uncomfortable moment or two ... does ANYONE have to be at fault? Can it just be a difference of opinion? Can there be shades of GRAY in the world? Or does everyone need to feel all high & mighty/justified/''right'' all of the freakin time.


And I don''t really mean this personally, Bribee ... this is the tenth (maybe) ''How Rude'' type thread in the past couple of weeks. I really just don''t understand all of the indignant righteousness ...

I completely agree. Though I''m not completely innocent in the whole "high and mighty/justified/right" game ever so often, but on many of these "how rude" issues, my stance is what-the-heck-ever. No, I wouldn''t hand a seven year old my engagement ring to play with, but there''s nothing wrong with a little close-up admiration. And I''ll even say what I did on the other thread: I almost would rather hand someone my ring to look at than let them paw all over my hands. JMHO, though...

 

[togal]

Well...I'm a stickler for keeping my rings absoultely 100% clean and finger-print free all of the time. I even take my rings off to wash my hands so that the diamonds won't get water spots. I can't tell you how many times someone has complimented me on my ring, then proceeded to reach out and try to touch the stones(?). I always move my hand back quickly so that they won't get their greasy fingers all over my meticulously clean diamonds. Most people think I'm weird and just let it go. I actually avert the situation my expressing to them that I'm weird, to which they usually laugh.

I recently got a new diamond eternity bangle, and a sales associate at a high-end jewellery store grabbed my arm, then proceed to run her finger all along the length of the diamonds. Why do that? This I don't get it?

Anyway, for me, the bottom-line is 'look, but don't touch'. Period. We all have our quirks, and this is mine.

To the OP -- for whatever your reasons are that you aren't comfortable having others handle your diamond ring -- just tell the next person that asks that you're superstitious and prefer not to let others try on your ring. There's nothing wrong with that.

 

[tberube]

Nebe, you live in MA too? So do I. Hmmmmm....I thought I recognized you too....hmmm.