and so it begins.....

[emilina22]

so wedding season has just started.... this past weekend we had 2 weddings to go to one sat opne sunday...then we have one more this sunday and yet another on the 20th, and memorial day weekend....and lets not even begin with th ejune-augest list....

do any of you other LIW''s ever get just a tensy bit sad when you go to wedding cause you wish your turn would finally come?
i feel like that...its like people are getting married left and right and im..stil..waiting..i dunno wedding season gets be a bit down...any one else feel the same thing?

 

[~*Alexis*~]

I know what you mean...I am even the MOH in my brothers wedding thats happening June 23rd...so yeah...its hectic....CRAZYYYYY....I am leaving for Balitmore the 24th of this months and then I come back the 29th..the 3rd is the bridal shower I am throwing for her...then there is the final fittings....other weddings that are happening this weekend and then there is another one thats happening the week before my brothers....so yeah.... insanity is setting in....then there is the entire family....why aren''t you engaged yet....blah blah blah...torture.

 

[hikerchick]

When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I used to get a little sad attending all those weddings and seeing all those happy brides while I just continued to add to my ever growing and sometimes hideous collection of BM dresses. At the time I was dating my first love and after being with him 6.5 years with no proposal, I found my sad feelings becoming more cynical and bitter.

In my mid-20s, the cynical and bitter returned to sadness again but this time a more profound and gut wrenching sadness as that relationship ended abruptly and I found out he had actually purchased a ring and not proposed. By this time the weddings had slowed from 8 or 9 a year to about 2 or 3 a year but it became very difficult for me to move on from that relationship and its loss. Needless to say, he moved on quickly and married a woman he knew for 6 months, another kick in the gut for me.

But, here is the great part . . . in my late 20s, I quit focusing on men and weddings and that kid I really thought I would have by 28 years of age and began focusing on my hopes and dreams and joys of the present. I completed my PhD, pursued my like of hiking and cultivated a true passion for it and the outdoors. I became more independent and began really enjoying my life. It helped me a lot personally to let go of that sick feeling I got when I looked around and saw all or most of my peers leading their married lives. It helped me be a happier person and therefore being open and emotionally healthy and available for the love of my life to slip into an already happy existence. And better yet, I met him hiking and we now share that passion in our lives.

Guess what I am trying to say here, in my usual long winded fashion . . . is yes, it is normal, I think to feel some sadness when you really want something and it seems like it is still a little ways away and even normal to feel some envy at watching those around you get "there" while you are still waiting . . . but focusing on the present and finding joy in your life as it stands now is the best way to "deal" with this.

It will too quickly be your time and in the meantime, enjoy where you are, who you are and what you have . . . it will happen, I promise and when it does none of this anxiety will matter much.

 

[cherry_vanilla]

I''m going to the wedding of some of my boyfriend''s college friends (also Memorial Day weekend!) and it really doesn''t bother me. I know I''m not in a position to get married anytime soon and still nice and young. Honestly the whole wedding complex is something that both fascinates and frightens me, so I find myself more sad/jealous when people get engaged (the promise to commit) than the whole 3 ring circus wedding adventure.

 

[bee*]

Our best friends got married last week and to be honest, I felt fine. I had a great day and I know that I still have my day to look forward to and it will come eventually too. I thought it would bother me more,but it really didnt. Just looking forward to getting engaged myself.

 

[Aloros]

I used to be mildly uncomfortable at them with my ex, just because the inevitable "You''re next!" or "When are you two getting married?" would come up. We''d dated for 5.5 years. The last one we attended together he got very mushy, and I just wasn''t feeling it at all.

I''ve been dating my current guy for 10 months, so I''m not feeling any pressure at this point. My cousin is getting married in August, which he may accompany me for - it''s a plane flight away. We''re going to his friend''s wedding in November, and I''m looking forward to that. So right now I''m looking forward to the weddings. I love the happiness, seeing friends and family members, the party, and the good food.

I think my mom may sew me a new dress for my cousin''s wedding as well. She makes the cutest summer dresses.

 

[anchor31]

It''s funny, because it my area most couple don''t get married, and those who do usually have been together for 10+ years and have at least one child... So at 22, I haven''t been to more then 3 weddings, the most recent one being almost 4 years ago! At 23/26, J and I will be the first among our circle of friends and siblings to get married, and we only have a couple of cousins each who are married.

It goes to show how the grass is always greener, because I love weddings, and I wish I could attend a few this year!

 

[emilina22]

i have been in 5 weddings and all the dresses were almost identical and all the couples were under 25 (they were all family) and here are the notions i go through....

i guess it gets me a bit mad casue wedding season brings on the "when are you getting married" ?''s and the "so well be going to your next " comments and i dunno i feel like why should you care so much about when im getting married we have our reasons for why were not yet and i hate that your put so much stupid pressure on us...most people dont know that i wanna finish college and we want to get a house and we want to be sure that finacially were gonna be set and not relying on the money we make at the wedding like most couples...

then after the pissed feeling comes the sad ones like "they got together years after we did, and their the same age and were still waiting" and i dunno i wish that we can have our day too and i know we will

so then the "its ok" feeling sets and i think that when my time comes it will be well worth it...from my ring...to the wedding...to the rest of our lives together.....

i dunno i guess since its all starting im gonna have to try to prep myself...any one got any hints?

 

[surfgirl]

I dont usually post in this thread but I''ve read some of your other posts Emilina and I have to ask, why are you in such a hurry to get married at such a young age? You''re so young! What''s the hurry? I keep thinking about the guys I dated in my early-late 20''s and god, if I married any of them I''d for sure be divorced by now because I''ve changed so much since then. Which is why I''m curious about those who marry very young.

I know you mentioned in another thread that your cultural heritage encourages young marriage but you dont have to conform to that. As for people questioning you at other weddings, cant you just say "I''m not ready yet..."? I''m not judging, I''m just really interested about why you want to marry so young.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/8/2007 10:39:49 AM
Author: hikerchick
When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I used to get a little sad attending all those weddings and seeing all those happy brides while I just continued to add to my ever growing and sometimes hideous collection of BM dresses. At the time I was dating my first love and after being with him 6.5 years with no proposal, I found my sad feelings becoming more cynical and bitter.


In my mid-20s, the cynical and bitter returned to sadness again but this time a more profound and gut wrenching sadness as that relationship ended abruptly and I found out he had actually purchased a ring and not proposed. By this time the weddings had slowed from 8 or 9 a year to about 2 or 3 a year but it became very difficult for me to move on from that relationship and its loss. Needless to say, he moved on quickly and married a woman he knew for 6 months, another kick in the gut for me.


But, here is the great part . . . in my late 20s, I quit focusing on men and weddings and that kid I really thought I would have by 28 years of age and began focusing on my hopes and dreams and joys of the present. I completed my PhD, pursued my like of hiking and cultivated a true passion for it and the outdoors. I became more independent and began really enjoying my life. It helped me a lot personally to let go of that sick feeling I got when I looked around and saw all or most of my peers leading their married lives. It helped me be a happier person and therefore being open and emotionally healthy and available for the love of my life to slip into an already happy existence. And better yet, I met him hiking and we now share that passion in our lives.


Guess what I am trying to say here, in my usual long winded fashion . . . is yes, it is normal, I think to feel some sadness when you really want something and it seems like it is still a little ways away and even normal to feel some envy at watching those around you get ''there'' while you are still waiting . . . but focusing on the present and finding joy in your life as it stands now is the best way to ''deal'' with this.


It will too quickly be your time and in the meantime, enjoy where you are, who you are and what you have . . . it will happen, I promise and when it does none of this anxiety will matter much.

Hell to the yes!! Thank you for saying that!

 

[emilina22]

surfgirl- i have always wanted to get married young its something that i knew i would want if i found the right guy adn i did. i dont think that at 22 (which will be the age ill be when we do get married) is too young..18,19 and even 20 yea too young i agree but 22 no... i thnk that is just the right age...i wish that we would be able to get engaged now and yea what girl doesnt want that moment....i have been with my boyfirend for 5 years going on 6 its not like ive been with him for a year or something and were rushing into things becasue we are not...we have grown togethr and we know what we want...we dont believe in divorce and i know that this man is the one i want to spend my life with...im not afraid of commitment or marrige so why not get married young? and its NOT that im conforming just becasue people in my culture marry young..its our choice...we we wanted to get marreid now we could we have our families support its not that were conforoming its that we know that we love each other and know that marrige is in our future and we will NEVER EVER get married just because people are pressuring us to do so.... whats making us wait is that I want to finish school i want to know i accomplished more than just becoming a wife...he wants to buy a house not settle for a condo or renting something we do have goals....

i understand many women want to wait and thats fine its a perosnal choice..but its not a choice for me..i want to amrry young,..i want to have kids young...im not some niaive little girl who is just rushing into disaster...

im not gonna tell people who ask me that im not ready becasue emotionally i am and i know that our relationship is ready...but i want finish school...he wants a house...we want to be sure that everything is set and that were not depending on wedding money or family to get us by like most couples do....

sorry im a bit ticked because i get comments like that alot and i dunno sorry if i went off.....i usually dont....

but i got a question why wait if you know hes the one?.....whats the reason that women wait till their late 20''s early thirtys even late 30''s?

 

[emilina22]

hikcerchick- i totallly agree with all you said...over this past year i did grow up and i set my prorities in line...i have put so much more focus on school and im pulling a 3.7 GPA and thats huge! and i have been doing things like spending more time with my girls and giving myself more time...so i am making use of this waiting period....but that doesnt make those feelings just disappear you know...but thanks!

 

[musey]

Date: 5/9/2007 2:02:50 PM
Author: emilina22
i dont think that at 22 (which will be the age ill be when we do get married) is too young..18,19 and even 20 yea too young i agree but 22 no... i thnk that is just the right age...

It seems to me that most people who are getting married (at any age) think that theirs is the "right age." For people who waited until they were older and then look back at early-20-somethings, of course 20-23 seems too young because for them, it was too young. Further, a 22-year-old who is getting married will of course think that that is the "right age" because, well, why wouldn't people tend to think whatever they choose is the "right" thing? Really, there is no such thing as the "right age."

I don't think there's any magic age that makes a person "ready" or "old enough," I don't necessarily think that there is such a thing as "too young" (within reason, of course!)... there is only such a thing as "not ready." For some people it corresponds to age, and for some it doesn't. ETA: Well, I need to amend that... for everyone it corresponds to age, "unreadiness" simply lasts a little longer for some than others!

There is no way that any person on this board should be able to form a well-founded opinion from any other person's posts on whether or not they're ready for marriage (though we ALL do it-whether publicly or not). And that's not our job, anyway

(we can leave the dirty work to the families and friends of PS members!!)

I'm not defending anything or anyone, just sharing and hypothesizing on what I've seen as a pattern on here (and in general)

ETA:
...As for this question:

but i got a question why wait if you know hes the one?.....whats the reason that women wait till their late 20's early thirtys even late 30's?

The two are not connected, for most people. There is generally no "reason" that people wait until their late twenties or early thirties other than that they haven't met the right person or that they aren't ready, for whatever reason. Generally those women look back and say they are "glad they waited," although "waiting" really isn't the right term (I doubt the majority of them had plans to get married and then thought to themselves, you know, I think it would be better if I held off on marriage for 5-10 years--yes some women have done that, but not most). They didn't "wait" on purpose, it just didn't happen for a variety of reasons (which it seems was in their best interests in most cases, since *for them* they can look back and say that *they* weren't ready earlier than the age they eventually chose as being "right"... but you can bet if many of them had met the right person and did get married at 22, 23, 24--they would be on the other side of the fence defending young brides: "well, it worked out great for me!").

Just as you don't want people to judge you for being "too young" to get married, there's absolutely no reason to judge people for what you may view as "waiting too long."

It's a very individual thing, and what is right for A is not necessarily right for B (and vice versa). To each his own

WOW That turned into a novel!!!! Sorry everyone!

 

[Independent Gal]

I'm around 30 and I've only been to...4 weddings. (Plus all my dad's weddings, of which there have been several.) Some of my friends are permanently paired off, but almost none of them are married.

Also, the ones who are married did it really low key. No bridal showers, no engagement parties, and with 1 exception, no bridesmaids. I think my friends would think I'd gone nuts if I wanted those things. Actually, I don't quite know why, come to think of it.

None of my friends 'wanted that moment' that Emilina describes of being proposed to, or ever talked about it or dreamed about it (that I know of). NEVER did my friends and I ever talk about 'Someday, I want my wedding to be like XYZ!' Instead, we talked about 'Someday, I want to spend a couple of months in New Guinea!' or 'Someday, I want to write a really great book!' That's just us though.

Most of my friends have education-intensive careers, moved around a lot (I mean, around the world, not just around the US which is big enough as it is!) and weren't interested in being 'tied down; until they'd done the work on themselves that hikerchik describes. Our philosophy was: LIVE a life of footloose adventure, travel, challenge and achievement, then settle down into domestic bliss.

Of course that's not for everyone. Different people find meaning in different ways of life. Part of our freedom as women in the 21st century is that we get to CHOOSE which way works for us. Nobody thinks we're 'old maids' or flawed in some way if we're single and in our 30's. Nobody 'expects' us to leave our careers to have kids. But if we WANT to get married at 22, or focus on mothering, that's cool too! That's what being emancipated (being FREE!!) is about: being ABLE to do what works for us.

I was ready to settle down when I was 27 or so (NOT BEFORE!!) but I have to say that for ME (and yes, it's really a personal thing) I'm rather glad I had the extra time to really be happy with myself, with my accomplishments, etc. I'd have got hitched before if I found the right guy, but I'm sort of feeling that this is just the right time (for ME!) to have found the right guy.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/9/2007 3:34:13 PM
Author: Independent Gal
I'm around 30 and I've only been to...

...found the right guy.

Love it. (the entire post, but I didn't want to double up space on here)

Emilina, I also wanted to say that when people criticize/question girls' choice to marry so young, it's usually not simply because of their age alone. Their are a few very young BIW and recently married PSers on here who don't seem to get questioned at all. It's usually a combination of the fact that the poster IS so young and other things that they share (purposefully or not) about themselves (most importantly the way they react to posts--defensively? Or with comfortable self-assurance?) that lead people to draw conclusions about their relationship and/or maturity level.

Again, not aiming this at you, but the general young PS population, and only my own hypothesis here...

ETA: surfgirl, re: your post right below mine, totally agree.

 

[surfgirl]

Emilina, thanks for the explanation...I''m a bit confused though. You say:

"whats making us wait is that I want to finish school i want to know i accomplished more than just becoming a wife...he wants to buy a house not settle for a condo or renting something we do have goals...."

Which is all fine. But then you seem to also want to be engaged/married right now because you feel ready. What I''m reading in your posts is that on one hand, you want it now, on the other, you want to accomplish some specific things first. Perhaps you would feel more settled in "waiting" (or not waiting) if you weigh both options and make a decision - either get engaged/married now, or agree to wait until you are finished with school and whatever else you want to accomplish before you get married. Does that make sense? I can tell you from the experience of others, if you plan on having kids fairly soon after marriage, it will be very difficult to continue a new career and it may be something you have to sacrifice until much later in life. Which is fine as long as you are okay with that decision.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/9/2007 2:02:50 PM
Author: emilina22
but i got a question why wait if you know hes the one?.....whats the reason that women wait till their late 20's early thirtys even late 30's?

I doubt people DO wait if you *know* he's "the one" ... getting on the same page with the right person at the right time is the cause of a lot of "waiting".

Also, not everyone grows up dreaming of getting married & the "big proposal moment". I really didn't want to get married when I was in my teens, twenties & even early thirties. It seemed so old-fashioned & dowdy & confining & lame-o. HA! I really only wanted to get married when I found someone I wanted to marry.

In my 39 years I've also seen a lot of people decide to get married & then marry whoever comes along next. People manage to tell themselves they're with "the right one" long enough to get married but aren't seemingly convinced enough to *stay married*. When you want something SO BADLY its easy to fool yourself that its "right" .. which is why I'm usually more hopeful about people who kinda happen into getting hitched rather than those who have a dress & mags & fairy-tale dreams before they even have a boyfriend.

It's just because I *relate* to the former more than the latter. Not because anyway is "better".

ETA: also, most of us old-sters have seen friends "wait" for five, six, seven years -- even longer .. only to see them lose momentum, their relationships dry up w/no proposal ever ... and seemingly crazily meet & marry new people within the next year. People who spent YEARS & YEARS saying "he's the one" "we're totally getting married" "we're just waiting for XXX or XXX" -- then NOT EVER DO IT. When you see the pattern so much its hard to ignore.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 5/9/2007 4:03:48 PM
Author: decodelighted


In my 39 years I''ve also seen a lot of people decide to get married & then marry whoever comes along next. People manage to tell themselves they''re with ''the right one'' long enough to get married but aren''t seemingly convinced enough to *stay married*. When you want something SO BADLY its easy to fool yourself that its ''right'' .. which is why I''m usually more hopeful about people who kinda happen into getting hitched rather than those who have a dress & mags & fairy-tale dreams before they even have a boyfriend.

It''s just because I *relate* to the former more than the latter. Not because anyway is ''better''.

LOL Deco, I''m in your camp there.

I don''t think there is a right age to get married. Lots of ladies on PS got married young and are very happy many many years later. I didn''t get married when I was in my 20s not because of my maturity level, but because I didn''t meet anyone who I was convinced I could spend the rest of my life with.

There are lots of younger 20somethings here that don''t get questioned, even though they are young (as Musey said - and she is one of those I don''t question

). Although "personality" on a message board isn''t everything, it''s all we have to go by. When a younger gal comes on the board whining, squealing, and freaking out, one tends to think she''s a bit naive - just like when a 30 something does it, one may think she''s desperate.

Emilina, it does me make smile when you say 18, 19 and even 20 is too young but 22...well that''s just a perfect age to get married. Personally, I think that 22.5 is perfect! All facetiousness aside, I don''t think there is a "too young" But there IS a "too immature."

On an aside, Hikerchick, I just love your story. I read your post of how your met your man on another thread, but I''d love to hear more...is there are more detailed post somewhere? I wanna know WHY he was carrying such a huge pack and if he is just the type to share treats.

 

[bee*]

I agree with people in that it just depends on the person. I was with D for 5 years when I was 22 and there was no way,no how I was ready to get married. I was having fun still going on dates with him and we had a great time going abroad and seeing the world and finishing up in college. At 25 and nearly together 8 years, I feel ready to make that commitment. We have seen so much of the world, and have planned to see so much more, and although I have gone back to college, he is working full time and for us, it is the right time now to start planning things. It really does depend on the person, however I think that its very important not to rush things, if you''re not 100% ready to get married. Don''t feel that you have to do it because other people are. People mature at different ages but what I see from some posts (and I dont mean yours emilina) is that some people are just dying to be engaged and have a wedding. The actual marriage part doesnt seem to have thought about and I think that''s why some people assume that young people are getting married too early. When all you hear about is the ring, the fairytale proposal and the cinderella wedding from some posts, it can get people wondering.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/9/2007 4:40:15 PM
Author: bee*
At 25 and nearly together 8 years, I feel ready to make that commitment. We have seen so much of the world, and have planned to see so much more,

I *LOVE* stories like that ... because then, when it DOES work out ... it shows that people can really grow TOGETHER & it makes me much more hopeful about long-term-relationships & marrage IN GENERAL. Even though I''m married now - I do wonder about the "how to" to keeping a relationship fresh for years & decades & beyond. I''m not "romantic" by nature. I want the facts, the tips, the proof!

 

[TravelingGal]

That''s great bee! It sounds like you''re ready for a great marriage.

I also am not that romantic. But I think getaways are great for reviving a little romance. TGuy and I met on "holiday mode" and I love getting that part of him back when we go on vacation. I just fall in love with him all over again.

 

[hikerchick]

Date: 5/9/2007 2:02:50 PM
Author: emilina22

but i got a question why wait if you know hes the one?.....whats the reason that women wait till their late 20''s early thirtys even late 30''s?

musey, IG and deco have pretty much summed up all of what I was going to say when I read your above question but I will reiterate from a slightly different point of view since atleast deco and IG mentioned that they wouldn''t have been ready to marry when they were 22.

I met that first boyfriend (my first love) when I was 17 . . . we were both freshmen in college and both of us were adventurous and kind, both of us were smart (him more than me) and both of us were young and in love, head over heels, with each other (atleast I think we both were, I definitely was). I was ready to get married by the time I was 19 or 20 . . . so I can fully relate to the feeling ready part of what you are saying. Noone could have ever convinced me that 20 or 22 or 25 was too young and I am not going to ever try and argue that to anyone else myself. I firmly believe what has been said already, which is that, there is no number that is the "right age". The right age is when you and your SO feel you are both ready emotionally and financially to embark on the journey of life together.

I am NOT creeping up on 33 years of age without a husband because it was what I WANTED, I am doing so because those are the cards that life dealt to the hand I received. I won''t even say that I am so glad I "waited" because marrying young would have been a mistake because I think that my ex and I would have and could have made a wonderful life together but we didn''t because it was just not meant to be.

I sure am glad though that my FI and I had the fantastic fate of meeting each other because that makes me lucky enough to have met 2 men in my life with whom I have been happy and highly compatible. Who I am today makes my FI a better fit for me than my ex would have been. Life changes each and every one of us and how we grow with those changes in ourselves and how we grow with each others'' changes makes all the difference in the duration and emotional state of our marriages.

I was very anxious to get married when I was with my ex, the anxiety would feel like a lump in my throat sometimes and sometimes like an unsettled feeling in my stomach. With my FI, I never felt that same type of anxiety to get engaged, it was more of a excitement. I know I am not describing the difference very well but what I do know is that being older and not so eager to just get to that engagement/marriage already is the reason for the difference between the then and now.

Don''t allow what you read to tick you off, instead view it as an unique opportunity to get the benefits of dozens of points of view all in one place, take what you want and leave the rest, but know that a wealth of opinions exists for your consumption if you should choice to use any of it.

Your time will come and when it does, with it will come more joy than you thought possible, don''t rush it or waste the present in anticipation of the future, life is short.

 

[bee*]

Date: 5/9/2007 4:49:45 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 5/9/2007 4:40:15 PM

Author: bee*

At 25 and nearly together 8 years, I feel ready to make that commitment. We have seen so much of the world, and have planned to see so much more,

I *LOVE* stories like that ... because then, when it DOES work out ... it shows that people can really grow TOGETHER & it makes me much more hopeful about long-term-relationships & marrage IN GENERAL. Even though I''m married now - I do wonder about the ''how to'' to keeping a relationship fresh for years & decades & beyond. I''m not ''romantic'' by nature. I want the facts, the tips, the proof!

Thanks Deco and TravelingGal! We have definitely grown together, especially in the last year. I would be the more romantic one in the relationship. D is about as romantic as an old boot

but he does stuff like make me something, which is his own unique way of being romantic!! Oh and he adores my dog, which to me is about as romantic as someone can be

. I think the holidays definitely help keep things fresh, although we havent been on a proper one in over a year, due to me going back to college. Cannot wait to go to New York this summer!!
It really has been making me think though, cos I remember when D and I were going out about 2 years and we were talking about marriage, and we were both saying we would have married each other in a second, THANK GOD we didnt. I can see the difference between the way we were talking back then and the way we actually feel for each other now. But if you''d told me back then, I would have argued with you until the cows came home that we would have been ready for it. Im so much happier to do it now when I know that we''re 100% ready.
It is strange wondering how to keep it fresh though for years and years. I just hope to keep doing fun stuff with D and hopefully will keep it fresh. Like on Monday night, we went bowling and to play pool and air hockey, just the two of us. Although seeing how competitive we both are, not sure if that helped keep it romantic

Sorry for the hijack emilina!

 

[KimberlyH]

I do remember those feelings when I was between the ages of 17-21 and dating the same guy for 4 years. Every wedding we attended (and there were plenty) involved "when''s it gonna be your turn?" and "your next" conversations that left me all excited and disappointed at the same time (I never wanted a wedding, I would have been been happy to have run off to Tahoe and elope, I believe I tried to convince him to do so a few times), but I felt that way about our relationship in general as well...it was quite a roller coaster ride. We broke up, I moved on and dated several other guys prior to meeting my hubby and I never felt that feeling again, even with my hubby. After "that guy" I figured out that my life shouldn''t hinge on having a partner and/or getting hitched, that it was mine to do with as I pleased and whether or not getting married was in the cards I was going to be happy and fulfilled. Once I made the decision my life became so much easier and more pleasant.

I''ll never forget how my mom reacted when I told her I was moving from Sacramento to San Diego to be with my now husband after a year of dating. She was horrified, the first thing she said was "Are you sure you want to do this? I don''t think he''ll ever marry you!" to which I responded "So? I''ll be living near someone I enjoy spending time with and if it doesn''t work out I''m still closer to you and in one of the most beautiful cities in the world!" She lightened up after that.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 5/9/2007 9:23:07 PM
Author: KimberlyH
I do remember those feelings when I was between the ages of 17-21 and dating the same guy for 4 years. Every wedding we attended (and there were plenty) involved ''when''s it gonna be your turn?'' and ''your next'' conversations that left me all excited and disappointed at the same time. After ''that guy'' I figured out that my life shouldn''t hinge on having a partner and/or getting hitched, that it was mine to do with as I pleased and whether or not getting married was in the cards I was going to be happy and fulfilled. Once I made the decision my life became so much easier and more pleasant.

Interesting! I kinda forgot about that ... that time when you''re so used to *milestones* & one thing after the other ... like life is a big "race" & you have to keep up! Achieve, achieve, achieve ... It''s hard to see that the *milestones* are gonna slow down & be fewer & further between. What''s that old chestnut: Life is what happens when you''re making other plans. I guess what people are trying to say is -- THIS is it. NOW. It might never be more than THIS INSTANT. Enjoy it.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/8/2007 9:54:50 AM
Author:emilina22
do any of you other LIW''s ever get just a tensy bit sad when you go to wedding cause you wish your turn would finally come?

i feel like that...its like people are getting married left and right and im..stil..waiting..i dunno wedding season gets be a bit down...any one else feel the same thing?

I just realized the I replied twice to your post but never actually answered your question!

I remember going to a wedding with I was 18 and feeling jealous, mostly because I was very much single and wanting a boyfriend at the time. All the weddings I''ve been to since meeting my FI, there haven''t been any feelings of jealousy or sadness... I don''t know, I got the itch to make things official with him, etc. but it was never a "I wish it were MY TURN now!!!" thing, you know? That feeling''s a little um, hmm, well, I don''t know...

But yeah, I remember feeling sadness and jealousy before meeting my FI. Not really ever since, though, especially once we became serious. I don''t feel that the timing of anyone else''s relationship has any bearing on how we time ours...

 

[KimberlyH]

Date: 5/9/2007 9:30:08 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 5/9/2007 9:23:07 PM
Author: KimberlyH
I do remember those feelings when I was between the ages of 17-21 and dating the same guy for 4 years. Every wedding we attended (and there were plenty) involved ''when''s it gonna be your turn?'' and ''your next'' conversations that left me all excited and disappointed at the same time. After ''that guy'' I figured out that my life shouldn''t hinge on having a partner and/or getting hitched, that it was mine to do with as I pleased and whether or not getting married was in the cards I was going to be happy and fulfilled. Once I made the decision my life became so much easier and more pleasant.

Interesting! I kinda forgot about that ... that time when you''re so used to *milestones* & one thing after the other ... like life is a big ''race'' & you have to keep up! Achieve, achieve, achieve ... It''s hard to see that the *milestones* are gonna slow down & be fewer & further between. What''s that old chestnut: Life is what happens when you''re making other plans. I guess what people are trying to say is -- THIS is it. NOW. It might never be more than THIS INSTANT. Enjoy it.

It''s so absolutely true. I''d have never imagined that I would be who and where I am now...and every experience, good and bad, has shaped me...and I''m so thrilled to have been given the opportunity to ride the ride!

 

[princesss]

You know, I find this whole discussion really interesting.

Emilina, may I ask what culture this is? I have a lot of friends from areas that tend to marry young, or who have moved to areas like that who also (rather suddenly) feel really ready to get married.

I think we''re the same age-ish (I turn 21 next week), and I''m impressed with how clearly you know what you want.

I know personally it always shocks me when I hear somebody my age mention marriage because it''s something I know I''m not ready for (but I am a shameless lurker on here who *loves* seeing all your rings and hearing the sweet stories you guys post). I tend to react badly, and rather judgementally when I hear a friend pining for an engagement ring. This isn''t to say that somewhere down the line I don''t want to marry my BF -- I fully intend to spend the rest of my life with him, but there''s a lot of things I want to work on for myself and a lot of things he wants to do first. It seems like you and your BF are very clear about where you are in your relationship, and being an incredibly impatient person, I can see how frustrating it must be to continue to attend weddings when all you want is to start planning your own.

As for ways to make it easier...perhaps you could take note of all the things they''ve done particularly well and shamelessly stock these ideas up for your own planning. Maybe plan a trip or something with your best friend or your BF to go someplace new and cool?

Anyways, what I guess I''m trying to say is that everybody hits the point where they''re ready at all different ages. My parents got married a week after they graduated college, whereas I completely balk at the idea of getting engaged before I''ve had to work in the big, bad, scary real world for a year or two. I''m sorry you get questioned so much, and that it seems to be taking its toll on you. But please understand that when you get questioned, more often than not people have your best interest at heart. Unfair as it is, most of us tend to judge others by our own standards, and all we can do is grin and bear it sometimes.

 

[emilina22]

thanks everyone for all your opinions and comments...i do see everyones point of view and even if we dont all agree its fine the world wasnt made to have everyone all agree right...i mean imagin if we all agreeded on everything adn no one had their own opinions...pretty boring eh?

hikcerchick- thanks for your comment...your advice helped alot and to everyone i didnt mean to start tension or what ever i just guess all this pressure goin on in my life now made me a bit ancy when i read some comments and i took things the wrong way...you guys should always voice your opinions becuase in the long run i do set aside my stubborness and listen...so thanks again everyone!!!

princess- i am romanian and yea ive always known what i wanted since i was a little girl even back in gradeschool i knew that i wanted to get married right AFTER college and i knew i wanted to either be a school counsler or a wedding planner....two different worlds i know....i just always had a plan for everything...i always wanted to meet the guy of my dreams in highschool and i would pray about it and god answered my prayers with a man that i can only say that i dont deserve and am blessed to have....i knew that i never really wanted to date around i wanted one guy...so yea i have always been a person with a plan...i mean this road hasnt been easy and i know that the next 2 years wont be any easier but we stuck it out for 5 and i know that through gods help we can make it till forever...sorry thats kinda mushy.....


thnkz again everyone...for ALL your comments!!! any other opinions are welcomed for sure....

 

[anchor31]

Date: 5/10/2007 12:38:28 AM
Author: princesss
You know, I find this whole discussion really interesting.

Emilina, may I ask what culture this is? I have a lot of friends from areas that tend to marry young, or who have moved to areas like that who also (rather suddenly) feel really ready to get married.

I think we''re the same age-ish (I turn 21 next week), and I''m impressed with how clearly you know what you want.

I know personally it always shocks me when I hear somebody my age mention marriage because it''s something I know I''m not ready for (but I am a shameless lurker on here who *loves* seeing all your rings and hearing the sweet stories you guys post). I tend to react badly, and rather judgementally when I hear a friend pining for an engagement ring. This isn''t to say that somewhere down the line I don''t want to marry my BF -- I fully intend to spend the rest of my life with him, but there''s a lot of things I want to work on for myself and a lot of things he wants to do first. It seems like you and your BF are very clear about where you are in your relationship, and being an incredibly impatient person, I can see how frustrating it must be to continue to attend weddings when all you want is to start planning your own.

As for ways to make it easier...perhaps you could take note of all the things they''ve done particularly well and shamelessly stock these ideas up for your own planning. Maybe plan a trip or something with your best friend or your BF to go someplace new and cool?

Anyways, what I guess I''m trying to say is that everybody hits the point where they''re ready at all different ages. My parents got married a week after they graduated college, whereas I completely balk at the idea of getting engaged before I''ve had to work in the big, bad, scary real world for a year or two. I''m sorry you get questioned so much, and that it seems to be taking its toll on you. But please understand that when you get questioned, more often than not people have your best interest at heart. Unfair as it is, most of us tend to judge others by our own standards, and all we can do is grin and bear it sometimes.

Hi princesss! I just wanted to say that I really appreciated this post. I''m currently 22, was a LIW at 20, engaged at 21 and will be married at 23. I''ve met quite a few people like you who want to wait before getting married. Unfortunately, most of those people have reacted quite badly to the fact that I am getting married younger and right out of college... I''ve even lost friendships and if you venture in the brides forum you''ll see that things have been going quite badly with my sister lately. Unlike those people, you seem to "get" that what''s important is not to agree, but to respect each other''s decisions.

I never planned to get married right out of college. It just happened this way. I met my FI when I was 17, and last year, after knowing each other for over 3 years, we decided that we wanted to commit to each other and raise a family together in the near future... So we got engaged and decided that we would get married two years later (for money, school and family reasons, a longer engagement was the best thing for us). We know it''s right for us, and we stand by that.