Am I being selfish?

[melbelle]

So I am expecting to get engaged very, very soon. I''m thinking it might happen next week while FF and I are on vacation, and if not then, then probably sometime in June. He bought a ring, and is basically waiting for the jeweler to finish it. I pretty much *accidentally* found this out (ok, fine, I snooped on purpose). No one knows about this except for me. I''ve pretty much kept it a secret from my entire family, and the only way anyone else even knows is if FF talked to my parents about it (which he may have, not sure.)

Anyway, my cousin just got engaged yesterday. Don''t get me wrong, I am VERY happy for her. I am the Maid of Honor, and its all very exciting. However, a small part of me feels like she took the wind right out of my sails. She has been with her fiance for a fraction of the time my FF and I have been together, and now she beat me to the punch by what could be as little as one week. I feel like my engagement will be old news with the family now. Not only that, she already knows she wants to get married next June, which is exactly when I wanted to plan my wedding-now I guess I can scrap that idea. Not only that, she picked the same venue I was thinking of using. Sigh.

Anyway, I know I probably sound terribly petty. I just needed a place to be able to vent, because I couldn''t possibly say these thoughts out loud to anyone else. Thanks for listening

 

[princesss]

Yes, you''re being selfish. And kind of silly.

Look, you''ll get engaged and it will be wonderful. You don''t get to hold the whole family hostage until you get engaged. And your cousin doesn''t get to hold the whole month of June hostage. You can get married then, too. Or in May, or July.

Grand scheme of things, yes, this is upsetting right now. But it''s not going to actually change anything in your life if you stay upset about it. So take a deep breath, have a glass of wine, and enjoy being with your BF.

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 5/25/2009 11:20:11 PM
Author: princesss
Yes, you''re being selfish. And kind of silly.

Look, you''ll get engaged and it will be wonderful. You don''t get to hold the whole family hostage until you get engaged. And your cousin doesn''t get to hold the whole month of June hostage. You can get married then, too. Or in May, or July.

Grand scheme of things, yes, this is upsetting right now. But it''s not going to actually change anything in your life if you stay upset about it. So take a deep breath, have a glass of wine, and enjoy being with your BF.

ditto to everything she said

 

[sparklyheart]

Are you being selfish? Yes. But that''s not completely unexpected... You do want this to be YOUR time but you can''t have everything you want!

Your engagement will be special and unique and all YOURS. Everyone probably knows you guys are going to get engaged soon so everyone will be so excited for you. It''s not like everyone has a limit to their excitement. They can be excited for your cousin this week and then in the next couple weeks (***dust!***) they will have plenty more excitement for you! It will be just the same next summer when everyone gets married. As for her picking the same venue, just make yours better (ok that''s the selfish part coming out in me)!! Or pick a different place.

A couple years ago I had either a wedding, shower, or bachelorette party *every* weekend from May-July. They were all exciting, unique, and different in their own ways. Plus, all of the brides would talk to each other, share tips/concerns/ideas, etc. Depending on how close you and your cousin are, this could be a fun and exciting time for BOTH of you. You will both be going through the same ups and downs of planning a wedding.

So, be happy for your cousin! Be happy for you and your BF and your upcoming engagement and then wedding. Enjoy this time! If she starts getting catty then just back off and do your own thing. Everyone around you will respect you much much more for throwing your wedding with class as opposed to spending your time complaining about her having a wedding at the same time of year as you. If you don''t make a big deal out of it, people will *not* think she is stealing your thunder or you are stealing hers.. If you *do* make a big deal about it, you could end up looking like the silly one for being so selfish about it all...

 

[jcarlylew]

ditto to everyone else. of course you feel this way. who wouldn''t?

congrats, and lots of dust for your upcoming engagement!!

 

[absolut_blonde]

I think this sort of thing comes with the LIW territory... pretty normal to be disappointed when someone basically beats you to the punch, even if they didn''t intend to! As long as you''re not acting like it (doesn''t sound like you are at all) then I wouldn''t sweat it too much. And hey, at least your proposal is right around the corner!

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Well, you did say in your post that you are the only one that knows that your BF has the ring- so your cousin''s proposal is completely independent of yours.

I am a firm believer everything happens for a reason... so this means to me that your engagement will only be at a better time, and you will most likely find a BETTER venue than the one that you were looking at before. It is okay to be upset though, although I am pretty sure your family will be excited for YOU since you are their daughter, not just their niece or nephew.

You know it''s coming at some point, so just try not to pinpoint when and let it be a surprise!

 

[jaylex]

i TOTALLY get venting! what else will keep a LIW sane?

But seriously, I really do understand how you feel.
Bf and I have been together for 3 and 1/2 years.
His cousin has been with her bf for 3 MONTHS and they just got engaged. What's funny is she JUST (like 4 months ago) got out of a 4 year relationship..anyway..
They will be getting married in Sept so that's only about a 6 months TOTAL from first date to a stroll down the aisle! IMO, planning a wedding (especially a shindig as big and elaborate as the one they are putting on) will take about that long.
She randomly invited bf to be in her wedding (more to his dismay then mine, they aren't close and the idea of having to pose and dance with someone who isn't me kinda irks him).
I understand your frustration, especially with you engagement being so close (I'm not expecting my proposal until November/December). But you can't blame your cousin. It's not like it was her idea to get engaged, it was his, right?.. and if you and BF have kept your "plans" for engagement a secret from the family (like my BF and i have so far) she probably doesn't have a CLUE that you were planning on getting engaged.

The part that I would be most upset about is her picking the same venue.. I would almost feel like our families would think that I picked that place to compete with her or something.. where you two had pretty much already decided on it and your cousin just happened to pick it "coincidentally".

I'd say just try to focus on the positive.. think of her wedding as a "trial" run for yours. As the MOH you will possibly be involved in MUCH of the planning and you can keep an eye out for vendors you may want to use, places you can cut costs, was their photographer really everything he was cracked up to be, did everyone REALLY like the pineapple/cherry wedding cake? ect...
Think of it as a learning experience..
And even if you don't wait until AFTER their wedding to get engaged, if you wait a few months or so from now to get engaged, I'm sure your family will be just as thrilled for you!

Whatever you do, don't act selfish/mopey around your cousin or when discussing plans... or the fam may get the idea that the engagement was some sort of a cry for attention or jealousy or something.
If you and your cus are extremely close, I would consider waiting until after her wedding to start making plans. If wedding planning is a family affair in your family, it may get way too stressful to plan two at once. And just out of courtesy to her special day. As a MOH you should spend a lot of that time assisting her. It's your job description!

And hey, when you DO get engaged.. throw in how "happy you are" to "FINALLY have the ring" that bf has been "designing" since "May"! that should clear things up.

Sorry for the long response, and good luck!
I think we could be good friends on this forum. We seem to be in a similar situation!