Advice you WISH you could share ....

[Circe]

... I''m approaching 30, and I''m suddenly making changes to my life that have me slapping myself in the head that I didn''t do them ages ago. Some of them are silly and jejune (seriously, now that I''ve tried waxing and dental bleaching, I am shocked that anybody bothers more than once), and some of them are serious enough/far-reaching enough that I just wish I could shout them to the sky without coming off like a fanatic. Sooooooooo ... what better forum than this forum?

Two pieces of advice I wish I could give the world:

1) Question your meds. I''ve been on birth control since I was 19, and I figured that whatever moodiness surrounded my cycle was completely natural. Except, when I got the husband''s outside perspective on how utterly predictable my worst moods were and tried switching pills, I went from being near-clinically depressed for one week out of each month to being ... fine. Absolutely, totally fine. How incredibly disheartening it is to realize that I was doing it to myself!

2) On a very similar note: question your dependencies. I''ve been a smoker for nearly as long as I''ve been on the Pill (nice juxtaposition, right?), and while I''ve thought about quitting many a time, going cold turkey did not work for me at all, and the patch and the gum scared me silly after I saw a couple of friends try them, keep smoking out of habit, and basically twitch themselves into palpitations. So, for years I kept telling myself I''d stop when I lacked stress ... and then my husband left me an article on electronic cigarettes. I tried them on a whim, and, hot damn! Three days without tobacco, and I''m ... okay. Better than okay, when you consider that the bizarre little cough that I spent the last year attributing to allergies has just flat-out disappeared.

Overall, I guess the one thing I wish I could tell people/that I wish someone had told me was, question your circumstances. So, what''s the one thing you wish you could tell people/wish someone had told you?

 

[KimberlyH]

Happiness requires effort, a will to seekout the positive even when things are difficut.

Complaining will get you nowhere.

Find good in every day.

Tell people who are meaningful in your life how you feel about them.

Figure out what your gifts and talents are and use them.

Being alone (not in a relationship) is an opportunity to learn explore, not a sentence of loneliness.

Question everything.

Turn off the television and read a book.

Take care of your mental and physical wellbeing.

P.S. Sorry, I couldn't just limit it to one thing.

 

[purrfectpear]

There is nothing cute about appearing helpless. You can do it.

It''s better to die on your feet than live on your knees.

It is NOT normal to have a life full of extreme highs, and depressing lows. See a doctor. They have meds for that.

 

[nclrgirl]

If you hate your job everyday, get a new one.

By the way, AWESOME thread!

 

[princesss]

Date: 8/28/2008 9:56:54 PM
Author: purrfectpear
There is nothing cute about appearing helpless. You can do it.


It''s better to die on your feet than live on your knees.


It is NOT normal to have a life full of extreme highs, and depressing lows. See a doctor. They have meds for that.

SO true. I am so sick of people pretending that they can''t do something. Roll up your sleeves and figure it out!

At 22, there''s only one thing I''ve learned. Jump in with both feet. Don''t test the water, don''t over think it, if you want it and it''s a risk and it''s scary, it''ll be worth it. So do it.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Sometimes the right thing is also the hardest.

And, I can''t take credit for this one as I first read it on another board-- but in the context of relationships: Don''t make someone a priority when they have only made you an option.

 

[diamondfan]

I think one thing would be do not sweat the small stuff, pick your battles as there is always something to stand up for and always something to back down from.

Also, live in the moment, you can still somewhat be a planner, but if you do not enjoy NOW it is tragic. I do this as I am a worrier and I have always been fear driven. Makes it hard to enjoy the journey.

Have love around you, do not be afraid to keep the angry and negative energy away from you when you can.

 

[Selkie]

Date: 8/28/2008 9:56:54 PM
Author: purrfectpear
There is nothing cute about appearing helpless. You can do it.

Yes. And the corollary-if you genuinely don''t know how to do it, but want to learn, RTFM! Ask questions. It''s not that hard.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Add me to the list of those who believe that happiness doesn''t land in your lap--it takes work and more importantly it takes risks.

I still feel like there is so much more for me to learn than I can grasp, but the past few years have been great for me. I''m learning that I live for the life outside of my cube and am committed to exploring everything in life that I possibly can. I''ve learned that I get the greatest rewards from pushing myself beyond what I think I can do. I''ve learned that at some point you stop seeing your parents as role models and start seeing them as fellow adults with flaws and issues and all those things that make us human. I''ve also learned that any goals I haven''t reached were not reached because I did not work hard enough.

Oh, and I''ve learned that so long as I have a newf on one side and my husband on the other, I''ll be a happy woman!

Circe, thanks for the "question your meds" advice--I think I''m going to take you up on that and question my pill at my next appt.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 8/28/2008 8:16:05 PM
Author:Circe
... and then my husband left me an article on electronic cigarettes. I tried them on a whim, and, hot damn! Three days without tobacco, and I''m ... okay. Better than okay, when you consider that the bizarre little cough that I spent the last year attributing to allergies has just flat-out disappeared.

You have to tell me more about this...

 

[somethingshiny]

Things I''ve realized relatively recently that I wish I knew all along:

When you have a problem with something, tell someone who can fix it. Don''t just think it''ll get better on its own or whine about it.

When you realize your blessings, you find contentment. When you expand on your blessings, you find happiness.

Every opportunity presents itself for a purpose.

 

[Skippy123]

This was a HUGE lesson for me when I was in my early 20's; It is okay to agree to Disagree

It isn't bad getting older because with age a person becomes wise and also we are more secure with ourselves and our decisions.

Let your loved ones know how much you care for them because life is so precious and you never know when they will be gone!

I would get so frustrated because I thought when most people were adults they should act like adults, so not true.

LOL

Keep your personal affairs about your marriage and family to yourself because you forget, but others remember.

I learned that in my early 20's.

Smile, it is contagious!!! Soooo TRUE!!!

Grab the bull by the horns!

eta: I agree with Kaleigh, try and put yourself in a persons shoes before you judge. Great thread Circe!!!

 

[Kaleigh]

Forgive those that have hurt you. Takes a lot, but you''ll be better off for it.

Pick your battles... Fight only for what is dire to you, as in Don''t sweat the small things in life.

Help someone that is less fortunate than you. You don''t have to have a lot of money to do this, and will be richer for the experience of helping someone who needs it.

Listen. It''s priceless. I am a firm believer in listening, not talking. I know I talk a lot, but am a great listener, and hear things beyond what was said.

Most of all, be kind, loving and compassionate. Have empathy.

Put yourself in the shoes of other''s.....

Have a sense of humor, ya gotta laugh!!!! That''s key to me in getting through life.

And give HUGS to those you love, every day. A kiss is great, but nothing beats a big hug!!!!

 

[phoenixgirl]

This weekend I was sitting on my back porch thinking that I wished I was one of those people whose porch wasn''t full of cobwebs and pollen that seemed glued onto the paint. It was as if I believed some people''s porches repelled pollen and spiders but I was the unlucky owner of a pollen and spider friendly porch.

I suddenly realized that people with clean porches have clean porches because they . . . clean them. Seems obvious, right? But that''s just the way I always thought about people who are in shape. They''re just in shape because they''re mutant people who know how to work out and enjoy it too. Since I don''t know how, I''m never going to try it and therefore will never enjoy it . . . That''s really how I thought, not completely consciously, but basically.

So goshdarn it I wiped and mopped my porch this past weekend, just like I started working out 18 months ago. Clean porches and fit bodies don''t just happen to people; you have to make them happen.

 

[Haven]

I live by "It''s always easier to apologize than to ask permission" so I suppose I''d say:
Stop asking for permission. Just make it happen.

You are what you think. Be brilliant. (I write this on my chalkboard every morning at school.)

Never stifle a question, and question everything.

Things are not boring. People are boring. If you''re bored, you just need to become a more interesting person, and you''ll never want for something to occupy your mind. (This is my stock response to student complaints about boring, and I truly believe this.)

The face you have at 50 is the one you earn, frown lines don''t just magically appear. And neither do laugh lines. Choose your wrinkles wisely, they say a lot about how you''ve lived your life.

Your eyes won''t stick if you cross them, and you won''t get sick if you go swimming within one hour of eating. Just do it. Make goofy faces and jump in the water. Enjoy.

Pets make life happier in ways that you can only know if you experience it for yourself.

Great thread.

 

[diamondfan]

I also love to think about smiling or laughing every day. Laughing is good for the soul. Smiling at someone costs you nothing and enriches your life a lot.

Also, forgiveness is key like Kaleigh said. It is very hard to do and can be painful but in the end is the most healing thing you can do. I have a bit of trouble with this one still, and now decide forgive does not mean getting hurt over and over again...so I am getting better at it...just barely.

If you think you can, chances are you will be able to, if you are sure you cannot, you most likely won't be able to.

 

[decodelighted]

Great idea for a thread!

* Experience is most often gained by faking your way through it a few times.
* The first 10 minutes are always the hardest. If you can fight through that ... flow follows.
* People aren''t thinking about you nearly as much as you''d guess .. they''re focused on themselves.
* Get a tiny dog as soon as you are able to. It''s like living with a furry, adorable, magical fairy.
* A lot of makeup LOOKS like a lot of makeup.
* People like people who like THEM.
* What bugs you most about other people are the very things you dislike most about yourself.

 

[WishfulThinking]

Challenge yourself to understand those who are different from you. Life is too short to be hung up on all of our differences when every single one of us has so much in common. Use the guideline of kindness above all else; be kind to everyone you come across, and in the end, no matter what happens, know that you gave it your best shot.

It''s a difficult approach to take, and I am certainly not perfect in following my own advice day-to-day, but it''s really helped me look at the world differently.

 

[princesss]

Date: 8/28/2008 11:05:16 PM
Author: decodelighted
Great idea for a thread!


* Experience is most often gained by faking your way through it a few times.

* The first 10 minutes are always the hardest. If you can fight through that ... flow follows.

* People aren''t thinking about you nearly as much as you''d guess .. they''re focused on themselves.

* Get a tiny dog as soon as you are able to. It''s like living with a furry, adorable, magical fairy.

* A lot of makeup LOOKS like a lot of makeup.

* People like people who like THEM.

* What bugs you most about other people are the very things you dislike most about yourself.

SO true!

 

[Haven]

Just thought of a few more:

The way you treat people says a lot more about you than it says about anyone else.

Order the dessert. He won''t think you''re a cow, and if he does, he doesn''t deserve to be on a date with you in the first place.

If your ideas are being vehemently opposed, you''re on to something great. If they''re not, keep thinking.

And I just read this one on a card:
Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. -Oscar Wilde (of course!)

 

[Kaleigh]

Giving a nice smile is key, like Caroline said, costs nothing. I have noticed this a lot lately, smiling once you walk in anywhere, makes the person smile back, and just makes for a good day. I get smiled at at lot, not sure why.

Have patience. A biggie with me.

And another. Have the light touch.

Care for your loved ones when they are sick. Give them permision to go when the time comes, let them know you'll be ok. That's a big gift you can give them, and will let them go with peace....

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/28/2008 11:19:59 PM
Author: Kaleigh


And another. Have the light touch.

Lisa, I think I know what it means but not exactly sure?

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 8/28/2008 11:26:40 PM
Author: Skippy123

Date: 8/28/2008 11:19:59 PM
Author: Kaleigh


And another. Have the light touch.

Lisa, I think I know what it means but not exactly sure?

Hubby says this all the time,. The guy with the light touch is someone who rolls with the punches, doesn't make a stink, He has that light touch, a gentleman. Gosh now that it's typed I can see it would be confusing. As in the guy that is taking the high road...

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 8/28/2008 11:31:51 PM
Author: Kaleigh
Hubby says this all the time,. The guy with the light touch is someone who rolls with the punches, doesn''t make a stink, He has that light touch, a gentleman. Gosh now that it''s typed I can see it would be confusing. As in the guy that is taking the high road, not going to get rumpled by a problem.....

Thanks Lisa! You have the light touch for sure!

 

[Aloros]

Don''t do things by halves. Decide to commit yourself, or do something else. The things that you do, and the effort that you put into them, are a reflection on you as a person.

To do less is to live life without the passion that you are capable of.

 

[ladypirate]

My favorite advice comes from Joseph Campbell: "Follow Your Bliss". Do things because they make you happy, not to please others. In the end, you're going to be the one living with the choices you've made.

Also, treat other people with kindness and respect--it'll get you a lot farther and people tend to reciprocate in kind. I'd say it's easier to catch flies with honey than vinegar, but apparently flies love balsamic vinegar. Darn...

 

[littlelysser]

I have a couple.

1. Just because they make it in your size, that doesn''t mean you should wear it.

2. No one cares as much about your big life event (engagement, wedding, baby) as you do.

 

[LaraOnline]

You can''t beat the system. So dance with it instead.

 

[sklingem]

A special occasion is any occasion you want to be special.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

No day but today.