I''m pretty sure I''m going to start rambling, so here is what''s on my mind: After one marriage and one messed-up relationship after my divorce that I guess I''m still getting over, I can''t imagine being in another serious relationship again. And that is scary. It''s not scary as in sad-scary, but scary because it''s not as an upsetting thought as I think it should be. My family members tell me that it is completely normal to feel this way (and they don''t even know the half of what a mess my last relationship was) and that it''s a healthy "gap," and my counselor of course tells me that this is "me" time.
I''m happy to finally be feeling happy again, but I''m also worried I''m going to end up alone for the rest of my life. I mean, I go to work, come home, play with my dogs, visit family and friends, etc, so I don''t really put myself out there socially because I''m not comfortable with that yet. When I have been out and been approached, I panic and I guess appear to be aloof. When friends try to set me up, I have no interest in that whole thing. Part of me feels that I have been in one romantic relationship or another since I was seventeen, with really no breaks or gaps in between, so maybe this is finally my time to relax and just make myself happy for a while.
I guess what is most alarming to me is my lack of interest in a relationship, period. I''ve never felt that way, even after my divorce. I know I''m still a little traumatized by what happened with my ex, and I don''t want to ever allow that to happen to myself again, but what if that never changes? I talk about this with my counselor, but she has a way of diverting my attention back to dealing with my self esteem issues and tells me not to borrow trouble (not worry about things that aren''t even on my plate yet.) But I actually feel that my self esteem has grown in leaps and bounds; I''m just worried that there is something wrong with me because I''m not wanting a special someone to share my life with.
I just have a feeling I''m going to wind up being a crazy aunt/old maid with a house full of dogs. Not that there''s anything wrong with that. Well I think I''ve just depressed myself.
I''m happy to finally be feeling happy again, but I''m also worried I''m going to end up alone for the rest of my life. I mean, I go to work, come home, play with my dogs, visit family and friends, etc, so I don''t really put myself out there socially because I''m not comfortable with that yet. When I have been out and been approached, I panic and I guess appear to be aloof. When friends try to set me up, I have no interest in that whole thing. Part of me feels that I have been in one romantic relationship or another since I was seventeen, with really no breaks or gaps in between, so maybe this is finally my time to relax and just make myself happy for a while.
I guess what is most alarming to me is my lack of interest in a relationship, period. I''ve never felt that way, even after my divorce. I know I''m still a little traumatized by what happened with my ex, and I don''t want to ever allow that to happen to myself again, but what if that never changes? I talk about this with my counselor, but she has a way of diverting my attention back to dealing with my self esteem issues and tells me not to borrow trouble (not worry about things that aren''t even on my plate yet.) But I actually feel that my self esteem has grown in leaps and bounds; I''m just worried that there is something wrong with me because I''m not wanting a special someone to share my life with.
I just have a feeling I''m going to wind up being a crazy aunt/old maid with a house full of dogs. Not that there''s anything wrong with that. Well I think I''ve just depressed myself.
you''ll be in the right place to enjoy it!
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