6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!!

[Sparklelu]

Apparently most of these women are not PSers.,



http://www.cafemom.com/group/112285/forums/read/18552781/_6_Reasons_Upgrading_Your_Engagement_Ring_Is_Bad_for_Your_Marriage?ct=featured&p=2&cid=7720

 

[SB621]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Apparently most of these women are not PSers.,



http://www.cafemom.com/group/112285/forums/read/18552781/_6_Reasons_Upgrading_Your_Engagement_Ring_Is_Bad_for_Your_Marriage?ct=featured&p=2&cid=7720

My DH just wants me. he doesn't care what I wear on my finger I get what the author is saying but I bet she WOULD be singing a different tune after a few weeks on PS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And just a side note but I'm still confused. After reading that article she doesn't really ever say how an upgrade can hurt your marriage. She just states why SHE doesn't upgrade.

 

[TravelingGal]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Apparently most of these women are not PSers.,



http://www.cafemom.com/group/112285/forums/read/18552781/_6_Reasons_Upgrading_Your_Engagement_Ring_Is_Bad_for_Your_Marriage?ct=featured&p=2&cid=7720

My DH just wants me. he doesn't care what I wear on my finger I get what the author is saying but I bet she WOULD be singing a different tune after a few weeks on PS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually maybe not. With the exception of the "he picked it" (although TGuy did FIND the listing for my diamond), I'm inclined to agree. Of course, just one person's opinion about her own ring...which while not the ring that I'd maybe choose for myself today, is one I still love, not least of which because TGuy asked me to be his wife with it.

 

[SB621]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Apparently most of these women are not PSers.,



http://www.cafemom.com/group/112285/forums/read/18552781/_6_Reasons_Upgrading_Your_Engagement_Ring_Is_Bad_for_Your_Marriage?ct=featured&p=2&cid=7720

My DH just wants me. he doesn't care what I wear on my finger I get what the author is saying but I bet she WOULD be singing a different tune after a few weeks on PS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually maybe not. With the exception of the "he picked it" (although TGuy did FIND the listing for my diamond), I'm inclined to agree. Of course, just one person's opinion about her own ring...which while not the ring that I'd maybe choose for myself today, is one I still love, not least of which because TGuy asked me to be his wife with it.

To each their own Tgal. I personally love the journey I went through with my DH to find the dream ring and have it made. If I could go back in time I would have told him to propose with a cracker jack box ring and worn that proudly till my dream ring was more realistic.

 

[Circe]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

I guess I'm just always fascinated by the eternal debate over what to do with that particular digit when there are nine others going begging. Won't somebody think of the forefingers!

 

[TravelingGal]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Apparently most of these women are not PSers.,



http://www.cafemom.com/group/112285/forums/read/18552781/_6_Reasons_Upgrading_Your_Engagement_Ring_Is_Bad_for_Your_Marriage?ct=featured&p=2&cid=7720

My DH just wants me. he doesn't care what I wear on my finger I get what the author is saying but I bet she WOULD be singing a different tune after a few weeks on PS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually maybe not. With the exception of the "he picked it" (although TGuy did FIND the listing for my diamond), I'm inclined to agree. Of course, just one person's opinion about her own ring...which while not the ring that I'd maybe choose for myself today, is one I still love, not least of which because TGuy asked me to be his wife with it.

To each their own Tgal. I personally love the journey I went through with my DH to find the dream ring and have it made. If I could go back in time I would have told him to propose with a cracker jack box ring and worn that proudly till my dream ring was more realistic.

And I don't think there's anything wrong with that...it's wonderful in its own right. All I am saying that that even with a near decade on PS, there are a few of us who never caught the e-ring upgrade bug. Very few, but still a few.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Apparently most of these women are not PSers.,



http://www.cafemom.com/group/112285/forums/read/18552781/_6_Reasons_Upgrading_Your_Engagement_Ring_Is_Bad_for_Your_Marriage?ct=featured&p=2&cid=7720

My DH just wants me. he doesn't care what I wear on my finger I get what the author is saying but I bet she WOULD be singing a different tune after a few weeks on PS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And just a side note but I'm still confused. After reading that article she doesn't really ever say how an upgrade can hurt your marriage. She just states why SHE doesn't upgrade.

It's not like she has a tiny ring to begin with. Center stone is a carat and side stones are a quarter carat each? Sounds like a nice size ring, IMO.

I never upgraded. One of the few long-term PSers that hasn't upgraded. There was one point I was considering it, but then I was told my vehicle wasn't going to last much longer (my mechanic said go straight to a car dealer ASAP) and we picked a new car instead. Now, we have a big anniversary coming up and again we are in the need of a new vehicle...so no upgrade on the horizon for me. My DH didn't pick out my stone...we picked it out together. If I did upgrade, I'd turn the stone into a pendant. I kind of prefer the idea of a new setting for my little stone...but, who knows...won't happen any time soon.

ETA - I can't see how upgrading hurts a marriage unless the spouse's feelings are hurt by it. Some guys are sentimental and I do think this should be respected. If the guy isn't into the idea of upgrading, I see NO harm in buying stackers or even a second e-ring to mix-and-match. If people are financially secure and the husband still is really offended, why push it? Just collect earrings or pendants...or some other jewelry items that both can agree upon is an alternative. The author didn't explain why upgrading hurts a marriage, but people have posted on here about it being an issue, so clearly some couples don't see eye-to-eye on the concept.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Reading through the comments is pretty enlightening.

I think it is wonderful if someone loves their ring and has no desire for another. Lucky them! I still have my original ring and will give it to a daughter or granddaughter. But the fact is, there came a day that my husband wanted to get me a nice gift for an anniversary. I was trying to make my set more current by resetting into platinum from yellow gold. And my husband said, why not get a whole new ring? So I did. And once I learned about diamond quality, I could never go backwards. And I have been tweaking that anniversary ring ever since as my preferences have changed.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Reading through the comments is pretty enlightening.

I think it is wonderful if someone loves their ring and has no desire for another. Lucky them! I still have my original ring and will give it to a daughter or granddaughter. But the fact is, there came a day that my husband wanted to get me a nice gift for an anniversary. I was trying to make my set more current by resetting into platinum from yellow gold. And my husband said, why not get a whole new ring? So I did. And once I learned about diamond quality, I could never go backwards. And I have been tweaking that anniversary ring ever since as my preferences have changed.

Oh, just to quickly point out, I'm not much of a ring person. In fact, I only wear my eng ring when I need to...it's on my finger now, but really I am taking care of kids/house and it's easier just wearing a band. Now, if we were talking earrings, then, I could spend hundreds of thousands on them (after I won the lotto), but I'd probably just keep wearing my same eng ring...

 

[JaneSmith]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Eye-grabbing title for an article with little substance.
The only way an upgrade would be bad for a marriage would be if it really upset someone. If it is unaffordable or the original is of sentimental value.

I was seriously in the middle of upgrading with hubby on board, and then we decided to use the money for a big trip. Some time later he decided that he was sentimental about the original, so I got it buffed and dipped and it looks very nice again. That, plus getting an eternity instead of my original band with gypsy set diamonds, has made me quite content with my set.
I will, however, be getting a big fat antique cut somewhere down the line.
So, a nice anniversary ring instead of an e-ring upgrade. Everyone wins!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Still waiting for my Ering...

 

[kenny]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Still waiting for my Ering...

Dude, turn gay.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Still waiting for my Ering...

Dude, turn gay.

If I do will you give a honker?

 

[justginger]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Eye-grabbing title for an article with little substance.
The only way an upgrade would be bad for a marriage would be if it really upset someone. If it is unaffordable or the original is of sentimental value.

I was seriously in the middle of upgrading with hubby on board, and then we decided to use the money for a big trip. Some time later he decided that he was sentimental about the original, so I got it buffed and dipped and it looks very nice again. That, plus getting an eternity instead of my original band with gypsy set diamonds, has made me quite content with my set.
I will, however, be getting a big fat antique cut somewhere down the line.
So, a nice anniversary ring instead of an e-ring upgrade. Everyone wins!

Agreed. Those reasons are all very personal and individual, and have absolutely nothing to do with damaging one's marriage.

#3: 'a little silly'? 'terribly guilty'? Nope, and nope. DH and I both maintain that in terms of unchecked happiness, Poppy was perhaps the best purchase we've ever made!

 

[Enerchi]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

well that was a useless piece of fluff article... Read them off to DH - he looked at me and said, "Aren't all diamonds the same?" And herein lies the reason why lil ole Enerchi keeps buying new stuff --- because to my sweet DH, he CAN'T TELL when I've got something new!!


Weeeeee!! That's just PUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRfect for me to continue feeding my diamond and jewelry buying frenzy!!!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

In reading that, I just kept thinking, "why would you have to give up your original ring?". It's not like someone is going to force you to trade it in, why can't you have both? It seemed like the author and all the people who commented thought they were going to lose the original.

 

[iheartscience]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Yeah none of those reasons are particularly compelling, and the headline makes no sense considering the content. But hey, whatever makes her feel good about herself. Haters gonna hate, etc.

 

[kenny]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Still waiting for my Ering...

Dude, turn gay.

If I do will you give a honker?

I might give two that weigh thousands of carats each.

 

[junebug17]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Yeah none of those reasons are particularly compelling, and the headline makes no sense considering the content. But hey, whatever makes her feel good about herself. Haters gonna hate, etc.

ITA! I think she wrote the article to make herself feel better, which is fine I guess. But as the Dude in the Big Lebowski says - "Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man."

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

well that was a useless piece of fluff article... Read them off to DH - he looked at me and said, "Aren't all diamonds the same?" And herein lies the reason why lil ole Enerchi keeps buying new stuff --- because to my sweet DH, he CAN'T TELL when I've got something new!!
:

Yay, "yes, honey, diamonds are all the same...now he drink this beer and watch your sports and be a good husband." hehehe

My husband calls diamonds, "overpriced rocks," but you know, I bet if I bought some new things, he'd NEVER know because I had my new PS studs for a couple of months and then said something about them and he didn't know what I was talking about. Huh, will put this to test and report back. (ETA - and I'm tempted to buy something at Tiffany in Vegas, but then have to remember I can get twice the size at WF for less...it's so tempting though to mark my anniversary!)

 

[Sparklelu]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

I know she just used the headline as a grabber, most certainly never proved her point but I was more entertained by the responses and the atrocious spelling and lack of grammar!!
ENERCHI.. DH just the other day noticed my pink sapphire and diamond BGD band I bought months ago on pre loved and he actually asked... Did I get you that? YES, HONEY YOU DID!

 

[pandabee]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

well that was a useless piece of fluff article... Read them off to DH - he looked at me and said, "Aren't all diamonds the same?" And herein lies the reason why lil ole Enerchi keeps buying new stuff --- because to my sweet DH, he CAN'T TELL when I've got something new!!

Weeeeee!! That's just PUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRfect for me to continue feeding my diamond and jewelry buying frenzy!!!

hahha that is too cute! Sometimes I think my SO is not so keen on picking up on details but he surprises me. Definitely good that we can keep enabling you too

In reading that, I just kept thinking, "why would you have to give up your original ring?". It's not like someone is going to force you to trade it in, why can't you have both? It seemed like the author and all the people who commented thought they were going to lose the original.

Maybe because people are assuming that "upgrading" usually means "replacing with a better version" hence getting rid of? Furthermore, I think in the general non-PS population (and even some of our members here), in order to financially support an upgrade, it is necessary to trade in something to help offset the cost of the new piece. Or our members here are just hoarders and can't bear the thought of getting rid of any of their preciouses

 

[Laila619]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

She does have some good points. I got rid of the original e-ring setting long ago, and now the original diamond is gone, too. And I have to admit I do regret it.

 

[madelise]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

She sounds like a bitter person coming up with excuses.

 

[yssie]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Eh.
A lot of non-PSers are going to judge you and your relationship poorly if you upgrade.
A fair number of PSers will judge you and your relationship poorly if you upgrade too, especially if the upgrade doesn't mark a significant anniversary or it's done before the wedding or... well, people have any number of arbitrary personal prerequisites that they feel compelled to inflict on others.
F*ck 'em.

ETA: As MC said - as long as both parties are on the same page...

 

[Niel]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Eh.
A lot of non-PSers are going to judge you and your relationship poorly if you upgrade.
A fair number of PSers will judge you and your relationship poorly if you upgrade too, especially if the upgrade doesn't mark a significant anniversary or it's done before the wedding or... well, people have any number of arbitrary personal prerequisites that they feel compelled to inflict on others.
F*ck 'em.

+1

I don't associate my e ring with our life together. I think of it as a way for other people to know I'm taken, not how much my SO loves me. But then again, I paid for it, plus the fact we already had a house a child and a life together before he proposed. I could upgrade it a million times and his concern would be what I paid for it Haha. He knows people will judge me for it, but he's gotten over that. Its our life.

 

[SB621]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Apparently most of these women are not PSers.,



http://www.cafemom.com/group/112285/forums/read/18552781/_6_Reasons_Upgrading_Your_Engagement_Ring_Is_Bad_for_Your_Marriage?ct=featured&p=2&cid=7720

My DH just wants me. he doesn't care what I wear on my finger I get what the author is saying but I bet she WOULD be singing a different tune after a few weeks on PS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually maybe not. With the exception of the "he picked it" (although TGuy did FIND the listing for my diamond), I'm inclined to agree. Of course, just one person's opinion about her own ring...which while not the ring that I'd maybe choose for myself today, is one I still love, not least of which because TGuy asked me to be his wife with it.

To each their own Tgal. I personally love the journey I went through with my DH to find the dream ring and have it made. If I could go back in time I would have told him to propose with a cracker jack box ring and worn that proudly till my dream ring was more realistic.

And I don't think there's anything wrong with that...it's wonderful in its own right. All I am saying that that even with a near decade on PS, there are a few of us who never caught the e-ring upgrade bug. Very few, but still a few.

No worries Tgal! There is nothing wrong with either camp. I totally get that some people love their ering from the start or have zero desire to upgrade. I think alot of it has to do with your personal background. So that was more the direction of my post - that I don't see how a upgrade or not getting upgrade will affect your marriage!

 

[Smith1942]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Ohhhh, I am so on the fence with this one....In England it's seen as a faux-pas to upgrade. Totally unromantic and materialistic, etc etc. And an upgrade isn't an engagement ring, I feel - only the ring you got engaged with can be that.

On the other hand...if a couple can't afford a really good ring when young, but they have the funds 10-20 years down the line, then it's a good way of not having to splurge when young and impoverished, knowing you can get something when it's more financially appropriate.

I also think it depends on the original e-ring. The woman in the article clearly loves hers and it's a very decent size. In England 1.25 carats is huge. So it's not as if she got a 0.30 ctw and never really liked it.

Although I think it's somewhat unromantic, I admit that I'd love to upgrade mine. If the hubster suddenly said, "You know what Smith, you moved to another continent for little ole' me, you cook and clean and I do sod-all, and I'm also quite the pain to live with on occasion. You really deserve an upgrade. How's about a 2ct D eyeclean SI2 Signature-cut rock, then?" I would be out that door to the shops so fast that I'd forget my shoes, and bugger romance.

However, I had no hand in choosing my ring and although I'm lucky to have a Hearts on Fire and I really appreciate the cut, it's not really what I would have chosen. I like it fine, but I'm not in LOVE with it. It's too small and I don't like the colour. I could have had something super-ideal but non-HoF that was bigger with a higher colour for less money. Therefore I probably would upgrade given half the chance, even though it is possibly more romantic to be in love with the first one. But that just isn't realistic in many cases, where the guy a) chooses it all alone b) has different ideas from the girl about the ring or c) just doesn't have the funds. If your original e-ring is truly your dream ring then you're very lucky - but for many, it isn't. Whoever started the upgrade business in the US must have been hugely savvy...

 

[Dee*Jay]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

Although I think it's somewhat unromantic, I admit that I'd love to upgrade mine. If the hubster suddenly said, "You know what Smith, you moved to another continent for little ole' me, you cook and clean and I do sod-all, and I'm also quite the pain to live with on occasion. You really deserve an upgrade. How's about a 2ct D eyeclean SI2 Signature-cut rock, then?" I would be out that door to the shops so fast that I'd forget my shoes, and bugger romance.

I just read this in my head with an English accent and it make me LOL!!! Especially the "then" and the end -- snort!!!

 

[imitcan]

Re: 6 reasons upgrading your Ering is bad for your marriage!

I know two people who don't wear their engagement rings anymore - period. One, never liked her set and cannot afford an upgrade, and the other doesn't want to insult her husband by brooching the subject. She has told me on more than one occasion that she feels inferior amongst her blinged- out peers wearing her half-carat solitaire, so she doesn't wear it at all. I think it's sad. Sad because both rings are really lovely and sparkly and sad because an intelligent, attractive woman would feel inferior in her social circle because of her jewellery.
The article appears to be an attempt on the author's behalf to quell the jealousy within!!!