Should I say anything? my daughter's bf bought her a..

[Niel]

Why are we calling it a dud?

Was it distinctly terrible looking when you saw it? Does it have a huge table or something? Slightly steep deep may be out of "ideal" to our over anilitical diamonf minds but doesn't seem like a "dud"

Have you seen an aset of it?

 

[missy]

DF, can your daughter's FI to be (congrats by the way!!!) return the diamond? If so I would tell him (as gently and nicely as possible) and help guide him towards the best for his budget. If I was your dd I would want that help from you because in this case ignorance is not bliss. From my perspective as the daughter I would say butt in (gently) and don't let her get an ER diamond dud. I know the prevailing advice here is MYOB but I disagree in this case. Good luck and best wishes on your dd engagement!

Here's the best possible scenario...after he proposes this weekend, and IF my daughter ask me the Q ..daddy what do you think about my ring? then my first Q to DD would be... why? can he still refund or exchange the stone?.. ..otherwise my wife will be pissed if I said something negative about her ring.

I agree. That's the best case scenario and if there is no return possible, well, you have no other smart choice but not to say anything. BUT if a return is possible I think that's an opportunity that should be taken. Hopefully your dd will ask her dear dad what he thinks being the diamond aficionado that he is.

And again many congratulations. Mazel Tov on their upcoming engagement and may their lives together be filled with love, laughter, happiness, health and lots of pretty bling.

 

[tyty333]

Mrs. DF is wise....keep your opinion to yourself unless they really
Want your honest opinion. Then be gentle...point out some good
Things then let them know the not so good things.

 

[Dancing Fire]

My feeling is keep your trap shut DF and let your daughter's fiancé handle this, I know it's hard and I would be biting my fist if it were my daughter in this situation but the stone might not be bad at all depending on a few factors. Plus it's a pride thing, he might not appreciate you putting your 5 cents in my American BF. You already told your daughters' BFs to let you know if they are going to buy rings to let you know and you would help, but it seems your SIL to be wanted to do it his way and if he wanted your help, he would have asked for it.

Yup, all he had to do was to text me the GIA # and I would have told him to look for a stone with a crown angle of 34.5-34.8' X 40.7-40.8' pavil. I should have check the stone out with my I-scope..

 

[Dancing Fire]

It's hard to stand by and watch someone spend money on something when you know they could have done better. However, you really don't want to offend him and start off on bad footing. You had offered and he decided to do it on his own. Young people can be headstrong like that and we were probably all like that at one time. Lots of us got less than optimally cut diamonds in our day - who knew any better?

Only you know what your relationship is with him and how he might take some words of advice AFTER the purchase. It is probably a pretty stone despite not being ideally cut so if she's happy and he's happy. . . the only difference is that you and your wife have gorgeous diamonds - will she want to compare hers to yours? If so, she might see the difference. Tough call!

Love is blind!...

 

[Dancing Fire]

This is dangerous territory. You could create resentment that never goes away. Did you actually tell him that it was too steep? Or did you just want to do so?

Well, I did say...the stone is a bit too deep...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Just to be clear. If the ring can be returned I would say something and DF's post leads me to believe it can be returned. If it cannot be returned I would keep quiet and know the future was/is made for upgrading.

I didn't ask him about the store policy. I don't think he will ask for a refund, just hoping he will exchange for another stone.

 

[Niel]

This is dangerous territory. You could create resentment that never goes away. Did you actually tell him that it was too steep? Or did you just want to do so?

Well, I did say...the stone is a bit too deep...

I disagree.

I have a stone that deep and it's beautiful. Idealsopes to prove it. And it was exactly the same price as less deep stones in a smaller ct. So it could very well be this was the best in his budget. I just wonder if you hasn't seen the gia cert just how much would you be dogging this stone? Was it's visibly that terrible??

 

[vedder50]

Mate, face it, this forum is for perfectionists. Do 99% of girls care about the sh*t that is discussed on this forum? Would they really care if a diamond sparkled 10% more than another one?

I get it, you are on here for the same reason as I am, but you shouldn't assume it matters it everyone else.

 

[Dancing Fire]

I am just glad it is a XXX. Otherwise, I really might have to say something. He could have done sooo much worse, DF!

My son-in-law did come to me for help and I am glad he did. A few months ago, his brother contacted me for help, too!!!

You know, this would be a great time to have had a idealscope handy. All you'd have to say is, let's take a look and see if it has any leakage. Then when he sees it, you can explain the dimensions that usually avoid that.

Yes, could have been one of those $1999 salt & pepper special from Zales or Kay's!...

 

[vedder50]

Let me put this another way. Would your daughter love it if she knew her soon to be husband picked it out? or if her father hassled her soon to be husband to pick out something he liked better?

 

[missy]

Let me put this another way. Would your daughter love it if she knew her soon to be husband picked it out? or if her father hassled her soon to be husband to pick out something he liked better?

Hassled? Who said anything about hassling? DF offering to share his expertise so his SIL to be buys the nicest ring he can afford for his FI? That's a win win IMO.

I look at it like this. I hate to throw away money on something that is not a quality piece. If a loved one was looking out for me so I get the best bang for my buck I would be very appreciative. That takes nothing away from my SO. It's about getting the best for our money. She will be wearing this ring every single day most likely. And ultimately it's up to the FI and DF's dd... but to get the benefit of DF's hard earned knowledge and then make the best decision you can... that's just smart IMO. But that's me.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Another point to ponder might be this...Your SIL to be knows you have a lot of diamond knowledge DF and maybe he wanted to do this himself to prove to you he could pick out a worthy rock for your daughter...? I am not saying it is the reason why he wanted to do this himself, but it might be part of it.

Well, He did prove one thing to me...He knows nothing about well cut stones.. they hear me preach about well cut diamonds many times but he wanted to be a hero.

 

[Dancing Fire]

GIA XXX .91ct H VS2 steep/deep ring from his jeweler friend. He showed me the ring and the copy of the GIA report then asked me what is my opinion on the stone?...I said wellll... the stone is a little too deep at 62.4%, crown is 36' X 40.8' pavil. ..

Apparently you already said that it's a bit steep and deep. Hope that made him a little curious to find out what you meant, and he'll do more research and exchange the stone. Otherwise, I think you'll just have to wait until daughter gets the ring and gives it the 3rd degree. If she decides it's not good enough cut, then I predict she will get something done about it, right? This could be an expensive lesson for the BF. Men will research the purchase of a $700 TV to death, but will make a major e-ring purchase based on 20 minutes of what a salesperson says? Oh well. Live and learn. I just hope there isn't a big blowup.

And who knows how much he paid for the ring. Yup, bought it from his jeweler friend.

 

[vedder50]

Let me put this another way. Would your daughter love it if she knew her soon to be husband picked it out? or if her father hassled her soon to be husband to pick out something he liked better?

Hassled? Who said anything about hassling? DF offering to share his expertise so his SIL to be buys the nicest ring he can afford for his FI? That's a win win IMO.

I look at it like this. I hate to throw away money on something that is not a quality piece. If a loved one was looking out for me so I get the best bang for my buck I would be very appreciative. That takes nothing away from my SO. It's about getting the best for our money. She will be wearing this ring every single day most likely. And ultimately it's up to the FI and DF's dd... but to get the benefit of DF's hard earned knowledge and then make the best decision you can... that's just smart IMO. But that's me.

To me if he intervenes at this point, it's hassling. He's already bought the ring. Most girls have absolutely no idea about the microscopic things we analyze on this forum. Don't assume what matters to you matters to others.

 

[Lorelei]

Another point to ponder might be this...Your SIL to be knows you have a lot of diamond knowledge DF and maybe he wanted to do this himself to prove to you he could pick out a worthy rock for your daughter...? I am not saying it is the reason why he wanted to do this himself, but it might be part of it.

Well, He did prove one thing to me...He knows nothing about well cut stones.. they hear me preach about well cut diamonds many times but he wanted to be a hero.

YEEEEOUCH!!!!!

But my American BF, maybe he thought he did get a well cut stone, GIA 3X and all that malarkey....It might not be as bad as you think....

 

[Dancing Fire]

Ooh DF...this is certainly tricky. I think it all comes down to the relationship you have with your future son in law...how did he take it when you told him the stone was kind of steep/deep? Hopefully like others have said that will prompt him to do a bit more research since you did not overwhelmingly give the stone a passing grade but I think Lorelai may be right in that he wanted to prove that he could find a good performing stone without help from a diamond aficionado like yourself.

Don't think he was paying any attention to my comment...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Why are we calling it a dud?

Was it distinctly terrible looking when you saw it? Does it have a huge table or something? Slightly steep deep may be out of "ideal" to our over anilitical diamonf minds but doesn't seem like a "dud"

Have you seen an aset of it?

Nope, but I do have an I-scope handy... and no, I didn't check the stone with my I-scope.

 

[Tourmaline]

There comes a time when in-laws (and that's what you will be to this young man) have to be more careful about respecting appropriate boundaries than making sure their daughters get the best of everything. My parents were too meddling in such ways (not about diamonds), and my husband will never forgive them. My parents thought being perfectionists was a helpful thing to do, but they have missed out on much more important things in life because of that. Tread carefully or you might make things really difficult for your daughter and spoil a moment that shouldn't be tarnished by your own standards of diamond cut. He didn't come to you for advice because he didn't want you to pick a diamond. RESPECT THAT.

 

[Dancing Fire]

This is dangerous territory. You could create resentment that never goes away. Did you actually tell him that it was too steep? Or did you just want to do so?

Well, I did say...the stone is a bit too deep...

I disagree.

I have a stone that deep and it's beautiful. Idealsopes to prove it. And it was exactly the same price as less deep stones in a smaller ct. So it could very well be this was the best in his budget. I just wonder if you hasn't seen the gia cert just how much would you be dogging this stone? Was it's visibly that terrible??

No, I only look at it for about a minute and I didn't look at it under different lighting nor did I use my I-scope. Here's what I do know...the stone should be .10mm wider in diameter...

 

[Lorelei]

This is dangerous territory. You could create resentment that never goes away. Did you actually tell him that it was too steep? Or did you just want to do so?

Well, I did say...the stone is a bit too deep...

I disagree.

I have a stone that deep and it's beautiful. Idealsopes to prove it. And it was exactly the same price as less deep stones in a smaller ct. So it could very well be this was the best in his budget. I just wonder if you hasn't seen the gia cert just how much would you be dogging this stone? Was it's visibly that terrible??

No, I only look at it for about a minute and I didn't look at it under different lighting nor did I use my I-scope. Here's what I do know...the stone should be .10mm wider in diameter...

You are THOROUGHLY enjoying this you stinker!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Mate, face it, this forum is for perfectionists. Do 99% of girls care about the sh*t that is discussed on this forum? Would they really care if a diamond sparkled 10% more than another one?

I get it, you are on here for the same reason as I am, but you shouldn't assume it matters it everyone else.

It matters to me, b/c I have been buying well cut stones for many years...

 

[vedder50]

Honestly, i think this post is one of personal preference, and almost one that you want to just battle your missus on being PS connoisseurs...let it go.

 

[OoohShiny]

I can see where you're coming from, DF - it's so frustrating when people don't do the best they can!

I think I will have to agree with the other responses, though - biting your tongue may be the best thing in the long term...

 

[vedder50]

Mate, face it, this forum is for perfectionists. Do 99% of girls care about the sh*t that is discussed on this forum? Would they really care if a diamond sparkled 10% more than another one?

I get it, you are on here for the same reason as I am, but you shouldn't assume it matters it everyone else.

It matters to me, b/c I have been buying well cut stones for many years...

So again, what matters most...that you care, or that she cares?

 

[WillyDiamond]

Bite your lip

 

[WinkHPD]

I said it to their BFs many times, rule #1...don't buy diamonds from a jeweler friend!

I'm not saying his jeweler friend screwed him on purpose. He may or may not know anything about well cut stones. The GIA report say Ex, Ex, Ex., maybe that's all he care about.

A sad commentary on my industry is that is probably all he KNOWS about.

As a jeweler I was lucky enough to be involved with the diamond in both of my children's engagements, but even if they had both come home with drek I would have tried to keep my mouth shut. My wife would tell you that would have been highly unlikely!

Wink's father knows best, but must not speak it department...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Another point to ponder might be this...Your SIL to be knows you have a lot of diamond knowledge DF and maybe he wanted to do this himself to prove to you he could pick out a worthy rock for your daughter...? I am not saying it is the reason why he wanted to do this himself, but it might be part of it.

Well, He did prove one thing to me...He knows nothing about well cut stones.. they hear me preach about well cut diamonds many times but he wanted to be a hero.

YEEEEOUCH!!!!!

But my American BF, maybe he thought he did get a well cut stone, GIA 3X and all that malarkey....It might not be as bad as you think....

Hopefully not! ..I will look for leakage with my I-scope ... Hope my DD will ask me the magic Q... Daddy, Do you have any comments about my ring?..

 

[Lorelei]

Another point to ponder might be this...Your SIL to be knows you have a lot of diamond knowledge DF and maybe he wanted to do this himself to prove to you he could pick out a worthy rock for your daughter...? I am not saying it is the reason why he wanted to do this himself, but it might be part of it.

Well, He did prove one thing to me...He knows nothing about well cut stones.. they hear me preach about well cut diamonds many times but he wanted to be a hero.

YEEEEOUCH!!!!!

But my American BF, maybe he thought he did get a well cut stone, GIA 3X and all that malarkey....It might not be as bad as you think....

Hopefully not! ..I will look for leakage with my I-scope ... Hope my DD will ask me the magic Q... Daddy, Do you have any comments about my ring?..

Oh I can just see you going over that stone for hours with your IS DF, you are positively gloating at the prospect of finding some leakage....

 

[marymm]

Another point to ponder might be this...Your SIL to be knows you have a lot of diamond knowledge DF and maybe he wanted to do this himself to prove to you he could pick out a worthy rock for your daughter...? I am not saying it is the reason why he wanted to do this himself, but it might be part of it.

Well, He did prove one thing to me...He knows nothing about well cut stones.. they hear me preach about well cut diamonds many times but he wanted to be a hero.

YEEEEOUCH!!!!!

But my American BF, maybe he thought he did get a well cut stone, GIA 3X and all that malarkey....It might not be as bad as you think....

Hopefully not! ..I will look for leakage with my I-scope ... Hope my DD will ask me the magic Q... Daddy, Do you have any comments about my ring?..

And hopefully you'll tell your daughter, "If you're happy, I'm happy. But if you'd like me to thoroughly examine it and give you my educated opinion on diamond quality, all you have to do is ask, sweetie."