Childhood punishments

[rainbowtrout]

I know it was your situation, so you have to at least try and feel compassionante--however I''m sure you''ll forgive us if your PS friends take a moment to gloat at the man''s condition. Sometimes karma works and people get a little of what they deserve.

My stepmother had a similar situation and also left home early. It was the same case with the parent''s partner being abusive. She has finally recovered and FINALLY cut her abusive step-parent off, which was hard for her. She even came to her and my dad''s wedding. These things are so hard to heal, good for you for making such strides with your kids.

 

[Haven]

Maisie--Of course I wasn''t offended by your response, not at all! I was just trying to clarify my original post. I agree with everything you said, actually.

I''m just really interested by this entire topic, probably because I''m a teacher and classroom discipline is such an enormous issue.

Thanks again to you brave individuals for sharing your personal histories, it is so sad to read about how you were treated, and your strength is an inspiration.

 

[dianne]

Date: 6/12/2007 2:01:54 PM
Author: Haven
Maisie--Of course I wasn''t offended by your response, not at all! I was just trying to clarify my original post. I agree with everything you said, actually.

I''m just really interested by this entire topic, probably because I''m a teacher and classroom discipline is such an enormous issue.

Thanks again to you brave individuals for sharing your personal histories, it is so sad to read about how you were treated, and your strength is an inspiration.

I totally agree with Haven...and you never know who you are helping when you share your pain. Reading how you have risen above your individual past circumstances may be the hope someone needs to do the same in their own lives.

Brave, strong, and inspiring...perfect words.

 

[icemyster]

I got spanked...pretty often too...I deserved every one of them, and definitely did not get as many as I should have. My parents always did it calmly...they would sit me down, explain to me what I did wrong, the consequences...then i woudl get spanked...then they would explain that they loved me, and that they wanted me to turn out properly....I am SO HAPPY that I got spanked all of those times, because it has made me a better person, and without them, I would have been a terrible person...I can say that for sure....

 

[asscherisme]

I was beaten quite severely by my stepfather. Often his rage was fueled by alcohol. The worst was when he would beat me with the metal end of his belt buckle. You know, those HUGE metal ones that were in style in the 70''s early 80s. Sometimes my mother would join in, also fueled by alcoholic rage. At a minimum, knowing he was doing it was condoning it and giving her approval. My mother and step father hated me and I could never figure out why. She never objected. And guess what- those people are NOT in my life today. I would never never never subject my children to them.

As for my own kids, I never lay a hand on them. Nor does my husband. And neither of us drink alcohol either. he grew up with alcohol and abuse and the legacy of abuse stops with us. I think (having lived it myself) that any type of physical punishment does NOT teach the lesson at hand. It teaches children to fear you and hate you. My children respect me and I get complemented all the time at how well behaved they are. Even my son who has a form of autism. I punish by taking away priviledges, taking away toys, taking away allowance and time outs. I can''t fully describe how we do it, but my husband and I are very consistent and our 4 kids are well behaved for the most part and when they are not, what we do works. And they do not fear us. I think there is no reason to have a child fear or hate their parents.

When I was being beated growing up I alwasy swore I would never never lay a hand on a child of mine and I am proud to say that its been so wonderful to NOT pass forward to legacy of abuse I grew up with.

 

[Maisie]

Congratulations Amy on ending the legacy. It takes a lot of strength and courage to leave that life behind and refuse to let it affect your future. You sound like a wonderful mother and your husband sounds fab too.