Another reason I hate weddings

[Gypsy]

Your friend doesn't have to attend any, except for familial harmony. And all she has to gift the bride is a card.

 

[december-fire]

Momhappy,

Four-day bachelorette party in Vegas? Really?

Are these people independently wealthy and they don't work for a living?

Wait! Just re-read the posts. Are the people attending the bachelorette party expected to cover the bride's cost of the trip! Similarly, the groom's costs for his bachelor party?

I think the bride's brother is lucky he's not in the wedding party.

Personally, I think your friend should decline the attendant role. From the sounds of things, the wedding day will probably be busy enough with the daughters being flower girls. Does your friend want to be a gopher for the bride while still having to keep an eye on her daughters.

And Gypsy's right. These things aren't mandatory.

We do things to keep the peace. But there is a limit.

 

[december-fire]

Niel,

I hope you're feeling somewhat better about your situation.

We all need to vent sometimes.

It amazes me what some people expect of others. I consider a wedding to be a joyous celebration of the love shared by two people. Not an excuse to receive expensive gifts and make unreasonable demands on people.

Whenever possible, I try to see the humour in a situation. But sometimes we just have to grin and make the best of it.

The bride's behaviour isn't attractive, but I'm sure you'll be gracious and polite the day of the wedding.

I hope you end up having a great time, enjoy good food, meet some nice people and dance the night away!

 

[telephone89]

I did some research on-line. A wedding attendant is on most formal sites still (as in my day) a bridesmaid or a groomsman/usher and a member of the wedding party. Some people who do not understand etiquette must, now, be misusing the term. There is really consensus about this on all the major websites.

The Emily Post Institute...http://emilypost.com/advice/wedding-attendants/
Martha Stewart Weddings...http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/226808/choosing-wedding-attendants
Anna Post...https://www.insideweddings.com/news/expert-advice/the-rules-of-etiquette-for-the-wedding-party/1596/

AGBF, be glad you don't have friends/family/children getting married in this age. It seems there is no etiquette anymore. It's honestly appalling.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/05/11/wedding-guest-asked-by-bride-for-a-bigger-contribution-after-giv/
This made the rounds yesterday. A guest gave a wedding gift. They were contacted by the bride and asked for a bigger gift. I'm not sure if it's the entitlement, the lack of shame or what, but as I said - weddings have gone to the dogs!

 

[AGBF]

AGBF, be glad you don't have friends/family/children getting married in this age. It seems there is no etiquette anymore. It's honestly appalling.

Actually, I do. If my daughter didn't have so many emotional problems, she would be a prime candidate for marriage herself. She is 23 and quite beautiful. My elder niece was married two years ago. My younger niece is 24 and still single, but with a lovely boyfriend. My great-nephew, who is like a son to me, just came out as gay about two years ago. He is 34, but has been in a monogamous relationship with a fabulous man whom I adore for a couple of years. They have been thinking of getting married. My godson, who is also 34, got married about 4 years ago. I was asked to do a reading at his wedding. The wedding was perfectly lovely except for the bride's horrible father who made a scene and made her cry at the the end of the evening. (He was a wicked man, divorced from her mother, whom she almost did not invite to the wedding. He did not give her away.) My godson's father had to restrain himself from punching the b*stard!
So it seems that I am at the prime age for children and friends' children to be marrying and also to be having new babies. All my friends are also grandmothers. (My godson now has a two year-old and a pregnant wife!)

 

[LJsapphire]

My friend is getting married later this year and we've just booked her hen/bachelorette party in August. From the UK to Las Vegas. 7 days.
I'm excited because I want to go - it'll be my holiday too but it has cost a lot and we haven't got there yet. Will need lots of money for planned activities, plus spending money on top.
I'm only a guest at the wedding though, that's ok with me. We lived together at university but don't see each much these days.

My fiancé wants to get married in Vegas so hopefully I'll get to scope out some hotels for venues... and the my friend says she would come all that way to be at our wedding. We weren't planning on inviting anyone except our parents, unless a few close friends decide they want to come. It'll be under 10 people I think anyway. We'll have a party in England when we get back

 

[momhappy]

^A week long bachelorette party I've never heard of such a thing. I thought 4 days was ridiculous. Is the bride-to-be paying for her own trip? Who's idea was it? Is the bachelor party equal (as in the same length vacation somewhere special)?

 

[LJsapphire]

^A week long bachelorette party I've never heard of such a thing. I thought 4 days was ridiculous. Is the bride-to-be paying for her own trip? Who's idea was it? Is the bachelor party equal (as in the same length vacation somewhere special)?

yes she's paying for herself. I think it was her idea, but nobody forced to go.
I have no idea what the bachelor party is doing, I didn't ask when they were visiting. Doh!
There is another bachelorette party in the UK for the people who couldn't afford Vegas (there are only 4 of us going, one is mother of the bride).
I think we're looking at it as a holiday rather than just a bachelorette because we've all got to choose 2 things we really want to do over the 7 days. We were originally looking at 3* hotels but my fiance was shopping around and found a good deal on a 5* so at least we get to have some luxury. Apart from the bride's mum the other 3 of us are late 30s so it's not going to be too crazy (I hope!)

 

[pearaffair]

Weddings make people crazy. Sorry you have to deal with this!!

 

[monarch64]

Weddings make people crazy. Sorry you have to deal with this!!

I used to agree with that sentiment, but now I think it's not quite true. I think it's more like "PEOPLE make WEDDINGS crazy."

 

[momhappy]

^A week long bachelorette party I've never heard of such a thing. I thought 4 days was ridiculous. Is the bride-to-be paying for her own trip? Who's idea was it? Is the bachelor party equal (as in the same length vacation somewhere special)?

yes she's paying for herself. I think it was her idea, but nobody forced to go.
I have no idea what the bachelor party is doing, I didn't ask when they were visiting. Doh!
There is another bachelorette party in the UK for the people who couldn't afford Vegas (there are only 4 of us going, one is mother of the bride).
I think we're looking at it as a holiday rather than just a bachelorette because we've all got to choose 2 things we really want to do over the 7 days. We were originally looking at 3* hotels but my fiance was shopping around and found a good deal on a 5* so at least we get to have some luxury. Apart from the bride's mum the other 3 of us are late 30s so it's not going to be too crazy (I hope!)

Thanks for your response I hope you don't think I was being rude - I was just genuinely curious. I understand your situation and I suppose if no one has any problems with it, then that's great. I suspect, however, that even though no one is forced to go, there could still be some disappointments on some levels (people who can't afford to go, people who can't take time off work - and then brides who feel disappointed because so-and-so can't go, etc.).
Enjoy your trip!

 

[telephone89]

Weddings make people crazy. Sorry you have to deal with this!!

I used to agree with that sentiment, but now I think it's not quite true. I think it's more like "PEOPLE make WEDDINGS crazy."

i think you are right!

 

[LJsapphire]

Thanks for your response I hope you don't think I was being rude - I was just genuinely curious. I understand your situation and I suppose if no one has any problems with it, then that's great. I suspect, however, that even though no one is forced to go, there could still be some disappointments on some levels (people who can't afford to go, people who can't take time off work - and then brides who feel disappointed because so-and-so can't go, etc.).
Enjoy your trip!

yes I agree. I'm already worried that I'm coming across as difficult because I prefer to shop around for the best deal instead of jumping straight in and paying over the odds. The bride wants to have everything planned and booked before we go and is worried if we leave things out we might not get to do things, but I've read that sometimes you get discounts for excursions in hotels etc. I understand her worries so I think it would be better to let her book in advance so her mind is at rest. I'm sure we will have an amazing time whatever we do.
When are you going on the bachelorette party?

 

[momhappy]

^I'm not going to a bachelorette party - I had posted earlier that my friend and her husband were both invited to 4-day bachelor/bachelorette parties, but they are declining the invitations because besides feeling like it's too excessive, they don't have the money or the time to go. For me, the norm for bachelor/ette parties was a one-night deal, so it would seem that these sorts of things have gotten very excessive these days. Again, I'm not picking on your particular situation - your trip sounds fun and I'm sure that you will have a great time!

 

[LJsapphire]

^I'm not going to a bachelorette party - I had posted earlier that my friend and her husband were both invited to 4-day bachelor/bachelorette parties, but they are declining the invitations because besides feeling like it's too excessive, they don't have the money or the time to go. For me, the norm for bachelor/ette parties was a one-night deal, so it would seem that these sorts of things have gotten very excessive these days. Again, I'm not picking on your particular situation - your trip sounds fun and I'm sure that you will have a great time!

Sorry, misread. Must've been late last night (time zone isn't right on the board for me to recall when I posted).
I am inclined to agree with you. My own (first) party in 2007 was a night out to a club and then a party in my parents back garden where we hired a hot tub, a mobile beauty therapist and a semi-naked butler. We had a buffet, sunshine (in ENGLAND!) and drinks, and a good time was had by all. I was concerned it was going to get expensive when we split the costs and it totalled at just over £100 each.

This is on another level, but nobody has made me go. My fiancé is happy for me to go (it was provisionally booked before our engagement, so before I knew I'd have to start saving for my wedding), and he says as it will be my holiday this year I should "live it up"
I don't think I'll have a party myself this time, or maybe just go to a spa for a day.

 

[amc80]

My friend is getting married later this year and we've just booked her hen/bachelorette party in August. From the UK to Las Vegas. 7 days.
I'm excited because I want to go - it'll be my holiday too but it has cost a lot and we haven't got there yet. Will need lots of money for planned activities, plus spending money on top.
I'm only a guest at the wedding though, that's ok with me. We lived together at university but don't see each much these days.

My fiancé wants to get married in Vegas so hopefully I'll get to scope out some hotels for venues... and the my friend says she would come all that way to be at our wedding. We weren't planning on inviting anyone except our parents, unless a few close friends decide they want to come. It'll be under 10 people I think anyway. We'll have a party in England when we get back

Just a warning, Vegas is crazy expensive. My friend and I went to the club at The Venetian (TAO I think?) and one cocktail was $23. DH and I got drinks at a little stand inside The Forum (the mall at Caesar's) and it was something like $30...I got a Jack & Coke and he got something similar.

 

[AGBF]

Just a warning, Vegas is crazy expensive. My friend and I went to the club at The Venetian (TAO I think?) and one cocktail was $23. DH and I got drinks at a little stand inside The Forum (the mall at Caesar's) and it was something like $30...I got a Jack & Coke and he got something similar.

Why has that happened? Years ago my husband told me that food there (and I believe also rooms) were relatively inexpensive because the whole point was to keep people spending all their money on gambling. (But when I say he said that years ago, I mean almost 40 years ago.) I saw when I passed by another casino somewhere in the US within the past 30 or 40 years that they charged for food. I believe he said that when he went there when he was young, he wasn't even charged for a buffet. That would have been before he met me 40 years ago, probably when his aunt and uncle from Los Angeles took him there when he was in college!

 

[packrat]

My parents go to Vegas twice a year. When we went w/them in 2003, they had it all planned out which buffets we'd hit, and when. Some were like 1.99/person. Now tho, when we were in Florida a couple months ago, we were talking about going back, and they said when they were out this past fall, the buffets were running around 30/person. They said it's just been crazy how things have blown up out there. We may never be able to go back again!

 

[marymm]

Probably stating the obvious but... Gambling hasn't been the number one attraction in Las Vegas for a while now, so with less money going into casinos, pricing for other attractions including food/dining has all gone (and continues to go) up.

 

[AGBF]

Probably stating the obvious but... Gambling hasn't been the number one attraction in Las Vegas for a while now, so with less money going into casinos, pricing for other attractions including food/dining has all gone (and continues to go) up.

Thank you for stating it because it wasn't obvious to me. I know nothing about Las Vegas or gambling, by choice. I know that, with gambling, the house always wins or no one would build a casino. Therefore, I never gamble. Somehow I have always been a bit put off-if not repulsed-by casinos and Las Vegas. In my mind it is the farthest thing from a wedding that I would want. I mean, I wouldn't want to associate my wedding with Las Vegas. But then I also didn't have a "bachelorette party"...nor did i show a garter to anyone except my husband on our honeymoon. Some of these "traditions" are not traditional for me.

Deb

 

[pearaffair]

Weddings make people crazy. Sorry you have to deal with this!!

I used to agree with that sentiment, but now I think it's not quite true. I think it's more like "PEOPLE make WEDDINGS crazy."

Lol so true! Nice amendment!!

 

[monarch64]

I haven't been to Vegas for 10+ years, but as I recall, as long as you're gambling in some form (even playing slots) your drinks are typically on the house. Frequent travelers to LV often get "comp'd," meaning big discounts and freebies like hotel accomodations and food are bestowed upon them. One of the teachers at my daughter's school goes to LV multiple times a year and has mentioned to me that he never pays much more than his flights to and from cost, which are $74 each way on Allegiant Air! Vegas can certainly be done on the cheap, but you have to know the ins and outs and be a seasoned Vegas visitor, I guess. I have relatives who have also touted the "cheapness" of LV for the same reasons. The city loooooves frequent customers.

Deb, you tickle me! Lots of people marry in Vegas nowadays and the stigma has all but disappeared. When I went there back in the early 00's we did things like helicopter rides through the Grand Canyon with champagne lunches and very "classy" things. It's not the mafioso, seedy, drive-through chapel stereotype it used to be anymore.

 

[missy]

Weddings make people crazy. Sorry you have to deal with this!!

I used to agree with that sentiment, but now I think it's not quite true. I think it's more like "PEOPLE make WEDDINGS crazy."

Lol so true! Nice amendment!!

Agree completely. I have been to more wonderful weddings where all involved were generous, nice and reasonable. I have had very few experiences with "bridezillas" and the like thankfully. So yes it is the people involved that bring the crazy and not the weddings themselves. It's all on the people and weddings can be and often are joyous celebrations.

 

[LJsapphire]

Just a warning, Vegas is crazy expensive. My friend and I went to the club at The Venetian (TAO I think?) and one cocktail was $23. DH and I got drinks at a little stand inside The Forum (the mall at Caesar's) and it was something like $30...I got a Jack & Coke and he got something similar.

Thanks, I'm not much of a drinker these days, not so sure about my friend and the other ladies. We live some distance apart and both busy with work (I'm a teacher, she's a doctor) so we only see each other a few times a year with the children usually. I will warn them also

I think those prices sound quite similar to London nightclub prices - although I haven't been to London for a night out since I was in my 20s.

 

[LJsapphire]

I haven't been to Vegas for 10+ years, but as I recall, as long as you're gambling in some form (even playing slots) your drinks are typically on the house. Frequent travelers to LV often get "comp'd," meaning big discounts and freebies like hotel accomodations and food are bestowed upon them. One of the teachers at my daughter's school goes to LV multiple times a year and has mentioned to me that he never pays much more than his flights to and from cost, which are $74 each way on Allegiant Air! Vegas can certainly be done on the cheap, but you have to know the ins and outs and be a seasoned Vegas visitor, I guess. I have relatives who have also touted the "cheapness" of LV for the same reasons. The city loooooves frequent customers.

Deb, you tickle me! Lots of people marry in Vegas nowadays and the stigma has all but disappeared. When I went there back in the early 00's we did things like helicopter rides through the Grand Canyon with champagne lunches and very "classy" things. It's not the mafioso, seedy, drive-through chapel stereotype it used to be anymore.

Yes, the bride wants to do the Grand Canyon helicopter trip with lunch, and we're going to see Jersey Boys, bride & bride's mother would like to see the Chippendales, maybe a bus tour & a murder mystery event. OH and apparently the zipline

My fiancé's mum got remarried in Vegas and it was at a chapel but I'm looking at the hotels for venues because of their scenery for the photos. Then we can just start our honeymoon there and maybe go to Hawaii for a week.