Is Valentine's Day a "Hallmark holiday"?

[monarch64]

I love any "Hallmark" holiday! When we first met/started dating, my husband told me he thought birthdays and Valentine's Days were silly and not to get him anything. I was a little taken aback, but that wasn't how I rolled. I just told him those days were important to me and that I had expectations. Over the past few years since we've been together, we've figured out that we both enjoy receiving love and/or gifts on those particular days. It's worked out fine and I think it's because we communicated to each other how we felt.

This year, his band is playing on Valentine's Day AND the day after! So, instead of being a groupie, I have plans with our daughter and my family. He and I are going out on Friday. I think it worked out well. Compromise is everything!

 

[MarionC]

Found his thread by shear accident this morning [serendipity!]
Thank you Circe

 

[partgypsy]

Momhappy, just what Circe said; it's a holiday you dress up in costumes and the only obligation is either a) walking around with kids getting candy for a couple hours with other people you know, or b) hanging out at home drinking a beer and handing out candy. It's a homemade holiday, that has more to do with creativity. He likes scary movies, which are always watched around Halloween. Plus I think he has fond memories when he was a kid of Halloween. We are both from the Midwest, and it's hard to explain, people really get into Halloween. On one street my brother lived on for a while, everyone went crazy decorating their houses and they even strung pvc piping so that ghosts/witches could fly across the street. An old lady on his block would win every year for best decorated house.

 

[momhappy]

^I'm from the midwest, so I get it. I don't live there anymore, but where I live now, people are really into Halloween too (my family really gets into it).
I suppose Halloween can be creative, but for many families that I know, it's about buying a costume (not being creative and actually making one). I guess that I would have an issue if my DH got all gung-ho about some Holidays (that only matter to him), but not others.

 

[partgypsy]

We'll what's ironic, even though he is into Halloween, I still do the "work" for it. That includes me putting up the lights and decorations outside and decor inside, picking out or often making/sewing the children's outfits, buying the candy. I've often helped him get his costumes together. So much so that sometimes I'm too pooped at that point to make anything for myself, so he's the one who goes with kids trick or treating so I'm the one sitting at home handing out candy (if it's a work day I don't mind). I was getting tired of that pattern, so I told him this year a) he was responsible for his own outfit, and b) I was going to buy the kid's outfits this year versus making them and c) I was getting a costume myself and going out with the kids versus staying home! He didn't end up making a costume and I had alot of fun being able to walk around, people watch, be part of the action, etc. I think he still enjoyed handing out candy and drinking some beer, and us watching a movie afterwards (the innkeepers).

 

[MisterMadelise]

I was going to ask what March 14th, but looked it up. Haha! Be funny if they made a card for that one...
Thanks ya'll for letting me vent.

Well now...

 

[MisterMadelise]

Mother's Day now...I gave that man two amazing kids. If he can't give me a little extra appreciation for that, he can just un-appreciate himself right on out the damn door.

I like Valentines. Any reason to get flowers... I love roses and tulips!

See I tell my husband he isn't allowed to get me flowers. I jist coukd never get into them. I hate the idea of spending money on something I'm just going to watch die. If he wants to get me candy though, a gal would stay no lol.

This is how I feel about cards. $5 freaking bucks for a piece of paper that is going to get thrown away in a few days.

Why do you throw them away? You can keep cards forever, for the sentiment.

 

[Circe]

Mother's Day now...I gave that man two amazing kids. If he can't give me a little extra appreciation for that, he can just un-appreciate himself right on out the damn door.

I like Valentines. Any reason to get flowers... I love roses and tulips!

See I tell my husband he isn't allowed to get me flowers. I jist coukd never get into them. I hate the idea of spending money on something I'm just going to watch die. If he wants to get me candy though, a gal would stay no lol.

This is how I feel about cards. $5 freaking bucks for a piece of paper that is going to get thrown away in a few days.

Why do you throw them away? You can keep cards forever, for the sentiment.

I do this. I have, literally, a small suitcase full. But they're really nice to thumb through for the memories ....

 

[momhappy]

There's no way I would keep greeting cards. We have too much stuff as it is and if you have kids, it gets even worse. In the beginning, you think that you have to save every little piece of artwork they do, but after years of hoarding, you realize that much of it needs to end up in the recycling bin. The only way I would consider keeping a greeting card is if it was a photo card and I wanted to save the photo.

 

[momhappy]

We'll what's ironic, even though he is into Halloween, I still do the "work" for it. That includes me putting up the lights and decorations outside and decor inside, picking out or often making/sewing the children's outfits, buying the candy. I've often helped him get his costumes together. So much so that sometimes I'm too pooped at that point to make anything for myself, so he's the one who goes with kids trick or treating so I'm the one sitting at home handing out candy (if it's a work day I don't mind). I was getting tired of that pattern, so I told him this year a) he was responsible for his own outfit, and b) I was going to buy the kid's outfits this year versus making them and c) I was getting a costume myself and going out with the kids versus staying home! He didn't end up making a costume and I had alot of fun being able to walk around, people watch, be part of the action, etc. I think he still enjoyed handing out candy and drinking some beer, and us watching a movie afterwards (the innkeepers).

I can sympathize. I put quite a bit of work into making the kids costumes each year and if we attend an adult Halloween costume party, I go all-out and can spend weeks making costumes for DH and I. My DH on the other hand, walks the neighborhood with us to go trick-or-treating, but hits up our friends' house first, so that he can stand around with the rest of the guys and drink beer. I end up walking the trick-or-treat route while he socializes the whole time Typically, I get to relax when we get home - eating candy and watching scary movies with DH after the kiddos in bed, but this year, he even ditched me after trick-or-treating (he walked over to the neighbor's fire pit for cocktails) and I sat home alone all night

 

[partgypsy]

We'll what's ironic, even though he is into Halloween, I still do the "work" for it. That includes me putting up the lights and decorations outside and decor inside, picking out or often making/sewing the children's outfits, buying the candy. I've often helped him get his costumes together. So much so that sometimes I'm too pooped at that point to make anything for myself, so he's the one who goes with kids trick or treating so I'm the one sitting at home handing out candy (if it's a work day I don't mind). I was getting tired of that pattern, so I told him this year a) he was responsible for his own outfit, and b) I was going to buy the kid's outfits this year versus making them and c) I was getting a costume myself and going out with the kids versus staying home! He didn't end up making a costume and I had alot of fun being able to walk around, people watch, be part of the action, etc. I think he still enjoyed handing out candy and drinking some beer, and us watching a movie afterwards (the innkeepers).

I can sympathize. I put quite a bit of work into making the kids costumes each year and if we attend an adult Halloween costume party, I go all-out and can spend weeks making costumes for DH and I. My DH on the other hand, walks the neighborhood with us to go trick-or-treating, but hits up our friends' house first, so that he can stand around with the rest of the guys and drink beer. I end up walking the trick-or-treat route while he socializes the whole time Typically, I get to relax when we get home - eating candy and watching scary movies with DH after the kiddos in bed, but this year, he even ditched me after trick-or-treating (he walked over to the neighbor's fire pit for cocktails) and I sat home alone all night

Sounds like we are living similar lives! My oldest is now 12, and even does some babysitting for a job, so I think that she can finally watch our 8 y o so I don't have to be the one staying at home in these situations (which seemed to be often). I actually enjoy doing the stuff for birthays, Halloween, holidays, but it was getting a bit lopsided, so now I'm only doing what I want and not what I feel obligation for. This has reduced my resentment.

 

[Niel]

Mother's Day now...I gave that man two amazing kids. If he can't give me a little extra appreciation for that, he can just un-appreciate himself right on out the damn door.

I like Valentines. Any reason to get flowers... I love roses and tulips!

See I tell my husband he isn't allowed to get me flowers. I jist coukd never get into them. I hate the idea of spending money on something I'm just going to watch die. If he wants to get me candy though, a gal would stay no lol.

This is how I feel about cards. $5 freaking bucks for a piece of paper that is going to get thrown away in a few days.

Why do you throw them away? You can keep cards forever, for the sentiment.

Because I see no sentiment in them, typically. A nice one written by a friend for my wedding ? OK, but if its just a card with a preprinted poem and a signature that says "love grandma and grandpa".... This doesn't mean much to me.

 

[momhappy]

We'll what's ironic, even though he is into Halloween, I still do the "work" for it. That includes me putting up the lights and decorations outside and decor inside, picking out or often making/sewing the children's outfits, buying the candy. I've often helped him get his costumes together. So much so that sometimes I'm too pooped at that point to make anything for myself, so he's the one who goes with kids trick or treating so I'm the one sitting at home handing out candy (if it's a work day I don't mind). I was getting tired of that pattern, so I told him this year a) he was responsible for his own outfit, and b) I was going to buy the kid's outfits this year versus making them and c) I was getting a costume myself and going out with the kids versus staying home! He didn't end up making a costume and I had alot of fun being able to walk around, people watch, be part of the action, etc. I think he still enjoyed handing out candy and drinking some beer, and us watching a movie afterwards (the innkeepers).

I can sympathize. I put quite a bit of work into making the kids costumes each year and if we attend an adult Halloween costume party, I go all-out and can spend weeks making costumes for DH and I. My DH on the other hand, walks the neighborhood with us to go trick-or-treating, but hits up our friends' house first, so that he can stand around with the rest of the guys and drink beer. I end up walking the trick-or-treat route while he socializes the whole time Typically, I get to relax when we get home - eating candy and watching scary movies with DH after the kiddos in bed, but this year, he even ditched me after trick-or-treating (he walked over to the neighbor's fire pit for cocktails) and I sat home alone all night

Sounds like we are living similar lives! My oldest is now 12, and even does some babysitting for a job, so I think that she can finally watch our 8 y o so I don't have to be the one staying at home in these situations (which seemed to be often). I actually enjoy doing the stuff for birthays, Halloween, holidays, but it was getting a bit lopsided, so now I'm only doing what I want and not what I feel obligation for. This has reduced my resentment.

Um, yeah…. for me, no sitter = I. Stay. Home.

 

[lambskin]

I would be mad if my husband bought flowers or chocolates at the inflated holiday prices. We both think cards are a waste. Throughout the year he buys me 'just because' flowers and I buy him really good fudge. Since we had our girls, (now ages 11 and 12) I make sure that there is a basket of goodies-from their dad. I found pink sparkle baskets on the reduced rack years ago and fill them with a pair of pajamas, a bottle of body wash or lotion and a piece of decadent fudge. Daddy gets a basket too with fudge and a boutique six pack of beer. All are wrapped. The fudge is from a nice candy store (Fannie May) and the price is not marked up for the holiday. We take pictures of the baskets and the girls every year. One thing that I think is cool, when I was in college some girls' fathers sent them flowers or gift baskets to the dorm. Made the holiday tolerable for the girls who did not have boyfriends.

 

[ponder]

Mother's Day now...I gave that man two amazing kids. If he can't give me a little extra appreciation for that, he can just un-appreciate himself right on out the damn door.

I like Valentines. Any reason to get flowers... I love roses and tulips!

See I tell my husband he isn't allowed to get me flowers. I jist coukd never get into them. I hate the idea of spending money on something I'm just going to watch die. If he wants to get me candy though, a gal would stay no lol.

This is how I feel about cards. $5 freaking bucks for a piece of paper that is going to get thrown away in a few days.

Why do you throw them away? You can keep cards forever, for the sentiment.

I'm just not wired that way. I am completely unsentimental. I own about 10 items that I am emotionally attached to, mainly stuff I have that once belonged to deceased loved ones. If I lost my ering tomorrow, I wouldn't shed a tear. I am a regular purger of "stuff" and cards fall in that category.

 

[Rhea]

We don't celebrate but we're generally not great at holidays. I used to try and then realised it was just me so gave up. If we both put a bit of effort into it I think it'd be okay, but I don't want to do something myself and don't care enough about them to make holidays the thing I need in the relationship. If I cared and pushed it DH would do it. I pushed for Thanksgiving and got that. But Valentine's Day? Whatever.

I do think it's pretty crappy if you like something and want to celebrate and your partner doesn't consider your feelings. All these holidays are real, not just hallmark holidays, if they matter to you.

 

[chrono]

DH and I do not celebrate anything other than birthdays. We do not celebrate any anniversaries, V-Day, or anything else.
Mothers Day is by the children to the mother, not by the husband to the wife. The same goes for Fathers Day.
I do not like flowers (they wilt and die) as they are a waste of money.
I do not like cards as they are thrown away and are a waste of money.

We see eye-to-eye on the above so it works for us. In your case, it doesn't so unless you have a heart to heart with him on it, he will not understand its importance to you.

 

[momhappy]

^Mother's/Father's day is simply a celebration of motherhood/fatherhood. My understanding of it is not that it is only celebrated by the children to the mother/father. I acknowledge (and celebrate) my husband on Father's Day for being such a great dad and he does the same for me. We both know how much work goes into being a parent, so it's well-deserved. How do others celebrate Mother's/Father's Day? Is it only from the children to the mother/father or do you acknowledge/celebrate your spouse in some way on Mother's/Father's Day?

 

[JanesJewels]

My husband wouldn't dream of doing anything for me on Valentine's Day. I don't get wedding anniversary cards either. You're not alone, part_gypsy.

 

[woofmama]

I'm a fan of celebrating all holidays & so is DH. We don't do anything big for V-Day, exchange cards, I better get flowers I try to buy him something every year, even if small. Usually chocolate, or a CD I know he would enjoy. We were planning on a nice dinner out tomorrow but it going to be really cold (-5) so we might just stay home. I have saved every card from him & the kids, I love to look through them. DH saves them all as well. We're a couple of sentimental fools, but it makes us happy.

Rosebloom so very sweet that you mentioned me & our friendship, I feel the same, you're a wonderful woman & a dear friend

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

My husband is not too big on Valentine's day.. he always remembers to buy a card (write a sweet poem or message in it) and a thoughtful gift.. but we don't go all out. I think perhaps reading The 5 love Languages may help your husband understand a little bit more about how you like to receive love?

 

[monarch64]

I love any "Hallmark" holiday! When we first met/started dating, my husband told me he thought birthdays and Valentine's Days were silly and not to get him anything. I was a little taken aback, but that wasn't how I rolled. I just told him those days were important to me and that I had expectations. Over the past few years since we've been together, we've figured out that we both enjoy receiving love and/or gifts on those particular days. It's worked out fine and I think it's because we communicated to each other how we felt.

This year, his band is playing on Valentine's Day AND the day after! So, instead of being a groupie, I have plans with our daughter and my family. He and I are going out on Friday. I think it worked out well. Compromise is everything!

My post stands...

We had a wonderful date tonight. I came home from 'work' and was greeted with two wine glasses, a bottle of Cab, on top of a homemade Valentine from our daughter. A sitter was not far behind (10 minutes later) so we could both get ready!

We had a nice meal at a chain restaurant (my choice) and then danced the night away at a local club!

I won't reveal what we did in between.

Hallmark Holiday? Not for us.

TL;DR version here:

I've talked about what Valentine's Day has meant to me several times over the years on PS. I always tell the story that my dear father has given me a box of chocolates and personally signed card every year. It's just our thing. Years back, the boxes of chocolates came with dolls attached, or, if they didn't, he would give me jewelry. So, Valentine's Day for me has always been a VERY special day, and one I'll never neglect. Tomorrow I'll give my almost 3 year old a special outfit, candy, brownies, cookies, and all the love I can muster because we actually get to spend the day together. I cannot WAIT!!! I'm like a kid on Christmas Eve...I want to go wake her up!

 

[dk168]

On my own tonight, and I shall watch one of the most romantic film of all time: Roman Holiday starring Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck, while cuddling up to the cat and dog.

I could have gone to a function involving chill out music and dance, however, being single going out on 14 Feb mingling with other singletons and doe-eyed couples left me stone cold in the past, and it is not an experience that I would like to repeat.

To all the romantics at heart with a special someone in your lives, enjoy your Valentine's Day to the full.

DK

 

[Jennifer W]

I'm not a romantic or particularly sentimental person. Holidays don't really mean much to me. I don't dislike them, or want to spoil anyone else's enjoyment in them, but I don't typically 'feel' anything for them. Other than religious holidays specific to my faith, and personal celebrations such as birthdays and our wedding anniversary, celebrating holidays / 'days' feels a bit false to me personally. I am also of the firm belief that I should be more or less worshipped by my spouse every freaking day of the year. He's doing great so far.

All that said, I do enjoy marking the events in small ways, because it feels a bit odd to ignore them - our daughter and my husband brought some valentines cupcakes home from their trip to the store, and we had them after breakfast. We have some flowers in the house, for all three of us to enjoy (we all like flowers). Mother's / father's day is the same. We typically mark it with a small token, rather than ignore completely. We're on the same page, so it works fine for us.

What I'm never going to be on board with is anything where a burden falls on me - if the family decide to dress up for halloween / decorate or do anything particular for any other holiday, that's great - I'll help. But I won't take responsibility for it, you need to pitch in or you will be disappointed (I'm trying to pass this off as a life lesson, rather than a manifestation of my mile-wide lazy streak.... )

As I said though, I'd never try to spoil someone else's love of a holiday celebration. If it makes you happy, I hope you celebrate the heck out of it and have a fantastic day.

 

[missy]

Re: Is Valentine's Day a

I feel like I repost this almost every year, but I also continue to think it is AWESOME, so first I will repost it, and then I will provide my own perspective below. Essay by author Cat Valente , copied from a post to her blog lo these many years ago:

"I have never understood the desire to stomp all over Valentine's Day and snuff it out. Every year I look over my friends' list and it's a litany of "This is a fake Hallmark holiday and no one should celebrate it" and "I hate this day, who's with me?" and my personal favorite guilt trip: "If you REALLY loved your partner, you'd treat them specially every day."

I don't get it. I don't understand the fervor to destroy a holiday. To force others to see it through the same black glasses. To shame anyone who celebrates the 14th with anything other than bile, vitriol, and the occasional superior sneer.

I know that most of us were shunned on Valentine's Day in school. Believe me, my little cubby was empty, just like yours, and I yearned for a construction paper heart from boy after boy--and never got them. I understand that there is a history of trauma, and the standard geek reaction to past trauma is to organize the world so that there is no chance of that trauma re-occurring. Thus, Valentine's Day must be killed.

But here's the thing. This world is a beautiful place, but it is also often dark, and cold, and unfeeling, and life slips by, not because it is short, but because it is so difficult to hold onto. Holidays, rituals, these things demarcate the time. They remind us of the sharpness of pleasure and the nearness of death. They tell us when the sun leaves, and when it comes back. They tell us to dance and they tell us to sleep. They tell us who we are, who we have been since we lived on the savannah and hoped to taste cheetah before we died. I know we're all punk rock rebels, but the paleolithic joy of ****ing in the fields and dancing around a fire doesn't go away just because certain of us would like to think we're beyond that. This world needs more holidays, not less. More ritual, the gorgeous, flexible, non-dogmatic kind that isn't about religion but about ecstasy in the sheer humanness of our bodies and souls. More chances to reach out, to sing, to love, to bedeck ourselves in ritual colors and become splendid as the year turns around.

And no, I'm sorry. It doesn't work to say "make every day special." First of all, most of you know damn well that you don't shower your partner with gifts and adoration and that most precious of things: dedicated, mindful time every day of the year. Even the best relationship is not a 24/7 orgiastic festival of plenty and perfect moments. No human can sustain it. If every day is special, none of them are. If every day is special, specialness becomes monotony. What makes days special is the time between, the anticipation of a the day, the planning, the surprises, coming together, cooking, playing, reveling in sheer time, watching the dedicated colors and rituals that wire our brain for pleasure spring up in the world to remind us that we live in it. The entire purpose of holidays is that they are a kind of otherworld we step into, full of special symbols, that informs and shapes everyday life--and some of life, no matter how some bloggers would like to deny it in their Grinchitude, is always everyday.

We celebrate the harvest. We celebrate the spring. We celebrate birthdays and death-days and the beginning of the year and the end of the year. We celebrate our parents and labor and Presidents. What in the world is so terribly wrong with celebrating love? I know not all of us have partners, but it is a rare soul who is without love of any kind. What kind of shrunken, sour heart does it take to insist that everyone else stop delighting in ritual and love? So few of us post about the magic of holidays--I think they're ashamed to. It's not cool to take unabashed pleasure in the silly and the soft-hearted.

As for the commercialism of it--well. It is commercial. So is every holiday, yet somehow we don't stomp all over Easter the way we tar and feather Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is no more a fake holiday than any other. If I hear someone call it a Hallmark holiday I'm actually going to scream. I'm only going to say this once:

Valentine's Day, boys and girls, entered the Western mind in Chaucer's Parlement of Foules, fully-realized as a day to celebrate love via an obscure saint, with red hearts and everything. Yes, celebrated in an allegorical bird-nation, but guess what? That makes it even more awesome. I will take a holiday my buddy Geoff invented over almost any other. If I had my way, we'd start exchanging bird-themed gifts and ditch Cupid.

This is a great holiday. It's pure physical, sensual pleasure, divorced from any dogma at this point. Saint whatever. Pass the sex and food.

And as a medieval holiday, it has quite a long pedigree, thank you very much, even if you don't count in the Lupercalia (which you really shouldn't, unless wolf skins play a large part in your personal celebrations. If so, more power to you). The fact is, some human made up every single holiday there is. They're ALL fake. No one is more real or authentic than any other. At least this one was invented by a broke poet instead of a bunch of sex-starved priests. We live in a postmodern world--everything is what we make it. If Hallmark wants to force mainstream kids to buy jewelry they can't afford, they're more than welcome. I don't have to care about that, or take part in it. But I also don't have to get up on a soapbox and crush their joy in it. I know better. I know this day is an act of literature made flesh. But their world is not less valid for being Geoff-less.

And more than Geoff--think about it for a second. In the midst of winter, we are encouraged to come together and have sex (let's not be coy.) To escape the snow and ice in each others' bodies. The colors are red and rose and white--the colors of fire in the winter, of blood, of flesh, survival even in the barren times. We exchange hearts, the very vital core of our bodies. It is the last holiday before spring, to remind us that the fertile world will come again, with flowers and sweetness and love. Even surrounded by death, by blood on the snow, be it St. Valentine's blood or your own, life will win out. The traditional food is chocolate--which can be preserved through the winter and does not rot, full of sugar and fat which keep our bodies going through lean times. This holiday is as old as time: o world, even in the freezing storm, come together, make love, make children, feast, smile, and know the sun is coming soon.

Seriously, you have to stop trying to take that away. If you remove ritual from the world, you leave it greyer, and sadder, and all you have in its place is the triumph of having ruined something another person loved, which is a shallow and bitter triumph indeed. Get down off the soapbox, have a little chocolate, look out at the melting snow, and say something kind to someone you love. To be human is to take part in ritual, to demarcate the time with feasting and song and vestments and ecstasy. Life slips by, so very fast. Spend it in the practice of joy, not the destruction of it.

Happy Valentine's Day. Geoff bless us. Every one."

Thank you for sharing this Circe. LOVE it and I agree. Life can be challenging and unpleasant and any reason to celebrate and share love and happiness is a good reason. YAY for holidays and for making them special in whatever way that is for each individual (or couple or family).

And Happy Valentine's Day 2015 to everyone here.

 

[packrat]

Jennifer, I feel that way about Christmas. We decorated a tree together for our first two Christmases together or so...after that it became "my" job to do the tree and decorate the house. I did it for a couple years and then that was the end of it. I got tired of harping-get the tree down for me, will you please bring me the tree, is the tree in the attic can you get it down for me please. One year he finally got it out on Christmas Eve-b/c yeah I'm totally on board w/spending 2 hours on my Christmas Eve decorating the tree by myself or griping to get help w/it-hello, it's Christmas? (not to mention getting to be the lucky duck who takes everything down again all by herself) So this year it didn't get put up. The kids were broken hearted and I just shrugged my shoulders.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

My husband is an incurable romantic and I have been trying to get him to STOP celebrating for 33 freakin years already, It's simple--my very best and dearest friend Bess died a painful and horrible death from cancer on that date and I cannot see that date as anything other than solemn . I don't want flowers, candy, perfume of anything that I feel detracts from that. Hallmark can jut miss me with their expensive and trite cards.

We do, however, as HUGE Odd Couple fans celebrate Nov. 13the date which Felix Unger's wife asked him to remove himself from their place of residence {thus he moves in with Oscar Madison and 7 years of pure comedy!}. That will NEVER get old.