Reasons why I'm glad I'm the age I am.

[Gypsy]

So I have my fortieth birthday off on the horizon (next year, turning 39 this year) and I was reflecting today how much I am enjoying my 30's.

I enjoyed my 20's too. Don't get me wrong. But my thirties have been much more rewarding personally. I'm so much more comfortable in my own skin. And so much less concerned about what other people are doing. And I just feel like I am better person.

I've just learned so many things I wasn't mature enough to understand when I was younger.

One of the things I've learned is the value of connection. I talk to people all day long. But there are a select few that I really connect with. Sometimes that connection is immediate, and sometimes it takes time to form. And sometimes I WANT there to be a connection, but there just isn't.

I think when I was younger, I was so worried about people liking me, I never really stopped to consider if I liked THEM. If they were people that enriched my life, rather than just cluttering it up.

In my thirties I've really found some amazing friends. I've learned what *I* need out of friendships. And am learning all the time about how to be a better friend myself. A better spouse. A better employee. But also... what qualities to look for in my friends, in my employers and coworkers. And how to show the people in my life that I appreciate them.

So... if you read through that stream of consciousness, I applaud you. And I'm hoping you'll share with me why YOU are happy with where you are in your life (age wise) and what lessons you've learned.

 

[AGBF]

Happy Birthday, Gyps? When is it? I enjoyed your posting, but got interested in when the actual day was.

Deb

 

[missy]

Gypsy, excellent post. And I agree completely for all the reasons you stated. I am 10 years older than you but it still applies.

As I have gotten older a bit of wisdom has somehow managed to get in to my brain haha.

I have stopped worrying what others think of me (not entirely but in a much more reasonable way) and instead I think are they good for me and do they enrich my life and are they worthy of my love and friendship time and energy. I learned that I don't want to put more energy into any relationship than the other person is willing to put in as well. It truly takes two to tango and to make a healthy and rewarding relationship.

And I agree you cannot force a connection but some of the most rewarding relationships are ones that grew over time. And then there are some that started off effortlessly. I have learned never to dismiss someone with preconceived notions and never ever judge a book by its cover. That sometimes (much of the time) it takes more than a short while to really know someone and it is often worth that time.

I have learned how to be a better friend and spouse and also learned what I need from others and what is really not very important at all. Which battles are worth fighting and which ones are better to walk away from and cut your losses. Not to sweat the small stuff and it is almost all small stuff when you get right down to it. Your health and your loved ones health is everything and I truly mean that. Money and things do NOT matter. As long as you have enough to keep food on the table and a roof over your head and you have good health you can survive anything.

I have become incredibly comfortable in my own body (current situation notwithstanding LOL because physical comfort is very elusive right now and well mental comfort is suffering a bit) and much less self critical. I am kinder to myself in the way that I had only been to others in the past while being so much harder on myself. No longer. I am as kind and gentle to myself as I am to others. Isn't it funny how difficult that can be but so very worth it. I wish everyone would be less critical of themselves because we only have one life to live and we should make the most of it and that starts with loving who we are before we can really love others and enjoy life to the fullest.

Thank you for starting this thread. I am looking forward to reading about some of the hard earned lessons PSers have to share.

 

[Gypsy]

AGBF it's September 2nd AND I have the day off and we'll be on a (short) vacation. So I am rather excited about it.

Missy, what a fabulous post! I am still learning to be kind to myself. I am also learning how to be more empathetic toward others (still a work in progress). I was raised by a narcissist so empathy is something I REALLY have to work at sometimes. But at least now I KNOW what my challenges are, I've identify them, and I know that is something I am getting better with. It's a nice feeling, especially for a control freak.

I really loved your post. It made me feel like I know you better now. And I DO hope you get some physical comfort sooner rather than later!

This part of your post really resonated with me: " I learned that I don't want to put more energy into any relationship than the other person is willing to put in as well. It truly takes two to tango and to make a healthy and rewarding relationship."

Thank you for enriching this thread with your personal wisdom. I really appreciate it.

 

[missy]

Thank you Gypsy on all counts. I really appreciate it. And thank you for starting this thread. I am confident we are going to learn a lot from it and looking forward to reading PSers thoughts and advice.

And the part about not putting more energy into relationships than you get back was a hard learned lesson. It took time for me to realize the importance of this and occasionally can still be a struggle especially because my dh has a more generous nature and we don't always see eye to eye regarding this issue and certain friendships. I really hate to see anyone taken advantage of but have also learned that sometimes you just have to let the adults you love make their own decisions whether or not you agree with them.

 

[AprilBaby]

My fifty's are great! The kids are grown, my money is mine, I don't care what others think but do what I want. I value my long term friends, I'm chill at work. I'm over menopause. I'm having a grandchild. I eat a donut if I feel like it . My house is paid off. Other than my joints falling apart, life is good!

 

[Kaleigh]

Gypsy,
Happy early birthday... I can tell you when I turned 40 it was awesome... I knew more about myself... Was able to say heck no... I don't want to do this and that... Cherished my family, close friends Have a beautiful album of the surprise party.... How that happened is beyond me. I know everything...

ONE pic I love is with great friend from highschool , who lost his battle to ALS. I found out just after my birthday... He knew but didn't want to ruin my day...

I think going on 50, I am so very happy for the great friends I have. Each day I thank god my kids are doing well...

And today marks the day I brought Charlie girl home.....

YOU are blessed!!! ENJOY!!!!

 

[Sky56]

That is good to hear. If you stay in good health, it only gets better. I am in my late 50's and each year seems better than the one before. With age, wisdom is gained. By this late in the game, you really know your likes and dislikes. You're less worried about what other people think, and time is used to do what makes you happy. Awareness of mortality makes every moment seem even more precious.

 

[missy]

I hope it is OK to add to this thread as things pop into my head as they occasionally do lol. Sleep deprivation makes thinking clearly challenging at times.

Live in the moment. This has been especially challenging for me but if you do not enjoy the here and now you are wasting precious time. Enjoy the journey because ultimately it is the journey that counts.

Also, being happy is mainly within your control and no one else's. The saying about making a hell of heaven or heaven of hell is true. Very true. Or more precisely:

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..”

― John Milton, Paradise Lost

It is (for the most part) within your control.

 

[momhappy]

Enjoy your upcoming birthday, gypsy
I already passed my 40th and these days, I must admit, it's difficult to not focus on the physical aspects of getting older. I want my 20-something body/face with my 40-something mind