How much 'honestly' do you drink?
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Missy, Dreamer and House Cat, thank you for your replies.
Missy, it's great that your DH was open to gentle persuasion and was able to see make the changes.
Dreamer, I am truly concerned about his physical well-being. DH does not get drunk, as I've mentioned; and his drinking does not affect his mood, behaviour or how he acts towards me or others for that matter. He's able to function as per normal. He's good at his job, gets on well with his bosses and colleagues; and his friends love him, as do his mom and sisters. We don't own a car anymore; and when we did, he wouldn't take the car if he knew he was going to drink and would take a taxi home instead. I don't "enable" his drinking. He buys most of the booze in our house and finds his drinks refreshing (and I quote him "I work so hard, I should be able to have a drink or two
") and also he drinks more on social occasions because the people whom he hangs out with tend to drink a lot.
His drinking only affects me in the sense that I am concerned he may end up getting liver cirrhosis, or a stroke or a heart attack or some form of cancer etc,
I've said nothing to him for years (for fear I may appear to be nagging or controlling or trying to "manage" his behaviour somehow; though he knows generally speaking I am against too much boozing and incidentally am very anti-smoking) and have myself made the conscious effect of cutting down on my own drinking. At one time, I too was drinking 3-4 times a day, every day, for about a year. But I "woke up" and realised that I was harming myself. So I cut it down to 1-2 drinks per day (my average now is 1 drink a day and sometimes I go for days without). And as stated in my first post, I went through a period of 6 months whereby I drank nothing at all. I also took up running the mini-marathons. I did all these, obviously for myself; but in the hope it might also inspire DH into doing similar things. Alas, although he has taken up more exercise (which has however tapered out a bit these last couple of months), he doesn't really seem to care too much about how much alcohol he consumes. What I have said, it was mainly along the line of having too many drinks is harmful to one's health (I talked in the abstract mainly), but he countered it by saying he's found articles that say having a couple of drinks a day is actually beneficial for one's health, to which I rolled my eyes and grumbled "a COUPLE of drinks?! " and basically just left it at that. I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually said this to him.
What is worth nothing is that about 5 months ago, I had a total physical examination and found out that I had borderline high cholesterol (hereditary for me unfortunately). So that jolted me into even more healthy eating and more exercising, which seem to be helping. So I as casually as possible mentioned to him that he should take a physical too, or at the very least have his liver tested. He's promised me for the last five months to have his test(s) done and thus far, nothing; hence my frustration!!
Missy, it's great that your DH was open to gentle persuasion and was able to see make the changes.
Dreamer, I am truly concerned about his physical well-being. DH does not get drunk, as I've mentioned; and his drinking does not affect his mood, behaviour or how he acts towards me or others for that matter. He's able to function as per normal. He's good at his job, gets on well with his bosses and colleagues; and his friends love him, as do his mom and sisters. We don't own a car anymore; and when we did, he wouldn't take the car if he knew he was going to drink and would take a taxi home instead. I don't "enable" his drinking. He buys most of the booze in our house and finds his drinks refreshing (and I quote him "I work so hard, I should be able to have a drink or two
") and also he drinks more on social occasions because the people whom he hangs out with tend to drink a lot.His drinking only affects me in the sense that I am concerned he may end up getting liver cirrhosis, or a stroke or a heart attack or some form of cancer etc,
I've said nothing to him for years (for fear I may appear to be nagging or controlling or trying to "manage" his behaviour somehow; though he knows generally speaking I am against too much boozing and incidentally am very anti-smoking) and have myself made the conscious effect of cutting down on my own drinking. At one time, I too was drinking 3-4 times a day, every day, for about a year. But I "woke up" and realised that I was harming myself. So I cut it down to 1-2 drinks per day (my average now is 1 drink a day and sometimes I go for days without). And as stated in my first post, I went through a period of 6 months whereby I drank nothing at all. I also took up running the mini-marathons. I did all these, obviously for myself; but in the hope it might also inspire DH into doing similar things. Alas, although he has taken up more exercise (which has however tapered out a bit these last couple of months), he doesn't really seem to care too much about how much alcohol he consumes. What I have said, it was mainly along the line of having too many drinks is harmful to one's health (I talked in the abstract mainly), but he countered it by saying he's found articles that say having a couple of drinks a day is actually beneficial for one's health, to which I rolled my eyes and grumbled "a COUPLE of drinks?!
" and basically just left it at that. I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually said this to him.What is worth nothing is that about 5 months ago, I had a total physical examination and found out that I had borderline high cholesterol (hereditary for me unfortunately). So that jolted me into even more healthy eating and more exercising, which seem to be helping. So I as casually as possible mentioned to him that he should take a physical too, or at the very least have his liver tested. He's promised me for the last five months to have his test(s) done and thus far, nothing; hence my frustration!!
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Don't apologize, Phoenix. I'm following your issues with interest & some sadness. I cannot offer any advice as it seems to me you have made all the right noises. He is a grown man & if he is anything like my husband, the more I ask him to change something or do / don't do something, the more he frustratingly pushes in the opposite direction 
Do you have children? My husband used my first pregnancy as a great motivator to stop smoking because he knew I hated it (even though he always smoked outside) but also for his first child shortly coming into the world. It motivated him to give up & we're 5 years on from that now.
I think the physical is a really good idea. Drop the talking about drink & raise it in a general way. Offer to make his appointment. You know they'll do a full blood work so anything worrying would flag. But that's all I can offer as I have never been in your shoes about this one. And good luck. It is obviously really concerning you & therefore he really needs to listen. Hugs
Do you have children? My husband used my first pregnancy as a great motivator to stop smoking because he knew I hated it (even though he always smoked outside) but also for his first child shortly coming into the world. It motivated him to give up & we're 5 years on from that now.
I think the physical is a really good idea. Drop the talking about drink & raise it in a general way. Offer to make his appointment. You know they'll do a full blood work so anything worrying would flag. But that's all I can offer as I have never been in your shoes about this one. And good luck. It is obviously really concerning you & therefore he really needs to listen. Hugs
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Phoenix, I just spoke with my dh about this very topic and the cigar smoking too and he said what finally clicked with him (with the cigar smoking) was when I explained that you just don't always know what can trigger cancer. All it takes is one trigger to turn on the cancer gene so why tempt fate? You cannot control everything of course but you can certainly be smart and not encourage a problem.
As far as the alcohol is concerned he still can drink too much IMO so it's not like I changed his habits radically. I did not. The main change was that he no longer smokes cigars and that was a relief for me. The other change is that he applies sunscreen much more often (another relief) though ironically after he started doing this he was diagnosed with melanoma of the skin but that's another topic.
As far as the alcohol is concerned he no longer drinks as much at social gatherings (where most of his friends drink way too much) and he limits his after work cocktails to 2 (though I would like to see that down to 1 but as long as his health remains good and blood tests are all good there is not much change I am expecting here and that's OK). He also skips one day a week due to my request to give his liver a rest. To abstain from alcohol one day a week isn't too much to ask for is it?
I just wanted to say it is possible to make at least small changes in less than healthy habits with the support and help of our spouses/SO's. So while I agree in general with those who said the other person has to want to change and do it for themselves I also know that it is possible to encourage and facilitate that change. I hear you on the not wanting to nag issue but sometimes the pure repetition of what you are concerned about and why you want the habit to change for the better can take hold. Men are slower than women in general when it comes to these things (sorry guys but as a general rule that is true IMO). These changes certainly did not happen overnight but over time they did and my said it was due to my consistent and unwavering concern for his health. And my dh is far from a pushover. He is his own person. But I was always careful not to "tell" him what to do but instead explained to him the reasoning and what I would like to see happen for his being proactive for his good health.
Of course, in the end, you can only do the best you can do. And if your dh is stubborn and just refuses to see the possible ramifications of his behavior on his health than you just have to wait. Eventually, bad habits will often catch up with us and hopefully the physician will be able to catch any ill effects in time and that may just be enough for your dh to realize the harm he may be doing to himself. Not to mention the harm he may be doing to you due to emotional stress over caring about his health. At least for me that's what happens as I am a worrier and very concerned about my dh's health since we have had a number of health scares. My dh truly is my world and if anything ever happens to him g-d forbid I could not imagine how I would go on-sorry for the morbid sidetrack but just being honest.
So definitely continue to push for the physical because then you can see how he is doing health wise and then also your physician can chime in and support what you have been telling him about overdoing alcohol consumption. Good luck Phoenix-I really understand how you are feeling and sending you hugs across the miles.
As far as the alcohol is concerned he still can drink too much IMO so it's not like I changed his habits radically. I did not. The main change was that he no longer smokes cigars and that was a relief for me. The other change is that he applies sunscreen much more often (another relief) though ironically after he started doing this he was diagnosed with melanoma of the skin but that's another topic.
As far as the alcohol is concerned he no longer drinks as much at social gatherings (where most of his friends drink way too much) and he limits his after work cocktails to 2 (though I would like to see that down to 1 but as long as his health remains good and blood tests are all good there is not much change I am expecting here and that's OK). He also skips one day a week due to my request to give his liver a rest. To abstain from alcohol one day a week isn't too much to ask for is it?
I just wanted to say it is possible to make at least small changes in less than healthy habits with the support and help of our spouses/SO's. So while I agree in general with those who said the other person has to want to change and do it for themselves I also know that it is possible to encourage and facilitate that change. I hear you on the not wanting to nag issue but sometimes the pure repetition of what you are concerned about and why you want the habit to change for the better can take hold. Men are slower than women in general when it comes to these things (sorry guys but as a general rule that is true IMO). These changes certainly did not happen overnight but over time they did and my said it was due to my consistent and unwavering concern for his health. And my dh is far from a pushover. He is his own person. But I was always careful not to "tell" him what to do but instead explained to him the reasoning and what I would like to see happen for his being proactive for his good health.
Of course, in the end, you can only do the best you can do. And if your dh is stubborn and just refuses to see the possible ramifications of his behavior on his health than you just have to wait. Eventually, bad habits will often catch up with us and hopefully the physician will be able to catch any ill effects in time and that may just be enough for your dh to realize the harm he may be doing to himself. Not to mention the harm he may be doing to you due to emotional stress over caring about his health. At least for me that's what happens as I am a worrier and very concerned about my dh's health since we have had a number of health scares. My dh truly is my world and if anything ever happens to him g-d forbid I could not imagine how I would go on-sorry for the morbid sidetrack but just being honest.
So definitely continue to push for the physical because then you can see how he is doing health wise and then also your physician can chime in and support what you have been telling him about overdoing alcohol consumption. Good luck Phoenix-I really understand how you are feeling and sending you hugs across the miles.
rubybeth
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Until a couple months ago, I would have one beer or a glass of white wine just about every night. I drink lighter beers like Hoegaarden, Stella Artois, Corona, etc. I like my lemon with a little beer in it. But a couple months ago, DH and I made a deal not to buy any beer until 'summer,' in order to be thrifty and lose the calories. Summer was quite delayed in Minnesota this year, so we have extended that to July 4. We'll see what happens after that, might go down to 2-3 nights per week.
But a couple months ago, DH and I made a deal not to buy any beer until 'summer,' in order to be thrifty and lose the calories. Summer was quite delayed in Minnesota this year, so we have extended that to July 4. We'll see what happens after that, might go down to 2-3 nights per week.Honestly? Not very much. I probably have 1-2 glasses of wine/cocktail/beer with dinner once a month..when I do its when I am going out and the kids are not around, like a girls night or a date.
I was formerly married to an alcoholic, so I am borderline teetotaler most of the time, and I am super conscientious of the drinking of myself and people around me.
I was formerly married to an alcoholic, so I am borderline teetotaler most of the time, and I am super conscientious of the drinking of myself and people around me.
AudiLover
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I will have a beer, glass of wine, or a cocktail in the evenings maybe 3-5 times a week. With that said, last time I got drunk was in November at my bachelorette party in Las Vegas. Before that it was after my friend passed away in 2010. So even though I drink pretty regularly I RARELY get drunk.
Tacori E-ring
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I am a substance abuse counselor so seeing the dark side of addiction makes it difficult to drink too much. Alcohol is the most dangerous drug IMHO. Physically it increases your chances of MANY cancers including breast, ovarian, stomach, throat. I have witnessed "wet brain" which is one of the saddest things. That and over the years I realized that my body does not metabolize alcohol properly. I get hangovers VERY easily and don't like the taste of most alcohol. So that kinda makes drinking pointless for me. I probably drink 2-4 margaritas a year because it is one of the only drinks I like.
Heavy drinking for women is 7+ drinks/weekly, men is 14+. Binge drinking for women is 4 drinks in one sitting. For men it is 5. Proper serving size for beer is 12 oz, liquor is 1.5 oz, wine 4-5 oz. Most people do not know this.
I agree with other posters that people don't change ANYTHING about themselves, let alone giving up a reliable coping tool, unless they are ready. That goes for any potential harmful substance or behavior.
Heavy drinking for women is 7+ drinks/weekly, men is 14+. Binge drinking for women is 4 drinks in one sitting. For men it is 5. Proper serving size for beer is 12 oz, liquor is 1.5 oz, wine 4-5 oz. Most people do not know this.
I agree with other posters that people don't change ANYTHING about themselves, let alone giving up a reliable coping tool, unless they are ready. That goes for any potential harmful substance or behavior.
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I have an occasional glass of wine, but having had a father that drank too much (although he functioned fine at his job and never drank on Sundays), I was always cautious about the hereditary aspect of addiction. I almost never drank when my children were younger and I do not drink often around them now. I also do not care for the extra calories!
shihtzulover
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I drink very rarely, definitely less than one drink per month on average. DH never drinks, except sometimes when he is on business trips, and even then he can usually only stand a few sips. We don't really enjoy the taste of alcohol, and it just doesn't appeal to us much. Once, we went to the ABC store and bought some different types to try and we sampled them, but then they ended up just sitting there until we eventually threw them away.
minidancer
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Lol at Dee*Jay's answer. I'll cheers to that! 
I go through phases of more or less.
Lately, I've been having a glass of wine or a beer 1-3 weeknights, and then 2-4 on a weekend. On the weekends I'm more likely to have a delicious cocktail, but it really just depends.
I go through phases of more or less.
Lately, I've been having a glass of wine or a beer 1-3 weeknights, and then 2-4 on a weekend. On the weekends I'm more likely to have a delicious cocktail, but it really just depends.
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I don't think I drink too much, maybe once every other week to once a month and I don't drink beer or hard liquor. I will usually enjoy a cocktail type drink if I go out with my friends but if it is too strong, I will actually ask them to water it down or even ask for something different.
I don't like the feeling I get from too much alcohol and I am really afraid of drunk driving and being in a car accident.
The few times where I have had more than two drinks, I will arrange for someone to pick me up or just stay overnight at a hotel or friends house.
Drinking occasional is fine, you just have to be smart about.
I don't like the feeling I get from too much alcohol and I am really afraid of drunk driving and being in a car accident.
The few times where I have had more than two drinks, I will arrange for someone to pick me up or just stay overnight at a hotel or friends house.
Drinking occasional is fine, you just have to be smart about.
Typically, I might have a cocktail on a random week night (especially in the summer when I can have a summer-y drink like a mojito with mint from my own garden). On a a Friday or Saturday night (usually one night and not both), I might have two drinks. Sometimes I push it to three and I FULLY regret it the next day. I have learned that any more than two cocktails (of any kind of alcohol), leads to awful hangovers that make me feel dreadful for the entire day afterwards. I have tried every kind of hangover "cure" known to man, drinking lots of water, etc. and nothing really matters. My latest "cure" is to drink a glass of Clamato juice and eat handfuls of raw spinach before going to bed. It seems to lessen the severity of the hangover, but it's still there if I've overindulged. No fair
Tacori E-ring
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I drink very rarely. Maybe 4 drinks (servings) a year. I have many reasons for this. The major is despite popular belief alcohol is just not good for you. Any health benefits become health risks after .5-1 *serving* a week. Moderate to heavy drinking (7+ servings for a woman a week is considered heavy drinking) increases the risk for many different cancers. Breast cancer (for example) is about 50% higher for moderate+ female drinkers. Now that I work in a transplant center it has basically turned me off of drinking all together. Liver failure is beyond frightening.
ETA: Opps, didn't realize this was an old thread and I already replied.
ETA: Opps, didn't realize this was an old thread and I already replied.
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I might have a glass of wine once per week and I'll absolutely have a 1 or 2 cocktails if it's date night or girl's night, but I've never actually been drunk. I like being in control too much to get drunk.
DH has never had a drop of alcohol in his life. He says he just has no interest.
DH has never had a drop of alcohol in his life. He says he just has no interest.
packrat
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The last time I drank was...back in October I think. A coworker and another coworker and her husband came over and we got tipsy. Then before that, last summer one of my class mates came back for a few days so we went out to his folks' place and had some drinks. Before that it had been a year or two. So maybe once or twice a year if you average it out haha. Never to the drunk point-it's been a good 10 years for that.
jaysonsmom
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Dh and I share 1 bottle of wine a week, so 2 glasses for each of us. Dh also has a beer almost every day....I take occasional sips here and there, but I think in total <1 bottle for me a week. I like the taste of beer, but watchful about not getting a beer-gut 
, which on a woman may be mistaken for a pregnancy belly, so I really limit myself to taking sips of HIS beer, I never have one of my own.
, which on a woman may be mistaken for a pregnancy belly, so I really limit myself to taking sips of HIS beer, I never have one of my own.
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When I am on my own, I seldom drink during weekdays unless I have a really bad day at work. At weekends, I would have a glass of wine or a beer with a meal in the evening.
When my gentleman friend comes to visit, I may have a glass of single malt whisky when he has a JD.
When I go out with friends, I tend to drink more, and have been known to drink quite a few beers or cocktails if I am with the right company.
DK
When my gentleman friend comes to visit, I may have a glass of single malt whisky when he has a JD.
When I go out with friends, I tend to drink more, and have been known to drink quite a few beers or cocktails if I am with the right company.
DK
blackprophet
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I have drank once in my life, new years eve 2003. Did it for the experience more than anything. I drank a lot and didn't get drunk.
Haven't had a drop since. I don't like the taste.
Its interesting to see all of the reactions when people find out you don't drink. And the confusion when it becomes clear it is for no other reason than I just don't like it, and am not interested.
Usually can be divided into two groups: The Wow/thats do great/I respect you/I could never do that people
And the people who will try to hold the cup to your lips.
Haven't had a drop since. I don't like the taste.
Its interesting to see all of the reactions when people find out you don't drink. And the confusion when it becomes clear it is for no other reason than I just don't like it, and am not interested.
Usually can be divided into two groups: The Wow/thats do great/I respect you/I could never do that people
And the people who will try to hold the cup to your lips.
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Personal update to this thread:
I no longer have any alcohol to drink because of a medical concern but I was only a very occasional social drinker anyway so not such a big deal for me. My dh has really cut back (thanks to my good influence so yay to his open mindedness because I never nagged him but gently suggested reducing amount).
I do miss an occasional drink and perhaps I will be able to have one on special occasions. I will wait and see how I am doing. What I miss most is having a tequila straight up no salt. I was never a wine or beer fan.
I no longer have any alcohol to drink because of a medical concern but I was only a very occasional social drinker anyway so not such a big deal for me. My dh has really cut back (thanks to my good influence so yay to his open mindedness because I never nagged him but gently suggested reducing amount).
I do miss an occasional drink and perhaps I will be able to have one on special occasions. I will wait and see how I am doing. What I miss most is having a tequila straight up no salt. I was never a wine or beer fan.
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blackprophet|1396575401|3647015 said:
Wow, I just don't get people like that. Thank goodness I don't have people like that in my life (since adolescence that is). Very immature and disrespectful behavior IMO. Sorry you have to deal with that blackprophet
Phoenix, hope your dh (and you!) are doing well health wise and that he was open to your gentle persuasion.
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blackprophet|1396575401|3647015 said:
Oh my goodness, this is the truth! We've had people say that it's going to be their personal mission to get my DH to drink when they find out that he's never consumed alcohol.
Um, no. He's 35 yrs old, I don't think you will be the one to get him to start now.blackprophet
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missy|1396615321|3647214 said:Wow, I just don't get people like that. Thank goodness I don't have people like that in my life (since adolescence that is). Very immature and disrespectful behavior IMO. Sorry you have to deal with that blackprophet
No appologies needed Missy! I find it amusing, and I think it says a lot about those people. I'm sorry to break it to you, but you probably do. They only come out for people who have no reason for not drinking other than they dont want to. You wouldn't know otherwise. They think they are helping you out, their intentions are good. Religous reasons, Medical reasons, etc. they get and can handle. They don't get it being a personal choice. As well as I think that some people are just not comfortable drinking if not everyone around them is drinking.
ImperfectGirl|1396620133|3647261 said:Oh my goodness, this is the truth! We've had people say that it's going to be their personal mission to get my DH to drink when they find out that he's never consumed alcohol.
Yeah I've gotten that before. I once had a girl on our second date say I was "living a resticted life, in a box" because I didn't drink. Needless to say that was our last date
. The worst part is that the main person I get that from is my Brother. Did You Miss The Throwback Thursdays For April 2024?
Did You Miss The Throwback Thursdays For April 2024? - 04/25
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