Why do so few PSers post jokes?

[monarch64]

I don't post jokes here because I don't know a lot of funny ones that translate well on the internet. I really love humor and I am really good at several impressions. I do a DEAD ON Sarah Palin and Hank Hill (from Beavis & Butthead and King of the Hill), and a few others. I'd have you rolling with my Sarah Palin, Kenny. Rolling. If we could post videos here I'd totally upload one for you.

"That's UNAMERICAN!"

 

[beaujolais]

Anyone else love Mitch Hedberg? Gone way too soon, this talented man.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u6tVLvBsBWw

 

[alexah]

Ba(d) dumb dumb jokes...

Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.

Why did the storm trooper buy an iphone? He couldn’t find the Droid he was looking for.

The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer, the bartender says sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s steering wheel hanging from his crotch. Bartender says, what the hell is that? Pirate says, I dunno, but it’s drivin’ me nuts!

I used to date a dyslexic woman. I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.

 

[packrat]

Anyone else love Mitch Hedberg? Gone way too soon, this talented man.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u6tVLvBsBWw

He is hysterical! I spent quite a lot of time on youtube a few months ago watching his videos.

Rice is good if you're hungry and you want 2000 of something.

 

[packrat]

Jim Gaffigan is funny too!

Hooooot pockeeets.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I am enjoying these jokes! I have a few, but are rather bawdry, so I "better" keep them to myself.

cheers--Sharon

 

[missy]

Down South



Florida
A Florida

senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the

dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the

wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
“Amazing,” he

thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.


Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue

lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then

120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and

pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind

him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He

looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is

Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding – a reason I’ve never

before heard – I’ll let you go..”
The old gentleman paused then

said, “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I

thought you were bringing her back.”
“Have a good day, Sir,”

replied the trooper.



Georgia
The owner of

a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided

to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her

into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia

and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much

would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then

replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”



Louisiana
A senior

citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes,

I hope to be in Louisiana .”
When asked why, he replied, “I’d

rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later

than in the rest of the world.”



Mississippi
The young man

from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba,

somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”


Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”
The young man

answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”



North Carolina
A man in

North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and

proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.

Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene

as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked

the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, “I got a flat

tahr.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”


The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares

in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”




Tennessee
A Tennessee

State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any

ID?”
The driver replied, “Bout whut?”



Texas
The Sheriff

pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the

ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t

you see that sign right over your head.”
“Yep,” he replied.

“That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping

Garbage.’”



Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the

South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North.

 

[junebug17]

LOL missy and alexah!

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near a window?"