I have Diamond Dismorphic Disorder... (aka: DSS)

[LLJsmom]

So I have been thinking about why I keep thinking about an upgrade, when I just upgraded a little over a year ago. From a non-PS standpoint, my 2.59 is big. Many people who see it call it huge. When I look at it, it looks fine, a little small even. And, I know that is NOT true. I went from a 1.1 to a 2.59. That was a big jump, from a numbers standpoint. If I compare the two, yes, the 2.59 looks a lot bigger. When I put it on, it doesn't look big. It looks decent sized, but NOT big.

I am trying to get myself ok, to look at my ring and see a big rock. I've read so many posts on DSS, strategies to combat it, etc. But for me, I think I have diamond dismorphic disorder. Have you all heard of Body Dismorphic Disorder? It's something that afflicts people with eating disorders. Ask.com definition: "Those who suffer from the disorder have a distorted view of their own bodies." I have a distorted view of my own lovely little stone. I am not calling it DSS because my diamond is not actually shrinking. It's me and I don't want to let DDD win.

I don't have unlimited funds, and I can't afford to go just spend $20K on an upgrade whenever DDD hits, which is most of the time. I want to learn to be happy and content with what I have. I honestly love my stone. It is exactly everything I have always wanted. There is always something more beautiful, bigger, brighter, sparklier, and I seriously cannot keep chasing after all of them. So my only solution at this time, is to get ok with it, not buy other band, bling, reset, to combat it. We'll see how I am doing in a month. OMG...

Anyhoo, this has been plaguing me, and I just thought I would share. Don't know why, but that felt like going to confession. (I don't actually, but if I did, that is probably what I would say. )

 

[Sparklelu]

I wear my bypass ring often( my avatar) I know it's time to put it away when it starts looking small. When I take it out after a few weeks and bathe it I'm amazed at how big it looks again! Folks notice it and all is right with the world!

Put it away for a bit and when you put in on again it will be ginormous!! It is a beautiful ring and very big by most standards!!!

 

[justginger]

Do you have a SMALLER ring you can wear for a while? I find that works even better than wearing nothing at all. Take off the big one, put on the smaller one, wear it for two weeks to get used to it - then put the big one back on again. It'll feel like a boulder!

 

[MissGotRocks]

Sometimes you just have to turn off the pictures too. PS is a vast array of folks from all walks of life and from all age groups. Even at that, it is a small sampling of the world so to speak. There is some beautiful jewelry here to be sure and we all revel in it because we love sparklies - especially diamonds! However, when the pictures bring more angst than pleasure, sometimes you have to take a break.

You have a beautiful ring! When you are out and about by yourself, I'm sure you just love that ring. If you were to go in a jewelry store with it and try on big boulders, you might feel yours pales in comparison. Sometimes you just have to enjoy what you have on your own time and in your own place in the world. Know what I mean? PS is a wonderful place on many levels but we've all probably gotten the 'I wants' here a time or two. Just means it is time to regroup and rethink and most importantly, appreciate what we have, what we had to go through to earn it, and how gorgeous it was the first time that we put it on!

Good luck - you'll survive this disorder!! Hugs to you!

 

[LaraOnline]

I think your post is very interesting.
There was a time there myself when the passion for jewellery seemed to translate into wanting bigger...bigger...bigger...
although I knew within myself that such desire was really ridiculous.

Beauty is not vulgar, it is not a pi**ing competition.
The more I learn and look, the more I appreciate all types of stones, including the very small and dainty.

I was window shopping in the city yesterday (a very rare treat for me as I live in the country) and I noticed a huge cocktail ring, a 2c stone centre bezelled and surrounded with a large double halo of diamond. It was fun, but when worn it was also the jewellery equivalent of a satellite dish, hanging right over each adjoining finger.

It was fun to wear, and I'm glad someone was inspired to put it together. I would also be really excited to see that ring being worn by its eventual owner, 'in the wild'.

But is it the be-all and end-all of all rings simply because it takes up the most finger real estate?
er, that would be a 'no'! There were plenty of other rings in that beautiful store that I liked better.

Perhaps this is 'just a phase' you are going throug, LJ?
Or perhaps the take-home moral of my story is 'halo it' lol.

 

[m-2-b]

I think we all have suffered from it at some point in time (and possibly still do)! I don't have any great answers for you other than looking into eventually haloing your diamond. Have you seen bem3231's Emilya--she has a 2.68 MRB? I think her halo looks fabulous!

[URL='https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-victor-canera-emilya-2-7-ct-with-band-and-custom-spacer.177752/']https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/my-victor-canera-emilya-2-7-ct-with-band-and-custom-spacer.177752/[/URL]

Believe me, I'm trying to resist the urge to halo my own ring!

 

[Ashleigh]

Do you have an ulitmate size in mind? If your ultimate size is achievable at this point, just get it and enjoy it since it will lower cost per wear. I suppose there will come a time when you'll feel like you shouldn't put any more money into a diamond once you reach a certain size/once you spent a certain sum, that's when you won't feel the urge to upgrade but just to reset when desire for something new kicks in.

I remember that is a thread for stone above 3 ct or 4 ct. Look at that thread to see what stone size in proportion to finger size looks best to you. Find your desired stone size and if you can swing it, get it instead of upgrading through the years. Just think of the savings on settings

 

[Laila619]

How about a halo? That will fix the DSS.

 

[braga123]

As PSer's, I am sure most of us can relate. I just upgraded to a 2.24 and one week later thought, I should have gone for the 3 carat! I felt justified in upgrading, though, since I was able to sell off my other pieces to pay for the upgrade and I didn't think about it twice! I don't miss the other little pieces. Now, if I choose to upgrade again, that is the only way I plan to do it. When I feel that I can sell more of my pieces and not miss them, then I will know that I am ready to upgrade again. But for now, I can't part with any more pieces because I consider them my heirloom pieces...but you never know!

 

[pregcurious]

+1 on the halo.

Or buy a huge colored stone ring for the right hand. You can call it a cocktail ring, which is traditionally a honker.

 

[dk168]

Thank goodness that I do not suffer from this yet, and yes, I said "yet"!

DK

 

[K_13]

LLJsmom: I LOVE your rings and can assure you that your beautiful engagement ring is big and beautiful and blingy!
In face i am in lust with it ! Its Stunning !

My Husband is upgrading my engagement ring for our 5 year anniversary, and i am actually thinking of having my ring remade with yours as inspiration, but with AVC's. (1crt AVC middle stone, 4 x 0.15 avcs)

Would you mind terribly if i asked you to post some photos of your Eternity pave rings on Either side of your engagement ring?
I have 2 pave rings (wedding ring and eternity ring) that are very similar to yours already and would love to see what they look like on either side of that bling-tastic ring.

i hope that this is not a thread jack..... and i think you are so lucky to have such a beautiful ring.

 

[Dancing Fire]

A diamond will SHRINK about .30 mm per yr...

 

[arkieb1]

Do you like halos? If so get a Victor halo made for your diamond, it will face up like over 3 carats guaranteed.

 

[LLJsmom]

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for all the suggestions and ideas. And honestly, I like and am considering all of them.

Halos? Currently craving Victor's Anne Marie in a really big way. But I am concerned that I won't get to see the outline of my stone. But I know everyone says that a well done halo accentuates the center. I prefer halos where the center does not blend too much into the melee stones, but still do not want an airline. Still working out that one in my head.

Hide the little sucker for a while? Yup, forgot it in my cleaner today. Kinda works. I have to learn to miss it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

Saving up for an upgrade instead of putting a halo around it? Would love to. But I have to resist any big expenditures for a couple of years at least. Not an easy task.

Stop looking? Excellent idea, and the least expensive by far. So I'm staying off SMTB right now. Just not looking, especially not at Puppy's 4 carat asscher, which makes me need to wipe drool off my keyboard.

OMG... Thank you everyone. I know most of you have gone through it before. At least I've been loving my ring the past several days...

 

[LLJsmom]

LLJsmom: I LOVE your rings and can assure you that your beautiful engagement ring is big and beautiful and blingy!
In face i am in lust with it ! Its Stunning !

My Husband is upgrading my engagement ring for our 5 year anniversary, and i am actually thinking of having my ring remade with yours as inspiration, but with AVC's. (1crt AVC middle stone, 4 x 0.15 avcs)

Would you mind terribly if i asked you to post some photos of your Eternity pave rings on Either side of your engagement ring?
I have 2 pave rings (wedding ring and eternity ring) that are very similar to yours already and would love to see what they look like on either side of that bling-tastic ring.

i hope that this is not a thread jack..... and i think you are so lucky to have such a beautiful ring.

Hi K_13, that is a very lovely thing to hear. It's especially helpful when I am feeling so unsure about my ring. Here are some pics. I've posted a lot of these before. An AVC is a dream stone for me. In a five stone, that would be amazing. Just amazing. Please keep us updated with whatever you decide.

 

[braga123]

OK, that stone looks a lot bigger than a 2.59! Seriously!

 

[Ashleigh]

Have you considered a bezel halo with milgrain on the bezel of center stone since you prefer a halo that doesn't blend into melee yet no airline? I honestly still think that upgrading is the best use of money, but your stone is already so large that the price of a halo setting isn't going to add much diameter to an upgrade. So halo is the best choice.

 

[K_13]

THANKYOU so much for this, it has helped so much! Wow, honestly your rings are Just so beautiful! I really hope the AVC's as beautiful next to the pave. Thankyou again

 

[LLJsmom]

Have you considered a bezel halo with milgrain on the bezel of center stone since you prefer a halo that doesn't blend into melee yet no airline? I honestly still think that upgrading is the best use of money, but your stone is already so large that the price of a halo setting isn't going to add much diameter to an upgrade. So halo is the best choice.

Did you like crawl into my head or something Ashleigh?? Yes, initially I was thinking about a bezel halo with a milgrain on the bezel, ala twosanguineheart's second Singlestone setting, but with a bezel. I love a cushion halo. But given that I want a cushion halo, I wonder if a bezel will look too weird. Like I'm wearing a sparkly stop sign on my finger. I think Singlestone might be able to make that with the right proportions so it doesn't look weird, but I'm not CERTAIN because I haven't yet seen a good example of one. So I was thinking I would settle for Victor's Anne Marie, round in a cushion halo (tried and true winner) and hoping that the center stone will stand out enough. What do you think? It's ok. Give it to me straight.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Okay, unless you live in Beverly Hills or some parts of NYC, I think most people would consider that diamond HUGE! I actually think it is a beautiful size!

I never understood DSS when I first came here. I had had a 1 ct diamond for many years before getting the 1.6 ct diamond for an anniversary. I went for a few years thinking it was too big! More than once I talked to Jonathan about increasing other specs and going down a little in size. One day, I decided to sell that stone because it had increased a lot in value and bought another one just slightly smaller. And you know what??? I could SEE the difference in that very slightly smaller stone! I developed DSS!!!! So, I then decided I would go for my true love, an AVR, since they had 3 stones larger than the one I had. At first I thought I'd go for a 1.8, then a 2.12, and finally I ended up with a 2.29 ct.! You know what??? I also now think it looks small! More than once I have measured it to be sure they didn't accidentally set the 2.12! But I am at the max I can really handle for where I live. I know no one besides me who doesn't wear their original e-ring, so most people I know wear around a carat on average, some smaller, some larger. But of my close friends and family, mine is the largest. Going to Vegas probably caused it in part, because there were so many 3+ ct stones. You start to see that as normal, and it is increasingly normal here, but not in my real world.

I can't really imagine you resetting your diamond considering it is in such a beautiful setting, but mine is still in a solitaire because I don't know what I want to do with it. Something on the sides might help but I don't want to halo it since I have halo right hand rings. But in your case, your diamond is larger than mine and really a great size! I hope you can get past that feeling because I have experienced it, and it does cause kind of obsessive thinking.

 

[LaraOnline]

Time to distract yourself with other types of jewellery, LLJ!
Find something that truly excites you!
My trip to Linneys really got me out of my rut, perhaps a good long browse through the high end of town will help you find something else to lust after.
How about....opals?

 

[LLJsmom]

Okay, unless you live in Beverly Hills or some parts of NYC, I think most people would consider that diamond HUGE! I actually think it is a beautiful size!

I never understood DSS when I first came here. I had had a 1 ct diamond for many years before getting the 1.6 ct diamond for an anniversary. I went for a few years thinking it was too big! More than once I talked to Jonathan about increasing other specs and going down a little in size. One day, I decided to sell that stone because it had increased a lot in value and bought another one just slightly smaller. And you know what??? I could SEE the difference in that very slightly smaller stone! I developed DSS!!!! So, I then decided I would go for my true love, an AVR, since they had 3 stones larger than the one I had. At first I thought I'd go for a 1.8, then a 2.12, and finally I ended up with a 2.29 ct.! You know what??? I also now think it looks small! More than once I have measured it to be sure they didn't accidentally set the 2.12! But I am at the max I can really handle for where I live. I know no one besides me who doesn't wear their original e-ring, so most people I know wear around a carat on average, some smaller, some larger. But of my close friends and family, mine is the largest. Going to Vegas probably caused it in part, because there were so many 3+ ct stones. You start to see that as normal, and it is increasingly normal here, but not in my real world.

I can't really imagine you resetting your diamond considering it is in such a beautiful setting, but mine is still in a solitaire because I don't know what I want to do with it. Something on the sides might help but I don't want to halo it since I have halo right hand rings. But in your case, your diamond is larger than mine and really a great size! I hope you can get past that feeling because I have experienced it, and it does cause kind of obsessive thinking.

DS, you are a strong woman, and I am trying to be like you. That you have not reset yet and have resisted the urge. Funny because when I look at your stone, it is so perfect as a solitaire. Nothing distracts me from the beautiful faceting. I can just stare at its beauty. And stare, and stare... The size is perfect. You can wear it without feeling like you need a bodyguard, yet it's big enough to always say hello as it moves through your field of vision.

See? I'm a sicko that needs help. I can see this about other people's stones but not my own. Oh well. I'm still learning... And experiencing all kinds of feelings as I wear it more. Ideally, I would get ok in my head and NOT have to do anything at all. .

 

[LLJsmom]

Time to distract yourself with other types of jewellery, LLJ!
Find something that truly excites you!
My trip to Linneys really got me out of my rut, perhaps a good long browse through the high end of town will help you find something else to lust after.
How about....opals?

Hi Lara,you're right. I would really like another distraction. I thought,y earrings would offer that, but right now these stupid ears are still healing and I cant wear anything but 18k or higher yellow gold. I am super sensitive to white and can't do dangly at all. I am also trying to stay strong and save up for the one carat matching so I can do studs. Would you do that first before resetting? I already have a 1.1 carat ready and just need a matching.

 

[LaraOnline]

I would say go for the matching stone... You decided earlier that studs would work for you.
Only problem with that, perhaps, is that it doesn't excite you maybe?
Like a semi- obligation, to match the stone.
You 'should' really do that first, to best enjoy your new piercings.
Well i think that makes sense.

But if the 'should' is getting you down, how about you look further afield.
By all means, keep saving for your studs...
But there's a whole world of jewellery out there and it's not all about colourless honkers!
(There's colourful honkers, and that's just the start).

If you're not excited, if you're not feeling fresh don't do it.
There can be a question of balance in jewellery design, so don't just race to upgrade in size in and of itself.

I came across the idea of a 'jewellery plan' recently. This was from blog by a Brisbane based manufacturing jeweller, Stephen Dibb.

I found his concept fascinating, but I guess as a jeweller he is 'across' jewellery and design that allows more foresight and planning.

The blog post is here. http://www.sdj.net.au/154/154/

Sorry not sure how to create the link as on my phone.

 

[Ashleigh]

I recalled seeing someone milgrain her bezel of center stone and the effect was no blending into melee. But I can't recall whose ring it was, also can't recall if halo is round or cushion. I personally think round in cushion halo is amazing, no stop sign connection whatsoever. I think it's time for you to start a "show me round diamond with cushion halo" thread and see if you can find the live example you're visualizing, while I shall look forward to the lovelies in the thread

 

[LaraOnline]

....and meanwhile, keep that ring sparklingly clean!!!!!!!

 

[distracts]

If you still have that Tiffany aquamarine double halo, I'd put that on every time you feel DDS. It's not a diamond, but it's GIGANTIC.

I don't get DSS/DDS. But then... I have a sapphire. I think if everyone just switched to colored stones this problem would go away... but then there would be slightly fewer colored stones for me to buy! Dilemma!

I also think a lot of this is caused not by the diamond being too small, but the ring just not really being the style that suits you. Or something. I mean... maybe I'm just prone to being happy with whatever I have, but I've never really felt like I wanted to change my ring. Sometimes I've wondered if I could find sparklier half-moons, but I've never actually seen sparklier ones, or if I'd like to have the exact same ring but hand-forged... but that's not the same as wanting to change it, really. But if I had a solitaire, I know I'd not be happy with it because it's just not me. I'd probably want a bigger stone, but it's not because I need a bigger stone, but because a solitaire is wrong for me.

 

[Upgradable]

Do you have an ulitmate size in mind? If your ultimate size is achievable at this point, just get it and enjoy it since it will lower cost per wear. I suppose there will come a time when you'll feel like you shouldn't put any more money into a diamond once you reach a certain size/once you spent a certain sum, that's when you won't feel the urge to upgrade but just to reset when desire for something new kicks in.

I remember that is a thread for stone above 3 ct or 4 ct. Look at that thread to see what stone size in proportion to finger size looks best to you. Find your desired stone size and if you can swing it, get it instead of upgrading through the years. Just think of the savings on settings

Amortizing a diamond??

 

[loriken214]

PS is really hard on those of us who have OCD....I learned the hard way.

Lori