Expensive Diamond Jewellery for Children

[Smith1942]

Sometimes I read the reviews for diamond jewellery on the Blue Nile website. Occasionally, I come across a review where an expensive piece of diamond jewellery has been bought for a child.

There was one piece quite a while ago - I think it was a DBTY style costing about 2k - that had been bought for a five-year-old. And thanks to a gorgeous tennis bracelet currently being shown on SMTB, I was just perusing BN's selection of diamond bracelets to see - hypothetically - what BN charges for such an item.

A 3-carat, 5k diamond tennis bracelet had been bought for a niece's sweet sixteen. Now, I didn't grow up in a really wealthy family, so this does seem a little extravagant to me. And even though I could afford to buy this for my niece now, I wouldn't, because my sister won't be spending over 5k on her daughter's sweet sixteen, and also she couldn't afford to return the gesture for kids of my own. So it still wouldn't fly in my family, even though we're not at all badly off these days.

However, it's not just the money. In my world, and according to my own values, expensive diamond jewelery of multiple carats is either bought by adult women who have worked hard to afford it, or is given to grown women in recognition of the time and sacrifices they have made as partners and/or parents. My point is, to me, it's very much an adult purchase, and I don't mean just anyone who is 18, I mean people who have worked hard in the adult world for quite a few years.

It just seems that giving jewellery this expensive to someone who was 15 only yesterday seems a great way to spoil them. Actually, I was pretty appalled when I read the review. Yeah, maybe I'm just jealous, and perhaps I really am, because I would have loved gifts like that and certainly have never received many in my life except my engagement ring and a few inherited pieces. But I don't think it's ONLY jealousy. I really feel that youngsters should not have those things showered on them because of issues like spoiling them, not teaching them that they need to work hard for such luxurious extras, that at her age she probably won't appreciate it anyway because how can someone who's never held down a job with a demanding boss and paid all the bills appreciate how much it takes to save 5k after you've paid for all the necessities in life, etc etc.

ETA: Doesn't it also set an unhealthy standard? I mean if she's getting 3-carat gifts for sweet sixteen, imagine the goods her future husband will have to come up with? And what if she gets one of those husbands who doesn't spend money on jewellery at all?

What do YOU think?

 

[monarch64]

Hmm. I guess it's all relative, pun intended. I think if the child has shown an interest in jewelry and close family members want to mark a milestone year with a very nice piece, that's their prerogative.

I grew up being given some very nice (ok, not $5k nice) pieces of jewelry (some diamond) by my grandmother and my parents. Birthdays, holidays, milestones, were commemorated with something nice because I had an interest in jewelry. I worked in the industry when I was 19-20 and bought myself several very nice, heavy gold items that I still hang onto even though I no longer wear them. Some things will be passed down to my daughter. In my circle of friends, this type of thing was normal when we were growing up. Maybe I'm weird, though. I have a tendency to think every PSr has been a lifelong lover of jewelry.

ETA: it may have set an unhealthy standard. I've never had a boyfriend or husband (yes, I'm on #2) who hasn't indulged me. But we aren't talking gazillions of dollars in designer pieces. Not mall junk, but definitely not Van Cleef or Cartier!

 

[chrono]

If our household income is great enough where $5K can be easily dismissed, why not, especially if the young lady in question appreciates such jewellery? I would also not expect her parents to buy an equally expensive gift for my child.

 

[Smith1942]

Well, like I said, I'm probably just jealous!

I'm also the type, I guess, who doesn't believe in showering kids with expensive gifts, regardless of household income. No kid of mine will ever have a swish car bought for them as a teenager, for instance. My husband calls me Mean Mummy!!!

(This reminds me a little of Paul McCartney, who despite his huge wealth, refused to send his kids to private school and apparently isn't going to leave them much. This is a little OTT even for me.)

I might buy a child a nice piece for turning 18 or 21, but not a three-carat piece and not for a sixteenth. I just think they should have to work for the really nice things, and make a few sacrifices. I'm not really Mean Mummy!

 

[Niel]

Some people get 30k cars for their sweet 16.

Maybe she lives in the city and this is more appropriate than a car.

Who knows. Doesn't bother me I guess.

 

[Trekkie]

If our household income is great enough where $5K can be easily dismissed, why not, especially if the young lady in question appreciates such jewellery? I would also not expect her parents to buy an equally expensive gift for my child.

This.

 

[Smith1942]

If our household income is great enough where $5K can be easily dismissed, why not, especially if the young lady in question appreciates such jewellery? I would also not expect her parents to buy an equally expensive gift for my child.

Yes, but if my sister did so, I'd really feel that I would have to unless I really couldn't afford it, KWIM?

 

[amc80]

If our household income is great enough where $5K can be easily dismissed, why not, especially if the young lady in question appreciates such jewellery? I would also not expect her parents to buy an equally expensive gift for my child.

Yes, but if my sister did so, I'd really feel that I would have to unless I really couldn't afford it, KWIM?

Nope. My husband is like this- "they spent $x on us so we need to spend the same on them." I think it totally negates the point of a gift. You buy someone something because you think they would like and appreciate it. It doesn't mean you have to buy them something that costs the same. His best friend bought him and expensive gun as a gift for our wedding. The friend could afford it- he had been working for a private contractor in Iraq and was making a ton of money. My husband thinks we need to spend the same amount when on him when he gets married. I totally disagree. We can't afford to do so and I don't think there should be an obligation.

 

[Smith1942]

If our household income is great enough where $5K can be easily dismissed, why not, especially if the young lady in question appreciates such jewellery? I would also not expect her parents to buy an equally expensive gift for my child.

This.

I guess my reason why is to do with wanting to teach them the pleasure of working hard for your own rewards, and also in order not to spoil them. However, perhaps this is a cultural difference - I get the impression that expensive gifts are more usual in the States? I just say that from looking at gifts bought around weddings, and in general I think a lot of money is spent over here on things which are much cheaper elsewhere in comparison. For example, five years ago some colleagues thought that 6k was a perfectly reasonable price for a wedding photographer. I nearly fell over. I don't think you could even find one in the UK who charges that much - they're expensive, but nothing like that kind of money.

Also, as another example, my in-laws (in the UK) are very wealthy and some friends of theirs bought their son, my nephew, a hugely expensive watch for his sixteenth. I think it might have been a Breitling. Anyway, his parents said "No way are you having that at your age" and they took it away from him, although they do spend a lot of money on him in other ways, including a private education at what must be the world's most expensive high school at 65k dollar equivalent a year. He's 17 now. I've no idea if they've given it back to him or when they plan to! But maybe more expensive gifts over here are just a reflection of the fact that disposable income tends to be higher in the States? When I was looking at flats to buy, I simply couldn't believe how much stuff people had in their homes, and I'm talking about 40 places, so not one or two. I've never seen homes with so many possessions in them (but I'm quite minimalist and am always having clear-outs). And when I read on reviews that a high-carat piece of jewellery was bought for someone under 18, it does really stand out to me. So maybe it's just cultural.

 

[Smith1942]

If our household income is great enough where $5K can be easily dismissed, why not, especially if the young lady in question appreciates such jewellery? I would also not expect her parents to buy an equally expensive gift for my child.

Yes, but if my sister did so, I'd really feel that I would have to unless I really couldn't afford it, KWIM?

Nope. My husband is like this- "they spent $x on us so we need to spend the same on them." I think it totally negates the point of a gift. You buy someone something because you think they would like and appreciate it. It doesn't mean you have to buy them something that costs the same. His best friend bought him and expensive gun as a gift for our wedding. The friend could afford it- he had been working for a private contractor in Iraq and was making a ton of money. My husband thinks we need to spend the same amount when on him when he gets married. I totally disagree. We can't afford to do so and I don't think there should be an obligation.

Yeah, I guess people are just different that way. My sister is actually really hung up about this - she repays EVERY gesture in kind, no matter how small. I feel that's OTT. But regarding your friend, I would feel like your husband, but I would only actually do it if I could easily afford it. So I wouldn't reciprocate, and then I'd feel bad. You're right though - it was his choice to spend all that money on your husband.

 

[erinl]

I can see both sides to this. If you have the money to spend and the idea of the child losing it is not a big deal, it is the gift giver's prerogative. I also agree with many of the issues Smith brought up: spoiling the child, unrealistic expectations etc.

I am certain that the 15 year old given pieces of nice jewelry will have them stolen either in high school or in college-- I don't think dorms provides floor bolted safes do they? In high school I had a sterling silver ring with a pieces of turquoise set in it. I was in class and this boy i knew asked if he could see it. I took it off and let him see it. He proceeded to pocket it and when i confronted him in class I got punished for talking in class--got a detention and he didn't. End of story, I never saw the ring again--he continued to deny it. Imagine if that were diamonds? The kids would work together to steal it!

 

[chrono]

Smith,
I get where you are coming from. My family generally adheres to the same idea of "appreciating the value of money". My children complain often enough that they do not have X and Y whilst their classmates do. That said, it doesn't mean that I would not occasionally splurge on something expensive for my children and extended family members if it is something that they really wanted and I know would be treasured. If I felt that my child could not be responsible with the item, I would not take it away from him/her but would advise why it is a good idea to only wear it for special occasions and to keep it in a safe place. A 16 or 17 year old child is old enough to reason with.

 

[qtiekiki]

Really depends on the family and social circle. If 5k is disposable income to the family, then it probably not a big deal. I just got my bracelet at 33, so I wouldn't get my DD or niece that at 16.

 

[JulieN]

I don't believe in buying new cars for teenagers, either, but I don't have a problem with people who do.

 

[Circe]

I have no problem with it - in fact, I was one of those kids! Not with the three-carat-plus pieces at 16 - I tended to get stuff that was a lot more, hm, idiosyncratic, shall we say? - but probably around there in terms of value. I didn't lose a piece of jewelry until I was 30 (and given that it disappeared during a move, I regret to say it was probably stolen). I was raised to understand that these things were both financially costly and emotionally significant: the double-value whammy worked like magic.

As for why to do it? Well ... my parents love jewelry themselves and I think it's pretty typical for people to recreate certain preferences in how they celebrate, discipline, etc.

We were first generation immigrants, so poor evolving to middle-class over the course of my childhood: we couldn't really afford to buy disposable plastic crap that would need to be replaced constantly, either because of planned obsolescence or crappy workmanship or my growing out of it. The jewelry, on the other hand, has stayed the course and actually increased in value - most of it I still love and wear regularly, and the pieces that I don't I'm slowly consolidating into funds for the pieces that I will.

And on the point of the ETA ... yep, it sure did set a high standard! And so did my dad's broad knowledge base and love for debate, my mom's practicality and determination, and all of the other (far more valuable than jewelry) values they instilled in me. I don't think I would have wanted a man who couldn't meet the standard "I do what will make my partner happy," nor one who didn't have those other qualities in abundance ....

 

[Smith1942]

All very interesting responses, and good points made. Clearly, I'm the only Scrooge around here!

 

[packrat]

No, I'd be waaaaaay more Scrooge-y. It wouldn't matter to me if we had millions in the bank and my husbands last name was Gates or Buffet.

 

[Smith1942]

Phew, I'm not the only one, then!

Maybe it's because I have no family members who are into expensive gifts, although we've been able to afford them for 15-20 years now, and my husband is the same. I think perhaps there's a real strain of frugality among some British people (my husband is American but was brought up in the UK). As an example, my mother turned 70 this year, and she didn't receive any expensive gifts, even though she and my father have the money to live on board Cunard for four months of the year, which is hardly cheap. So that's tens and tens of thousands of pounds. Yet when I presented my mother with some gold Tiffany bow earrings that cost $350, there was this collective gasp of breath. I'm so glad I got them for her, because it's the only "real" present she got. My dad bought her a cruise, but that's a present for him too, really. Whereas in my mind, a 70th is a fab time to get someone some jewellery! I couldn't have got her any jewellery that was TOO expensive though, since my father wasn't making a gesture like that.

Maybe it's also because, due to the lack of gift-giving in my family, I have bought the entirety of my jewellery collection myself as I've moved through my thirties, with the exception of my engagement ring and some inherited pieces. So, having compiled pretty much the lot by myself - and spent a lot of my hard-earned cash on it - I see a three-carat piece being given to a sixteen-year-old, and I just think, Huh. I think I'm probably quite jealous!

 

[momhappy]

To be perfectly honest, I don't consider it any of my business what someone chooses to spend their money on. I personally wouldn't buy pricey jewelry for a child (or pricey anything for that matter - I've seen women buy their toddlers those Louis Vuitton mini bags and that's certainly not something that I would do either). However, as one member said, it's all relative. My husband once purchased my 6 year-old son a pair of Merrill boots at an expensive outdoorsy-type store for $70, which I thought was a lot for a pair of kids shoes. guess that I'm not really into the idea of purchasing luxury items for kids because I sort of feel like those are things that are better off earned.

 

[tyty333]

My first thoughts are no I would not buy something like that for a 16 year old. Let her work for it and she will probably
appreciate it more.

But then if my last name was something like Gates and $5k was not an issue, then I think why not with the parents
Permission of course.

If I had a relative that gave me something like that when I was 16 I would feel very lucky and treasure it always.

 

[JewelFreak]

Smith, I agree with you. The best way to make a fortune disappear in the next generation is not to teach the kids the value of money -- and how hard it is to earn it. Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.

Another consideration: if they start out with diamonds at 12, 16, or whatever, how bored are they gonna be at 40? Leave something to aspire to.

I have cousins who are extremely wealthy. Big fortune, but my cousin's wife had to iron her clothes, make her bed, clean her room, for a regular-sized allowance when she was a child. No fancy cars at 16, no cars at all. When she had her own family, she shopped with coupons & bought in bulk. They lived well, but did not take money for granted. One of her daughters, at about 10 yrs old, asked, "Mom, can I have a new pair of shorts?" "No, you have plenty already." "Awww, why not?" (Whine.) "Can't afford it," said her mother. End of conversation (while I cracked up). But those kids grew up with a sense of 1. self-respect from working for their allowance, 2. realization of what a dollar will buy & that they can live fine without spending zillions on themselves.

 

[TooPatient]

I don't care what other people choose to do with the money they have worked for.

My mother went bug-eyed with her jaw dropped when she found out that we'd spent $500 on "A"s 13th b-day present. To her, this was crazy and way too much to spend on a 13-yr-old. For us it was the first b-day we'd had with her in some years and a significant milestone. B-days are also the only gift giving occasion we celebrate (and now wedding anniversaries!) so we can afford to be a bit more generous.

Would I spend $5,000 on a piece of jewelry for "A"? Maybe. If you asked me today I would say absolutely not. Simply because she lost her bracelet (from her 14th b-day) and didn't care enough to even confirm that she'd lost it or take the initiative to pick up the phone when we determined she'd lost it. I called the mother of her friend and found the bracelet. A couple of months later I found her necklace (the 13th b-day one) tossed on a table in a heap of stuff. She didn't notice that I had picked it up and it was gone for four days. And all that is just the last couple of months!

If she starts being responsible with her stuff (keeping it stored safely in the beautiful jewelry box she has, not tossing it in her backpack , and not losing things on a routine basis) AND we had the money to comfortably do so, DH & I might do something of that size for her for some big milestone.

Okay....
So I've been teaching her the joys of REAL jewelry and instilling the idea in her mind that buying fewer NICE pieces is a lot better than buying lots of cheap stuff
I've also been showing her lots about savings and setting goals and WORKING to reach them.


So, I guess the short answer is that if the kid was responsible and would appreciate it then I would.

 

[kenny]

Some people get 30k cars for their sweet 16.

Wow, what is a 16-year old going to do with thirty-thousand cars?

I know.
She could open a car rental company.

 

[OreoRosies86]

I could see getting a really nice pendant, intitial, or birthstone necklace for a child (to be given at a later date). I wish my mother had set aside sentimental jewelry for me.

 

[baby monster]

I would't buy a 5K bracelet for a 16 year-old but we'll never be royals either....

 

[LaraOnline]

Well, like I said, I'm probably just jealous!

I'm also the type, I guess, who doesn't believe in showering kids with expensive gifts, regardless of household income. No kid of mine will ever have a swish car bought for them as a teenager, for instance. My husband calls me Mean Mummy!!!

(This reminds me a little of Paul McCartney, who despite his huge wealth, refused to send his kids to private school and apparently isn't going to leave them much. This is a little OTT even for me.)

I might buy a child a nice piece for turning 18 or 21, but not a three-carat piece and not for a sixteenth. I just think they should have to work for the really nice things, and make a few sacrifices. I'm not really Mean Mummy!

I think you've hit on a cultural difference, Smith. Americans are famous for celebrating their wealth, and have far fewer hangups wrt consumption in general, in comparison with the Brits and and the Aussies.
Some of the Asian cultures may give the Americans a run for their money, perhaps?

I know exactly where you are coming from with not spending up big on high-visibility consumer items for kids, and it's definitely cultural. For example the idea that a teenager's car should be a luxury car is totally bizarre - other planet bizarre - to me. It's the British idea of one having to 'earn one's money.

In Australia, I have an ongoing joke that a woman will live in tracksuit pants so she can buy an investment property or upgrade her home (perhaps a reflection of the tax system overhere, there are very few remaining areas of tax relief but they include the family home and investment costs such as property loan costs.) The high cost of living suppresses cultural expressions such as fashion, jewellery, fancy cars and consumption generally...spending on kids is probably suppressed as well.

At university, the only kids I knew with fancy cars were Asian, probably because their parents didn't have the same hangups as the Brit-influenced Caucasians lol. But then it can't be extrapolated out, as quite a few Asian famililies I know are extremely thrifty with their money - owning several investment properties and saving for more, working several jobs and living in a bare undecorated home - not a rug on the floor, not a picture on the wall type thrifty!

 

[KaeKae]

Interesting topic.
Smith, I tend to be thinking along the same lines as you. Expensive jewelry, ect., is best coming later in life than the teen years. Why? Because it's a luxury item to be earned by the individual or received for a very special occasion. My own daughters recieved some heirloom diamond rings from their grandmother this year. Lovely art deco designs, about 1/4 carat each. DD1 did wear hers to prom, but after that the rings went to the safe deposit box for safekeeping.

It also made me think of two sisters I knew in high school. Each received a diamond ring for her 16th birthday. I don't know the carat size, but they were big enough for me to easily tell they were heart shaped, so I'm thinking 1/3 to 1/2 carat at least? I'm just going on my 1/3 carat round pendant to come up with that size. They also received new sports cars when they got their driver's learner permits at 16 1/2. Makes me wonder how they are after all this time. Have they been able to live the same lifestyle in their adult years, keeping up with the spending they knew as kids? Don't know, but I hope they are well.

 

[Indylady]

I wouldn't care one way or another. Different people have different conceptions of luxury.

Jewelry is luxurious, and arguably does have little utility. But, laptops, IPhones, IPads, lots of new clothes, and even some 'basics' for many like heaters and AC's, WiFi, clean water and constant power, an education, and more, can be considered luxurious too. Does it create ungrateful, spoiled brats? Probably sometimes, and probably not at other times.

Then again, how grateful have we been for what we have that's a luxury to others?

 

[rosetta]

Smith, I really think it's a cultural thing. My British in-laws never give any expensive gifts to me, or anyone else for that matter, but they live in a multimillion pound house and aren't exactly on the breadline. I don't think they approve of the number of shoes or handbags I have either!

Americans aren't as frugal, and I'm absolutely convinced that they give more expensive gifts on the whole. My British husband was a horrendous gift giver at the start, and couldn't see what he was doing wrong as in his eyes, it was the thought that counted above all else. Nowadays, I tell him exactly what to buy, or more likely just buy it myself. Giving jewellery to a kid would be outrageous in his view, whereas I have tiny 22k gold bangles that were given to me when I was a baby (which are the cutest things ever!)

I prefer the American attitude to gift giving!

 

[justginger]

I guess it's all relative -- for my relative position of wealth, I would not choose to spend huge amounts on physical gifts that a child might lose. A special piece for a 16th? Fair enough, but the budget would be capped in the hundreds, not thousands. But for some people, the relative value of a few thousands dollars is the same as my relative value of a few hundred.

It sort of reminds me of how much of a fuss people made over Beyonce and Jay Z importing $30,000 worth of white orchids from Thailand for their wedding. I pointed out to a particularly whingy coworker that, based on the amount they as a couple had earned the year previous (multi-millions!), those $30,000 flowers cost less than 1/10th of the amount my coworker had spent on her own wedding flowers, relatively speaking.