Are YOU Hosting Thanksgiving This Year?

[minousbijoux]

I just read the latest with your favorite family members, MC! I can't believe they STILL have not gotten the message! I am with you all the way on letting your "freak flag fly" so to speak when they come to visit this time. I love that your 13-year old will be watching what he wants rather than what is appropriate for the little ones (caveat before someone implies that I have no common sense: we all, me included, understand that this is not a good idea in general, and go out of our way to protect littlies, but when the parents of the little ones are basically not respectful to your needs, then everything changes). Other ideas: 1) perhaps there will be a day or two when you are too sick to get out of bed, except to make sure your kids get what they need, unless they are at pre-arranged play dates, lol; 2) Is there a time when you'll need to take care of a LOUD chore right near their bedroom late at night or early in the morning? Rearranging pots and pans could be effective; 3) can you mention that they are staying in the bedrooms where your next door neighbor sometimes climbs up to peep in? 4) Don't you feel a need to try to cook that special exotic something that you've always wanted to try - pigs brains, grilled habaneros, or dirt soup - when you have little else in the way of food in the house (accept for the cool picnic foods you've stored in your room ahead of time so that right after the "meal" when you're "sick" you and the kids can go have a picnic in your room)? Oh, this is getting to be too much fun! I'm sure we can all come up with a whole lot more!

 

[Ellen]

We have no family near for T'giving, makes me sad. I love the house full of noise & people & I love the hard work of making the meal because it's sort of cozy and very yummy when everyone finally sits down to eat. Good china given an outing, family silver, grandmother's cut glass little dishes for this & that, mom's recipes sitting on said good china. Crisp & cold outside, warm light inside.
We have usually spent the day w/some close friends, whose kid we've known since birth (now married), & it's fun with plenty of laughs. They refuse to come here. But she likes to cook too, so at most she reluctantly agrees to let me bring a salad. Haven't been able to do the traditional stuff each family has. Friendship's more important, though, and generosity.

We may just be DH & me this time. Had planned to go to Savannah for Thanksgiving but decided to put it off a week to avoid traffic, etc. T'giving for 2 has the center missing -- especially when one of the two is Dutch & not deeply into the holiday. Good time to reflect on how lucky I am in other ways!

--- Laurie

I meant to comment on your post earlier and forgot. I just love this description, it totally brought me into the moment of Thanksgiving and reminded me of all the things it can be and has been for me in years past. Thanks for the memories.

I'm sorry you have no one to share it with. Maybe you could consider doing a dinner for someone less fortunate? Just an idea.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

I just read the latest with your favorite family members, MC! I can't believe they STILL have not gotten the message! I am with you all the way on letting your "freak flag fly" so to speak when they come to visit this time. I love that your 13-year old will be watching what he wants rather than what is appropriate for the little ones (caveat before someone implies that I have no common sense: we all, me included, understand that this is not a good idea in general, and go out of our way to protect littlies, but when the parents of the little ones are basically not respectful to your needs, then everything changes). Other ideas: 1) perhaps there will be a day or two when you are too sick to get out of bed, except to make sure your kids get what they need, unless they are at pre-arranged play dates, lol; 2) Is there a time when you'll need to take care of a LOUD chore right near their bedroom late at night or early in the morning? Rearranging pots and pans could be effective; 3) can you mention that they are staying in the bedrooms where your next door neighbor sometimes climbs up to peep in? 4) Don't you feel a need to try to cook that special exotic something that you've always wanted to try - pigs brains, grilled habaneros, or dirt soup - when you have little else in the way of food in the house (accept for the cool picnic foods you've stored in your room ahead of time so that right after the "meal" when you're "sick" you and the kids can go have a picnic in your room)? Oh, this is getting to be too much fun! I'm sure we can all come up with a whole lot more!

Thanks, Miniousbijoux - one of the big problems is we don't have a guest room! Our house is three bedrooms w/a very packed office and the beds are kids' size beds so an adult cannot sleep on them, so their family camps out in our living room (and so any time I leave my room, they are in our space!). There are other family members who have guest rooms, but these visitors like to stay at our house b/c we have kids and the dad likes that he can dump the kids on me while he drinks beer and watches football!

We normally eat really healthy so I'm just not going to shop at all. The dad of the family has made it VERY clear that this is their vacation time and I can feed his kids whatever...last time, he recommended Top Ramen when I became concerned that the kids were not being taken care of, so for all I know, I could hand them jars of MSG & 2-liters of Pepsi and he'd be okay b/c it's their vacation. Years back, I made my husband confront the couple together about how long they were staying b/c they wouldn't say and that time it was EIGHT DAYS and I freaked out and the wife never has come to visit for any of these crazy stays since, but he still does. He just ignores that I don't like this situation...so my best bet is the TV shows b/c those were a big deal to them...no scary movies, etc.

My plan is to just go about our days/nights and if we just happen to want to watch Chucky Returns and the Bride of Chucky, so be it. And, I'm not joking. To show up and expect us to wait on them while giving up all our likes for a whole week is just not going to happen. We'll start with National Lampoons Christmas Vacation and work up to the doozies.

 

[Gypsy]

I don't mind hosting, and frequently end up taking the turkey even when we aren't hosting. But thank GOODNESS I'm not hosting this year. I have next to NO holiday cheer in me and couldn't do a good job this year at all.

 

[makemepretty]

Just for my kids and husband. We have a rule that we don't have to leave the house on a holiday so that we get to stay home and enjoy it.

I've hosted Christmas many many times but after the last time, I'm really hesitant. All that planning, cleaning and expense is usually worth it but my father thought it'd be hilarious to put tons of confetti in each package so that when the gifts were opened it went everywhere. I seriously wanted to cry because not only did I have normal clean up, but 2 hours of sweeping and vacuuming the small pieces that were tracked over every floor level.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Just for my kids and husband. We have a rule that we don't have to leave the house on a holiday so that we get to stay home and enjoy it.

I've hosted Christmas many many times but after the last time, I'm really hesitant. All that planning, cleaning and expense is usually worth it but my father thought it'd be hilarious to put tons of confetti in each package so that when the gifts were opened it went everywhere. I seriously wanted to cry because not only did I have normal clean up, but 2 hours of sweeping and vacuuming the small pieces that were tracked over every floor level.

Oh no That would be really upsetting spending all that cleaning and then all that cleaning AGAIN. It's sad when people don't think about the aftermath of what holiday clean-up normally involves, plus doing something like that. I'm guessing if it was your father's house, he would not have put confetti in every package. Sorry you had to deal with that.

I agree that it's nice not to leave the house on a holiday. We had always had the big family Christmas on Christmas Eve and my kids, year after year, said they wanted it that way so we could stay in and celebrate Christmas Day and *not leave the house*. The years that it's been changed have really upset them and DH & me, as well. We constantly driving all over the place for practices/carpooling and we want to just hibernate for ONE DAY.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Update on the family who moves in (basically) with us and doesn't do anything/help/and expects to be waited on. I told my DH we have to set boundaries b/c everyone else has, which has resulted in none of them having to deal with this crap and he said ok. I said that WE pick the three days that they stay with us and they have to find somewhere else to stay the remaining days AND they cannot stay with us on New Years Eve b/c I want to party, . Not that we're wild partiers, but I'd like a few basic pleasures like champagne and a FUN movie, not a movie to keep a little kid happy.

 

[iLander]

MC- I hear you!

My MIL had the same kind of mooching relatives; every year they would come to "visit", stay overnight and eat her food. She spent days planning nice meals, then entertained them. Her husband would constantly complain and say they were just mooching, and using her as a free hotel and free food. She said they were "family, and that's what you do for family".

Then she went to visit them, after years of accommodating them. They gave her the name of a hotel. She arrived, after a long drive of 10+ hours, around dinner time. There was no meal. It became uncomfortably obvious they weren't going to feed her, when their own kids started complaining that they were hungry. The parents just told them they'd "eat later". She left, drove through a restaurant and then went to a hotel.

Needless to say, whenever they called in the future, she was "out of town that week".

MC, I believe there are two kinds of people in this world: the givers and the takers. The givers always give, but the takers never give. I have no idea what's in their heads, but it's true.

Don't feel obligated to the takers, especially because they probably wouldn't do the same for you.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

MC- I hear you!

My MIL had the same kind of mooching relatives; every year they would come to "visit", stay overnight and eat her food. She spent days planning nice meals, then entertained them. Her husband would constantly complain and say they were just mooching, and using her as a free hotel and free food. She said they were "family, and that's what you do for family".

Then she went to visit them, after years of accommodating them. They gave her the name of a hotel. She arrived, after a long drive of 10+ hours, around dinner time. There was no meal. It became uncomfortably obvious they weren't going to feed her, when their own kids started complaining that they were hungry. The parents just told them they'd "eat later". She left, drove through a restaurant and then went to a hotel.

Needless to say, whenever they called in the future, she was "out of town that week".

MC, I believe there are two kinds of people in this world: the givers and the takers. The givers always give, but the takers never give. I have no idea what's in their heads, but it's true.

Don't feel obligated to the takers, especially because they probably wouldn't do the same for you.

That is so good your MIL could do the "out of town" excuse. It is so much easier when the family members are on the same side so a person can make up something...When the roles are reversed, it usually is a wake-up call.

Actually, last time, the dad DID buy two boxes of cereal and a gallon of milk. ??? It was about making sure he was "feeding" his kids the easiest way possible. Absolutely NO effort and lacking nutrition and food substance. Then him the emptying the car garbage into my kitchen garbage was an eye opener b/c there were a bunch of $5.00 Starbucks coffee cups piled in there (plus fast food)...so it's not about $, it's about expecting to be accommodated or served by others.

 

[iLander]

That is so good your MIL could do the "out of town" excuse. It is so much easier when the family members are on the same side so a person can make up something...When the roles are reversed, it usually is a wake-up call.

Actually, last time, the dad DID buy two boxes of cereal and a gallon of milk. ??? It was about making sure he was "feeding" his kids the easiest way possible. Absolutely NO effort and lacking nutrition and food substance. Then him the emptying the car garbage into my kitchen garbage was an eye opener b/c there were a bunch of $5.00 Starbucks coffee cups piled in there (plus fast food)...so it's not about $, it's about expecting to be accommodated or served by others.

Oh, she didn't go out of town, and everyone knew it. But apparently it was the hint they needed.

And it is about being served by others, they are takers. Just realize that's what they are, they will never change, and act accordingly.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

That is so good your MIL could do the "out of town" excuse. It is so much easier when the family members are on the same side so a person can make up something...When the roles are reversed, it usually is a wake-up call.

Actually, last time, the dad DID buy two boxes of cereal and a gallon of milk. ??? It was about making sure he was "feeding" his kids the easiest way possible. Absolutely NO effort and lacking nutrition and food substance. Then him the emptying the car garbage into my kitchen garbage was an eye opener b/c there were a bunch of $5.00 Starbucks coffee cups piled in there (plus fast food)...so it's not about $, it's about expecting to be accommodated or served by others.

Oh, she didn't go out of town, and everyone knew it. But apparently it was the hint they needed.

And it is about being served by others, they are takers. Just realize that's what they are, they will never change, and act accordingly.

Ah, okay. Well, that is good that they took the hint.

I spoke with a family member and she said something about splitting the visit, which is great but last time, she was the person who's house the family showed up at with NO wallet/money & made her pay for everything, so it's basically her and I being taken advantage of.

Today, I was thinking if the visitors come in here with w/out a bag of groceries and don't actually make an effort to clean up after themselves, etc., I'm going to stay in a hotel for one of the nights. If I didn't have two boys (one now a teenager) and five days a week of after-school activities, carpooling, chores, and working, I'd be okay with guests, but I was VERY MUCH looking forward to doing literally NOTHING other than laundry and dishes for a couple of weeks during Christmas break. I'm burnt out and it's only just the beginning of Nov. (we've got this entire school year of tons of things planned...I just wanted two weeks...sheesh, I just want ONE DAY I can turn my phone off...now, instead, I'm already dreading Christmas because it's never ending )

 

[movie zombie]

ok, I just don't get it.
it is your house.
how do these people get into your homes and treat you like the servant if you don't want them to?
it is your house and should be your rules.
if you don't want them there or to wait on them you really can say "no".
so what if family gets pent out of shape?
better them than you!
going around being resentful because of a situation that doesn't have to happen, well, that is just not healthy.
yeah, I know. "family". but at the end of the day that is just an excuse.
i just cannot imagine.
fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me.
i really do understand that "things" happen but to continue to let them happen?
at the very least you can tell them they will need to schedule at our convenience, bring their own food, and clean up after themselves.
admittedly, i'm very protective of my space. it is where i come to not have to be "on" for anyone.
everyone does what they feel they must but frankly i just don't get it.
and i apologize if i once again come across as abrupt and/or rude. perhaps that's why i don't have a problem also saying "no"............
good luck, ladies.
i couldn't do it. perhaps you are the better persons at the end of the day.

 

[kenny]

ok, I just don't get it.
it is your house.
how do these people get into your homes and treat you like the servant if you don't want them to?
it is your house and should be your rules.
if you don't want them there or to wait on them you really can say "no".
so what if family gets pent out of shape?
better them than you!
going around being resentful because of a situation that doesn't have to happen, well, that is just not healthy.
yeah, I know. "family". but at the end of the day that is just an excuse.
i just cannot imagine.
fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me.
i really do understand that "things" happen but to continue to let them happen?
at the very least you can tell them they will need to schedule at our convenience, bring their own food, and clean up after themselves.
admittedly, i'm very protective of my space. it is where i come to not have to be "on" for anyone.
everyone does what they feel they must but frankly i just don't get it.
and i apologize if i once again come across as abrupt and/or rude. perhaps that's why i don't have a problem also saying "no"............
good luck, ladies.
i couldn't do it. perhaps you are the better persons at the end of the day.

+1!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

ok, I just don't get it.
it is your house.
how do these people get into your homes and treat you like the servant if you don't want them to?
it is your house and should be your rules.
if you don't want them there or to wait on them you really can say "no".
so what if family gets pent out of shape?
better them than you!
going around being resentful because of a situation that doesn't have to happen, well, that is just not healthy.
yeah, I know. "family". but at the end of the day that is just an excuse.
i just cannot imagine.
fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me.
i really do understand that "things" happen but to continue to let them happen?
at the very least you can tell them they will need to schedule at our convenience, bring their own food, and clean up after themselves.
admittedly, i'm very protective of my space. it is where i come to not have to be "on" for anyone.
everyone does what they feel they must but frankly i just don't get it.
and i apologize if i once again come across as abrupt and/or rude. perhaps that's why i don't have a problem also saying "no"............
good luck, ladies.
i couldn't do it. perhaps you are the better persons at the end of the day.

MZ - I entirely agree with you and the situation is *I* say no to anything I don't want to do now...over the last year, I've entirely reworked how I do things especially when I am sick of nonsense. What is going on with the family is that ALL of us women are fed up and putting our feet down, but we're each doing so with different people, so the family that visits KNOWS that the only person who won't say no to him is my DH. For my DH, it simply isn't as big of a deal b/c he doesn't do any of the house work/food/shopping. I do all of that. He does agree that boundaries need to be set, but it's because a couple of other relatives are flat out saying NO to any overnights, that he feels we shouldn't also make the family feel alienated.

 

[iLander]

Yeah, MC, I think Mozo and Kenny have a point. You could just say, "No thank you, we have other things scheduled during those days." And then schedule some naps!

 

[movie zombie]

MC, re the family feeling "alienated": personally, I see it as them having to finally take responsibility for their decisions to be boorish guests................I just cannot imagine going into anyone's home and behaving in such a manner and expecting it to be ok and that i'd be able to come back and repeat that behavior.

nasty idea: you go away for a very nice vacation and leave hubby to do all the shopping and deal with them during their visit....as well as clean up after them! perhaps he too needs to take responsibility for his decisions?! LOL!

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

Jewel Freak: I have a suggestion for you. My parents some yrs used to invite sailors for Thanksgiving or Christmas to share the day with us. Usually we had 4 navy guys sitting at our table along with our usual guests. My mom liked to cook and thought our enlisted men should share it with us. Made my mother and father happy. Good memories I have.


Annette