The Wait...

[recordaras]

Hi fellow LIW, I could really use some support and would love to hear your stories!

Here's mine:
We placed our BGD order at the end of July. My boyfriend is in the National Guard, and that was right before he was due for his 3 weeks of AT. I knew that I definitely would not want to be left alone with the ring somewhere in the house (I have to say here that I am much less patient than I'd like to be), so we asked them to ship it out after he returned.
That was about 3 weeks ago.
How do I know? Because I was actually the one who had to go to the FedEx office to pick up the shipment! After that my boyfriend hid it somewhere in the house and that was that.
And now I'm just going crazy! It's not even funny anymore - every time we go out somewhere, or do something special, the darn "Could this be it??" thoughts start creeping into my head ("He loves hiking... We haven't gone in ages... Will he do it when we reach the top?", "We're having date night in the city - it's warm, beautiful and romantic, is this the day?", "OMG he's fishing around in his pocket for something and saying: "What is this in here?" OMG IS HE ABOUT TO PROPOSE??" etc.). And then of course it doesn't happen, and I can't help but feel a little disappointed, although I know it's not fair and not right.

Now we're about to head out on vacation, and I'm facing the same situation: I would hate to think that I could feel disappointed, considering how much thought my boyfriend has put into planning our trip, but at the same time I know myself and I know that it will probably happen.
I've taken a break from (most) things wedding-related to clear my head a little, and that has made it somewhat easier. On the other hand, I can't help but get a little anxious - our wedding is supposed to be in August 2014, so the clock is ticking... And I'm going to be participating in a Brides Across America event in November, which means I really need to start trying on wedding dresses and determining the kind of dress style I want...
Ugh.

In any case, I'd love to hear how you dealt with all this in your final waiting stage, or how you're currently dealing with it.

 

[madelise]

*hugs*

Oh girl, do I know this. I've been going through this for over 1 year now. Try not to expect a proposal. Try not to think every vacation or special event or dressed up dinner means you'll get engaged. Because getting let down is the WORST feeling ever. I have bawled on the morning after our anniversary because I just couldn't help the disappointment. Yeah, a fight is totally worth it not. And I couldn't help it. I tried to hide my disappointment as much as I could. The easiest thing for me, now, is to seriously just not expect it at all.

I would suggest not attending any bridal or wedding dress events until after you're engaged. I seriously thought it was going to happen soon, and went on to try on dresses to also get a feel for the shape and color I'd like, just to get the ball rolling. Venue searching, dress searching, photographer searching… it all gets your hopes up, gets you excited, and just puts you on the edge. If you get let down, it is seriously seriously so hurtful.

Even if you DON'T end up not being proposed to… (oh God, am I even speaking English here?) not expecting it will lead to a happier proposal and engagement, me thinks. I have read so many proposal and engagement recaps on forums and on blogs where the girls share where they say they've had a hunch the whole time or for months or for whatever. I just wish they would have not always been suspicious, relaxed, and really got surprised by the proposals their fiancés worked so hard on surprising them with. I mean, we WANT to be surprised, and we WANT our partners to put effort into surprising us… so why do we insist on ruining the surprise element by being suspicious every time we need to put on makeup?

I know, it's impossible to not be suspicious at all. But just try and relax and enjoy the moment. I really hope you get your dream proposal during your vacation, but don't think about that. Enjoy your vacation, and enjoy the time you get to have with your man. Soak in the little things, your environment, the things you're doing, and your company. That way, if he doesn't propose, you'll still have enjoyed your vacation 100% with no disappointment, and if he does propose, well, even better

 

[recordaras]

*hugs*

Thank you *so* much for your support. For some strange reason it's almost soothing to hear that I'm not the only one out there with these thoughts and feelings! I mean, I hate to think that other people out there are also getting upset/frustrated, but at the same time if others are doing it, that means I'm not completely crazy just yet.

You're definitely right about forgetting all the wedding stuff. I think I worked myself into a frenzy waaay too early (pretty much after we decided on a ring) and have actually been taking some "time off" recently - all the wedding books/magazines have been moved to the spare room, I'm not replying to any vendor emails, not looking at any wedding forums (other than the waiting/general chat threads) and it definitely does feel a little better. Keeping busy with other stuff also helps!

I just wish there was some magic switch to turn off the expectations. I'm doing the best I can, and trying to focus on enjoying the last stage of our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. And I *know* this will be an amazing trip, no matter what. It's actually our first real vacation in almost 3 years, and we definitely need it.
Once again, thank you for the kind words and support - they have definitely made me feel better and more optimistic about the whole thing.

 

[Stephny691]

I understand the disappointed feeling very well. OH and I have been together 7.5 years and every special occasion I keep thinking "maybe this is it!"
Of course it never is and I'm left feeling resentful.
In my OH defence we don't even have a ring and he ain't even looking for one, so it's all in my head!

I would be doing exactly the same as you in this case and I'm amazed you're handling it this well, I would be a wreck. Madelise has given some really good advice there.
Hope it works out for you honey (and soon!)

 

[recordaras]

I understand the disappointed feeling very well.

Thank you for your words, and I can only marvel at the extent of your love and patience. I sincerely hope that he will finally realize how lucky he is, how long you've waited, and how much you deserve the most amazing, most romantic proposal in the history of proposals! Hopefully you will share it on PS and we'll shed some happy tears for the both of you.
*hugs*

 

[antiquesparkler]

As a lady who had a ring in the house for almost a year and anticipated a proposal at every special occasion, I just had to share how glad I am that I let him surprise me. It made everything so much more fun. Best wishes to you and your SO! Thank him for his service to our country for me. Lots of DUST for a short wait!